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Thread: Awkward family situation approaching...

  1. #1
    Veteran Member CaseyLace's Avatar
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    Thumbs down Awkward family situation approaching...

    Backstory first: My parents have been divorced since I was a little kid. My brother and I used to go back and forth evenly between mum's and dad's until I was 13 and decided to move out of my father's house. He was emotionally abusive towards me, and is the same towards every other woman in his life (his mom, his stepmom, my mom, me) except his sister. His abuse is frustrating in its own right because I never had any bruises to show, and when my friends have met him, he acts super cool and friendly. I guess that's beside the point. I have body image problems because of him (he offered to buy me lipo for my 14th birthday when I looked like a twig) and trust issues (typical abuser cycle of destruction, followed by apology, etc.). Also, I love my stepmom (they got married when I was 7) and she and my dad have since had another son, Jordan whom I barely know, but email with and love a lot. He is now 8. (side story my step mom is finally leaving my dad at the end of the summer... he is just that screwed up).

    Current issue: My aunt (my dad's sister) is getting married on Sunday. My girlfriend (whom my dad, stepmom, and littlest brother Jordan have never met) and I were invited. My girlfriend is very close to me and to my grandparents. They love her, and know her well as we see them on lots of holidays and we've been together for over 2 years. Anyway, the wedding is Sunday and my GF and I are flying from FL to VA to go. I wanted to be there to support my aunt and grandparents, as I love them very much. But, it will be my first time being in the same room as my dad for about three years. I am very excited to see my little brother, but not so excited to see my dad. I am DEFINITELY going to be civil and calm, as this wedding is NOT my place to air my personal issues with my father. I totally realize that. And I think I can do it. But for most of my life my father has been able to make me cry in 0.5 seconds. I will never, ever let this wedding turn into anything other than a celebration for my aunt, but I am nervous to be in the same position I once was with my dad. Unfortunately, I have a soft spot for him since 1) he is my dad and 2) he always acts nice at first (that's how he sucks you in). Though after 22 years I should realize that there is no new leaf he is turning over.

    So... has anyone been through this before? Was it awkward? I am not going to run around the ballroom to avoid him the whole night. I plan to act like a civil adult and look him in the eye and speak with him when it comes up. I am just nervous...

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Awkward family situation approaching...

    does your girlfriend know what's going on? will she be there to hold your hand all evening? and focus on the wedding and the dancing and the cake, so that there's no time for bullshit? bring a camera so you have a legitimate excuse to stay by your aunt and her husband.

    i think if you need to run around the ballroom to avoid him, then do it.

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Awkward family situation approaching...

    Set your limits and stick to them, when he crosses the line walk away.

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    Senior Member inThePine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Awkward family situation approaching...

    Ditto to the advice above. I have a similar situation happening this weekend, almost identical to yours actually! My sister is getting married, my dad who I have not seen or spoken to since I cut him out of my life 4 years ago is going to be there, and I have to act sweet and like nothing ever happened. And my girlfriend is going with me too! *Are you secretly my clone, Casey??!!*

    But as for your situation, hopefully your dad will have enough tact to be civil and not pull any passive aggressive bs with you. But you have known him for long enough that you can probably spot the warnings signs that he is about to start something. If or when that happens just excuse yourself to go greet another family member, or try to steer the conversation in another direction. You might sound a little crazy if you go off on a tangent about a random subject, but that sure beats hiding in the bathroom trying to bite back tears.

    Good luck to you and have a great time!

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    Veteran Member CaseyLace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Awkward family situation approaching...

    Thank you, inthepine. First of all, I think we are definitely clones! How weird is that? Tell me how your situation goes...

    Your advice was perfect, and I definitely know the signs that my dad is gonna start some shit. I will sound like a nutcase going on random tangents but I bet it will work... :-)

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    Featured Member Brooke's Avatar
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    Default Re: Awkward family situation approaching...

    I agree with changing the subject if you see it going to a bad place. But also, don't be afraid to leave. Have some planned "tangents" if you want to go that route and have some excuses to leave - the standard powdering of the nose, refreshing the drink, checking on grandma, whatever. Just be ready with them beforehand so that you don't draw a blank on your options.

    Also, have a planned response in case he does say something clearly over the line. Anything from "wow" to "I thought this day was about Aunt Bee" or even "it must take a really small penis to be that angry at the world" will work. But if you know exactly how you will respond, it will help you to not respond on instinct with tears or anger. And don't be afraid to excuse yourself to the bathroom if you do get upset. Running away is better than being the drama at your Aunts wedding, so put your pride in perspective and decide how you'll handle everything in advance.

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    Senior Member inThePine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Awkward family situation approaching...

    Hey lady! How did the family function go? Mine went surprisingly well, my dad was on his best behavior. It's amazing how charming he can be when he wants to - he was actually flirting with my sister's fiance's mom! It was pretty hilarious, because she was kind of frosty before that, but then he sat next to her and was holding her hand and making her laugh and she was completely changed!

    Anyway I look forward to hearing your update!

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    Veteran Member CaseyLace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Awkward family situation approaching...

    Mine did too! My dad was charming and acted like nothing wrong which was fine by me. I mostly stuck near my grandparents, but my dad actually acted fine. He was extra nice to my girlfriend, too. That's usually his M.O. though... he acts really nice to my friends so they think I'm crazy for hating him. So sweet. Haha.

    By the way, that's hilarious about your sister's fiancee's mom. I think it's so cute/funny when people get together at weddings. Haha.

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