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Thread: I don't like his friends...

  1. #1
    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default I don't like his friends...

    So my bf is great, but I really don't like some of his friends. They make really mean comments about him being 'in love with a stripper'. It's just getting really old. I'm far from a typical 'stripper', at least in the negative things society sees in us. I don't do drugs, I don't date customers, I don't have a million kids. I have a nice body and genuinely enjoy dancing because it's fun. I don't plan on doing it forever, but I'm young so I'm going to enjoy myself

    He says he has no control over what people say... but when something's all over your facebook wall... you could delete it. He also says I take things too personally. I feel like I'm being singled out because they genuinely just don't like me.

    I fucking hate facebook. It's up there with that gross chicken 'sandwich' KFC came up with for most useless inventions of the 2000's. It's just another way people can insult you by hiding behind their keyboard...
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

  2. #2
    xoAnnaBanana
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    I've been through a similar situation to yours... And I think the thing that really bugged me the most about what the people close to him thought about me, was that it wasn't even true!!! It's just really infuriating and annoying. And then he'd try to tell me "You care what people think about you too much!" similar to your guy saying "You take things too personally." But, I only care what other people think if they are sooooo far from the truth or if their opinion matters- which in this case their opinions do matter because they're your bf's friends.

    So if I were you, I'd just confront HIM (I wanted my guy to stand up for me- c'mon, it's not asking that much of him,) I don't mean get in a fist fight or anything... just sit down and talk to the people and say that they're offending you or even just write on facebook with a comment like 'Hey guys, that's not funny.'

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    He has control of his facebook page, he can control what people say. He has control over who he is friends with. You are dating a pussy who will let his friends disrespect his girlfriend in front of everyone, that's not exactly facebooks fault, you better believe they do it in person too. You have every right to dislike his friends but a man who lets their friends disrespect their woman like that in front of everyone is no man at all.

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    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    Thanks guys. He's really great in every other way, it's just that he doesn't stand up for me. It's been a long standing pet peeve.
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

  7. #5
    xoAnnaBanana
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    ^That's how it was for me (and my now my ex)... it seems like such a small problem that he could easily fix... but if you confront him and he still doesn't stick up for you, then I'd seriously your re-think your relationship with him. My guy wouldn't stand up for me, even though I brought it up several times and how it really hurt me. I want my guy to willingly do anything for me (within reason) and that includes "fighting for your honor" (as cliche as that may sound).

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    Thanks guys. He's really great in every other way, it's just that he doesn't stand up for me. It's been a long standing pet peeve.
    I'd say that's a pretty big deal. Being nice is easy, standing up for you to his friends is what counts.

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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    I say fuck his friends. If you dont like them and they dont like you they can go fuck themself. Your a stripper, so what? some men are so fucking immature and stupid it makes me sick. TRY making your boyfriend stand up for you, ask him.. "Dont you want me to be happy / dont you want to protect me/ I dont think its nice what your friends say about me, tell them not to" Everytime his friends say something like that.. HE should take it in a postive manner and act good about it making his friends look at assholes. The way hes acting now is only allowing them to act in such manner - even you could stand up at him if you want to deal with their stupid behaviour.. but really I dont think its worth the time. Just think that they remind you of those annoying stupid custies.

  10. #8
    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    It's not all men... it's his female stepsisters and cousins and friends.

    He said they are just picking on him. But I still don't like it.

    I read his horoscope once (he's a gemini) and it said something like he tries to be such a people pleaser that sometimes he comes off as backstabbing or two-faced. In other words, he doesn't take sides. I don't take astrology all that seriously, but I think it's pretty accurate.
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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    It's not all men... it's his female stepsisters and cousins and friends.

    He said they are just picking on him. But I still don't like it.

    I read his horoscope once (he's a gemini) and it said something like he tries to be such a people pleaser that sometimes he comes off as backstabbing or two-faced. In other words, he doesn't take sides. I don't take astrology all that seriously, but I think it's pretty accurate.
    I guess the only things you can do is.. accept it and live with it... wait for him to grow up... or talk with him or take things in your hands. I think when their talking bad about you/the job or just mocking him - taking it in a more postive manner.. smile and take it with a smart remark. Hopefully they grow out of it

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  13. #10
    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    Yeah. I've been with him a year. You'd think they'd finally realize I'm not going anywhere.

