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Thread: Running back to loser boyfriend....????

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    Featured Member yogibear179's Avatar
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    Default Running back to loser boyfriend....????

    Our recent problem has been about transportation. His car was breaking down a while ago. He didn't save anything for it ( he has no savings, lives paycheck to paycheck ) so now it's my car that's left. So 3 months down the road he has been sharing my car with me, my miles are way up, and once in a while I have no gas in my car before having to leave somewhere.

    So my 20 year old ass says hey! Why don't you get your mom to help you out and I can let you borrow money to match it? So time passes one morning in bed I say, what are you gonna do about your car, I can't keep letting you use it. He says his mom let him borrow 900 and mentions my offer to him. I think, he'll no. I can't be stuck to him with this borrowed money. I say no, I can't let you borrow money, I don't think you'll pay me back. He gets super angry and leaves to take the bus for the first time. Dosent talk to me for a day or 2 and sleeps somewhere else (basically he didn't come home). I say why are you angry he says he is unreasonably angry right now so give him time. So we don't talk, eventually 3 days after this he comes home and says he was angry that i thought he wouldn't pay him back.

    While hewas gone for that amt of time I moved all of my stuff to the spare bedroom and bought an inflatable matress.

    So I travel out of town every month to work for a week at a diffrent club. A few days after this incident it was time for me to go. He offers to take me to the airport, I say no hanks got it covered. I decided to keep my car in airport parking while I'm away for a week.
    Now this really gets him resentful towards me. We have a disscussion over the phone, he says you aren't teaching me anything, your making it harder for me to get a car, I would help you out if you were in this situation, you don't live in the real world you dont know what it's like to have a paycheck, most people live like this etc.

    I say, you aren't covered in my insurance and if u get In a wreck then it's my fault because I let you use my car.

    So I come home after my trip and sign a 30 day notice in my apt.

    We argue again, it's about my job, how I'm so money centered 'just look at your wall' (I have my goals on a ticker and $ madE on a calendar) I tell him what arehis goal? Where are you gonna be in the next 10 years? what can I expect?(he is 36) He asks me the same question and I tell him I'll be dancing for the next 10 years (I'm 20) I'll retire early and start a business. He says it's so easy for you, I cold do what you do if I were I your situation. He says that he can't give me an answer right away, that he wants to do somehing in music. I say we've been dating for 2 years, and we haven't progressed at all (actually I've saved up a good amount, have invested in sales knowlage, diet, and personal growth) in terms of him saving up some money. Although, he is able to spend 100 at least on pot a month. He says 2 years isn't a long time and that I'm too young to know that, when he was my age 2 year took a long time. For him 2 years is quick because he waits for His paycheck. Then somehign about me oy having to work 3 days a week ( although I work 3-4-5 however much I damn well feel I am up to)

    I guess what makes me feel the worst is that I haven't been the best girlfriend in the past either, I cheated on him once (tried the escorting route, no way was it emotional)
    what hurts me more is that he dosent understand that I need more security. When I came home from my jersey trip my kittys box was filthy IRS like he dosent care about what's important to me anymore.

    I'm stupid, I ask for his forgiveness ( saying I know you would help me out if I were in your situation)




    My boyfriend works 40-50 hours a week. He is on salary pay, makes 2000 a month. We live together our rent is 400, he has his phone bill etc.


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    Featured Member yogibear179's Avatar
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    Default Re: Running back to loser boyfriend....????

    *IRS to it's


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    Featured Member yogibear179's Avatar
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    Default Re: Running back to loser boyfriend....????

    I'm not doing so well arguing, I shut down, don't know what to say back to get it though his head about my pov. It's hard, this once was a loving relationship. I take breaks from work also sometimes for a month and he brings this up although I have enough money put away to support that. I also try diffrent things, like classes and what nor, none that I have stuck to, I payed and drove to these things myself. He says i'm not like you I can't just try whatever I want


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    Default Re: Running back to loser boyfriend....????

    you need to remember that it is you who has to live with you when all is said and done so if you are doing what makes you happy then he should support that honestly to me it sounds like he is just jealous that you make more than he does. I suggest that you think about whether or notyou can handle dealing with this forever if not move on if you can great but either way i wish u the best of luck

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    Veteran Member fluffypenguin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Running back to loser boyfriend....????

    The silent treatment for days is very douchebag behavior. In fact it's a tactic used to control. You're not responsible for his bills, or his inability to put $20 a week away to get some emergency cash saved, he's 36 for heavens sake, surely he worked out how to be an independant human being. He shouldn't expect you to be his substitute mother.
    Being made to feel guilty for being sensible and not letting continue to drive your car when he isn't covered by insurance is again douchebag controlling behavior.
    Making you feel guilty for his failings (not studying, having goals etc) is again douchebaggy and controlling.
    Accusing you of being out of touch with reality is.. you guessed it.
    Arguing with you about your job and your ability to make money when he is askkiing for handouts and expecting you to fund his transport costs is pretty pathetic.
    Yet you end up asjking for foregiveness from him? It really sounds like you are at stage one of a controlling and abusive relationship. Seriously. I see the beginnings of flags waving from what I read.

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    Veteran Member fluffypenguin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Running back to loser boyfriend....????

    I really need to emphasise The emotional cut off thing- disappearing for days, silent treatment is controlling behaviour, it is emotional abuse. Don't be mistaken!
    Been there, and seen it in others.
    It really worries me.

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    Default Re: Running back to loser boyfriend....????

    Girlfriend,
    This should be the other way around, if he's NOT able to or even willing to help YOU with your financial situation then you need to let him go! NOT you helping him out financially! You admitted you needed more security, sounds like a path to unhappiness.

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Running back to loser boyfriend....????

    You said you would do something, and then you turned around and said you wouldn't. It was okay of him to be angry, and in my opinion, mature of him to leave and take his anger with him til he cooled off. He came home and told you why he was angry.

    The airport thing was likely an olive branch, a peace offering, or some kind of apology - you rejected it. That likely left him feeling hurt and alienated.

    People that don't live paycheck to paycheck are incredibly lucky, remember that. On $24k a year, he is indeed not like you, and can indeed not just go try classes whenever he wants and then leave them. He cannot take random months off work.

    What kind of security do you feel you need? Financial security? Unless you leave him for a dying billionaire, that has always been, and will always be, upon your own shoulders. Never put yourself in a position where you rely on other people for financial security. As for emotional security - that's a two way street. Rejecting his help, refusing to help him when you said you would - I'm betting he doesn't feel too emotionally secure right now and would really like to fix any emotional issues in the relationship.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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