Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: How do I let go of 25 years of anger and abuse?

  1. #1
    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Hamburg, Pennsylvania
    Posts
    10,607
    Thanks
    2,705
    Thanked 13,685 Times in 4,414 Posts
    Blog Entries
    5
    My Mood
    In Love

    Thumbs down How do I let go of 25 years of anger and abuse?

    So my mom just stopped by. She has been happily married to a wonderful man that I consider my father for over 14 years. She asked me to visit my real father, who is suffering from MS. I don't know how she can ask that of me, much less forgive him for what he did to her.

    My earliest memory of my father is of him trying to run my mom over with his pickup. When I was 7, I remember him beating the shit out of my mom while I ran to grandparents hotel room clutching my little brother for help.

    When I was 13, I remember I didn't want to go to church. (Even then I questioned the catholic church) A bit jokingly, I said, "Why can't we just sit in and watch Jerry Falwell?" My father's response was to punch me in the face. I remember the bruises he left on my arms and on my legs. I remember his belt when I was just a kid.

    In 1995 he got diagnosed with MS. My mother calculatedly left him while he was down. They are both cold, caluculating, selfish individuals. My mother is a better person because of my stepfather. But I can't bring myself to forgive him. Any thoughts?
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

  2. #2
    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2009
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,264
    Thanks
    213
    Thanked 426 Times in 247 Posts

    Default Re: How do I let go of 25 years of anger and abuse?

    I wish I knew. On one hand, I'm like yeah, that'd be better for my mental health.. but then I'm like WELL SHIT, YOU DON'T DESERVE FORGIVENESS raaaar.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

  3. #3
    God/dess
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    7,964
    Thanks
    6,155
    Thanked 10,183 Times in 4,602 Posts

    Default Re: How do I let go of 25 years of anger and abuse?

    I don't think you have any reason to forgive him. Based on how you say he treated you and your mom, I think you're better off keeping him out of your life.

  4. #4
    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Denver & San Fran
    Posts
    6,907
    Thanks
    181
    Thanked 2,002 Times in 1,285 Posts

    Default Re: How do I let go of 25 years of anger and abuse?

    I don't know that you'll ever forgive him, but I do think you should get to know him. If you ever have children/nieces/nephews they will likely one day ask you about him - and it would be good for you to at least have one or two good things to say.
    Don't you ever sleep?
    Not at night...that's when the stars have rather better things to do. They're coming out, shining, that sort of thing.
    - Blog -
    My PM box fills up quick. If you have a question please with your username.
    Congrats to Pryce on doing some much needed tending in his garden!
    - -


  5. #5
    God/dess Trem's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,958
    Thanks
    1,714
    Thanked 3,253 Times in 1,343 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: How do I let go of 25 years of anger and abuse?

    I'd go see him just to taunt him.

  6. #6
    Veteran Member Su Su's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Ya mum
    Posts
    559
    Thanks
    101
    Thanked 339 Times in 149 Posts
    My Mood
    In Love

    Default Re: How do I let go of 25 years of anger and abuse?

    To let go is to just perhaps see him again to see how he is.
    You might have a changed point of view of him. It wouldn't mean you're forgiving him.
    Even no matter how much anger and abuse he has done, he is just human.

    A very sick one that needs help (seeing that your mum left him) and I'm guessing he is alone?

    Just to see how he is for a little while won't hurt.

    I'd do the same.

  7. #7
    Featured Member yogibear179's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    R.I
    Posts
    751
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 31 Times in 26 Posts

    Default Re: How do I let go of 25 years of anger and abuse?

    No you don't need to see someone that has hurt and abused you , even if he is your 'blood'. If the world old you it was ok not to visit him Would you? If you do visit him it is only for yourself and no one else. You don't have emotional attachment to him, he hasn't been much of a father for years and you haven't seen him anyway. do you think seeing him physically will allow you to forgive him? The best thing you can do for yourself is to forgive him for yourself. It only hurts you to hold resentment aggainst someone. Imagine if you picked the family you were born into, we are ment to learn from our childhood ( no ones is perfect)


  8. #8
    Veteran Member fast tan77's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Morgantown WV
    Posts
    380
    Thanks
    28
    Thanked 98 Times in 77 Posts

    Default Re: How do I let go of 25 years of anger and abuse?

    You don't have to forgive him. Just remeber, if he wasn't sick he would still be a an abusive POS. Go see if you want, pitty him for being sick if you can but until he show some kind of remorse and trys to make things right, you don't owe him forgiveness.

    People say nothing lasts forever, but a good grudge and hatred can, LOL.
    I can do better than you in a two bit fancy house

  9. #9
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Aug 2006
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    297
    Thanks
    320
    Thanked 49 Times in 40 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: How do I let go of 25 years of anger and abuse?

    I think it's be good for you to go, but voice your issues with the past, deathbed or not. You learn more about yourself from your genetic parents. I certainly don't see the need to forgive him, but you will feel better about yourself if you visit him, not necessarily in a sympathetic way, but by showing-up at least. That way no one can say crap about you. It'll take balls to show up and do it but I think long-term you will be glad u did. :-D
    Let us know what happens. Don't let your past define you. Rise above it and make your own decisions.

  10. #10
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    4,570
    Thanks
    4,406
    Thanked 7,481 Times in 2,715 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: How do I let go of 25 years of anger and abuse?

    He is a scum bag and has done nothing to earn your love or forgiveness.

    I am the father of two beautiful little girls and, though discipline is part of the job, hitting you in the face and taking a belt to you was all about his anger and self-hatred, not your proper upbringing. The sick fuck should be ashamed of himself, but like most people with his issues he probably sees himself as misunderstood and maybe even as a victim himself.

    He was supposed to protect you, not hurt you.

  11. #11
    Curious Guest
    Joined
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    3
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: How do I let go of 25 years of anger and abuse?

    I'm so sorry he did this to you.

    At the same time, you may want to tell him what he did to you. As long as you're safe.

    It's your choice.

    Sometimes people who have done wrong want to confess.
    Good luck. But it is your choice.

  12. #12
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    May 2010
    Posts
    221
    Thanks
    57
    Thanked 38 Times in 30 Posts

    Default Re: How do I let go of 25 years of anger and abuse?

    yogibear hit it right on i believe and this is a great bit of advice someone gave me:
    forgiveness is not for the other person, its for you. i am sure his actions have not affected him as much as they have u and for that- even though he may not deserve it- you deserve piece of mind that only u can give urself.

    doesnt necessarily mean you have to even let him kno. if u do not feel comfortable seeing him, dont. dont do anything u dont want to do. plus just b/c u forgive someone doesnt mean u have to see them or act like nothing ever happened. forgiveness is a state of mind imo as opposed to a specific act.

Similar Threads

  1. How Do You Cope With Your Anger?
    By AngelCummings in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 04-10-2011, 07:47 AM
  2. Anger and mania.
    By mediocrity in forum Body Business
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 03-12-2010, 02:33 PM
  3. How to let out anger...?
    By Windy in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 12-14-2006, 03:43 PM
  4. How do you release your anger?
    By leilanicandy in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 11-12-2006, 03:04 PM
  5. Anger Management
    By RoseDelight in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 01-17-2005, 09:02 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •