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Thread: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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    Default Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Well, long story short my father is going to be moving in with me around July. I will be his sole support, he is planning on getting a job but honestly I think that is going to be very very hard for him if not impossible(severe physical handicap). This is all very sudden and I have very little time to work this out.

    I'm not really asking for advice, I don't feel that there is any for me I guess I'm just ranting.

    My father has no idea what I do for a living, it's been pretty easy since he lives 3000 miles away. He thinks I am a gogo dancer at an actual night club. He has no idea that peepshows even exist so if I go work a dayshift and say I'm gonna go spend the day with a friend he won't be suspicious, and when I disappear for nightshifts, well those are my gogo-ing shifts! However my webcamming, which has been good money-wise and which I believe has the potential to become extremely lucrative, is going to come to a halt. How can I work from home with my father in the next room? If he is able to get a job I could try to work around that(cam when he's gone) but it would still be to my great disadvantage.

    Also I was planning on stripping a lot cross country after the summer, I was even planning on getting rid of my place and placing everything in storage so I wouldn't have to pay rent AND hotel costs, well now not only would I have to still pay rent but also a significantly higher one! And where am I going to tell my father that I'm disappearing off to for weeks at a time, coming back with more money than I had when I left?

    My cost of living now is pretty low and I was aiming to lower it even more. Now it's unfortunately going to climb significantly.

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Personally, I'd be honest with him. Sometimes people want to judge, but it's a lot harder to do that when they are helping to support you. I suspect that him knowing what you actually do would take a lot of stress off of you. After all, you are an adult living in your own place... you shouldn't have to be sneaking around.
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  4. #3
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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    ^^^No he would kill us both.

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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Besides, even if he actually WAS okay with his daughter webcamming, I still wouldn't do it with him in earshot(and since I'm not willing to pay for a huge place that will be everywhere lol) and he's always going to be home.

    But he would never be okay with it period. Like I said he would kill the both of us.

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    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    if honesty isnt an option, you could say you tour with go go dancing or modeling...?
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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    I could definitely come up with a convincing lie about where I'm going when I'm gone for weeks at a time. But thinking of the fact that all of my stripper shoes and outfits, all of that is going to have to be constantly so well hidden. Will be tough. And unless he gets a job and I'm somehow able to plan my entire schedule(work and everything else) around it so that I can cam when he's there camming is done.

    But damn. When I go cross country I am still going to have to be paying for a now significantly larger rent(and other things) in addition to hotels and other traveling expenses...My plans and my game will have to be perfect to make sure that I am making tons of money while traveling, otherwise it really won't be that cost effective I don't think.

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    very basically, tell him the truth. His future ability to have a decent place to live is contingent on YOUR ability to earn money ... with that ability requiring that you perform on webcam, that you perform live on the road etc.

    As difficult as the initial 'shock' may be to explain to your father what your 'business' actually involves, in the final analysis 'beggars can't be choosers'. You have your own life to live and it would appear that your father has not been very instrumental in helping you to build that life. And realistically speaking, with California having a ~13% unemployment rate plus severe state budget problems to the point of discussions to cut state social welfare / medicaid benefits, it is highly probable that your (physically disabled) father will wind up being heavily dependent on you for a very long time !!! As such, there is no way that you can sustain the fiction of being a 'go go dancer' while providing for your father and trying to build a foundation for your own life !!!

    To perhaps put your mind at ease, I'll relate an anecdote of my own. When I first started dancing, my ( very religious ) mother was appalled. She immediately jumped all over the 'stripper stereotype' assumptions and very nearly cut off contact with me. However, soon after that, her boiler cracked ... meaning that she needed to come up with $5000 in a big hurry in order to replace it before winter set in. Not having this kind of money, she approached other family members ... who couldn't / wouldn't help her out financially. As a last resort she turned to me, and an hour later she had $5000 cash in her hand with no obligation to pay it back ( which she couldn't have afforded to do in any case ). At that point, she set aside her 'stripper stereotype' assumptions for long enough to talk to me about exactly what my 'work' involved. When she found out that my 'work' did not involve sex for money, and when she found out that I was managing my earnings very smartly with the intention of saving up to A. send her grandson to a 'name' college, and B. buy her own recently deceased mother's house in order to 'keep it in the family', her initial contempt instantly turned to respect. My point of course is your dad might be far more understanding than you are initially assuming he will be.

    Another question to consider is whether or not it would be better in the long run if you were to simply move to where your father is already located as opposed to him moving to California. I'm thinking tax issues, disability check issues, cost of living issues etc. After all, you can do webcam from anywhere ... you can start road trips from anywhere etc.

