Results 1 to 19 of 19

Thread: Radical Honesty Movement

  1. #1
    Banned
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Colorado!
    Posts
    6,053
    Thanks
    3,775
    Thanked 3,701 Times in 1,713 Posts

    Question Radical Honesty Movement

    So I've done a lot of soul searching this week. A lot has been changing for me, I've been taking stock of everything: potential career, friends, social commitments etc; and after two nights of complete, total emotional decompressing laced with a lot of research- I've decided the best way for me to live my life is through Radical Honesty.

    For those who aren't familiar with it, here's the gist: Radical Honesty [1] is a technique and self-improvement program developed by Dr. Brad Blanton. The program asserts that lying is the primary source of modern human stress, and that practitioners will become happier by being more honest, even about painful or taboo subjects. Blanton claims this form of honesty can help all human relationships since it "creates an intimacy not possible if you are hiding something for the sake of someone's feelings."

    I've spent a LOT of my life filtering thoughts, events etc and tailoring what I share to what I perceive to be the most appropriate for whom I am interacting with. I realised I have built up a significant amount of resentment over it, and believe that I should own 100% of who I am, and shouldn't fear judgment.

    Obviously the exception will be customers at work but that is to protect my anonymity and safety. But in my personal life, it's now all or nothing.

    The question I pose is, does anyone else practice honesty with a similar outlook? Also do you agree or disagree with this philosophy? Why or why not?

    I thought it would make for an interesting discussion.

  2. #2
    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Istanbul, Turkey
    Posts
    3,724
    Thanks
    1,381
    Thanked 2,975 Times in 1,158 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    ^^this is pretty much me and im one of the happiest people i know. i wouldnt have it any other way. some people dislike me for it, some love me for it. i dont care, i go to bed with a smile on my face .


    also, unapologetic honesty about who you are is a good litmus test for friends. if they scare off quickly then it probably wouldnt have been a beneficial relationship anyway.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


  3. #3
    God/dess Trem's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,958
    Thanks
    1,714
    Thanked 3,253 Times in 1,343 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    I've been trying that for 32 years, people just think im an asshole. I'll tell you something though, you tell people the honest truth enough times and eventually they stop asking you stupid shit.

  4. #4
    Banned
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Colorado!
    Posts
    6,053
    Thanks
    3,775
    Thanked 3,701 Times in 1,713 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    Since I'm up, get bored on the regular and need to practice my newfound honesty, help me out here: It's all anonymous, so ask me whatever you want, whatever topic, however personal.

    Athena- I gathered that about you, and I agree about the litmus test. I've started weeding people out already, it's pretty amazing.

    Trem- People already think I'm an asshole, but the reduction of stupid in my life I'm really looking forward to!

  5. #5
    Featured Member MissEgo's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2010
    Location
    AB
    Posts
    1,445
    Thanks
    2,325
    Thanked 3,205 Times in 716 Posts
    My Mood
    Inspired

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    I try to practice honestly like that, but not in every aspect of my life. If you ask me a question about myself, I'm going to give you my complete honest answer, who cares who it offends. (for example, when someone brings up something controversial, like... I don't know, abortions or something). But I do have my little white lies, half truths, etc. so that I don't come off as a total bitch all the time. This technically is "hiding something for the sake of someone's feelings", but do you really think telling someone the complete and total truth all the time can make everyone feel better?

  6. #6
    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Hamburg, Pennsylvania
    Posts
    10,607
    Thanks
    2,705
    Thanked 13,685 Times in 4,414 Posts
    Blog Entries
    5
    My Mood
    In Love

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    I'm pretty honest. I don't hide much of anything and I don't freak out if people don't agree 100% with me. The one good thing my abusive chauvanistic prick of a father taught me: opinions are like assholes: we all have em. Thank you , Robert Cassidy for that. It almost makes up for the 15 years of hell that you put me through.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

  7. #7
    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Istanbul, Turkey
    Posts
    3,724
    Thanks
    1,381
    Thanked 2,975 Times in 1,158 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    Quote Originally Posted by mediocrity View Post

    Trem- People already think I'm an asshole, but the reduction of stupid in my life I'm really looking forward to!

    i used to get the asshole comment a lot, but that was when i was less happy and therefore i liked to hurt other people. and im completely honest with myself about myself, but i am also empathetic and know when to mind my business and, unless asked, i dont often offer hurtful comments. and when i do, i rarely do it with malice or nastiness.

