The right way and the wrong way to approach a customer

[Fred Thomas]

My big gripe with strip clubs, as a customer, is that so many dancers fail to read body language. So I'll start with the WRONG kind of approach.

Dancer walks over towards me. I'm not interested, so I look down, away from her, look at my watch (and I don't own a watch), etc. She fails to notice this and plops down on my leg anyway. The thing is already off to a bad start. I feel trapped and uncomfortable.

Dancer: Hey sugar, how are you? Havin a good time?

Me: umh...

Dancer: Geez, whatsa matter? Ain't ya enjoying yourself in a place like this?

Me: umh...

Dancer: Come on, honey, let's go get a private dance. I'll show you a great time!

Me: uh, I'm ... I'm not interested, sorry.

Dancer: What d'ya mean, not interested? Don't you like naked ladies?

Me: sorry, I'm not in the mood.

Dancer: Well then what'd ya come in here for anyway? (storms off).

__________________________________________________

Okay, now, let's try the GOOD version instead:

Dancer comes over to where I can see her pretty well, walks in front of me, maybe 5 feet away, slows down and OBSERVES WHETHER I'M WATCHING HER EAGERLY. If I'm clearly not, then she moves on gracefully. If I am (or kinda am) then she says this:

"Is it okay if I sit with you for a minute?"

("for a minute" is important, as it keeps me from feeling trapped).

Me: sure (smiling).

Her: [now she can go several ways. As much as I tire of stock phrases, I realize you have to start somewhere. So it is acceptable in my view to say something like "Is this the first time you've been to this club?" or "Where are you from?"] But you will score some points with me if you say something more specific like "Are you following that World Cup?"

Really what you say at this point isn't so important as the attitude you convey. You're pleasant, easygoing, and you're making yourself available without pressing the point too much. You can go ahead and ask about a dance at anytime now. You've already "qualified" me by observing my body language.

I've already put you into one of two categories: "yes" and "maybe later". "Maybe later" might mean I have to see you more naked (such as on stage) before making a decision. (Sorry, harsh reality). Or it might mean I want to see what the rest of the talent pool is like before making a decision (again, harsh reality). Ultimately I think I've hired about 50% of the ladies I told "maybe later".

Incidentally, I'm okay also with just a quick "wanna dance?" but please let me see you first -- don't just jam up against my face before asking.

[bigmarv]

The first thing I do when going into a new club is order something to eat. If a dancer comes by I tell her I'm waiting for my food and don't do any dances until I've finished eating. That gives me plenty of time to check out the dancers who come on stage that I would like to get dances from, because I'm a slow eater.

[KS_Stevia]

Quit being such a douche and doing the "stare down at watch" move. Its actually NOT an indicator of disinterest because a lot of really shy and awkward guys come to the clubs and are generally afraid of women and people, but want to be approached and warmed up.

Grow a pair, and as she approaches, look her in the eyes like a man and say, "miss, thank you for coming over but I am not interested and will not be buying dances from you." AND, not everyone will agree with me, but give her a couple of bucks, like, $2, for her to go away.

This will work 98% of the time. But occasionally the end of month comes and girls get desperate. Just one of those negatives of going to the club. Strippers don't go through any kind of sales training.

If its really annoying, and it certainly is, hang out at the bar, standing, until you've found a girl that you are interested in.

For the record, I think the bad hustle sucks and is lame, wish it didn't happen. But you can't control the girls, only minimize your negative outcomes.

[DorkHunter777]

LOL- Some dancers do not realize that we have "switched" places with men in this environment. Let me explain:Some men approach women at the local bars at 100 miles per hour speed. This is a HUGE turn-off! Well, the dancers job, essentially, is to "pick up" men as well. Some do it with finesse, while others are too pushy (just like men in bars) & BECAUSE OF THAT- they do not get taken seriously. Thats actually pretty funny! Thanks for the laugh & honesty. I like that, keep them coming.

[lopaw]

I can't help but think that the average articulate dancer posting/viewing on these boards are not the one-dimensional girls that the OP is addressing.

[ilbbaicnl]

... not everyone will agree with me, but give her a couple of bucks, like, $2, for her to go away.

