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Thread: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

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    Senior Member ivygirl's Avatar
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    Default Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    My on again/off again boyfriend is fucked up in the head.
    We were both really bad on drugs, and as im currently trying to get off he has absolutely no modivation to, and no modivation in life. He wakes up at 4 pm, has a cast on his hand that he just cut off to work and now he claims he cant work because his hand hurts. no money, no job, no truck, and now he's losing his friends and his possessions to his addiction. i feel guilty considering i enabled him, but he's an adult who's been babied his whole life, so im not sure how to break it out of that.
    He says that im his only reason for living and when i break up with him he threatens suicide, and one time he actually shot up a needle full of air into his veins. He's walked a 40 minute drive to my work just to 'prove his love', and has really bad problems at home. he's 21. it'd be different if he was a young younger guy, cause they get over it, but im trying to just let him grow out of it. gradually ignoring his calls, and im just sticking with him until he gets his shit together - then i can leave him. i go out with other guys and he finds out.

    the fact that i stripped wasnt something i made public, and when i was sleeping he took my SIM card out of my phone and copied my whole address book into his and sent people texts saying i had herpes, was a stripper, slut, etc...just speaking bullshit. he fucked up a lot of things to me, and although he didnt tell many people he dont a few to where word gets around.

    if anyone could give me advice id figure it'd be you girls...

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    Run away as fast as you can and never, ever speak to him or give him any means of contact with you.

    This guy is ABUSIVE. He does not love OR respect you. He will never get his shit together. Don't stick by him - he will just drag you down with him. Don't feel guilty. He is emotionally manipulating you and you do NOT deserve this shit - I don't care if you "enabled" him and his habit, he's a GROWN ASS ADULT. Christ, I want to kick his chuff in just reading this.

    Get to a safe place, with friends if possible. Make it known that you do not want him being a part of your life anymore, whatsoever. If you have to make up a fake boyfriend that's a tough-guy bouncer just to scare this dude off, go right ahead. Hell, start flirting with bouncers!

    Augh, I am genuinely worried for you sweetie. He sounds insane. I hope you get somewhere safe soon and that he takes the hint!
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Senior Member ivygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    The thing is when I have left him for physically hurting me (Valentines Day - kicked my shit to the curb, pushed me down and kicked me as i was crawling saying 'get up dog') he'd find ways to fuck me over - call my mom, friends, my moms friends and tell them about drugs, dancing, etc...he has so much shit on me that it scares me to have it out in the open.
    he's obsessive. i know he loves me, but what he does is so unacceptable. i've blocked his number, so he changes his, then i screen my calls, so he shows up to my door where he's not allowed to be here.

    after all these other guys being in my life you think he'd get a fucking clue, but he really took it to heart when i was in love with him and said 'We're gonna be together forever!" and believes that still.

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    Senior Member ivygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    i'm just worried about my family, you know? i dont want them being hurt, and theyre well aware of the dancing, drugs, etc...but just a tarnished reputation? :/ i know i care more about it then i probably should.

    i was okay with him when he did steroids, he didnt get roid rage or anything, hes just so emotionally dependent on the drugs and me - it's exhausting.

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    Senior Member ivygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    ps - who wouldnt be obsessed with me?

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    The faster this toxic person is no longer a part of your life the better you and your family will be. What you describe is NOT love it is mental sickness.

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    If your family already know, there is nothing more he can do to you.

    Let them know he's physically attacking you and they WILL side with YOU.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Senior Member ivygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    my family, along with my friends, have already sided with me. he has a trespassing warrant on my house and i on his bc both of our families know how toxic this is.

    i just dont know how to permanently get rid of him without him showing up around me - restraining order?? how long can they last for?

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    They can last forever. Apply ASAP, live somewhere else.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    Is it possible for you to move to a new place and dance at a different club so he won't know where you live or work?

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    Veteran Member Autumn Lily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    Quote Originally Posted by ivygirl View Post
    The thing is when I have left him for physically hurting me (Valentines Day - kicked my shit to the curb, pushed me down and kicked me as i was crawling saying 'get up dog')
    People that love you do not do this.

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    Senior Member ivygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    Quote Originally Posted by eagle2 View Post
    Is it possible for you to move to a new place and dance at a different club so he won't know where you live or work?
    Dancing at a new club, not a big deal. Moving, very big deal.
    "Fella's my manager would like to remind you that while enjoying your private dance the only thing that should come out of your pants is some greenery for the scenery."