    He really is good in almost every other way... I swear if he just stood up for me he'd be perfect.

    Guess you can't have perfection though. ::shrugs::
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    Veteran Member Firewall's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    Guh -- I know how you feel. Hopefully they really are just doing it to tease you, since not many guys get to date strippers, and are probably just jealous, ignorant assholes that want to point out shit they envy all the time. I deal with the same shit, except they are so close minded they think stripping is 'against everything history has taught us'. Fucking neanderthals.

    As long as you don't let it get to you, and remember that your man loves you regardless, fuck those guys.


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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    There's nothing wrong with what you do for a living. You're not hurting anyone. It doesn't mean you're bad or stupid. When my cousin was in medical school, she had a classmate who worked as a stripper at one time. I don't know any of your BF's friends, but I would bet that none of them have any plans to become medical doctors.

    If their comments hurt you, you're not taking it too personally. It sounds mean to me. They sound like losers who are jealous.

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  18. #13
    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    Thanks... I can't wait to get out and make friends of my own up here. I spend too much time at work and not enough at play.

    If it makes it any better his mom is super nice... and it's not all of his friends, just a few. I think it's just snarkiness more than anything. I could understand if I was super trailer trashy or something, but I don't come off as that. I started dancing after I met him... I was going to go into the military!
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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    ^the facebook he has control of.

    now that being said, you dont want to end up in a tug o war over him with his friends. that is a bad position to be in, because if his friends win, well you lose your bf and if you win, he will resent you.

    i would talk to him and have it so you dont stop him from seeing his friends, but you dont hang out as much with his friends. and ask him to tell his friends that disrespectful comments about you will be deleted... that is not unreasonable. if any ridiculous shit ends up on my facebook wall i delete it... its no big deal and takes 2 seconds.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Featured Member Brooke's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    I know of very few situations when most of a guys friends were mean and immature, but he was really a great guy. The simple fact is, his friend reflect what HE values in people. (One or two crappy friends is one thing... sometimes people are in our lives for a different reason.) If the things that he values in other people is vastly different from the things that you value in other people, that's a HUGE red flag for the relationship. I don't know happy couples where one person thinks the other person's friends generally suck. It would be foolish of me to tell you to break up with him over this, but I think it is a sign of things to come.

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  23. #16
    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    ^^^^^YUP! What she said!
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

  24. #17
    Member gearhead's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    It's not all men... it's his female stepsisters and cousins and friends.

    He said they are just picking on him. But I still don't like it.

    I read his horoscope once (he's a gemini) and it said something like he tries to be such a people pleaser that sometimes he comes off as backstabbing or two-faced. In other words, he doesn't take sides. I don't take astrology all that seriously, but I think it's pretty accurate.
    I am a gemini male and that is pretty accurate. I have been in a similar situation and this is what was going through my mind at the time:

    "hmm, I don't know why she is getting so upset, the guys are just being douchebags because they are jealous I am dating such a beautiful woman and this is their attack point to make themselves feel better and the girls are jealous because they know they are the true whores here, shackled to their corporate office job, locked in their cubicles watching their asses expand to titanic proportions while having to suck-up & continuously violate their morals & ideals just to lock in that measly 4% raise at the end of the year lest they be fired. So why give their words any weight?"

    Granted this was not facebook (I can't stand that shit, Southpark had a recent episode that NAILED IT)but it was much the same with friends not respecting my SO's line or work.

    I think Astrology for the most part is pretty dead on and as a Gemini, we really just don't care for simple, weightless, confrontation. It all seems like such waste of energy for needless drama. We much just rather let it roll off our back and put our engery into something else.

    That doesn't mean that we wont stand up and fight for our significant others honor, I don't think Gemini Males are weak, we would fight to the death to protect the ones we love (and what more of a glorious way to die!?! ) but in a situation like this we just don't consider it that big of a deal so you have to get it through our sometimes thick skulls that this is a big deal and it needs to be addressed.

