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Thread: My mom killed my cat

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    Featured Member K Sweet's Avatar
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    Sad My mom killed my cat

    I had a cat since I was 9 (I'm 22), he was living at my mom's house and as of this month I was planning on taking him to my house this coming month. I don't have a good relationship with my mom and my sister told my mom I wanted him back.
    Last week (Wednesday) my sister called me and told me my cat had been attacked by a dog. Apparently he'd been attacked on Tuesday but my mom didn't call me to tell me. I drove up too late to see him but I did the next day. I saw him on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday driving up each day (1 1/2 hours away with good traffic!). He was paralyzed waist down, had trouble peeing and couldn't walk.
    The office was closed this Sunday so I drove up today to see him. When I got there the vet told me he was sick so they called my mom. She asked that he be euthanized. This all happened YESTERDAY.
    I had a feeling that he wouldn't make it, but my only wish was that he would go with me there. He's extremely affectionate and well-bonded to me. I can't believe she didn't tell me and euthanized him behind my back. If she had called I would have driven up just to see him and I would have said goodbye.
    She did send me this email two hours after she killed him.


    Hi ******,

    Critter died this morning.

    Mom


    I don't know what to do. I loved that little guy, and I still can't believe she put him to sleep without even calling me. The worst part is I didn't say goodbye to him. How can I say goodbye without him there? I've already decided I'm never talking to my mom again. This is the worst thing she could ever do to me and my cat. He should have died with me there holding him.
    Goodbye Seattle Lusty Lady, where every Miss is a Hit, and every Hit is Missed. 1985-2010.

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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    I can appreciate that you had a special bond with your cat, and it was wrong of your mom to inform you of her decision in such an emotionless way. If he was paralyzed and having trouble using the bathroom, though, it was probably best that he was euthanized humanely. She probably didn't feel the same attachment you did to your cat, and it probably just seemed logical to her. I understand if she had involved you in the decision and that you are very hurt that you were unable to comfort your loved one during his passing, but I'm sure he thought of you. Just rest knowing that he no longer in pain and that you will always be grateful you formed the bond you two did.

    In regards to not speaking to your mother, I think that is a bit harsh (lest there is other history you did not include). If she was just being a bit crass and ignorant to your feelings then I think a stern talk and some spelling it out style conversation might do you two some good. She gave life to you and raised you, so she deserves some credit for that. I understand that being your carrier for 9 months and raising you only means so much after so many slaps across the face though, if it's come to that. It sure has with me.

    I wish you luck and you and your cat will be in my thoughts. My greatest condolences.

    -Laurisa
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Featured Member K Sweet's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    We planned that I would be making the call to euthanize him today. I knew he would be euthanized I just wanted to be there, and she didn't call me to tell me she was going to do it.

    To be honest, my mom and I do have past issues. I have 5 older siblings and only one talks to her anymore. She tried to have my brother's children taken from him (he's an excellent father) and she tried to get my family to disown my other brother (by claiming he raped ME, which I to this day do not believe).

    My older siblings are also adopted. She still will not give my youngest brother his birth certificate (he was internationally adopted so he can't leave the US unless he gets it). She also destroyed my oldest sister's teacup collection which was from her birth mother who is now dead.

    I just didn't think she was capable of killing my cat. I honestly don't think he was attacked by dogs. He had no bite marks, missing hair, or scratches. He looked like someone kicked him or dropped something on him. The vet said maybe the dog just bit his back. We don't know what happened.
    Goodbye Seattle Lusty Lady, where every Miss is a Hit, and every Hit is Missed. 1985-2010.

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    Featured Member Christany's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    I'm so sorry (((hugs))). I really feel for you because pets become family too. I know lots of us here are animal lovers and activists. I think there was a thread a long time ago about "spirit babies" and making a similar dedication to lost pets also, because I'm sure you're kitty had a spirit too. If it helps any I'll try to send you some positive thoughts and energy to help you get through it (from a fellow pet lover too).
    Quote Originally Posted by markx View Post
    I'd have to have a "4 simease twin strippers gave me head and then lite themselves on fire" story to blow anybody's mind here.