I know every $ helps, but every town already has its wino district where you hand out singles to people who look a bit worse for wear so they'll piss off. I've already run into a couple dancers who border on this. Pan-handler girls are almost in the same category (and are often the same people) as girls doing illegal contact. Or guys who come in and hassle the dancers and don't spend shit or only buy drinks. None of this is what stip clubs are for, these people are just leeching, not a good idea to do anything to encourage any of them.

[ilbbaicnl]

Me personally I'm good with "wanna dance?" Just don't come up behind me so I can't really see you, I'll assume you don't want me to for a reason. But yeah, I know, nobody's a mind reader, I'll politely listen to your sales pitch that you've found works best for you in general. There are plenty of people who will talk to me for free, that at least I don't have to pay for. If things are slow, and you want to talk to me for free, that would be great. As long as the topic is something like what classes you're taking, not how much you supposedly like putting shaved hamsters up your butt or whatever. Unless you're not making it up about the hamsters, then I want to know all about it.

[Miniman]

Honesty is always the best policy.

As a customer, I go into the club with only so much wallet. I also go into a club with some idea of what turns my crank. And I also go into a club wanting some sense of the menu. So preserving my capital satisfy what I want to get out of an evening is totally reasonable from a customer perspective.

I have a policy I will buy drinks and at least two dances from any girl that sits with me. But if a girl approaches me who does not attract me, I will simply say "sorry, here is what I am looking for...." If she is a good dancer she will appreciate my not wasting her time, and hopefully refer a friend of hers who fits the bill.

[Casual Observer]

Quit being such a douche and doing the "stare down at watch" move. Its actually NOT an indicator of disinterest because a lot of really shy and awkward guys come to the clubs and are generally afraid of women and people, but want to be approached and warmed up.

Grow a pair, and as she approaches, look her in the eyes like a man and say, "miss, thank you for coming over but I am not interested and will not be buying dances from you."

Well said.

AND, not everyone will agree with me, but give her a couple of bucks, like, $2, for her to go away.

Ugh. Mercy tipping only encourages poor hustling skills, nevermind allowing those less-than-fit dancers a reprieve when they really have no business walking around half-naked.

[Firewall]

If she is a good dancer she will appreciate my not wasting her time, and hopefully refer a friend of hers who fits the bill.

^ I always do this! Anytime they give me a good strong feature they like I will go grab a girl for them. If we've already done a dance and they just want someone else, I will grab my friend. If they don't want me and have a specific type they like, I will really show them the 'best' choice for them. Makes me happy to help, I know I'd want another dancer to do the same for me.

it doesn't offend me at all, we're all very different and the customer is more than welcomed to pick whichever girl pleases him the most.

[she sells sanctuary]

psh. it's not pity tipping. it's being a nice guy tipping. and it's also about tipping the girls who accept your "no" gracefully, and not tipping the ones who act like bitches. if you don't want to, don't. but the girl you might want, she might see you being an asshole and assume that you'll be an asshole to her to, so she just won't waste her time on you.

besides, sometimes it's really pretty and personable girls crying at the end of the night about not making any money. if a girl is pretty and nice, but not what you're looking for, give her a couple bucks so she doesn't get too discouraged. don't assume everybody else wants a dance from her.

i've made some of my best money off shy guys i thought weren't interested, but who i'd talked to because i was bored and i figured that at least i didn't need to worry about getting rejected...as far as i was concerned, i wouldn't even ask.

i've also wasted a lot of time on guys who looked right at me and seemed soooooo interested- yeah, they were interested in taking me out sometime, but they didn't get dances. lol. so if a guy is looking right at me, i'll probably go up to him, but it doesn't mean i think he wants a dance.

if a girl isn't your type, grow a pair and try to reject her politely. you can even tell her she isn't your type if you want. in fact, i'd usually rather just hear that than hear whatever bs excuse you want to give me.

[rickdugan]

Quit being such a douche and doing the "stare down at watch" move. Its actually NOT an indicator of disinterest because a lot of really shy and awkward guys come to the clubs and are generally afraid of women and people, but want to be approached and warmed up.

Grow a pair, and as she approaches, look her in the eyes like a man and say, "miss, thank you for coming over but I am not interested and will not be buying dances from you."

