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Thread: my parents are judging me! help!

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    Sad my parents are judging me! help!

    OK...

    so i told my parents today that i just got my dancer's license and will be working in a bikini/topless club...i don't like to lie to them and didn't want to keep it a secret because i thought it would be worse...

    needless to say, my mother told me that she just lost respect for me and called me a trashy whore. i would NEVER think this of her no matter what she was doing for a living as long as she was taking care of what's important (Kids, bills, etc.).

    My mom and i are known to be best friends and really close so this is completely tearing me up...i'm crying right now.....but i have been unemployed since last may 2009 and i am living with my inlaws (i know pathetic) but i can't stay here like this forever and i am doing this for me and my fiance (who also lost his job about 6 or 7months ago due to economy). they don't want to help me but refuse to understand and keep putting me down and looking down on me for it....what do you do with this??

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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    btw my fiance is the only one that is supportive of my decision and that's the other thing...they are acting like this was his idea but it's mine. i have done lot's of research, i'm a pretty smart girl and i have boundaries (my mom is assuming that i will get into those nasty extras or do drugs and i am strongly against both). on another note i am 23 years old.

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    At least this trashy whore is making money and putting food on the table! Let her know it's her right to judge you. Let her know she can say what she likes. But let her know ALL it will do is HURT you - it won't make you go hungry, or poor, just because she thinks that's preferable.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    First off, you were still right to tell them so you don't have to hide it. They are in shock right now. Plenty of new dancers go through these problems with their families and close friends. It will take time for them to get over it. You have to realize that how you handle yourself in this business is TOTALLY dependent on you... which means that you don't have to be like the stereotype. Once they see that you can operate this as a business and stay clean, they'll eventually get over it. Sure, it may not be right away... heck, it may be a few years - but eventually they will get over it.

    Sxcbbw is correct though, at least you are going to be working towards a future and helping to provide for your family.
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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    and god i hope you guys are right; i mean that's kinda what i was thinking too earlier about how they will get over it later. they think it's their fault and blah blah blah but it's not about them, it's about me. i explained a lot of this stuff too them and they just weren't hearing me but like you said kylea they are in shock so no matter what i say they just hear "exotic dancing." it just hurts.

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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    they are tyring to blame my fiance for this too but this is completely my decision, he's just supporting me because he loves me and we've been together for like 8 friggin years. i've actually been researching the industry for a while though, i'll probably be the most educated newbie lol. but i have a pretty good idea of what i'm getting into; hence i realize the need for pepper spray, stage names & possibly self defense classes, etc.... there is a brand new club in my state and they are auditioning and i'm going next week (wish me luck). i'm sure my parents will come around when they are broke and asking me to loan them money....

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    Good luck with everything!
    Don't you ever sleep?
    Not at night...that's when the stars have rather better things to do. They're coming out, shining, that sort of thing.
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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    Sounds like you are moving in the right direction... If you can stand it, back away from your mom for a little while. Let her say what she wants. Give it a little while because it sounds like all you can do is prove to her that you're going to be okay. When she sees you in your own apt with your fiancee and being able to provide for yourselves and feeling confident and happy, she will know she should have trusted you from the start....

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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    unfortunately you have to have a thick skin in this business. you will face disrespect from customers, bullshit from management, and judgement from family and friends. its one of the negatives about being in the industry.

    all you can do is shrug off what your mom said. tell her that in your heart you know you are making the right choice, and you hope that she is ready to accept it. i find short blunt explanations to be the best way to deal with outside judgement. leave it simple, unashamed, and firm. hopefully she will come around at some point.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    There is a saying:

    "Those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter."

    Sometimes it feels inappropriate to say this when referring to family members, but unconditional love is just that....no conditions.
    Rebecca Avalon







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    Thumbs up Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    Quote Originally Posted by CaseyLace View Post
    Sounds like you are moving in the right direction... If you can stand it, back away from your mom for a little while. Let her say what she wants. Give it a little while because it sounds like all you can do is prove to her that you're going to be okay. When she sees you in your own apt with your fiancee and being able to provide for yourselves and feeling confident and happy, she will know she should have trusted you from the start....

    I actually did this for a couple of weeks, have basically "backed off" and it seems to have worked. I got a text from her a couple days ago with her new cell number cuz she got a new droid (that my little bro bought her)...long story short she said that she still loves me anyway blah blah blah...then my dad called me later and informed me that she was out at the male SC with some friends; different environment but still explains the "forgiving" texts.


    06-08-2010 11:02 AM
    Athenathefabulous
    Re: my parents are judging me! help!
    unfortunately you have to have a thick skin in this business. you will face disrespect from customers, bullshit from management, and judgement from family and friends. its one of the negatives about being in the industry.

    all you can do is shrug off what your mom said. tell her that in your heart you know you are making the right choice, and you hope that she is ready to accept it. i find short blunt explanations to be the best way to deal with outside judgement. leave it simple, unashamed, and firm. hopefully she will come around at some point.

    i pretty much have just shrugged it off kinda comes as second nature too me lol




    06-08-2010 02:00 PM
    britneyireland
    Re: my parents are judging me! help!
    There is a saying:

    "Those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter."

    Sometimes it feels inappropriate to say this when referring to family members, but unconditional love is just that....no conditions.
    06-08-2010 11:02 AM


    i second this. i thought about this as well. don't think there is anything innapropriate about being happy hence your aforementioned statement.

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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    ur mom will come around. im sure she loves you and probably doesnt realize why u have decided to enter the adult entertainment industry. if u treat it like the job that it is i am sure she will come around and realize she was jumping to conclusions before she really thought about it.

    dont feel bad about wanting to make some money in this economy. many ppl are resorting to more unconventional employment opportunities these days. i find dancing much less demeaning than working min wage fast food jobs. almost every job can b demeaning in some way or another.

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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    okay so i'm confused did your dad tell you that your mom went to a stripclub? don't mind what anyone says to you, you know who you are!
    when someone calls me a slut or bitch or something i just say thankyou! what a compliment! i think of being a slut/bitch in a non demeaning way so thankyou! just do what you have to do, and remember who you are.


    Quote Originally Posted by Devinxoxo View Post
    dont feel bad about wanting to make some money in this economy. many ppl are resorting to more unconventional employment opportunities these days. i find dancing much less demeaning than working min wage fast food jobs. almost every job can b demeaning in some way or another.
    i totally agree with that.
    my job at a semi fast food restauraunt is like so overwhelming. you get paid eight bucks an hour. on top of that, they take out taxes! I have been screamed at (mostly by bitchy older women but also some men are mean too).That's why I feel like screw this, I'm going to go be a stripper.

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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    rite! ^.^ LOL! i have worked in almost every aspect of retail and even tried the office job thing and frankly, i hate them all! i think that wearing a neon green goodwill shirt or a stinky red burger king shirt for min wage is way more humiliating than being topless for more money. anyway i think she pretty much has come around (either that or she's just being nice cuz she needs me to help her move this weekend). idk, it's w/e. i'm still definitely going to do this. i was just really upset when she said all that shit so i had to vent i guess lol...

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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    Quote Originally Posted by mickey10 View Post
    okay so i'm confused did your dad tell you that your mom went to a stripclub?

    yeah.

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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    oh my gosh i still have my job at a semi fast food restauraunt and i can't stand it.
    i have to work today btw. lol!!
    as long as she accepts that it is what it is. and that's good that you were honest.
    how does your husband feel about it? how do you talk to him about it? i'm only asking because i live with my fiancee and it's getting a little difficult hiding it.

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    Default Re: my parents are judging me! help!

    unfortunately, the 'hollywood stripper stereotype' has been the major source of (mis)information about the exotic dancing business that most parents start out from. And for a period of 'initial shock', parents simply aren't going to be willing to listen to 'reason' in regard to exactly what exotic dancing does ( and does not entail ). Eventually, the vast majority of parents will change their viewpoint ... and some will actually develop a degree of 'respect' for their dancer daughter who is electing to do a 'difficult' job in order to provide for herself in an otherwise horrible economy.

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