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Thread: i'm so over it...

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    Default i'm so over it...

    ........
    Last edited by hello-kitty; 09-16-2010 at 12:56 AM.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    If you can't too much handle dancing, don't go into escorting. Anyone having self-esteem problems does NOT need to be an escort. I eventually learned to live my life as two separate people...The real me, and the dancer me. But if you can't do that, which is ok because some girls just aren't cut out to be dancers, maybe you could try camming. That way if you felt degraded at all, you can just log off and be done with it. Escorting, not so easy :/

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    I am sorry but camming and escorting isnt something at this point in my life that I can handle. But thats just me..We all have different boundaries and I am sure theres good money in them.

    What I can relate to is the desire to stop dancing but the money still keeping me there. I had to recently take some time off bc i wasnt feeling good--and even that time didnt produce much relief. Emotionally and mentally pretending to be someone else and night after night bringing out my sensuality and sexuality depletes its source. Any in some ways it depletes so much more.

    I have an enormous amount of respect for the girls who r super strong and who reap little negative effects from dancing. I like the ones who r empowered by it..and at times thats been me..For years its as if every night that I go into work I have to numb myself out to the reality of everything around me including my own life my own self and alot of times stuff down any real feelings im having...Its one of the most difficult jobs Ive ever known..But its what I know best---

    Personally, Im trying to look around at other jobs and prepare for my eventual transition into "THE REAL WORLD". I have to admit eh, Im scared..But Id rather go before I get too old than to have the door(dancing) slammed--or closed in my face. The lower income is something thats really going to be hard to get used to. Even with the fact that money isnt that good right now.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    Have you looked at other job options yet outside the adult industry? I know finding a job is tough right now, but if you really don't like dancing maybe look in a mainstream field.

    Also, what about go=go dancing?
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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    i am going through an i-don't-wanna-go-back-to-work thing right now, so i understand and don't know what to tell you because this industry is so....there is something about it that makes it hard to just stop. the last club i worked at really REALLY fucked me up and now i'm just...feeling weird about dancing again.
    i don't know what to say, but i know this is a shitty way to feel and i'm sorry you're going through the burnout period.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    if you are dancing in LA, definitely travel. i hear those are high contact clubs and they do fuck with your head. pittsburgh really fucked with my head, but when i started dancing elsewhere i remembered why i loved my job.

    right now im at a high mileage club but im only in town for 3 wks so im grinning and bearing it. but i know if it was to last more than 3 weeks it would start to really fuck with my head.

    pm me if you are interested in going to colorado for a few weeks... im going there for july and am gonna start tracking down a temporary place shortly... maybe we could find something and split the cost.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    I am in the exact same spot as you hello-kitty. I am going to start camming and then slowly weed myself off dancing. I have never done camming. Im not sure how the money is. IF it sucks compared to dancing then I have to bite the bullet and continue dancing.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    athena, did i pm you about my phone convo with the blush owner? it was enough to discourage me. i really do not need a repeat of west palm beach because it seems like i still haven't bounced back from that.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    is there a way that you can start transitioning out of the industry now? that was probably one of my bigger college regrets: i didn't set myself up to be able to use my degree, and ended up with a really shady looking resume. which made it super frustrating to find work using my bachelor's. which is now keeping me in the industry. and i graduated years ago, so the space between graduation and present-day is just a widening gap on my resume....anyway, don't make the same mistake i did. especially if you are still in school and using dancing as a means to an end.

    good luck, love (((hugs))) if you want them.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    Hey girl,

