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Thread: Boyfriend or Escorting?

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    God/dess Arialandre's Avatar
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    Default Boyfriend or Escorting?

    At first I was not quite sure where I should post this, but as it has to do with potencial escorting I figured "other work" would do. Ladies, beautiful, powerful, independant ladies of SW, my mind is all messed up. Why? I am in love, so it has seriously screwed with my plans. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and while I love him with all of my heart when it comes to sex workers or the adult undutry he is a damn puritan! I mean he gets upset when I even mention escorts and I refuse to EVER let him meet my stripper friends because I am afraid that his "sex work is baaaad" aura would be present. Now we are broke as fuck. He has TONS of money that he owes ICBC due to a stupid car accident (like $50K!) and I am working for $12/hr right now at a weight loss clinic. We want to eventually get married but let's be serious, with all of that dept (his debt thank you very much, as I just somehow paid off all of mine, woot woot, that's right even when I was making $10/hr I was able to get out of my debt) we won't be saving up for a wedding any time soon. We are living paycheque to paycheque and it makes me sick. And what really PISSES me off is that we DON'T have to live like this. I could go out, be an escort and make bank! But oooooh noooo, we can't have Aria saving the day because no girlfriend of his is going to go shake her ass on stage or dance with strangers.

    But I do live him, other than his sex worker hatred he is the most wonderful and supportive man I have ever known...So I don't know what to do.
    I really don't think that it's fair that I should have to work at a job that I hate, or bores me senseless for shit pay (and is slightly shady at that) just so that he can feel comfortable and secure in our relationship. Because unless his band gets famous (they're good but...) then we are stuck like this forever. And I don't want to be stuck like this, I want to make my money, be independant and save for the future. Because seriously, a retirement fund? Hell my money doesn't even know what a plane old "savings" account looks like these days.

    So what I'm wondering is, do I pack my bags, wave farewell and head off back to Vancouver? Or do I stick it out because I love him and love concures all and all that bullshit?
    There is this great agency in Vancouver and the girl's take home is $200/hour (I think they charge $320), it's GORGEOUS, this amazing gentelmens club and fully LISCENCED massage parlour and the girls all have private rooms with ornate king sized beds and ensuites, so you do incalls there. Their top earners make $7k a week!

    So tell me ladies...what do you think I should do?

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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    Well, you sound smart enough to know that Men come and go. There are similar threads to your post here and as the saying goes "you gotta do what YOU gotta do". I'm a true believer in everything's about timing too!

    For me, personally...Ain't nothin' goin' on but the rent...(no romance without finance)

  3. #3
    Senior Member sbeezy305's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    maybe you could advertise services for voyeurs, like only fuck your boyfriend and let the client watch? my boyfriend and i have done this before and its an extra boost of income every once in a while.

  4. #4
    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    First of all, I'm a bit confused. You mentioned stripping AND escorting...which one do you actually want to do? Or are you looking to do both? Personally, if I was escorting I wouldn't be shaking my ass on stage for nothing, a big earning difference there. If you were escorting I think dancing would seem like tedious, underpaid work--unless you really have a passion for giving strange men lap dances .

    Regardless, I'm kind of in the same situation. My SO (who I have a 3 1/2 month old son with) and I live together and have been living together and dating for about 18 months. We have our own place now and he works while I stay home with our son. In about three months once our son is a bit older and gets past this colic I will be dancing at a strip club. My SO and I have been talking about this for almost a year and he is completely fine with that. I would LOVE to escort but he's made it clear there is no way in hell that's happening. He went so far as to say he'd try to take our son from me if he found out about it. That's a touchy subject because even if we separated I'd constantly be concerned he'd send a private investigator after me or something and take me to court for custody! I'm satisfied with the prospect of dancing for now, and this is where I'm going with all of this...

    I think generally more men would accept the idea of their girlfriend being a clean dancer versus an escort, no matter how much "earning potential" there is. Some people were raised to think sex is sacred, and really won't budge on it. After all, you can't erase someone's beliefs overnight. People can change and adjust to things, but would you really want to coerce your man into agreeing to letting you escort or dance and have things to sour after a few weeks?

    I think you should start with dancing. Try to get him to warm up to that idea, and focus on the whole escorting idea later on. I took my man to the club I'm auditioning at and let him get a dance so he could see what to expect and what I'd be doing. I also read things to him from this forum and he created a membership. His views on stripping have changed, much as mine have since I joined, because of all the like-minded members and positivity.

    Personally, I see nothing wrong with escorting. I think if a woman wants to get paid to have sex she should be able to, it's her right. I'd much rather have sex with ten men in a month and get paid than to have sex with ten men for free!

    Overall, you have to make a decision. If your boyfriend won't budge on the subject are you prepared to leave him? Money doesn't buy happiness, but being broke as hell doesn't promote happiness.

    Other ideas include camming (with or without him), erotic maid services, private parties, nude modeling, amateur adult films (with the hubby), voyeur cams (in your home...whilst you live your daily life).

    I hope this helps!
    -Laurisa
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    God/dess Arialandre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    Hi, everyone. Ok first of all as there was some confusion (soprry about that) he hates the WHOLE adult industry. He agreed to let me cam but then after my first day flipped out and almost broke up with me because I flashed tit. He REFUSES to "let" me work in the industy in any shape or form as long as we are together."

    It wasn't really an either or about the stripping or escorting it's just that we have talked about both. I don't want to strip, I would be an escort. I am all abiut working no time and making big money,lol.

    It's totally rediculous, he loves the fact that I'm gorgeous and sexy and model, but hates the fact that everyone else thinks so too! Hell he gets pissy when guys in the bar come up and say that I'm pretty *eyeroll*.

    Deedee, I so get what you're saying, unfortunately I am a stupid stupid romantic *le sigh*. I know for a fact that if we were to break up tonight I would pack my bags and be in Vancouver escorting before sunrise! Hahaha.

    I think that also with this being my longest relationship (and a super healthy one at that) part of my mind is going, "SO you want to throw this away for what? Money? Why?" But the other part of my brain is going, "For security that's why! Because in the end NOBODY can take better care of me than I can. People aer always going to leave you so you have to do you. I want to be able to afford a car and a house and to travel." Because while money can't make you happy, it can sure as hell allow me to afford the things that DO!
    And you're right Laurisa being broke as hell doesn't promote happiness either. There is a reason most couples break up due to financial issues. It's because it sucks!

    At the moment though I don't know if I have the courage to break up with him. Not because I'm afraid he will hunt me down and cut me up or anything,lol, but because I'm afraid I will have given up a great thing for a huge mistake.

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    Speaking from experience... don't set your life on the back burner for a man. Also though, don't make yourself responsible for his debt.

    Honestly, if it were me I'd move out. Tell him to get his bills paid off, learn how to manage his money & personal matters, then re-connect when you two are at a more equal point in your lives. In the mean time, you should live - while you are still long enough t do it! You won't be young & pretty forever... may as well make the most of it while you can & chase your dreams.

    Personally, I think it's pretty cruddy of him to be putting his dream or the band over your dream of being able to live without debt. That's just my opinion though...
    Don't you ever sleep?
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    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    Quote Originally Posted by Arialandre View Post
    Because while money can't make you happy, it can sure as hell allow me to afford the things that DO!
    Money actually does make people happy. And not having money can make people really sad. Struggling is NOT FUN.

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    Lack of money causes the majority of suffering and misery in this world. Maybe an excess of money can't buy happiness, but lack of it damn sure causes a lot of needless pain.

    Unless he has a solution for your money troubles he really should not stop you from trying to dig yourself out of debt. If it came down to it, if I were you I'd probably just tell him it's not going to work out and move on.

    Personally I could never ever be with someone who was attempting to be that controlling, whether it be concerning adult work or how I put the toilet paper on the roll. Spells a miserable relationship and a very limiting existence. Not my type of man at all.

    Maybe first try stripping or webcam before you do escorting though.

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    Featured Member Winged Dinghy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    I don't know, if you truly do "love him with all your heart," I would stay with him. Sex work will always be there. I could walk down the street and get a job at any number of clubs on Bourbon. But I have never walked down it and found a guy I loved with all my heart, who felt the same about me.

    I don't know, different priorities, I guess. But don't throw a great relationship away for a job you may find doesn't suit you at all, just to pay off HIS debt.

    There are plenty of other ways to get money if you need it that bad.

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    I just have to be a bit blunt here.

    When I read "healthy relationship" it really stood out to me. There are a ton of red flags here and they are quite obvious and easy to spot for me since I was with a controlling man in the past and I can see what's coming.

    Just because he doesn't beat you or spend all his money on drugs or something does not mean this is a healthy relationship.

    His band should be on hold and he should be working 2 jobs to get himself out of debt, and for him to try to force you to stay in a job you hate tells me that he only cares about outward apperances, not whether or not you are truly happy, healthy and rested at the end of the day. He would rather see you wear yourself out and be mired in debt that you had nothing to do with.

    He's not the catch you think he is!

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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    Hi Winged Dinghy,
    Not trying to be facetious... but besides stripping, escorting, and perhaps selling drugs...what are the "plenty of other ways to make money" cuz I've been trying to figure that out?

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    Veteran Member Christyismyalias's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    dang, I was in the EXACT same scenario a year ago with my boyfriend, only it was stripping not escorting, and I had actually met him at the club (1st and LAST time every doing that!!). He made me feel guilty and even dirty about my dancing, I could never express my true opinion and always felt I had to hide everything from everyone. I had quit dancing for him, but I was not happy. Miserable working 2 jobs for bullshit money and constantly conceiling my personality/wants/needs. I like dancing, I like my freedom and being an independent woman. I completely lost myself in this man and did everything for him. "But I love him" really got the best of me.
    I finally had to let go. I had to realize he wasnt good for me and didn't love me. He was not accepting me for me, all of me. I want someone who loves me completely.
    Since moving on, I am much happier. Happiest I've ever been and I know I made the right decision.

    I struggled with that relationship the entire time. I have to say I gave it my best, so I don't feel bad or that I "missed out" on anything. I didn't want to give up love for money, so I gave up money for love. In the end the love wasn't there, so I went back to the money! Money will always be there. I say give it a chance with the guy, try all the alternatives with him, maybe he will go for a compromise. The stuff the other girls here recommended sound good. If it doesn't work out, you can always work in the field of your choice. But if you don't try, you will always wonder if he was "the one that got away"
    Good luck girl!!!

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    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    I'm so bookmarking this page for a friend of mine... Very similar situation.

    I say leave. Then again I am also in a financially sucky relationship... the difference is he does not tell me where I may or may not work. So I'm sticking it out because the freedom he gives me by allowing me to be an adult performer, hell even supporting and loving me unconditionally despite or because I'm an adult performer, is worth more to me than being with someone who makes a killing but is unsupportive of my career.

    I'll give you a good example: When I was 19 I was on the brink of being 'discovered' as a model.... paid shoots, travel, etc etc etc. Then I started dating this insecure asshat that belittled and degraded me because of my modeling career. 5 years later, I'm trying to piece my career back together and I'm not as young as I was then, not to mention I missed a lot of opportunities. And you know what? I would've started dancing back then too, if I wasn't senselessly ashamed of my desire to dance. If I had started dancing at 18 or 19, before the economy turned so sour, I guarantee I would have something to show for it. At least an education or SOMETHING.

    Moral of the story: Opportunity knocks but once. Carpe Diem, baby.
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    Veteran Member Taylorgrrl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    If and when you get married, his debt becomes your debt. Does he have a plan for digging out of the mess? Because THAT would be the dealbreaker for me. Debt happens, but if his only action is to harangue his girlfriend about how she plans to help his broke ass, then you're probably better off without him.

    (Sorry to be so blunt, but I was in a similar situation a few years ago with a guy I really loved too. The fact that I was supporting us by dancing drove him crazy, but he wasn't doing much to change the situation either. So your post really pushes some old buttons for me.)

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    God/dess Arialandre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    Hi guys, let me just say this real fast, this is not about MY working to pay HIS debt, no no no. This is about MY working to be able to keep my sexy ass in stilettoes! (I LOVE shoes). Also to keep a decent roof over my head (I love my apartment but it's time to be moving on and up!), a car to get around, and be able to travel the world (my ultimate dream). Not once has he asked me to pay off his debt or even contribute to help him pay it, but he isn't working that hard to pay it off either. Also you're right, that debt is going to keep us from getting a loan to buy a house or anything we may ever need because his credit score will be shiiiiit. And even if they do get famous I don't want to be sitting at home while he travels the world, or riding the goddam "wife bus" and following them around like a glorified groupy. I don't want to follow his star I'm meant to blaze my own trail.

    You have ALL given me so much to think about so far and I am so grateful. Being broke makes me feel sad, and worthless, and pathetic and ashamed. I should be working TOWARDS something by now, I'm almost 24! And I'm stuck spinning my heels in this dead end town and for what??? For "love", I can't even afford to go back to school. And everyone says, "Oh get a loan" but loans don't cover everything, my credit isn't that great, I don't make enough money to save up for the rest, and who is going to pay my bills when I am in school full time so can't work? Basically if I lose this job I have to go back to housekeeping at some shit hotel or flip burgers for $8/hr. Oh god I think I'm going to cry...

    Before I came to check this thread this morning I sent a quick email off to the agency I was looking into. All of their girls are super skinny white girls so I just wanted to see if there was any point in my applying or if I probably wouldn't get much work. I think that I am going to try to save up as much money as possible in the next couple of months and then see what happens and possibley move out. It was my apartment fist but I would be moving to Vancouver so *shrug*.

    Thank you Ladies so much. Honestly, who else am I going to talk to in my everyday life that could possibly understand what I'm going through and the career choices that I'm trying to make. Almost no one I know would take "dump your byfriend to be an escort" as a viable life choice,lol. Love, commitment, and honour mean a lot to me,but I'm sure that after a few years I will just start feeling resentful. We are 2 years in and I already do. I used to love the idea of getting married to him and now it just kind of feels like I'm being choked. I don't HAVE to get married. And I certainly shouldn't marry someone that I can't mention my love of the adult industry to without setting him off. Or someone that I'm always paranoid will do drugs (mushrooms or maybe E,possibley even coke) when I'm not around and he's with his band buddies, damn musicians! He promised to quit for me but he has fucked up twice already and I just don't believe him and oh my god I'm answering my own question here aren't I!? Well shit...

  17. #16
    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    ::hugs:: I know all about those musician boys...

    I wish you the best of luck!
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    Arialandre,
    Love, commitment and honor meant ( i use the work meant here in past tense) everything to me too! I got married for love or so I thought, but people change, and life happens...

    who knows how you might feel about this dude in another year or so???

    Believe me girl, you are very young you have your whole life ahead of you and you're smart. Use this time now to your advantage.

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    Member summerbrielle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    Quote Originally Posted by laurielegs View Post
    Lack of money causes the majority of suffering and misery in this world. Maybe an excess of money can't buy happiness, but lack of it damn sure causes a lot of needless pain.
    Finally. Someone put my thoughts into a nice little eloquent package. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has wondered about these situations ... you ladies are such a blessing. It's like an invisible support group of like minded women that's always available!

  20. #19
    Banned malayataylor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    LEAVE HIM... but of course you know i'd say that!

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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    I agree, leave and be free to do what you want to do.

  22. #21
    Veteran Member jennsweet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    go for the MONEY!

  23. #22
    Veteran Member jennsweet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    fuck that guy, he'll probably just cheat on ya like they all do

  24. #23
    goldengrl69
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    Leave him or you will blame him for stopping you.

  25. #24
    goldengrl69
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    Or at least do it behind his back for a lil bit to make sure this career change is for you.Ya know.

  26. #25
    God/dess Arialandre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend or Escorting?

    hahahaha, aww thank you guys. Well, we are still together and have worked out a compromise (one that I will slowly twist until I get my complete way), so I am camming, and I LOVE it, non-nude, also non-topless (he can't handle me flashing my tits at people, I say eff it, bust em tits out, but so far i have stuck to my word and only strip down to my underwear or a bikini...but I have the lagest boobs on the site and I KNOW I could make bank if after a couple of months I made an event out of my finally going topless), he has kicked his own ass at work and pretty much trippled his income from a year ago, so for now things are just kind of bopping along in a nice easy flow.

    Seriously though I like getting my way and I WILL wear him down eventually because while I love non-nude camming I would love to get topless eventually.

    Kisses!

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