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Thread: Need some advice

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    Veteran Member jadelady's Avatar
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    Thumbs down Need some advice

    About sex. (Posted in OW because I want to hear from our lil community here.)

    There was a long version of this post but I deleted it. Basically I'm seeing a guy who I really like, who has a heart of gold, but I'm not feeling sexually satisfied, and he doesn't seem to care. It's like he's a different person when we're intimate. We haven't fucked yet, he wanted to take things slow. Okay that's cool but we're about a month in of being physical and I'm not happy about how it's going. I get him off A LOT because I love to, but I'm not getting off AT ALL. At all. I've gently expressed my needs and feelings to him and I don't know what his issue is but he seems to not be interested in satisfying me. He's impatient and sometimes "forgets" about me. This is confusing and disappointing, because everything else about him is great. We go so well together. I'm a naturally giving person and never approach relationships with a "scale" attitude, but I'm starting to see how drastically unequal our sexual relationship is and it's really bugging me. Maybe I wasn't assertive or clear enough with him? I don't know what else to do. Something tells me I did my part in communicating. I'm just tired of hoping things will improve because they're not.

    Maybe I just need a kick in the ass from you girls so I can let him go, I don't know. I just feel I deserve better than what I'm experiencing right now.

    All opinions are welcome <3
    -Ariella

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    Featured Member wanderlust08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    I'm kind of having the same problem as you, except in my case he won't even let me touch him. It makes me feel so digsusting.

    Pull the plug on the physical for a little while and see how he reacts, then mention you're not "getting yours" is my only guess.

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    Veteran Member jadelady's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Wow that's rough ugh what's up with these guys


    I am thinking of doing that. Thanks for your input.
    "Every experience is a lesson. Every loss is a gain."


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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Did you try talking to him. Actually sit down and tell him to make it equal in the bed or else you'll stop giving him so much attention. Tell him YOU WILL stop if he doesnt help you out. Another safer and playful way to do it.. is before you do something to him suggest something "Why dont we switch it up and you do this on me? Ill love it!" ANd when finished tell him how much you enjoyed it and that he should do it more often.. keep repeating it to him like a dog and he'll understand in time.

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    Veteran Member jadelady's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    ^^also good advice but I've tried several different ways of expressing and it and still no results.

    The only thing left to do is to be totally blunt with him and say "I'd like to spend more time on me so I can have an orgasm, and don't always expect me to pleasure you no matter what."
    "Every experience is a lesson. Every loss is a gain."


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    Featured Member wanderlust08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Or you could give him a really kick ass blowjob and right before he's about to cum, just stop and walk the fuck away. When he complains (and he will), just say something like "Sucks, doesn't it?" or "Now you know how it feels".

    Of course, I'm in a super man hating mood at the moment, so....maybe I'm a little bit overboard.

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    Featured Member DominoDiva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Maybe he feels insecure about giving you anything, maybe he feels he wont be able to get you off, or that he isnt good enough or somthing and thats what is keeping him from at least trying, men go funny when they are afraid.

    mwah jess xx

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    Veteran Member jadelady's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    lol B <3


    Jess, I wonder if that's it too.
    "Every experience is a lesson. Every loss is a gain."


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    Member MissLaydeeLynn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by wanderlust08 View Post
    Or you could give him a really kick ass blowjob and right before he's about to cum, just stop and walk the fuck away. When he complains (and he will), just say something like "Sucks, doesn't it?" or "Now you know how it feels".

    Of course, I'm in a super man hating mood at the moment, so....maybe I'm a little bit overboard.
    lmaooo I've done that.. sadly, its only effective for maybe the next two times we're in bed, and than.. it returns to normal (ie. me not orgasming) not to mention he gets very angry when i do that cause he'll try and get me in the mood again and i won't stand for it lol

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    Featured Member space_cowgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    I dated a guy for 1.5 years that went down on me maybe 3 times ever. EVER. He knew I loved it, I told him, gently, over and over what to do and he was just selfish. I dunno, but to me, someone who isn't generous during sex might have problems communicating in other ways.

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    Default Re: Need some advice

    I'll have sex with you.

    there now where done....lol

    no but really, I kinda think he is either inexperienced, or just flat out hates whatever it is...

    did you try asking him what his issue was? Thats some frustrating mess.
    Last edited by pussyplayground; 06-16-2010 at 06:25 PM.

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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Ummm, maybe he's just...gay.

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    Featured Member wanderlust08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by deedee at the beach View Post
    Ummm, maybe he's just...gay.
    Now isn't that some shit? Back in the day all women had to worry about was porking up and other women stealing their men. Now we have to worry about if the guy's gay or not.

    Sigh....I do love me some gay guys, but....sigh.

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    Veteran Member girlundressed's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Some guys just aren't givers. Some guys will take everything you give them, still expect more, and not give anything back. My friend keeps getting herself into relationship where the guy wants her to do all the work. She always is on top, she always gives oral and never receives, he rarely did anything.

    If he started to change and then just fell back into the same pattern, it's highly probable that he won't change. He doesn't seem to be taking the incentive, which is what he needs to do. The man I dated before my hubby was an amazing guy, and great in bed. The problem was that he would rarely have sex with me. The relationship turned really one sided with who got the pleasure and he left me feeling really self conscious about myself and my sexuality.

    Don't settle! Don't try to change a man (we all know how well that works)! Don't let someone be a drain on you like that.

    You need to find someone else. In the meantime you have your vibrator, which is all about giving you pleasure instead of the other way around. :-)

    Being in a relationship means that you care for each other. When you care for another person you watch out for them and take care of their needs. Sexual release is a need. Too many marriages and relationships in general fail because of problems in the bedroom. It is THAT important to find someone you are happy with in the bedroom.

    The longer you stay with him the harder it is going to be to leave him and the longer it is going to be before you can get yourself the pleasure that you deserve.

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    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by space_cowgirl View Post
    I dated a guy for 1.5 years that went down on me maybe 3 times ever. EVER. He knew I loved it, I told him, gently, over and over what to do and he was just selfish. I dunno, but to me, someone who isn't generous during sex might have problems communicating in other ways.
    I'm sorry Jade that this is happening to you. I have been there. I know right now it seems like he has a heart of gold, but you are only a month in. This sexual behavior is self revealing. He is foreshadowing what type of person he will be after the newness of your relationship is over.

    You sound like you really love to get him off. You deserve someone in your life who fantasizes about getting you off and loves it as well.

    I just can't help seeing how this issue represents problems of compassion and empathy. How can you trust him to to help you with life's obstacles if he won't even get you off?

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    Default Re: Need some advice

    yeah, i think it's just how he is. if he's acting like that and you think he's so great, you probably think a lot of people are great. maybe you should work on that.

    i'm that way too, so it's not like i'm judging you. i got to a point now where it's like this greater universal rule...selfish guys don't deserve great head. i can't tell myself they don't deserve great head from me. i can't get behind that. it's too personal. but as a matter of impersonal justice...people who give should get and people who don't give shouldn't get either. simple stuff.

    so to me, a guy like him deserves a partner who always has a headache. he'll probably appreciate a woman more if he's got to work for it a little anyways. fucked up, i think. but that's how some of them are.
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Don't flame me -but I like my man selfish in bed :-)

    Different strokes for different folks ( excuse the pun ) ......


    Love and luck to you

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    Featured Member pixierocksonthepole's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    If he isn't a giver in bed, he can't be a great giver anywhere else. And life isn't all about receiving, but most of it; especially in relationships, is compromise. Clearly he seems like the type to not compromise well even if only in bed. It's an important place and intimate place to be compromising, so remind him it goes both ways or no way and move on.





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    Veteran Member jadelady's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Sorry for being away for so long..

    Thank you all for the responses! Wow honestly some great advice. I truly appreciate that and the support.

    We are still seeing each other, and I think it was just a matter of inexperience. Turns out he is very giving and said I deserve to feel as good as I make him feel, so he's been taking my directions thoughtfully and I'm finally gettin mine. hehe Especially now that we started having sex...

    Thanks again ladies, I appreciate your support!
    Last edited by jadelady; 07-02-2010 at 01:46 PM.

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    Veteran Member girlundressed's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Good to see that things turned out well for you.

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    Default Re: Need some advice

    you go girl!!

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    Veteran Member jadelady's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Thanks
    "Every experience is a lesson. Every loss is a gain."


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