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Thread: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

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    Featured Member OJenni!'s Avatar
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    Default should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Ok so my last period started May 9th.

    May 18th&19 I hooked up with Steve and Andy at Steve's apartment. I did not have sex with Steve, but I did with Andy. The condom fell off inside me and embarrassing as it was I had to ask Andy to scoop it out of me.

    I phoned the health clinic to get "Plan B" and they were not able to schedule me till 3 days later. I did go to my appointment with them and got Plan B. It was taken on the 22nd of May.

    I got light bleeding a week later.

    My period was due June 5th. It is now the 25th. I got a pregnancy test done today and it came out positive.

    I know what I am going to do. I have already scheduled an appointment for an abortion next week. I am scared, but at this point in my life I cannot have a baby. I can barely afford to take care of myself let alone a child.

    I have not heard from Steve or Andy in 2 weeks. I tried calling, but Steve seems to have changed his number and Andy's phone does not seem to have minutes on it.

    My only other option is to phone Andy's mom and tell her to tell him I am pregnant. However I have doubt as to wither or not I should do that. Should I tell his mom?

    Or should I just leave him out of the equation here seeing as it is MY body and MY choice?
    I am very upset right now. I have no symptoms of pregnancy (no sickness, no vomiting, no breast swelling). However I have noticed in the past few weeks I have been retaining more water and feeling slightly bloated. I now weigh 140 pounds.



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    Featured Member wanderlust08's Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    It kinda depends on whether or not you're going to keep it, put it up for adoption, or have an abortion, and whether you think the guy will be supportive of whatever decision you make.

    If you decide to keep it, file for a paternity test and child support, the courts will track him down for you.

    If you decide to put it up for adoption, legally you have to notify the father but if you can't get in contact with him the usual go-to is placing an advertisement in the newspaper (I am adopted and my uncle used to run an adoption agency and he says this is what you're supposed to do.)

    If you decide to have an abortion, do it, don't tell him, and move on with your life.

    Best advice I can give, from someone who has personal experience in all 3 areas (adopted kid who grew up to have two kids, kept them both, and then ended up having an abortion the third time because something was seriously wrong with the baby and ex wanted nothing to do with it.)

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    Banned demonika's Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Sorry about this. It is REALLY stressfull. I recently had to get an abortion because of the same type of mishap. I didn't know the condom fell off until it came out of me four days later. My anger is the only thing that made me want to tell the knocker-upper about me being pregnant, but I didn't tell him. Do whatever will make you feel better. His mom doesn't need to know. Just ask her to ask him to give you a call. Get the situation sorted out before your symptoms do kick in and you can't function properly. (I had insane fatigue and nausea) You sound really strong. :hugs:

    ps..go with surgical.

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    Senior Member fuzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Quote Originally Posted by OJenni! View Post
    I have not heard from Steve or Andy in 2 weeks. I tried calling, but Steve seems to have changed his number and Andy's phone does not seem to have minutes on it.
    That might not be coincidence.

    Quote Originally Posted by OJenni! View Post
    My only other option is to phone Andy's mom and tell her to tell him I am pregnant. However I have doubt as to wither or not I should do that. Should I tell his mom?
    Or you could call her and tell her you've been unable to get into contact with her son and ask her to have him call you. She didn't impregnate you, and what kind of stress would that put on her?

    Quote Originally Posted by OJenni! View Post
    I am very upset right now. I have no symptoms of pregnancy (no sickness, no vomiting, no breast swelling). However I have noticed in the past few weeks I have been retaining more water and feeling slightly bloated. I now weigh 140 pounds.
    I think you're handling this very well, and now is definitely the time to act. It doesn't sound like Andy is in a real financially sound situation, and you'd definitely need his (or his family's) help if you did change your mind on the abortion.
    If I had a warning sticker, what would it say?

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    Featured Member pixierocksonthepole's Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    If you are set on getting an abortion, I think you should leave him out of it. It could cause major problems that would make you feel worse about it if he is against that. Also whether you go with surgical or medical, will all depend on how far along they say you are and if they have both options. I've been through both. And I honestly enjoyed the comfort of home way more, didn't cause me to throw up like surgical did. My past is screwed and smeared. But it will all depend on your personal choice. Just be safe about it and if you need anything else just PM me.





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    Featured Member OJenni!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Well oddly enough he did get in touch with me today...

    He just got out of the slammer! Steve and him were doing a grow op and they got busted.

    I told him about the pregnancy and how I was planning an abortion. He started balling his eyes out like a little baby. He asked me not to "kill him or her". I told him to fuck off. Hung up on him.

    He started txting my phone like mad saying he was sorry, etc etc. He was literally begging me to forgive him. I invited him over and we had a very loving talk.

    He is coming with me to my appointment next week.



