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Thread: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

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    Default Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    Top things dancers should not ask customers:


    1. Are you married?

    why even ask this?? If I am then I just remembered about my wife. Great follow-up question not to ask, "Oh where is she right now?". (True story)

    2. Do you have any kids?

    wtf?

    3. Where do you work?

    I work at a big name reputable company. I don't want to give out my info.

    4. Do you come here often?

    5. Why are you in here if you're not going to buy a lap dance from me? Don't you want to have fun? If you don't want to buy lap dances, then get the F*ck out of here!!!!!!!

    Seriously, I already said no. I'm not attracted to you. Please learn to take rejection gracefully.


    Feel free to add more questions.

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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    I usually have my wedding ring on, so I doubt I get that question much. Don't think it would bug me though. But obviously, discussing the wife (unless the guy brings it up) would seem to be kind of a dumb hustle.

    Questions about kids don't bother me at all. I have had a ton of fun nights discussing my and her kids. I have two daughters and grew up with only brothers, so I think getting their perspective on my daughters' antics is kind of fun.

    The question about "what do I do" is fine, but agree that the question "where do you work is too problematic".

    I have no problem with the "ever been here" question.

    I guess my biggest issue would be a girl that just goes through the motion of asking the questions, while not even listening/caring about the response. If you ask what I do, and I tell you consulting, then please at least have a response. Some just move on to another question or sit there and expect you to entertain them. I love a good conversation and if you can't participate, then eventually I might get one table/lap dance to be courteous, but I will move on, regardless of hot factor.
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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    A dancer can ask me pretty much anything she wants to...I don't mind. It's all just BS small talk anyway. The standard marriage/work/where you live stuff is generic ice breaker types of questions you'd ask someone that you don't know, to kind of get the ball rolling. Often the conversations will go into a completely new direction and become quite enjoyable.

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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    Good points.

    But asking "Are you married/have a GF?" is kind of akin to a customer asking "So, what's your real name?" It just makes me feel uncomfortable.

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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    I only bring up a wife or kids in VIP if they're getting handsy. It often gets them to relate to me and stops the grabbing.

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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    Interesting. I won't answer questions that I think are too personal or result in my divuldging information that will identify me outside of the club to just anyone. A level of trust must be earned, and that doesn't happen when a girl just walks up to me and does the "wanntta dance" line. I've had a troll girl find out my full name and little bit of info about me in the locker room from my best female friend who gabbed just a little too much. The next thing I know, troll girl has got all kinds of info about me by running a background check on me.

    As someone that was harassed for years by a couple of dancers, no way I give info up willingly.
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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    I hear these same (or similar) questions a lot too but they really don't bother me. In fact I tend to turn the first two questions around after I answer with a "and you?" to learn a little bit more about who I am speaking with. Sometimes I may even be getting honest answers

    The "why are you here if you are not buying dances" question is annoying. I am always tempted to respond with, "To find someone exactly the opposite of you" but then remember that she's probably frustrated and is just trying to earn a living like everyone else. This question almost invariably comes from some young stripper with minimal conversation skills.

    I have been going to clubs for a long time but it was not until I started posting here that I learned that some girls view guys that don't do lap dances as "freeloaders." Now I understand this to a degree, but the guy is a patron of the club, not the individual dancers. If he pays the cover, buys drinks from the bar and tips girls for their stage dances (a lot of places I go to have tip walks) then IMO he has met his minimum obligation. I tip for time if I like someone and if not my dance response is designed to be a subtle way of disengaging. It is up to the dancers to find something to sell the guy (time, attention, sexy lap dances, etc.) not the obligation of the guy to purchase the one thing that the "wanna dance" girl is hawking.
    Last edited by rickdugan; 06-04-2010 at 08:41 AM.

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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    I usually ask what guys do - I find most of them really like talking/bragging about their job.

    I'll only ask detailed life questions if they start asking them about ME. Asking me if I have a BF? I'll ask you what your wife is up to. Just because I'm a dancer doesn't mean you get free rein to ask whatever you want, yet you get to maintain YOUR anonymity.

    I get mad if a guy tells me he has no intention of buying ANY dances, with anyone. When he gives me an answer that implies he'll get some from some other girl, LATER, then that's fine. As long as he's spending on someone and not just in for a free show and a cheap beer.

    This thread is interesting. I would like to know some ideas of what we SHOULD as customers...what you guys would rather us talk about (if anything at all). Or is there already a thread like that?



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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    Funny because most customers ask me the same fucking questions and then get offended or call me a liar when/ if I answer them.

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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    My ideal conversation is light and fun and doesn't include any of his or my personal information. I really don't care if you're married and I don't have kids to talk about so I'd rather discuss things like music, tv, sports, travel, and hobbies. When it's time to spend VIP time or do dances I talk about more naughty things and get flirtier.

    I rarely ask about what they do for a living because I've heard some guys dislike this because they feel we're trying to pry about their income.

    The 'Why aren't you getting dances from ME?!?!' is freaking annoying and you're right it's usually inexperienced dancers. I might poke fun at you and be like 'cmon, chicken!' in a flirty way but I'm not insecure enough to whine about why you don't want dances from me.

    Sometimes I ask if they come here often. If they are a barfly or have a regular girl I may be wasting my time.

    Oh, I have a good one. Girls asking customers about their drug habits. Seriously unprofessional.

    Ok, my turn! Don't ask me to come over to your table then tell me you don't get dances/tip/ buy drinks/go to VIP. Seriously... I was in the middle of doing something to further my income and you called me over to waste my time. And, oh look! The guy I WAS about to approach is going to VIP with someone else. Thanks for that.
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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    This really is a double standard. Customers may not be comfy getting asked those questions but vice versa. I wasn't okay getting questions about my relationship status, how often I have sex, last time I had sex, what my family thinks of my job, do I have kids, where did I grow up, where did I go to school...

    Seriously. It goes both ways.





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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    Quote Originally Posted by 4everresolutions View Post
    I usually ask what guys do - I find most of them really like talking/bragging about their job.

    I'll only ask detailed life questions if they start asking them about ME. Asking me if I have a BF? I'll ask you what your wife is up to. Just because I'm a dancer doesn't mean you get free rein to ask whatever you want, yet you get to maintain YOUR anonymity.

    I get mad if a guy tells me he has no intention of buying ANY dances, with anyone. When he gives me an answer that implies he'll get some from some other girl, LATER, then that's fine. As long as he's spending on someone and not just in for a free show and a cheap beer.

    This thread is interesting. I would like to know some ideas of what we SHOULD as customers...what you guys would rather us talk about (if anything at all). Or is there already a thread like that?
    When they ask me about my wedding ring I tell them it's my mother's and she's dead.

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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    Quote Originally Posted by pixierocksonthepole View Post
    This really is a double standard. Customers may not be comfy getting asked those questions but vice versa. I wasn't okay getting questions about my relationship status, how often I have sex, last time I had sex, what my family thinks of my job, do I have kids, where did I grow up, where did I go to school...

    Seriously. It goes both ways.

    I never really understand why anyone - dancer or custy, gets overly worked up by basic questions. I have no problem telling anyone who asks that I am married with two children. In fact, that seems to work in my favor in some situations, but I won't get into that here.

    Case in point: Last year I was in a club in Queens (I used to be a regular there) and, for whatever reason, the bartender decided to introduce me to a group of guys sitting close to me. I reached out my hand to one of these guys and said, "How are ya', I'm Rick." He turned to the bartender and said, "I don't know, but is it allowed by 'stripclub guy code' to share names in a place like this?" It was a female bartender btw, but really?

    I don't understand why some guys get so messed up that they can't act normally in a SC.

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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    I don't understand that either. I don't give out my real name unless you're a well trusted regular because I know girls who have been stalked or even robbed/mugged/raped whatever. I'm not going to stalk a customer though, but I have had guys not tell me their name. Plus, my stage name is part of my look/persona and I use it when I do other forms of adult work, so it's justified.
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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    I never really understand why anyone - dancer or custy, gets overly worked up by basic questions. I have no problem telling anyone who asks that I am married with two children. In fact, that seems to work in my favor in some situations, but I won't get into that here.

    Case in point: Last year I was in a club in Queens (I used to be a regular there) and, for whatever reason, the bartender decided to introduce me to a group of guys sitting close to me. I reached out my hand to one of these guys and said, "How are ya', I'm Rick." He turned to the bartender and said, "I don't know, but is it allowed by 'stripclub guy code' to share names in a place like this?" It was a female bartender btw, but really?

    I don't understand why some guys get so messed up that they can't act normally in a SC.
    Well see as a dancer I was there to work and dance and just make the guys night a fun night. Not to get grilled and asked for my life story. I am pretty private about these things. And it's not that it bothers me if people know its more that I don't trust people with my personal information like that. Especially people I don't know.





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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    Quote Originally Posted by pixierocksonthepole View Post
    Well see as a dancer I was there to work and dance and just make the guys night a fun night. Not to get grilled and asked for my life story. I am pretty private about these things. And it's not that it bothers me if people know its more that I don't trust people with my personal information like that. Especially people I don't know.
    Completely understand and agree that a grilling about your life is not justified. I'm not talking about sharing your real last name or SS #, just the basics. Some veteran SC visitors (me among them) won't spend on someone unless they feel that they have some basic undertsanding of who they are with. A "wanna dance" girl will never see much $$$ out of me.

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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Completely understand and agree that a grilling about your life is not justified. I'm not talking about sharing your real last name or SS #, just the basics. Some veteran SC visitors (me among them) won't spend on someone unless they feel that they have some basic undertsanding of who they are with. A "wanna dance" girl will never see much $$$ out of me.
    There's a big difference between a guy wanting you to divulge your life story, and a 'wanna dance' girl.



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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    I've only worked in one club where 'wanna dance' worked in anyone's favor. It was because it was a dive with 10 dollar dances and it was best to just dance around the room without much talk until it was time to go on stage. Man that was tiring!! But it worked oddly enough.

    I like getting paid to sit and talk and have fun. I'd really like to get a champagne room soon so I can relax and have fun with the guy without worrying about my hustle for a little while. The girls at my club that are always in CR look like they're having so much fun. Lots of drunken nakedness lol.
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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Completely understand and agree that a grilling about your life is not justified. I'm not talking about sharing your real last name or SS #, just the basics. Some veteran SC visitors (me among them) won't spend on someone unless they feel that they have some basic undertsanding of who they are with. A "wanna dance" girl will never see much $$$ out of me.
    See I was great with customers for conversation just not the ones that asked way too much. Most of my money came from stage sets and conversations, not dances, on slower nights. It was nice. There is just a limit.





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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    Being single, I couldn't care less about the "are you married" question, but I can see why married guys might. I NEVER ask this of a dancer. First, I'm not interested, and second, I don't want to take a chance on making her uncomfortable. I've got this idea that if the dancer feels safe and comfortable, I'll probably have a better time with her.

    What does make me uncomfortable is the "why aren't you married" question because if I answer "because I'm a pathetic loser geek" it comes off pretty whiny. I usually answer "I guess I just haven't met the right person."

    To the kids question, my standard response is, "None that I know of." The ones that are paying attention usually giggle.

    My occupation is in the environmental field and I enjoy talking about it, so fairly decent conversation usually follows that question.

    I very rarely get the "why aren't you getting dances from me?" question and I gotta admit that it makes me uncomfortable because I don't like hurting someone's feelings.

    The best conversations I've had with dancers have been about books, science, sports, and the best places to eat in town.

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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    I would never ask a custy where they worked, but, like GeorgeBailey, a lot of people enjoy talking about their occupations. So I would ask, "what type of industry do you work in?" sometimes, and that didn't seem to offend. If they didn't want to discuss their job, they could give me a simple one word answer and I can shift the gears of conversation. Or, it can lead to talk.

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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    I'll have to take some peeks at hustle hut . I expect that a certain ammount of "screening" will be done by the dancer. Some of the questions listed by OP are break the ice or space fillers if dancer is new/less than comfortable at the game. Yet, some of the questions, in original form or asked a different way may be a calculated screening tool.