    If it continues I would express to him that they are crossing the line now, they already had their fun and got it off their chest yet they still continue to berate you. There is no need for what they are doing and it really starting to affect you. If he is the typical gemini, he will be slow to move on this as he will still see it as just not worth the energy an you are being silly. However once it sets in that it really is pissing you off and realizes how much it is affecting you, he will snap into action and whip the bitches into shape. Just give him some time, we are kinda retarded in when it comes to things like this.
    Last edited by gearhead; 06-10-2010 at 07:22 AM.

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  26. #18
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    he needs to take a stand at some point, what if you two end up being together...well, marriage wise? is he going to continue to enable his friend's inappropriate behavior towards you? his friends and family need to accept that is what you do and that they need to treat you with all the respect you deserve.

    i am sure your bf is just trying to avoid conflict but if it is bugging you, it should be bugging him as well.

  27. #19
    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    Wow gearhead, I think you summed it up very accurately. He's the first gemini I've ever dated and I love his personality but it does come with challenges. I'm a virgo and being a little obsessive and a perfectionist I think makes us clash... not to mention I can be very sensitive.
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    Member gearhead's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    Wow gearhead, I think you summed it up very accurately. He's the first gemini I've ever dated and I love his personality but it does come with challenges. I'm a virgo and being a little obsessive and a perfectionist I think makes us clash... not to mention I can be very sensitive.
    Assuming he is the typical Gemini man, then he is probably quite the opposite of you since you are a Virgo - he is most likely scatterbrained quite a bit, he probably has a clean and organized appearance but his house will be a disorganized mess(no time to clean, got another project to start!), uber adventurous in the sack, & he probably has 20 things going on at the same time with only a few close to being done.

    I am no relationship expert but I think you two can compliment each other very well. He can help you cut loose and relax/have fun more and you can help him focus & be more grounded (and finish some of those projects!).

    The Biggest problem for Gemini men is the emotional maturity level IMHO. I have noticed this about myself and my friends that are geminis is that we seem to mature much slower then most. Eternally young at heart I guess, but now only in my mid 30's am I catching on to things that most got when they were in their 20's. If your man is like this too, then this is going to take some patience on your part to help him see things through your eyes and at the same level you are at.
    Last edited by gearhead; 06-10-2010 at 02:34 PM.

  29. #21
    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    This is pretty accurate, although I'm more scatterbrained than he is! That has to do with my short term memory and my short attention span though. He does currently have like a million projects, including building a rat rod, restoring a boat, fixing up another car, side jobs, etc etc etc lol, as well as jumping in and helping his friends with their car projects.

    While I'd agree that he does have some traits of the 'forever young' mindset, he's also very laid back and not overly emotional. But looking a his past relationships I can definitely tell he is one to jump into something serious. (It happened with me as well, but we sort of fell into the seriousness in an odd way.)

    I do wish he'd clean around the house some!!
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

  30. #22
    Member gearhead's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    This is pretty accurate, although I'm more scatterbrained than he is! That has to do with my short term memory and my short attention span though. He does currently have like a million projects, including building a rat rod, restoring a boat, fixing up another car, side jobs, etc etc etc lol, as well as jumping in and helping his friends with their car projects.

    While I'd agree that he does have some traits of the 'forever young' mindset, he's also very laid back and not overly emotional. But looking a his past relationships I can definitely tell he is one to jump into something serious. (It happened with me as well, but we sort of fell into the seriousness in an odd way.)

    I do wish he'd clean around the house some!!
    He is a car nut too? Sweet! I wonder if being a gearhead is another male gemini trait?

    Ya the cleaning thing is pretty bad with us, we have this uncanny ability to not notice how messy things are getting until it is to late. Seriously, its like we are completely oblivious to it. On the positive side though we are awesome with our hands & can fix anything mechanical or around the house. I think that was always a big plus, especially seeing how most guys these days can't even change their own friggen oil.

  31. #23
    Veteran Member Firewall's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    ^ you should analyze all our astrology compatibilities to our men ;P

  32. #24
    Member gearhead's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by Firewall View Post
    ^ you should analyze all our astrology compatibilities to our men ;P
    lol, time to setup shop! (I can only accept clients who's bf's are geminis though)

  33. #25
    Veteran Member Firewall's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't like his friends...

    bahaha, too bad. Aquarius here.

    How are things going, Harleigh? have you talked to him? updates!

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