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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    So.. the dude that got busted growing, cried and begged you not to kill this precious little zygote? Chyeah. 'Cause he'd make a GREAT father.

    I think it's good he's coming with you, though. Here's hoping he doesn't get hysterical at the time! You're going to have a chemical abortion, right? Since it's so early. So he can be with you for the whole process. I think that'll really help him understand. I mean the process of getting the shot, not the process of.. yeah. You'll want some privacy for that. I'm really proud of you for being so responsible and not letting him pressure you into a decision other than the one you've already made.

    Best of luck!
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Featured Member pixierocksonthepole's Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Quote Originally Posted by OJenni! View Post
    Well oddly enough he did get in touch with me today...

    He just got out of the slammer! Steve and him were doing a grow op and they got busted.

    I told him about the pregnancy and how I was planning an abortion. He started balling his eyes out like a little baby. He asked me not to "kill him or her". I told him to fuck off. Hung up on him.

    He started txting my phone like mad saying he was sorry, etc etc. He was literally begging me to forgive him. I invited him over and we had a very loving talk.

    He is coming with me to my appointment next week.
    I;m happy you got the chance to have a talk. Are you feeling better?





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    Member trystan's Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Aww, I feel for you, that sucks.
    I had to get one once. at my clinic (yay canada.. it was alll freeeeee... ) they gave me valium and I barely remember any of it. I highly recommend it (take it after they do all your paperwork and stuff, about 15 minutes before you go in.)

    If you're not in the place right now for a kid, don't do it. Mistakes happen.

    Also, wtf with taking 3 days to get you Plan B? doesnt that kind of defeat the purpose? You can get it over the counter here, at any drugstore.

    man we're spoiled in Canada. That said, it did take me 3 or 4 weeks to get in for the actual procedure... boo.

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    Featured Member pixierocksonthepole's Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Actually getting it over the counter in the US I think depends from state to state. I'm pretty sure it is over the counter without a prescription in Illinois, not positive here in MI. But I always saw the commercials for it in IL.





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    Featured Member OJenni!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Quote Originally Posted by trystan View Post
    Aww, I feel for you, that sucks.
    I had to get one once. at my clinic (yay canada.. it was alll freeeeee... ) they gave me valium and I barely remember any of it. I highly recommend it (take it after they do all your paperwork and stuff, about 15 minutes before you go in.)

    If you're not in the place right now for a kid, don't do it. Mistakes happen.

    Also, wtf with taking 3 days to get you Plan B? doesnt that kind of defeat the purpose? You can get it over the counter here, at any drugstore.

    man we're spoiled in Canada. That said, it did take me 3 or 4 weeks to get in for the actual procedure... boo.

    I waited and got plan B at the health clinic because it is only $10 there. If I got it at the pharmacy it would have been around $48.

    I have not been working often because of my disability. $48 is not going to make or break me, but it does eat in to an already tight budget.



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    Featured Member wanderlust08's Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Quote Originally Posted by sxcbbw View Post
    So.. the dude that got busted growing, cried and begged you not to kill this precious little zygote? Chyeah. 'Cause he'd make a GREAT father.
    God, I died laughing when I read that.

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    Senior Member fuzzz's Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Quote Originally Posted by OJenni! View Post
    He just got out of the slammer! Steve and him were doing a grow op and they got busted.

    I told him about the pregnancy and how I was planning an abortion. He started balling his eyes out like a little baby. He asked me not to "kill him or her".
    ... I have no interpretation of that.
    /walks out of thread
    If I had a warning sticker, what would it say?

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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Quote Originally Posted by OJenni! View Post
    I waited and got plan B at the health clinic because it is only $10 there. If I got it at the pharmacy it would have been around $48.

    I have not been working often because of my disability. $48 is not going to make or break me, but it does eat in to an already tight budget.
    But since u didn't get it in time because u didn't want to pay ur gonna have to spend way more on an abortion that costs hundreds of dollars? Not trying to be bitch.

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    Featured Member OJenni!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Quote Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes View Post
    But since u didn't get it in time because u didn't want to pay ur gonna have to spend way more on an abortion that costs hundreds of dollars? Not trying to be bitch.
    Abortions are paid for by the government in Canada.



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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    U guys are lucky then. I think they cost around 500 dollars here.

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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Quote Originally Posted by OJenni! View Post
    I waited and got plan B at the health clinic because it is only $10 there. If I got it at the pharmacy it would have been around $48.
    Quote Originally Posted by OJenni! View Post
    Abortions are paid for by the government in Canada.
    thats just plain WRONG of the govt to do that. the govt covers abortions but not the cheaper preventive morning after pills? wtf? even tho it is less dangerous to the body to take the morning after pill than get an abortion (including the medical abortion)? what a stupid, senseless thing for the govt to do...your unfortunite scenario is a prime example of what can happen as a result of subsidizing abortions but not important preventive measures.

    if idiots could fly, Parlament Hill would be a freakin airport...