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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    Im sorry hon. Id be pretty hurt if this was my cat (((hugs)))

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    Senior Member inThePine's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    Wow I am so sorry this happened to you, especially considering you were planning on getting your cat back so soon. I had a similar experience with my beloved cat a couple years ago; I was planning on moving my cat to my new apartment and she was hit by a car before I could move her. It tore my heart up but I am glad for the time I got to spend with her.

    I hope your mom doesn't get entrusted with any other precious items or pets ever again, she sounds vicious and destructive.

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    Senior Member inThePine's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    Have you considered having a funeral service for him? Even if you don't bury him, you could do something symbolic like lay some flowers in a river, etc. and say a few words for him. I used to visit my cat's grave pretty often, I still get teary-eyed thinking about it. Just try to focus on the good times you had with him.

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  12. #8
    Featured Member K Sweet's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    That's a really good idea. I really want to have a funeral or do something symbolic. Unfortunately, my mom also has all his baby pictures, but at least I got a few of him at the clinic.
    That's the other bad part about her not telling me. I couldn't see his body, they'd already had it picked up. I would have at least taken a clip of his hair and buried that for his grave. I also wanted to get a sketch of his paw and get it tattooed. I think I may find something else that reminds me of him and get it tattooed, so I can can always carry him with me.

    I told my one sister who actually is in contact with my mom that she needs to get her birth certificate, because she is also an international adoptee. My mom won't give my older brother his. She also wouldn't give him his toy bus that he had when he was adopted, it was his only possession. I think she just gets revenge on her kids by destroying the things most valued to them. In this case it was a living being.
    Goodbye Seattle Lusty Lady, where every Miss is a Hit, and every Hit is Missed. 1985-2010.

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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    That's so tragic, K Sweet. Your mom sounds like she has issues, but could it be she was trying to spare you from the pain of making the decision to euthanize?

    I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to say good bye, I lost a Golden Retriever pup - completely different situation, but I didn't get to say good bye, either.

    This is a good site for people grieving the loss of a pet: http://www.petloss.com

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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    I would never speak to her again. I would also consider calling some type of authority about the birth cert bullshit too.

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    Veteran Member alexa111's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    Im so sorry! I love my cats and my heart breaks for you...

    alexacruz.shakinit.com



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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    I can appreciate that you had a special bond with your cat, and it was wrong of your mom to inform you of her decision in such an emotionless way. If he was paralyzed and having trouble using the bathroom, though, it was probably best that he was euthanized humanely. She probably didn't feel the same attachment you did to your cat, and it probably just seemed logical to her. I understand if she had involved you in the decision and that you are very hurt that you were unable to comfort your loved one during his passing, but I'm sure he thought of you. Just rest knowing that he no longer in pain and that you will always be grateful you formed the bond you two did.

    In regards to not speaking to your mother, I think that is a bit harsh (lest there is other history you did not include). If she was just being a bit crass and ignorant to your feelings then I think a stern talk and some spelling it out style conversation might do you two some good. She gave life to you and raised you, so she deserves some credit for that. I understand that being your carrier for 9 months and raising you only means so much after so many slaps across the face though, if it's come to that. It sure has with me.

    I wish you luck and you and your cat will be in my thoughts. My greatest condolences.

    -Laurisa
    This is the best advice by far..........

    'K Sweet'...I'm so sorry, my heart breaks for you too..I adore cats and I feel your pain and sorrow completely. However...never talking to your Mother will only increase the hurt, not relieve it...and over time it will cause more problems than it's worth. For both of you...

    You may not see it right now....but Forgiveness is far more powerful than Resentment.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls don't have the time..!!"

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    Featured Member K Sweet's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    I disagree pussyinboots. Read my next post in response to Laurisa.
    My mom cannot be trusted. She has repeatedly tried to take whatever she can from her children. She only has one child who still talks to her (out of 6) and her sisters and father do not talk to her either.
    I know it's because she has issues, probably a chemical imbalance, but she's not working on fixing anything, she instead blames her family and friends, and does destructive vengeful things to hurt us.
    I have forgiven her once, and she kept doing things to hurt me. So I had to leave, after that I tried to find a new home for my cat. A few months later he is now dead. If I let her back in my life she will keep doing things to hurt me, she has never stopped or made any effort to.

    jack0177057: We had planned that he be kept alive until Monday, and on Monday I would be talking to the vet to decide whether to put him down or not. She knew that I was planning on being there for the euthanasia because I wanted to hold him when he died. But she went behind my back and did not call me to tell me she was going to do it. This was definitely deliberate.