    #1- Are you married? I recall reading in another thread where several dancers preferred married customers. So, if a guy is single or divorced, dancer may quiclkly slip into the "lets see if he'll start spending money on me soon" mode, either getting $$ quickly, or moving on to a (hopefully) married customer who she might enjoy working for more. To dancers- Does it really make any difference what a customers marital status is??

    #3- Never had a dancer outright ask me where I work, but the more likely variation, "What do you do"? Unless I'm , say, a dentist, and dancer is looking to be a dental hygienist, what difference does it make what a customer does for a living?? (Unless there are certain occupations/job descriptions that spend more money- really, I've known several high income people that are tightwads). Somewhat related to this is- "Are you here on business"? (Hmm- guy is here for convention, probably won't be a regular, lets see if I can milk a VIP out of him, maybe drain his wallet good. Or.. she may be screening for a potential OTC ).

    Realistically, I expect certain icebreaker questions, but if I feel too much as though I'm being "screened" or "qualified", (I like HHK's convo philosophy of lighthearted ) then I won't enjoy my visit as much.
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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    I've made money off of single, divorced, married, engaged guys and so on and so forth. It makes no difference to me. Except those few that feel going to the strip club and getting a lap dance is 'cheating'. These guys are usually in there with their friends who dragged them and easy to spot because of how miserable they look. I don't get this philosophy because I take my man to the strip club and would BUY him a dance if he wanted one. But I'd buy me one first

    I've always heard it's rude to ask about work because some guys feel like they are getting grilled about their income or reminded about their stressful work day. If he volunteers it, cool. If not, still cool.

    Ooh other bad (common sense) ideas for convo: What's your religion? Who'd you vote for? How much do you make? Does your wife know you're here? How old ARE you? What's SHE got that I don't???

    Good ideas: Let's have a drink! I'm ready to be naked on your lap now. What do you find most attractive about the female body? (I sometimes ask this before going in for a dance to get a feel of whether he is a breast man or an ass man and plan my dance accordingly.) What kind of music do you like? Let's go get naughty somewhere more private! Shots all around!!

    See, there are so many things to say that sound way better. This is reminding me of a newbie dancer I once knew who had a convo with a customer like this:

    custie: So what do you look for in a guy?
    her: Oh, you know... A non-hitting guy.
    me: did she just say that? o_O
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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    My ideal conversation is light and fun and doesn't include any of his or my personal information. I really don't care if you're married and I don't have kids to talk about so I'd rather discuss things like music, tv, sports, travel, and hobbies. When it's time to spend VIP time or do dances I talk about more naughty things and get flirtier.
    Thanks HHK, this is perfect dancer:customer conversation advice! Almost everyone likes to talk about the latest movie they've seen or their favorite TV show, and I've never met anyone that won't talk about their hobbies.

    I don't mind being asked about my job, but it almost always requires further explanation, so I usually just answer that it's often boring, which is why I need playtime in strip clubs.

    When I was a young SCJ, I used to take my wedding ring off before going into SCs out of some stupid uninformed belief that dancers would think I was a dick for being in there as a married guy. Eventually I figured out that dancers couldn't care less, and that in fact most custys are married, especially all those solo flyers like me during dayshift!

    At my home clubs, almost all of my dances are from long term favorites, and we often already know each other pretty well, which makes conversation relaxed and fun. When I travel and go to unfamiliar clubs, I do get tired of the same tired questions - where are you from? have you been here before? how does this compare to clubs in Az? etc. etc.

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    Default Re: Conversations - Top things NOT to ask

    One of my favorite customers back home was married, but came to the strip club because it was 'cheaper than therapy'. Which was a total lie cause he spent A LOT of money in there! Maybe what he meant was it's more fun than therapy...

    I swear, I can't wait to get regulars at my new club so I can chillax with them. I'm tired of lap hopping and glancing longingly at the champagne room where girls are partying it up with their long term regs! Like literally the other day they were having a dance party in there!
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