    Of course the other option is to give in to your father's judgements regarding your 'work'. If you do that, ( and please forgive my removal of the sugar coating ), you are likely to find your own life absorbed into caring for your father in the short term ... earning enough money to get by ... but not earning enough money to change your situation in life. Then 10-15-20 years down the road when the inevitable happens, you will find yourself alone, broke, and too old to change your situation in life !!!

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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Hmmmm....I never though about disability. I'm so bad with this kind of stuff. I know he's not currently receiving any. He is in New Jersey btw.

    I will never tell him what I do for a living. If he knew he was being supported by 'stripper money' he would just kill himself, he'd never agree to live with me period. I will lie even if I lose sleep over it! He doesn't know about my breasts having ever been augmented either, let alone again...this one is gonna be fun... :/

    My friend suggested renting a hotel room now and then to cam in. Maybe. I wish I actually had a friend with a place.

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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    All I know is that the pressure is really on. I need to make as much money as I possibly can, my cost of living is rising, I'm approaching my mid-twenties and am in an extremely finite business, and I now have a dependent(will that get me any decent tax breaks??).

    Damn it this is why I've never wanted a child. They're too damn expensive.

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    ^^^ well NJ really isn't much better from a state tax standpoint or a cost of living standpoint !

    Seriously, you need to take some time and 'percolate' as to the actual impact on your own life ... present and future ... that caring for your father is going to have.

    And yes having a legally disabled father living with you - with your income being his primary source of support - will change your income tax classification to 'head of household' with a 'qualified dependent'. However, this will probably require that your father file for disability benefits once he arrives in California such that he is on record as being officially disabled.


    I'm approaching my mid-twenties and am in an extremely finite business
    Well, absent sugar coating, that was my earlier point. Unless you're in line to inherit 1 million dollars when your father dies, passing up 'prime earning years' opportunities now to assuage your father's moral judgements is likely to leave you in economic limbo 10-15-20 years down the road.

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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Thank you for sharing your story with her Melonie. I was thinking of you exactly when she posted her message. The two stories relate a lot since both involve the family/parent becoming dependent on the money from dancing.

    I'm huge on telling the truth... it saves so much trouble. Not to mention that lies can literally tear apart families.
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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie View Post
    And yes having a legally disabled father living with you - with your income being his primary source of support - will change your income tax classification to 'head of household' with a 'qualified dependent'. However, this will probably require that your father file for disability benefits once he arrives in California such that he is on record as being officially disabled.
    What if he lives separately but I still pay for him and he filed? I briefly considered keeping my current studio apartment(or going more inland and getting an even cheaper studio for myself) and getting him a studio apartment, he said he'd be fine with having a studio but ultimately we concluded that paying for a 2br place would be cheaper than 2 separate studios. But it might be worth paying more for that arrangement considering that the time I could spend camming would make up more than the difference monetarily.

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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    ^^^ well in this regard you'll really need to do some research into California's social welfare benefit eligibility for disabled persons. If they are similar to NY, it's possible that if your father lived alone he could be eligible for subsidized rent, subsidized utility bills, food stamps, MediCal etc. Of course if he did live at a separate address and signed up for these benefits, you could not claim him as a dependent.

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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    I don't believe in supporting parents until they are really, really old. Why are you being put in this position. Take an outside look at what is going on!!

    If he is disabled then he needs to learn to live on his disability money and learn how to use the resources allotted to him. There is so much help out there! He needs to learn how to live and there are organizations that help.

    Starting to support him now, while you are in your mid-twenties is setting a VERY bad precedent. He really needs to learn how to budget his disability money and live on his own or in a group home. It is not fair to you- you are very young.

    If he does come and live with you- which is a very bad idea- you need to tell him what you do. If you cannot handle telling him then he should not live with you.

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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Quote Originally Posted by shasta View Post
    I don't believe in supporting parents until they are really, really old. Why are you being put in this position. Take an outside look at what is going on!!

    If he is disabled then he needs to learn to live on his disability money and learn how to use the resources allotted to him. There is so much help out there! He needs to learn how to live and there are organizations that help.

    Starting to support him now, while you are in your mid-twenties is setting a VERY bad precedent. He really needs to learn how to budget his disability money and live on his own or in a group home. It is not fair to you- you are very young.

    If he does come and live with you- which is a very bad idea- you need to tell him what you do. If you cannot handle telling him then he should not live with you.

    I agree. My mother had to live with me for a short time when I was 22 years old. I ended up kicking her out.

