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Thread: single moms/fighting for custody

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    Default single moms/fighting for custody

    heres a short rundown on my situation.. & im curious how you single moms out there got custody!

    my soon to be ex husband & daughters father, has been out of the picture since I was 4 months pregnant, I left him for the fact that he was in jail for punching the girl he was cheating on me with in the face..

    he came to visit our daughter ONCE for 3 days,when she was 6 months old, uninvited he showed up at 3 am from nevada to connecticut. i thought he was using his own money, turns out he filed his taxes and claimed our daughter, he got back $5500.. so i've filed IRS fraud against him. He forged my name & had no rights to claim our daughter, she even has my last name!

    But now, in august, we FINALLY go to get divorced, and I'm full on fighting for custody. He has history of prescription pill abuse, domestic violence and just over-all hes a pathological liar. So far i've saved almost every receipt for clothing,diapers and toys. He doesn't know I get state aid for having her alone and I have WIC for formula because its almost 30$ a can. I have fully written a plan if anything is to ever happen to me, who will take her/provide everything. I have taken full responsibility for the past 9 months, since thats how old she is now. by the time we go to court she will be almost a year old.

    Now for all you mom's who have fought for custody and stuff like that, is there anything else I may need to show my reasoning for wanting custody?

    thanks for your help ladies!!

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    Default Re: single moms/fighting for custody

    Get paperwork on his jail time, his tax claims, his pill abuse and domestic violence. You want to be able to SLAM those on him in court.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: single moms/fighting for custody

    how would i be able to get his jail records from nevada all the way over here in ct??

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    Default Re: single moms/fighting for custody

    ^I have no idea how those records work in the states, but would a previous conviction in another state not show up on his permanent record? I think your first stop should be to talk to a solicitor and find out how you can get your hands on solid paper evidence about these things - there are a few posters in the legal profession that'll be able to help you out a lot more than I can in the UK, but what I will say is if there is any way on this earth you can get written evidence, get it. Have every little thing you want to pin on him backed up in some way, every single thing about yourself backed up so that he literally has no argument to make against you.

    Being on SW, I am going to assume you dance/did dance and that he is going to throw that in your face in court - be prepared for this. Be prepared to show you don't have any marks on your own record relating to dancing. I cannot stress the organisation part enough - the only reason my mother and not a child molester got to raise me, was the amount of prep she put in and slammed into my dad in court. Don't give this guy a single toe to stand on.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: single moms/fighting for custody

    key question #1 ... is the venue for this upcoming family court custody case going to be in Connecticut, or in Nevada ?

    key question #2 ... is the venue for your divorce filing in Connecticut or Nevada ?

    key question #3 ... are you using your own attorney for the divorce case ?

    Assuming that the venue is Connecticut, and also assuming that you can somehow come up with the money to retain a Connecticut attorney for the divorce filing ...

    - have your attorney roll the custody issue into your divorce filing / settlement agreement so that you don't wind up having to go through ( and pay for ) two separate court actions

    - have your attorney make a specific request to Nevada LE for your future ex's assault charge / jail time

    - have your attorney request police blotter records of your future ex's 'domestic violence' incidents

    - give your attorney the paperwork you used to file IRS fraud charges against your future ex

    For better or worse, in a court of law such undocumented assertions as prescription drug abuse, pathological lying, and for that matter 'domestic violence' don't become EVIDENCE unless they can be substantiated by some means other than the word of the soon to be ex-wife. Absent such corroborating evidence, the situation degenerates into a 'word of a stripper' versus 'word of a working guy' scenario.

    Depending on the philosophy of local judges, being shown to have a history of working as a 'stripper' can sometimes carry with it a whole bunch of unjustified bias due to the Hollywood Stripper Stereotype i.e. believing that 'strippers' are all lying, thieving, drug addicted whores who will say or do anything on their own behalf. This potential complication may even be made worse if you are receiving social welfare benefits ... opening the door for your soon to be ex to claim that you are in fact illegitimately receiving social welfare benefits while also pocketing unreported and untaxed income from stripping. Were that to happen, then all of the potential 'value' from his assault charge / jail time could be negated. Worse, if you have in fact been illegitimately receiving social welfare benefits while also pocketing unreported and untaxed income from dancing, the court COULD decide that neither of you should be entitled to custody !!! Of course if you have been genuinely unemployed while collecting these social welfare benefits, thus genuinely eligible to receive them, this is a non-issue. Well it's a non-issue to the extent that you can prove that you haven't been earning money under the table as a dancer versus his ability to prove that you have !