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    Featured Member pixierocksonthepole's Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Quote Originally Posted by kthnx View Post
    thats just plain WRONG of the govt to do that. the govt covers abortions but not the cheaper preventive morning after pills? wtf? even tho it is less dangerous to the body to take the morning after pill than get an abortion (including the medical abortion)? what a stupid, senseless thing for the govt to do...your unfortunite scenario is a prime example of what can happen as a result of subsidizing abortions but not important preventive measures.

    if idiots could fly, Parlament Hill would be a freakin airport...
    Look, every country will do things their way that another country will call ass backwards. I totally understand what you are saying. But as is in her situation, she really just needs the support. Not the debate on the politics.





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    Featured Member OJenni!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Quote Originally Posted by kthnx View Post
    thats just plain WRONG of the govt to do that. the govt covers abortions but not the cheaper preventive morning after pills? wtf? even tho it is less dangerous to the body to take the morning after pill than get an abortion (including the medical abortion)? what a stupid, senseless thing for the govt to do...your unfortunite scenario is a prime example of what can happen as a result of subsidizing abortions but not important preventive measures.

    if idiots could fly, Parlament Hill would be a freakin airport...
    Abortions are medical procedures. The government pays for non-cosmetic medical procedures. Many people call it "free health care" but not me. With property taxes, car taxes, income taxes and now a 14% HST (on sales of goods and services like say a candy bar or a gym membership), you can barely call health care "free".

    The government does not pay for drugs (such as the morning after pill), dental care, and some eye related stuff. Like you can only go see an opthamologist every three years or something like that. Frames and lenses are not covered at all if you need glasses.

    However there are initiatives such as Sexual Health clinics, Emergency Dental clinics, and frame/glasses programs where these things are offered at a reduced cost. The sexual health clinic gives out "plan B" for $10 instead of the $40-$50 most pharmacies will charge. The Emergency Dental program does extractions, cleanings, and other needed dental care for either free or reduced cost.



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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    I do not want to force an opinion on you. You seem educated and careful in your decision. Please remember the most important thing in the life of a child is not financial stability, but love. The rest will fall into place.
    I was faced with an unexpected pregnancy when I was 19 and had no idea how I would financially support the child. For a short time I considered abortion. My son will be 5 in July and not a day goes by that I am not reminded of blessed I am to be his mother. He is amazing, smart, gorgeous...my everything, and motivates me everyday to be a better person. Far more a blessing than a burden.

    You can consider adoption as well.

    If you are worried about permanent physical changes to your body, which I understand in our line of work, know that it is possible to minimize stretchmarks by limiting weight gain and eating well.

    Please reconsider the abortion. *Hugs* I know you must be terrified right now

    May you be at peace with whatever decision you make.

    P.S. I apologize if I come off as being pushy or passing judgement. I am not that great with words and just wanted to share my experience and remind you of your options. I know it is easy to get tunnel vision at this time.

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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    You have nothing to feel guilty about. You took preventative measures and it still happened. I hope everything works out okay. I look at my children and see how gorgeous they are too, but I still don't regret getting an abortion. Not one bit. Of course everyone is different, but if you are sure in your heart, then thats what is important.
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    Senior Member MsChaos's Avatar
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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Hey lets stay on topic here.

    I wonder how SHE'S doing.

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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    Quote Originally Posted by Dany View Post
    Please remember the most important thing in the life of a child is not financial stability, but love. The rest will fall into place.
    Just because that was the case for you does not mean it is the case for everyone. Poverty can be very destructive.

    To the OP, I hope you're doing well.
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    As Katherine Hepburn put it so eloquently " Nature is what we were put here to rise above"

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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    OJenni--Best wishes for you. I hope the procedure goes smoothly and you are not too uncomfortable. I had an abortion once and the man made me feel like dirt by doing so by mean text messages, flat tires..etc.. even though HE tore holes in the condom because HE wanted a baby, KNOWING I didnt want, nor was I in the position for another one. Some men are such assholes, Im glad he is going with you.
    Let us know how it goes hon.... Good Luck

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    Default Re: should I tell his mother? (no judgments please)

    In Texas you can have an abortion any time in the first 3 months so I'd think it would be respectable to wait until you can talk to him if you can. That whole, it's my body thing is bullshit. A girl can get knocked up and chose to keep it and force a guy to pay her child support but a guy doesn't have any choice what so ever.
    I agree if you don't want a kid or don't think you can take care of one then you are really smart for doing what you feel you need to do, but he should at least know. Can't you ask his mom to just have him call you?
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