What KS said. You need to toughen up a bit.

When I don't want a dance, I look her in the eye and firmly say "No thank you" period. If a girl that I don't like asks if she can sit with me, I look her in the eye and say "I'm not really looking for company right now, but thank you."

In rare instances where she is not disuaded, I say "honestly honey I'm looking for something a little different than you, but thank you." They tend to huff off a little if it gets to this point but too bad - she should have listened the first time.

And in those really rare instances when she is really persistent and is in my lap, or worse, grabbing my nuts, I usually say something like "Honey, you're not my type so please [get up, take your hand back/whatever]." Again the girl usually gets pissed but that was inevitable anyway if she was like that to begin with.

If you are firm the first time, you usually won't get to stages 2 or 3. IMHO it's your appearance of weakness that keeps it going.

[KS_Stevia]

Me personally I'm good with "wanna dance?" Just don't come up behind me so I can't really see you, I'll assume you don't want me to for a reason. But yeah, I know, nobody's a mind reader, I'll politely listen to your sales pitch that you've found works best for you in general. There are plenty of people who will talk to me for free, that at least I don't have to pay for. If things are slow, and you want to talk to me for free, that would be great. As long as the topic is something like what classes you're taking, not how much you supposedly like putting shaved hamsters up your butt or whatever. Unless you're not making it up about the hamsters, then I want to know all about it.

Sure, its up to you. I don't think anyone owes these kinds of dancers anything, but most clubs I've worked at only had a couple of these girls. So, for $6, you can get them to not bug you the rest of the night. Anyway, tip to go away is optional.

[carmen_b]

I think others have pointed out , but I'll add to it that I often sell to the guy looking pissy. My best customer this weekend was the akward guy in the corner playing the stupid machine game. So .... You just never know ! We can't Always know because we don't read minds!

[rickdugan]

Sure, its up to you. I don't think anyone owes these kinds of dancers anything, but most clubs I've worked at only had a couple of these girls. So, for $6, you can get them to not bug you the rest of the night. Anyway, tip to go away is optional.

I really can't get my mind around paying a girl just to go away and would never do it.

I don't waste a girl's time and, as noted above, am fairly direct if I am not interested. And if I do burn her time chatting but do not want dances, I tip her for her time, which to me is only fair. I also tend to tip for stage dances, particularly in the places that have tip walks or when I am close to a stage show.

But to tip a girl that I said no to just so she won't whine? As a matter of principle I won't do it - it just rewards bad behavior. If she wants to get pissed, so be it - no skin off of my balls. I'd rather watch her howl like a stuck coyote than give her a nickle for pulling that stunt.

I also can't imagine this type of behavior helping the other girls in the club. Not only is she jamming up a guy who might want to buy a dance from someone else, but this may drive customers away from the club or otherwise make them more defensive. No good can come from this IMHO.

I've had only one really bad one in all the years, where nothing I said seemed to penetrate. Finally, I put my face into hers, looked her in the eyes and said, "Are you deaf or just stupid, I said go the fuck away!" That did it, though she left bitching like I just kicked her favorite dog.

[yoda57us]

Just say no to the mercy tip! Honestly it's become so common in one club that I used to frequent that I stopped going to that club!

[laurcon]

The first thing I do when going into a new club is order something to eat. If a dancer comes by I tell her I'm waiting for my food and don't do any dances until I've finished eating. That gives me plenty of time to check out the dancers who come on stage that I would like to get dances from, because I'm a slow eater.

Ew. So glad my club doesn't serve food.

[jasmine22]

LOL- Some dancers do not realize that we have "switched" places with men in this environment. Let me explain:Some men approach women at the local bars at 100 miles per hour speed. This is a HUGE turn-off! Well, the dancers job, essentially, is to "pick up" men as well. Some do it with finesse, while others are too pushy (just like men in bars) & BECAUSE OF THAT- they do not get taken seriously. Thats actually pretty funny! Thanks for the laugh & honesty. I like that, keep them coming.