    I just wanted to give you my 2 cents; and I think I understand what you are going through. ((((hugs)))))
    You mentioned that are a compassionate person, I admire that...now granted while camming you are not face-to-face with these people in the club.
    But just be prepared that they can be just as rude or even more weird b/c they can essentially "hide" behind the computer...from my own experience it's hit or miss while camming and so is the money.
    You can get some really nice guys who are sweet or you can get complete total jerk-offs and while its simple to" ignore or ban" them using that function on the site...I have to admit it still plays alittle with my psyche b/c I consider myself compassionate and sensitive too (just so you know where I'm coming from)
    So all I'm saying is be prepared to sort of "put up with some bs from camming clientele" while camming because it won't be a "clean break" which is what I think I'm hearing from you.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    I think everyone has been thru this kind of stage....try taking 2 weeks off every 6 weeks you work...that was advice givin to me by the owner of my first club....it's extremely hard emotionally and physically so I can totally relate to how you're feeling.
    I'm here to make money. NOT make friends, if I make a friend then it's a bonus.

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    Dude, it's not her "world" it's her job. It's not some sort of Pavlovian trance that dancers go into when they smell money, it's simply how they make a living.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    I'm really strong and pretty desensitized and high contact clubs fucked with me mentally. It fucked with me even more because I wasn't really making more in those clubs, even though I was charging more. I think you need to steer clear of high contact. You have to block out so much mentally while doing a high contact lap dance, all while putting on an act as if you really enjoy giving high contact lap dances.

    Try going to a wanna dance dive bar for a while. It's way less mental strain, both from less contact and from less hustle. You can also model lingerie etc so you aren't nude. Go go dancing may not pay much at first, but I believe pay is based on your popularity.
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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    hk, i totally know the feeling. i'm taking time off and i'm actually missing dancing but i'm cocktailing. did i have experience? nope, but i lied my ass off (thanks stripping!) i make about 150 in tips plus min. wage. i have a friend who cocktails and she pretty much gave me a run-through so i had an idea of what i was doing plus i had training. also, didn't read all of the thread but maybe look into cocktailing in sc's. i know a guy...don't have his number but if you pm me i can give you the club he works at (at an old club i worked) and last time i worked he knew of some open cocktail waitressing jobs.

    also i know lingerie bars are popping up everywhere around here...i don't know what they make but i don't think they require experience, you just have to be pretty.
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    If some baristas started giving blowjobs along with their lattes, those not willing to do that would have a hard time getting custom. Same. Deal.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    I say switch clubs... I had to go through a lot of clubs to get to one where there is less bullshit going on.
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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    hk, some dancers (foolishly) think that if they are the prettiest ones, they will make the most money. THOUGH THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE! you want to work in a club where everyone is good-looking. it increases the quality of customer, because they already know what time it is, and though it doesn't help with the mental drain and the bullshit, it might help you feel like you are not going crazy.

    that "i'm pretty, why aren't i making more" shit will fuck with your head a lot too.

    maybe you should consider going to the sex workers convention in july so we can hug? because, jesus be a hug and a strong bottle of dessert wine.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    Quote Originally Posted by hello-kitty View Post
    the sad thing is i switched from a nude club to a topless one, in my head i thought"less nudity, less contact," but oh hell no! Half the girls at my club kick it with customers outside the club ....ugh, so its very regular based there cause the guys know who to go too. I say this out of sincerity and am not trying to be conceited but I am the best looking girl at my club, on top of that I bring a lot more to the table in terms of entertainment ect; BUT that does not mean shit around here.... the highest earners all look like they are beat with ugly sticks, topped off with the most obnoxious personalities... and I witness night after night nipple sucking, hands down the pants, finger fucking... for a15 dollar bikini dance! i mean come on! I am even traumatized to go to a dive cause i'm afraid i will run into this behavior again..
    Nipple sucking and hands down the pants...?? UMMM yeah fuck that!!!

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    This reminds me a lot of what I went through. After awhile I started getting so disgusted with the club scene (keep in mind these weren't dirty clubs yet I was disgusted) that I vowed never to fall into the trap of staying though I hated it. First I decided to go back to college and dance part time (after several years of being a career dancer). Afterwards towards the end of club dancing I kept a daytime job just to have a job on paper. Once I got so annoyed with clubs in general (after dealing with a manager yelling at me for refusing to take my top off to non paying customers) I walked out and never regretted it. While I became thick skinned and developed a "stripper persona" to deal with rude customers, it was still hard at times. Stripping does damage to everyone, just some are able to handle it better. I know though if I was dancing at these clubs now I'd really be even more repulsed, knowing the way they became and competiting with whores.

