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Thread: Self-sabotaging behavior, numbness.

  1. #1
    Featured Member glitzy's Avatar
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    Duh Self-sabotaging behavior, numbness.

    I should be excited but I feel numb...
    I hop on a plane to Spain in less than 48 hours for a backpacking trip I've been saving and planning for all year.

    I've been totally self-destructive the past two weeks. Old issues that I thought I was over (like from high school...I'm 23) like binging and purging, cutting, self-sabotage and crippling depression have resurfaced. Prior to the last month I had been really healthy with food for several years, had a solid yoga practice, and was feeling good most of the time. I don't know what happened. I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't know why I am doing this and what I can do to snap out of it. Maybe I'm afraid of being independent, maybe I don't trust myself? But it seems connected with this trip I'm taking.

    I guess I was just wondering if any of you had similar experiences and if and how things got better. Any advice would be appreciated, I'm at a really low point and noone around me really understands how bad it has gotten.

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    Featured Member Christany's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-sabotaging behavior, numbness.

    Dude, the trip sounds cool! I think maybe it's fear of change and uprooting (from an outsider's perspective). Going from a place you're a familiar to a place that's not familiar. I mean, I know there's nothing I can say that will change how you feel, but hopefully it can help you to take a step back and get some perspective. You know how artists will take a step back from their painting to move to the right or backwards to see how it looks from over there? Maybe use that a visualization exercise. Envision yourself as the artist of your life, and take a WOO-SAH moment and look at it from a different angle. Heck, Spain sounds awesome.
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    Featured Member Jezzebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-sabotaging behavior, numbness.

    Yep, Christany has a point. You have been comfortable and secure enough to follow a healthy eating and calm yoga practice, but now something epic is about to happen, and the old pattern is still there. You have shot back to what you know in order to make you feel less nervous?

    Its good that you recognised it though, sounds like its just old `wiring`, nothing major, just need to re-route
    A civilian spends money to look good
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    Featured Member Christany's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-sabotaging behavior, numbness.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jezzebelle View Post
    Its good that you recognised it though, sounds like its just old `wiring`, nothing major, just need to re-route
    We think a lot alike. The human brain is a fascinating thing.
    Quote Originally Posted by markx View Post
    I'd have to have a "4 simease twin strippers gave me head and then lite themselves on fire" story to blow anybody's mind here.

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    Default Re: Self-sabotaging behavior, numbness.

    Try meditating the next time the merry-go-round of scary thoughts gets out of control in your head. Bring yourself back to the moment, the here and now, by focusing on your breathing, and feeling the different parts of your body from head to toe.

    When you feel anxiety in your body, this is your reminder that your mind is either dredging up the past, or imagining a frightening future. Anxiety, along with a host of other metabolic/physiological changes, is your body's reaction to fearful thoughts. Meditation can bring you back to what matters...this moment...and ease your suffering.

    Mind your mind.

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    Featured Member glitzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-sabotaging behavior, numbness.

    Thanks everyone...

    I leave SFO at 5 AM tomorrow...binging has only gotten worse and today i bought a pack of cigarettes for the first time in, um...YEARS.

    I'm sure I will feel better once I'm on the way. I'm trying to step back and calm down, but it's rough...

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    Veteran Member jadelady's Avatar
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    Default Re: Self-sabotaging behavior, numbness.

    I wish I saw your thread earlier.

    I can relate to some of your struggles, just know that you're not alone. I hope this adventure cleanses your mind and spirit and that you can take care of yourself better now and in the future <3

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