Its different when $$$ is involved. If a hot girl walked up to a guy in a bar, and said i wanna sleep with you......hes probably going to. If paying $$ is mentioned, its a 50/50 chance. The same idiots that try and hit on me outside, will bitch about buying a lapdance in the club or will feel weird about it or whatever. Ive seen this happen all the time.

[johnnytwoshoes]

I have had some of the experiences that the OP has stated when I was younger. If that happens to me, I am extremely direct, but polite and say no thank you....I am just here for a beer, another dancer, or whatever legitimate reason I believe I have.

So I think the key with a hard sell is to be firm and direct. If you don't want a dance from the girl, you are not going to get one in the future from her anyway, so no need to be a wimp.

[fluffypenguin]

My club got to the point where no guys would look at you ever. I used to spend the night walking around wondering why the hell they were there and bored stupid because I couldn't even sit and chat, let alone make money.. I also noticed the girls that did make the money weren't the nice polite girls, but the desperate pushy piss-you-off until-you-got-a-dance girls. I guess the guys voted with their money which girls stayed and which girls left.. I left.

[Miniman]

My club got to the point where no guys would look at you ever.

Well I will never stop looking! But looking should never equate to a commitment to financial transaction. I have watched lots of dancers on stage who did not equate to a dance. I have given stage tips. But while I enjoy watching naked girls dance, I have to admit that sometimes it doesn't work for private dances. My policy is to buy dances from girls who take the time to sit with me. But wallet size does come into play.

[bigmarv]

Ew. So glad my club doesn't serve food.

My local club has a very good chef and I also grow a big veggie garden and provide him with fresh produce during the summer months. It's a win-win situation for me and the management. The dancers also enjoy my fresh veggies.

[deluc]

I once had a girl at Matthew's in Mass. (yes it was a LOOOOOOOONG time ago) come right out of the blue and put her heel dangerously close to my junk and say something along the lines of "Are you ready for that dance now?"

I had just walked in and sat down!!!

But yeah, under the circumstances I wasn't about to say "No."

Even worse, I think I ended up spending close to $300 on her that night. Damn wingman was useless...

[laurcon]

My local club has a very good chef and I also grow a big veggie garden and provide him with fresh produce during the summer months. It's a win-win situation for me and the management. The dancers also enjoy my fresh veggies.

Oh that does sound delightful!

[majordon]

Back to the OP's idea of using body language to decide who to sit with, I agree. When someone I want to meet (or already think I like) walks by while I'm sitting at the bar, I'll try to invite her over with my eyes. If it's someone I've previously spoken to at my regular club and I'm not looking to be with her tonight, she knows I'm not just being shy if I act disinterested. If she comes over anyway, she's just being pushy. But I won't use direct rejection if it's not necessary. (I don't like it when I receive it.) I'll give the old "oh I just got here, just looking around". If I were Rick Dugan clubbing coast to coast my time would be more valuable and I wouldn't care what someone thought at this one place, but when I come here a lot, I'd rather spare someone's feeling, stay on good terms.

I am glad to hear the tip to go away is not yet mandatory ( I never even heard of it before this thread !! ) The day it is, is the day I stop going (to that club, at least !) I bring what I think I can handle to the club, and it goes for drinks and for the entertainers who entertain me.

The issue I haven't seen addressed is: when a girl I don't know approaches, I can't tell at a single glace if she's a prospect or not. I've had favs of all body types from board-straight w/ a couple of bumps to beyond Reubens-esque. Once the looks are past a certain "OK to be a stripper" threshold, personality is more important. So if she asks to sit for a minute, I say yes even if I am not looking for dances or my budget is already blown. If it turns into more than a couple minutes, I offer to buy her a drink. If it goes on long enough that I see we will be friends, then yes, why not get our first private dances now, and reward her for her initiative?

But sometimes the choice isn't so clear-cut, or I really am waiting for someone else. I'll ask her schedule, tell her I like her and want to meet again. I'll go to her stage and tip her there if she's called up (especally if the stages are empty this is welcome, sometimes someone needs to break the ice, prime the pump). I'll buy her another drink if the 1st one is gone and she's still engaged.

New strippers don't know it from the get-go, but true pro's (unless they're maybe in Vegas) figure it out: it's not about what did you get from that guy the 1st time you approach him, it's what you get over the course of your career that adds up.