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Thread: Surprise for my girlfriend

  1. #1
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    Default Surprise for my girlfriend

    Hey ladies,

    This is my first post but I wanted to get some suggestions. I've read around a bit and searched through some, 300 or so post for keywords, but couldn't find what I was looking for and I wanted to get some fresh, objective opinions from people other than my friends.

    My girlfriend has lately been having issues, she isn't sleeping well as a well as a few other things and she has been feeling down lately. Our usual romp isn't helping her relax or let go anymore and I am positive the cause is not myself, or if it is it's minimal. The cause is her job, parents, ex, or the world in general.

    What I am hoping you guys can help me with is, I am looking to do something special for her and I need ideas. I did not start out looking her but web searches lead me here and I figured you all were the best at being able to help me find something.

    what I/we've have done so far is:

    -cuddling for several days, very little talking
    -cuddling for several days, with talking/listening
    -Her and I talking about it
    -Her talking me listening
    -Massage w/sex
    -Massage no sex
    -Dinner with no conversation about the world just her and me and the stuff we want to do to each other.
    -Sex where she is the only one who comes several times
    -Sex where she soaks everything
    -Sex where I treat her as my dirty little slut and finish where I please
    -Sex where she gets more aggressive which is forced on her part, unusual
    -sex where as soon as she gets home I bend her over

    This is about what I have tried, and while I am not out of options myself I was hoping that you all could give me an inkling of what's going on.

    What do you think?

    Thanks in advance for your help

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Surprise for my girlfriend

    I forgot to say also that, each time I try something new, she'll be cheery for half a day, day tops until she is right back in the funk.

    Thanks again

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    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Surprise for my girlfriend

    I'm not one of the ladies here obviously, however...it's likely that the problem is not external. One can be miserable even in the midst of happy people all around, and wonderful posessions. If her thoughts are consistently negative, she may rally briefly when she is distracted, but then her thoughts will take over again. When you are constantly thinking negatively, you will also feel negative.

    It's difficult to make someone happy. It's something only they can control. She must become aware of the connection between her bad thoughts, and her bad feelings. This awareness will help her to avoid staying on the merry-go-round of negative thinking.

    At least by being a positive influence and presence in her life, you are not adding to the problem.

  4. #4
    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Surprise for my girlfriend

    This had better not be my boyfriend again. If it is (and I really think it may be), you can talk to me when you come home honey, and I'll go to the Pharmacy to get your medication for you. I've been trying to be closer to you lately and I'm sorry you feel I haven't.

    <3

    If it's not, sorry for creeping you out! My boyfriend has done this before, so, I wouldn't put it past him. I agree with hockeybobby for the most part.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Curious Guest TheSensei's Avatar
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    Default Re: Surprise for my girlfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    This had better not be my boyfriend again. If it is (and I really think it may be), you can talk to me when you come home honey, and I'll go to the Pharmacy to get your medication for you. I've been trying to be closer to you lately and I'm sorry you feel I haven't.

    <3

    If it's not, sorry for creeping you out! My boyfriend has done this before, so, I wouldn't put it past him. I agree with hockeybobby for the most part.

    ^ I just got your text.. Nope, not me this time! haha

  6. #6
    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Surprise for my girlfriend

    Ok, but we have to stop the threadjack then!

    Why no text me back

    Eh, just call me in 20 or whenever you get off. Love you<3

    Sorry to the OP, we'll stop posting!
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Surprise for my girlfriend

    Have you asked her why she is acting depressed?
    Don't you ever sleep?
    Not at night...that's when the stars have rather better things to do. They're coming out, shining, that sort of thing.
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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Surprise for my girlfriend

    Uh.

    If the problem isn't you, why are you trying to cure it with sex? Why do you think sex and sensuality is going to cheer her up?

    Take her on vacation away from her parents, away from her ex, away from her job. For at least a week. Stick up for her against her parents, her ex, and her job. Minimise the effects these things have on her life. Take a load off her shoulders, be it through doing some more chores, yardwork, helping her out with something - and let her initiate any sex she wants. When you're really stressed out and suddenly your boyfriend wants banged 5 ways before bedtime, that can be even more stressful. Sex is great, and if she wants it she can come get it, but it won't cheer her up as it doesn't fix any of her problems.