    Having said that, I never completely left the industry. During this time I was also doing bachelor parties. While some of them were degrading, at least these I could leave early since I got paid upfront. Also, these were hour long or so parties where I knew I'd never see many of them again. The ones who I saw often were my regulars and they were the good customers in the business. You might want to consider getting into bachelor parties (as long as you work for a great company or for yourself).

    This is why I feel so strongly that dancers need a backup plan. For many there comes a time when you need to leave the industry, so better to leave on your own than become one of those older dancers we all knew who had no other choices. I think it's great you are going to college, but be warned that the economy now is terrible. I became a professional and have a hard time finding a job. There aren't many out there and the few I see have thousands of applicants.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    Since you only have one year left, is it possible to dance one night a week and get student loans for the rest just to make it through? That way you can concentrate on finding a fashion related internship or job during your last year of school.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    Quote Originally Posted by hello-kitty View Post
    thanks for sharing your experience and responding

    I will take that advice into consideration, I am doing everything I can to prepare myself for the real world as I see myself belonging there and not in the dancing one. Everyone has different goals and at this point in my life my mental well bein and sanity are my number one priority.
    You're welcome. I know that once I quit dancing in the clubs I felt whole again. Sounds weird, but while dancing I felt like two people (and really became another person while dancing) but when I retired I felt like myself again. Still, there was many issues I dealt with then, such as everytime I went out with a guy I wondered if he liked me or my looks. Many times I was harsh on my looks because I never felt "good enough". Luckily I never got into drugs or casual sex, so I managed to leave unscathed, but still to some extent did damage my self esteem for a while. It's sounds like you are on a great track with everything and are a realist.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    I know all about the two personalities feeling. I think it's even harder when you are in a committed relationship because acting interested in strangers is even harder than trying to do that when you're single.
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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    I know all about the two personalities feeling. I think it's even harder when you are in a committed relationship because acting interested in strangers is even harder than trying to do that when you're single.
    You are so right. When I danced and had a relationship, I felt bad lying to these guys about ever being more to them. I knew most of my regulars would have left had they known, A few regulars were married so some of them knew I lived with my then boyfriend and they weren't upset.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    athena, did i pm you about my phone convo with the blush owner? it was enough to discourage me. i really do not need a repeat of west palm beach because it seems like i still haven't bounced back from that.

    hmm i dont think so. but yea, that place is pretty traumatic. i am at a high mileage club now and while i dont appreciate all of the people trying to lick me, i am not losing sleep. management was a huge part of the problem at blush. i just felt so exploited the whole time! there were plenty of times when i wanted to cry, and considering the amount of girls who i saw cry at that club, esp after encounters with management, i know i was not the only one.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    Don't go to a bank for student loans. There are programs out there for FA without getting a co-signer. Just go to www.fafsa.ed.gov. Try to find out if you can qualify for grants as well.

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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    That's good that you have money saved up that allows you to take a break. If you feel better in a week or so, how about trying one of the amateur nights at a club or two just to scout around and see if somewhere else suits you better? You would only have to interact with customers from the stage and, rigged or not, you will likely get at least some money in stage tips and possibly a job offer with a club that doesn't make you cringe! I'm in LA, too, so if you ever need an amateur night contest buddy, I'd be up for it! You can find amateur night info in LA weekly or zbone, of course.
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    Senior Member Austinrox's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm so over it...

    I posted a comment under the forum "Becoming an independent woman" that seems it could be relevant to this forum also, if anyone cares to check out my thoughts... I am not exactly sure how to cut and paste the link....

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