    Everyone else: Thank you so much. A few friends and I are having a funeral for him. We're going to the pet store and buying things he liked and burying them at my dad's house. Last night I had a dream that I was laying down and holding him (he lovvved to be cuddled) and I was giving him presents. I think it really helped me say goodbye to his spirit.
    Goodbye Seattle Lusty Lady, where every Miss is a Hit, and every Hit is Missed. 1985-2010.

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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    I'm so sorry babe. That is inexcusable IMO. Even worst case scenario...the cat was going down so fast and was in pain and couldnt wait until Mon..she should have called to tell you that BEFORE it happened. So you could at least TRY to get there in time.

    I'd be pissed and hurt too. It would be a LONG time, if ever, before I could forgive her.

    I'm so sorry hon. what did they do with his body? I just lost my baby to a drunk driver (who swerved up onto the grass and ripped the leash right out of my hand as he ran him over). Its been a month and I still cant stop crying over him. I miss him so much. I had him cremated and he is now in an urn on my shelf with a picture of me and him behind it. I want to get a necklace(check out pet cremation jewelry on ebay) that I can put a tiny bit of his ashes in and have him close to my heart. I also want to get a tattoo (and I dont have ANY tattoos) on the back of my neck so he'll always be with me.

    Quote Originally Posted by lexilou View Post
    "I'll picklepunch you in your twatwaffle!"

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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    I'm so sorry this happened to you honey. *hugs*

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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    That is heartbreaking. I am so sorry. Animals are so special and you clearly had a special bond with him. I wish for your sake too that in that situation it was in fact your mom trying to spare you, just because that would have been forgivable. I wish you were able to have a better relationship with your mom. She sounds like a really difficult person to have in your life. I could be wrong, obviously I don't want to presume anything about your life but it sounds like your dad is there for you at this time, and some of your friends as well. I hope your support network is as strong as you need it to be right now...

    Hugs!

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    Featured Member K Sweet's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    CKXXX: Oh gosh that is so horrible, things will get better. It sounds like you were a wonderful owner, and that's the best thing our babies can have.
    I'm doing some cute stuff to remember my little guy, and it's making me feel alright despite that I feel like part of my soul is missing. Unfortunately, since my mom euthanized him without my knowledge, his body was already gone when I arrived at the vet's (still thinking he was alive and I was going to visit him and possibly make the choice of whether to euthanize him or not MYSELF). I at least wanted to bury it or some of his fur or something/anything.

    Here's some stuff I'm doing:
    *I planted a catnip plant for him.
    *I'm getting a tattoo, either of paw prints over my shoulder (he liked to be held like that), or a Miss Van-style girl holding a cat that looks like him.
    *A friend and I are also making a geocache for him. Geocaching (http://www.geocaching.com/) is this sorta scavenger hunt, where you look up coordinates or a map and find a little hidden cache with random stuff in it (his is decorated with a picture of him, kitty stickers, and has a fake bird, a toy mouse, a cache log in it so far). He was a really affectionate guy so this way he gets to meet new people.


    My dad and the rest of my family is amazing. I'm lucky I have them. My mom though... I've just been through too much with her for too many years. I'm sick of getting hurt all the time, I need to get away from her and protect my mental sanity.

    Thanks for the wishes everyone!
    Goodbye Seattle Lusty Lady, where every Miss is a Hit, and every Hit is Missed. 1985-2010.

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    Senior Member inThePine's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mom killed my cat

    I say go for it with the tattoo idea. I got a tattoo symbolizing my cat too, I got a bell behind my ear because she loved (and attacked) anything with a bell on it, or anything that jingled.

    The geocache idea is really cool too, that way his memories can travel to far off and exciting places!

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