    I dont hold anyone's hand thats for sure, and most people dont get my sympathy and i can come across as cold no doubt. and i do have a lot of haters for this. but i really dont get the asshole comment anymore. im happy and i have a lot of love in my heart (i know this sounds cheesy, but heck, im not an eloquent writer) and it extends in my interactions with people. I now aim my malice, hatred, and anger where it belongs. and when you start being honest with yourself, you will probably realize that a lot of your anger has been very misplaced on people who didnt necessarily deserve it. Yes this means the 'stupid people' who dont use spellcheck properly, laugh annoyingly, are attention whores, wear crocs, take mirror photos on myspace, share opposing political viewpoints, have been raised to a different religion, and heck even the desperate extras girls. If you spend a lot of time lying to yourself, until you are completely honest with yourself it is hard to see where this anger comes from and who you really should be angry at.

    this is coming from someone who was extremely polite to two people who knocked on my door today to try to recruit me into god knows what religion. A couple of yrs ago i would have been extremely hostile and tried to put them down. Today, well even though i dont agree with them and while i believe that organized religion is a gargantuan problem, i have nothing against these two people. A while back i would have misplaced my anger on the two people, who were only pawns in their church... while today i know that my anger should be aimed higher at those who brainwash the innocent. and acting hostile to them would only have strengthened their resolve. Maybe this sounds weird, but i guess i surprised myself at how nice i was to them today and how i didnt feel any of my old desire to try to (verbally) tear them apart.

    alright end tangent. hoping im making a bit of sense.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Athenathefabulous For This Useful Post:


  9. #8
    Banned
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Colorado!
    Posts
    6,053
    Thanks
    3,775
    Thanked 3,701 Times in 1,713 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    Quote Originally Posted by MissEgo View Post
    I try to practice honestly like that, but not in every aspect of my life. If you ask me a question about myself, I'm going to give you my complete honest answer, who cares who it offends. (for example, when someone brings up something controversial, like... I don't know, abortions or something). But I do have my little white lies, half truths, etc. so that I don't come off as a total bitch all the time. This technically is "hiding something for the sake of someone's feelings", but do you really think telling someone the complete and total truth all the time can make everyone feel better?
    I think you can tell the complete and total truth as long as you're aware of your delivery. For example, if one of my girlfriends got a really shitty haircut and asked my opinion, I COULD say "Wow girl, that looks like shit. I wouldn't pay for that" or I can say " Honestly, it's not my favourite look on you, but if you like it that's what matters". I also don't blatantly offer my opinion without being asked. A good example of that would be the fact that I don't like my sister's fiance. I'm not just going to say out of the blue "Hey R, I think K is a douche, why are you marrying that no expectations havin' motherfucker?". She HAS asked my opinion on a few things with him, and I have been honest, but not hurtful.

    Some people can construe that as "sugar coating" (an expression I despise), but I call it being a decent human being and not a supreme douchebag. You can be honest without being an ass.

    Fact of the matter is, sometimes no matter how delicate or genuine you can be, people get their feelings hurt, and there are situations where you almost HAVE to hurt people's feelings. But I'd rather have my feelings hurt and be told the truth than have the people in my life who matter not be completely honest with me.

  10. #9
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jun 2010
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    449
    Thanks
    165
    Thanked 17 Times in 16 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    I think maybe the real fundamental issue is the right balance between your own needs and the needs of others. For example, suppose your parents have very fixed ideas about who you should be, and cannot accept the real you. You need to either break relations with them, or limit the time you spend with them. Now, you could achieve this by being radically honest so that they choose not to see you or only see you rarely. But what does that drama really accomplish? Simply tell them there's no reason for you to come around and remind them you're such a big disappointment to them. Or, see them occasionally and make small talk, avoiding any serious conversation. I know many people hope for a big confrontation that will "clear the air" and lead to a closer, more honest relationship. But I've never seen this actually work. People do change, but only when they choose to, you can't make them. If you're willing to give someone a second chance if and when they do change, all you can to help them is make them aware your door is open to that.

    Some people feel fulfilled by being supportive to others, even if that means having to act "fake" around them. But nobody owes that to anyone else. If you don't get any satisfaction from doing it, only do it very minimally, or skip it all together.

    If what you mean is that noboby should waste their time with a spouse/lover/friend who that can't be completely honest with, I 100% agree. Although there are some small exceptions here, like if you can't do without looking at porn, and you know your lover would be hurt by knowing that, you should try to hide it.

  11. #10
    Banned
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Colorado!
    Posts
    6,053
    Thanks
    3,775
    Thanked 3,701 Times in 1,713 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    ^^ Not applicable to me. The only family I have is my husband, my sister who lives 800 miles away, and my dad who lives 1100 miles away. Everyone else is dead.

  12. #11
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    HearstCastle, Rosebud
    Posts
    8,848
    Thanks
    22,676
    Thanked 17,513 Times in 6,696 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    Awesome thread idea. Great responses.