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    Senior Member ivygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    Quote Originally Posted by Autumn Lily View Post
    People that love you do not do this.


    I know i know sometimes he just doesnt know how to deal with it
    "Fella's my manager would like to remind you that while enjoying your private dance the only thing that should come out of your pants is some greenery for the scenery."

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    Veteran Member Autumn Lily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    Ivy, listen to yourself. You are making excuses for his behavior. There is absolutely no reason he should be hitting you.

    You're in a Catch 22, yes. Staying with him and getting abused both physically and mentally, or leaving him and getting stalked and harassed.

    By staying with him, you are endangering your life, plain and simple. So he has blackmail on you. So what? I'm sure your friends and loved ones would rather see you away from this asshole more than they would rather see you stop dancing.

    Get the fuck away from him. Stop making excuses for his behavior. You are being abused. You are being victimized. You are NOT being loved.

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    Senior Member ivygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    I'm not trying to make excuses it's just that i know how he really is - crazy and obsessive the point of this was just seeing how to get him out of my life.

    Currently i'm rarely talking to him and letting him "Grow" out of this.
    "Fella's my manager would like to remind you that while enjoying your private dance the only thing that should come out of your pants is some greenery for the scenery."

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    Senior Member ivygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    I already date other guys, and he knows this, hes just so.....nuts.
    "Fella's my manager would like to remind you that while enjoying your private dance the only thing that should come out of your pants is some greenery for the scenery."

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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    Quote Originally Posted by ivygirl View Post
    Dancing at a new club, not a big deal. Moving, very big deal.
    If it's not personal or anything, do you mind telling why moving is a very big deal? If you're feeling threatened, it might be worth it.

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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    Quote Originally Posted by Autumn Lily View Post
    People that love you do not do this.
    Times a billion.

    THIS. IS. NOT. LOVE.

    Cut this crazy crackhead loose.

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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    It will never, ever, ever get any better. You can stick around and make all sorts of excuses for him, but it doesn't work that way. It will NEVER improve. Staying with him, tolerating that behavior, only validates it. You're afraid of all this dirt he has on you, and that if you leave, he'll tell people this shit? It sounds to me like he's been sending people nasty messages about you NOW. So what the fuck do you have to lose? He will never get any better, his life will never get any better, he will just keep doing the same shit over and over and over again. Get away from him. NOW.

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    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    make some money, go down to cocoa beach or something. get a cheap hotel room(motel 6 down there is like 50 bucks a night) work and get a place down there.change your number and dont tell anyone where you are. Daytona is to small to keep him away from you.
    As quoted by Luckyone:
    I asked directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam and she lied to me.

    Methodus saved my life!

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    Featured Member pixierocksonthepole's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    Don't hang around to let him "grow out of it". That is such a bad and unhealthy idea. Run fast. And get away. He is doing these things because he wants to be in control of the situation and have you under his thumb. It is supposed to be a two way street in relationships and he doesn't want that. No one deserves to be treated that way. Rid your life of him and I promise you will be better off.





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    Senior Member ivygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    You girls are the best

    And FYI im trying to work Cocoa this or next weekend
    "Fella's my manager would like to remind you that while enjoying your private dance the only thing that should come out of your pants is some greenery for the scenery."

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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    Quote Originally Posted by ivygirl View Post
    ps - who wouldnt be obsessed with me?
    lol...you're so cute!

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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    Trust me girl what you are experiencing with him is NOT love. I've dealt with a man like this too in my past and no bueno. Any man that lays a hand on you should be arrested...in retrospect, I only wished that I had my ex arrested at the time of my assult... You need to get the hell out of dodge...seriously. But you have to be strong enough to make the decision to leave...for good.

    p.s. still waitin on your IM??

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    Default Re: Dealing with a fucked up sometimes ex.

    Restraining orders will be ineffective for this really crazy person because -- he will ignore them, they will make him even angrier, police cannot respond fast enough to save your life.

    You need to do two critical things to save your own life -- (1) get away from him where he can never find you; (2) get off those drugs that are poisoning your mind and deluding you to think that you can fix everything that you think needs fixing.

    Drugs.... why? are you an idiot? if you have psych problems that you have to numb yourself from, then you need professional help before you end up in jail or the morgue. I really hope you get yourself straightened up to both save your reputation and your life. I bet you could have a dynamite life if you can get these things well behind you. Right now you are in Hell.
    Last edited by threlayer; 06-10-2010 at 11:52 AM.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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