    Ask what the problem is > fix the problem > no problem > happy girlfriend.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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  10. #9
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    Default Re: Surprise for my girlfriend

    Perhaps she needs to speak to a professional therapist. She could be clinically depressed, or dysthemic, and might benefit from ongoing therapy or medication.

    Not sure what this has to do with finding new and different sex acts though.

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    Default Re: Surprise for my girlfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by sxcbbw View Post
    Uh.

    If the problem isn't you, why are you trying to cure it with sex? Why do you think sex and sensuality is going to cheer her up?

    Take her on vacation away from her parents, away from her ex, away from her job. For at least a week. Stick up for her against her parents, her ex, and her job. Minimise the effects these things have on her life. Take a load off her shoulders, be it through doing some more chores, yardwork, helping her out with something - and let her initiate any sex she wants. When you're really stressed out and suddenly your boyfriend wants banged 5 ways before bedtime, that can be even more stressful. Sex is great, and if she wants it she can come get it, but it won't cheer her up as it doesn't fix any of her problems.

    Ask what the problem is > fix the problem > no problem > happy girlfriend.
    We have been on 4 "vacations" since the beginning of the year. Weekend jaunts really. But as close to a vacation as I have been able to do thus far, I am a full time student. It's not so much as people messing with her at work rather its a high demand sales job. The chores was actually quite funny, when she gets upset she cleans and cooks, when I got home one day I had 3 cakes waiting for me.. I don't even eat cake but I loved that she made them for me. I have to force her to let me take care of everything. lol The only thing I could really do is stick up for her against her parents but she tells me she doesn't want me to get involved, is this one of those girl moments where I should do the opposite of what she says?

    I tell her to quit her job, we'll be ok money wise, but nothing.

    I guess I should have elaborated on the sex thing. She always tells me she wants to be close she also tells me she feels closet when we are in the bedroom, I don't intend to initiate sex usually it starts though with her kissing me, then continuing to make out, and so on. She also is only truly removed from her situations during sex. It just seemed to fit for me to let it continue. This has been on going for almost 2 months now though, rarely do we have sex more than once or twice a night. Sometimes only every other night.

    NP Laurisa! I was like... I didn't know my girlfriend was a stripper....

    Hockeybobby, this was my thinking, I was also thinking that if I could help her break the chain it would help, any thoughts?

  12. #11
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    Default Re: Surprise for my girlfriend

    You cannot cure depression with sex or vacations.

    She likely has a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be easily treated with medicine.

    Talking to someone can do her a whole lot of good as well.

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    Default Re: Surprise for my girlfriend

    Is she a dancer? Maybe she got too tipsy at the club and did something she really regrets... Could you deal with that?... If you can - tell her that she can tell you anything and you will not judge her - that you can take off the BF hat and be her non-jealous, non-judgmental best and most supportive friend in the world... But, don't say this, unless you really mean it.

    Sometimes, the best cure for depression is to talk about the issues bothering her. But, there may be things she doesn't feel comfortable telling her BF - either because they are likely to upset you, create tension in the relationship or because you're part of the problem.

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    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Surprise for my girlfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by Finesse View Post
    Hockeybobby, this was my thinking, I was also thinking that if I could help her break the chain it would help, any thoughts?
    I can recommend a couple of books that would explain much better than I can:
    The Power of Now ....by Eckhart Tolle
    Loving What Is ....by Byron Katie

    Most of our thoughts reside in the past or future. Regrets or fears. The more we stay in the "now" with our thoughts, the better we feel. The key is for her to "notice" the thoughts when they are happening, and "notice" the feelings that they create. Once someone becomes aware of this crucial connection, it's easier to moderate their moods through mental distractions, meditation, positive affirmations, etc. It's not necessary to continue to feel bad. She must believe this. True awareness of the connection will create a firm belief.

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