    IMO I give tactful honesty to people I care about & silence to people I don't care about....

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to SnuffleUffleGrass For This Useful Post:


  14. #12
    Newbie
    Joined
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    11
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    how about instead of radical honesty try out delayed gratification...just an idea?

  15. #13
    Banned
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Colorado!
    Posts
    6,053
    Thanks
    3,775
    Thanked 3,701 Times in 1,713 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    Quote Originally Posted by mk996tt View Post
    how about instead of radical honesty try out delayed gratification...just an idea?
    I think a lot of people are misconstruing what my original point was; some intentional, some not. Your intentionally snide comment has been taken into consideration.

  16. #14
    Newbie
    Joined
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    11
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    no i was actually being serious, take a look into delayed gratification, its a lifestyle change for the future and would essentially result in a lifestyle change but with a goal in life. i wish you luck

  17. #15
    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    2,447
    Thanks
    1,403
    Thanked 1,534 Times in 805 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    I've been trying that for 32 years, people just think im an asshole. I'll tell you something though, you tell people the honest truth enough times and eventually they stop asking you stupid shit.

    Thats is so true!! People sometimes think Im a bitch for telling the truth, but face it would you rather have a little white lie just to make you feel better and live in a imagery world. I wont be a bitch but Ill face it with reality, and say something thats not rude but not a lie. I noticed when I started pointed out things that I found made common sense and no bullshit, people stopped saying or asking me stupid shit, since I make it sound the most realistic w/o trying to sound rude. Makes it so much easier.

  18. #16
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    in your dreams, in my nightmares
    Posts
    2,085
    Thanks
    59
    Thanked 139 Times in 85 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    I don't know... the honesty thing has not worked out that great for me... most people want to be lied to... but I'm not a very good liar so even when I try they see right through me, lol

  19. #17
    Featured Member Christany's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    oblivion
    Posts
    1,356
    Thanks
    307
    Thanked 337 Times in 241 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    Awesome thread idea. Great responses.

    IMO I give tactful honesty to people I care about & silence to people I don't care about....
    This. I exercise tact to those deserving of tact. I reserve the rude awakenings for those who are rude.
    Quote Originally Posted by markx View Post
    I'd have to have a "4 simease twin strippers gave me head and then lite themselves on fire" story to blow anybody's mind here.

  20. #18
    Banned
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Colorado!
    Posts
    6,053
    Thanks
    3,775
    Thanked 3,701 Times in 1,713 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    Quote Originally Posted by mk996tt View Post
    no i was actually being serious, take a look into delayed gratification, its a lifestyle change for the future and would essentially result in a lifestyle change but with a goal in life. i wish you luck
    Duly noted. I'm familiar with it, truthfully. Whether it be fortunate or unfortunate, my personality lacks the patience or drive to operate in such a manner. On another note, I'd say a good majority of my life goals have been achieved or have plans laid out currently to achieve.

    The lifestyle I live is a little skewed from the norm. My husband and I don't plan to ever buy a house, stay in one location, or set down any roots. Therefore our lifestyle is nearly pure instant gratification. Granted he took a job overseas recently to jump start and fund the existence we desire to have, but that job also will afford us a lot of flexibility- it's also a field he really and truly loves. It's also affording me the opportunity to be a full time stay at home wife once we relocate come January.

    It sounds over the top and sickeningly romantic, but really the only people we are selfless for is each other ( our main reason for never having children ).

    Anyway, tangent over.

  21. #19
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jun 2010
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    449
    Thanks
    165
    Thanked 17 Times in 16 Posts

    Default Re: Radical Honesty Movement

    Quote Originally Posted by mk996tt View Post
    no i was actually being serious, take a look into delayed gratification, its a lifestyle change for the future and would essentially result in a lifestyle change but with a goal in life. i wish you luck
    Delaying gratification is a good idea in many situations. But I don't see at all how it's a substitute for what the OP is talking about.

    The OP is talking about having relationships with people where you make youself seem to be a significantly different person from who you really are.

Similar Threads

  1. Fat acceptance movement?!
    By mediocrity in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 174
    Last Post: 10-17-2009, 05:09 PM
  2. Daughter of Radical Islamic Cleric is a Pole-Dancer?
    By Morgan_TX in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 10-04-2008, 11:26 PM
  3. Replies: 45
    Last Post: 06-15-2008, 01:25 PM
  4. Are You a Political Radical?
    By exotisch23 in forum Member Boards
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 11-19-2006, 10:47 PM
  5. Radical Islam's Double Standard
    By Melonie in forum Political Poo
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 01-24-2005, 01:28 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •