As some of you know, I recently made a move from Vegas to Wisconsin. A big part of that descsion was because of how easy it was for me to get coke out there. I guess you could say I had a pretty healthy coke habit. It's not that I NEEDED it, I just really, really enjoyed having it. If that makes sense....
Plus with it always being a phone call away, and getting amazing deals, why not? Things were always paid and taken care of, but I never really had "extra" money. All my extra money would go to partying.
Anyway, we moved out to Wisconsin. Who knew there'd be drugs here, right? LOL
Well, last night was really freaking rough for me. It was all over the damn club. I couldn't go pee without the girls in the next stall blowing lines. I'm totally fine if I don't see it, but if I know it's there, yeah, I'll want it. ESPECIALLY when I drink.
It got to the point were I'd try to avoid the bathroom at all costs because I knew every time I went in there, girls would be getting high. It started to bug me, to get to me. I asked to leave early because I couldn't take it. I'm told I can't leave. It took everything in me to not say, "Well, if girls weren't blowing lines every time I tried to go pee, I wouldn't want to leave..."
but I'm not a hypocrite.
So I sit down, and just try not to think about it. I eventually broke down and asked a girl if she knew where to get any.
Even though she told me no, and it pissed me off at the moment, I'm glad she didn't.
I guess I was angry because I am use to having it, and now I don't. I guess, jealous? Which is fucking retarded because I really don't want to know any connections out here. I like the fact that I have money on me all the time. I like the fact that I am sleeping normal. Eating normal. FEELING normal.
I don't care what people do. I guess I just never realized how hard it is to be around when I don't have it and am really trying to remain clean.
This thread of course probably makes me sound like a huge drug addict, but I'm just looking for advice on how to remain clean. Because I'm proud of myself so far. I want to continue to be proud of myself...
How do I get past this? What can I do to stay focused on money, rather than worrying about who's doing lines? Last night was the first night that's happened. Now I'm worried about it happening again. I don't want it to.
Has anyone else ever been through anything like this? Trying to be sober when everyone else is high?
Please, once again, I'm not looking to get abuse from this post, just help and advice.
(Sorry this was so long.)





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