    As to the tax refund, if you were still legally married as of last December 31st, absent some pre-existing legal agreement your soon to be ex DOES have rights to tax refund money ... probably in direct proportion to the amount of HIS officially reported 2009 income versus YOUR officially reported 2009 income.

    Before embarking on any additional actions I would definitely run all of this past your own attorney !!! You have to be a bit careful not to open a 'Pandora's Box' during a custody / divorce case unless your own 'ducks' are in a row first. You would NOT want to find yourself in a situation where his own attorney enters into evidence a bunch of your own financial records showing that your own bank deposits / checking account withdrawls involve a whole lot more money than the IRS / state of Connecticut have been officially told that you are earning !!! If that were to happen, a worst case scenario could be that HE gets custody whole YOU wind up defending yourself against a welfare fraud charge from the state of CT, plus dealing with back tax bills from the IRS and the state of CT on your previously unreported dancing income !

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    Default Re: single moms/fighting for custody

    the divorce is in CT, the baby was born in CT. I asked for the divorced in March of 2009, and I ended up finally moving out in May of 2009. The baby was born 6 weeks early in August of 2009. He got served with the papers like 2 months ago, we haven;t talked since.

    i am NOT dancing at this point. so I am following the state rules, there are absolutely NO fouls on my part with extra cash flow/money. My dad and mom do help me out with her, they've bought her the big items such as 200$ car seats and stuff, and they DO have those records on file to show I am being helped with things the baby needs. With my state funding, I am keeping all receipts to show in court where the money has been going.

    But the IRS thing, they actually faxed me a 'consent' form he wrote to H&R block, which was NOT my writing, and he also wrote down an entirely fake drivers license number he was actually missing about 2-3 numbers and it was no where close to what mine is.

    I haven't been doing the 'wrong' thing with my state money/divorce. He always says hes going to call Child Protection and open a case, I always tell him to be my guest, my dad owns our house, my daughter has her own room, our house is in a nice neighbor hood and she has tons of toys, lots of people that love her and it would be entirely wrong to take her from our household.

    He told me he probably wont even bother to show up for the divorce, which hes actually stated the wrong date about 5 times to me, so even if he does it'll probably be the wrong day. but he doesnt work now so he has no money to even fly here for it.

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    Default Re: single moms/fighting for custody

    ^^^ well, it certainly sounds like you've got a 'slam dunk' situation, given that you already have an IRS provided copy of the 'fraudulent' income tax document. The only 'curve ball' I can think of is the possibility that both you and he may have had significant ( unreported ) income in 2009 that the IRS may take an interest in. But with zero income in 2010, you appear to be 'squeaky clean' in terms of CT social services.

    You should also try to document that he has failed to take much of an interest in his child - both lack of physical visitations and lack of contact by phone / internet etc. If you can come up with some Nevada LE records regarding his recent 'domestic violence' incident and resulting jail time, it would also demonstrate his potential negative influence as a parent. On a somewhat different tack, your own financial records, and those of your parents, would also appear to be prima facia evidence that your soon to be ex has done and is doing zero to help support his child. Similarly, documenting his chronic unemployment ( and if his own lawyer is smart he will admit to being unemployed as opposed to admitting to having worked under the table ) would cast doubt on his ability to ever provide meaningful support for his child, even if he wanted to do so at a future date.

    Putting all these pieces together, it should be plausible for your divorce attorney to attempt to have your soon to be ex stripped of his parental rights as part of the divorce settlement - with the 'payoff' to your future ex being no claims against him by you for the fraudulently obtained tax refund money ( which you're not going to recover anyhow since he's not working and has no assets and has already spent the refund money) plus no back / future child support claims in exchange for voluntarily surrendering his parental rights . This could be very important a few years down the road where either A. you wind up meeting and marrying 'Mister Right' causing your ex to reappear and cause trouble, or B. your ex winds up meeting and marrying 'Miss Wrong' causing your ex to reappear with a custody case and/or complicating your own income tax situation.

    The opportunity to permanently drop this guy from your own life and more importantly from your child's life is sitting on a plate right in front of you via including the termination of parental rights in your divorce agreement. Take full advantage of this opportunity !

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    Default Re: single moms/fighting for custody

    Have you talked to an attorney?

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