    Long story short; even though she knew what I was doing (i told her shortly before she moved in) I could not bear to cam with her being in the next room. I did not like that my mom was in earshot and it really killed it for me. I was paying $1250 for a 1 bedroom+ basement apartment. Approx 900 sqr ft place. It was the mainfloor and basement of a house. My mother slept in the basement but spent alot of time in my living room/kitchen combo.

    I paid ALL the bills (rent, food, cable-not that I wanted it, phone, internet) and she refused to apply for social assistance. Eventually I got dug in to debt and got sick of it. I kicked her out, she went to a homeless shelter. I was just sick of her not helping out. I stopped camming and was relying on stripping income. She would always complain about me not waking up at 6am to walk my dogs. Even though I would walk them at 3am when I got home from the club! so that really weighed heavy on me when deciding to go to work. I lived month-to-month with no savings and even getting in to debt.

    I am still close to my mom but never again will I live with her.



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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Is your dad old enough to collect Social Security?

    Technically, I believe that If he has reached age 62 he can get some sort of benefits...on the other hand with regards to disability, normally depending on the state in which you live, even if he were to apply it takes a year for the state to make a decision on whether or not you can collect disability.

    I'm sort of in your same boat too... so I've done some research on my own about SSI and disability, but it's my mom I'm now taking care of...
    she's 70 and has COPD from years and years of smoking. Because she was so sick and reliant on oxygen 24/7 now I explained to her I would move her in ONLY on the condition that she quit smoking entirely or it was the streets for her. I have no kids of my own (by choice) but now I have a dependent...She helps with one utility when she can but I don't like to take money from her.

    Although my home is big enough for us (I have a two story) she stays downstairs and I stay upstairs I feel totally comfortable with webcamming with her in the house. She has no idea what I do. But she definately would have a problem with knowing what I did if she ever found out. But quite frankly, even if she did find out I wouldn't give a fuck; it's my house and my rules.

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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    He's 54 I think(lol).

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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Too young for SSI... but if you don't mind me asking, what is his disability? Is his disability recent? And do you know if he's ever tried to apply for disability?

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  26. #19
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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Zinaida do you have to send sound in your shows? You could still cam while he was at home if you didn't send any sound. I know it still seems weird camming with your Dad at home, but at least you could still earn money from it and he wouldn't find out.

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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    I could do 'silent' shows or at least really quiet ones but I think it will hurt my money. I don't believe he has applied for disability before. His disability is his leg, it was amputated above the knee a year ago. No prosthesis.

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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Was it an injury? Did he loose his leg in an accident?

    If he did he may be eligible for long-term disability benefits from the Social Security Administration as a result of his disability. The SSA will look at the severity of his disability and whether it is able to preclude him from working for one year or more. In addition to benefit, the SSA may also provide him with assistance and retraining in learning how to find a job he can do with his disability, through the Ticket to Work Program. You should contact an experienced disability attorney (they might work pro bono for you)who can help determine the benefits he may be entitled to and who can help you apply for disability benefits from the SSA as a result of his amputation injury.

    Hope this helps!

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  30. #22
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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Wasn't an accident. I'm gonna have to contact someone though because I'm sure he is 'entitled' to some sort of something. I can't believe I am the one who has to do all this I SUCK at this stuff!! Well, can't be rocket science!

    I don't know that he can get disability...now that I'm looking at it.

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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Quote Originally Posted by Zinaida View Post
    I could do 'silent' shows or at least really quiet ones but I think it will hurt my money.
    You can still cam, and you can still offer sound!

    I have had to deal with this too, when I've had company in the house. I'm the sole support for myself and my kids so taking time off was not an option.

    What I do is use a Logitech9000, go into my cam settings and turn the mic settings all the way up. Its sensitive enough so that even a loud whisper is transmitted. When my viewers ask why I'm whispering I just tell them I have relatives staying with me so I have to sneak around and be quiet. Most of them actually love the idea that I'm keeping it a secret

    I find I only occasionally lose a show from a guy who wants me to pretend to have a screaming orgasm, but I more than make up for it with other shows so it's okay.

    The #1 thing you need though is a lock on your bedroom door! (or wherever you are transmitting from). If your dad is used to just walking in on you, you do need to say from day one that you are now an adult, your room is private and you have private online conversations there so the door may be locked at times.

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  33. #24
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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    It still boggles my mind that he could simultaneously live off of you and yet judge you for what you do. That kind of hypocrisy would not go over well with me at all.

    If I were supporting someone--anyone--financially, and doing it well and independently, then there's no chance I'd put up with any judgment from that person. Fuck that! They'd have to get over it reaaaal quicklike.

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    Default Re: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Here here, I second that motion!!
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

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