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Thread: Putting a man before your career- Book

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    xoAnnaBanana
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    Default Putting a man before your career- Book

    Love before success? A new book ('Boys Before Business') argues that putting your man first could be your smartest career move.

    Parts of the article I found interesting:

    Q: Why should women prioritize men before their career? Isn’t that a bit old-fashioned?

    A: People find our concept controversial before they take time to understand it. We suggest that women put themselves first, their relationship second, and their career last. That’s the key to having a lasting relationship. It’s not a matter of being traditional; it’s about figuring out what you want in life. And the same goes for your boyfriend or husband: He should also put you before his career.

    Q: And what exactly does it mean to prioritize men over a career? Instead of working late, for instance, you should socialize more?

    A: Exactly. It is crucial for women to devote time and energy to their boyfriends or husbands just as they do to work commitments, so that means scheduling dates with your man and not breaking them. Ask yourself: If today were the last day on earth would I choose to be behind a desk or with the man I love? Put things in perspective.

    Q: So why then is the philosophy Boys Before Business? Why isn’t it more equal?

    A: When you prioritize your relationship above all else, everything starts to flow effortlessly. If you have a fight with your boyfriend and then go to work, it’s going to disrupt your performance. The opposite is also true: When you put that person first, you get their encouragement and support in all aspects of your life, including your career. Boys Before Business is really about putting people first.

    Full article can be found here

    Thoughts???

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    At first I was thinking it was one of those recent books telling women they shouldn't get a career because it will affect them finding a man. However, this is completely different and sort of agree. Too often people worry about their career. I speak from experience, I worked a lot in my last job. When I lost my job, I realized other things were important. I think relationships (both genders) should come before a job because you might lose the job.

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    Featured Member wanderlust08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Uhhh...putting a man before my career is how I ended up a divorced single mother of two and homeless. So I must disagree.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Gonna agree with wanderlust on that one. I too chose my ex and I am s single mother living at home because of it! Don't depend so much on your SO taking care of you for that exact reason. If you get dumped you will prob be screwed IMO

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    Featured Member wanderlust08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Quote Originally Posted by SexxySadie View Post
    Gonna agree with wanderlust on that one. I too chose my ex and I am s single mother living at home because of it! Don't depend so much on your SO taking care of you for that exact reason. If you get dumped you will prob be screwed IMO
    I think this book applies to non-mothers. In our case, the number one priority is the youngins, followed by the job (to feed the youngins), and then, IF THERE'S TIME, the man.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Quote Originally Posted by SexxySadie View Post
    Gonna agree with wanderlust on that one. I too chose my ex and I am s single mother living at home because of it! Don't depend so much on your SO taking care of you for that exact reason. If you get dumped you will prob be screwed IMO
    I didn't take it as that. Otherwise I would agree that was wrong. I took it as a way that too many people get so obsessed with their career they let other things pas through. I once worked with people who worked 60-70 hours and had no social life. I vowed never to be like that.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    I think a healthy balance between work, social life, and family is key. I also think that balance is going to be different for everyone. Knowing what you need and value to keep you balanced is important, once you know what you, your body, mind, and soul need to stay happy and healthy, then you can set up your life to feed you. But, I don't think one formula works for everyone.

    If you put too much into anything you can loose, be it work or a relationship, you might end up in a pickle. The only one you can never invest too much in is yourself (and maybe your kids/pets).
    "I wear tight clothing, high heel shoes
    It doesn't mean that I'm a prostitute" En Vogue

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    Featured Member wanderlust08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenna78 View Post
    If you put too much into anything you can loose, be it work or a relationship, you might end up in a pickle. The only one you can never invest too much in is yourself (and maybe your kids/pets).
    on another note, why is "ending up in a pickle" such a bad thing? as in, who came up with the term? cuz pickles, in my opinion, are pretty awesome. especially dill pickles. they're yummy.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    I think if you're in a marriage, or in a long-term living together relationship, both parties should put the relationship first, not just the woman. Works out well in my house.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    i think it just depends on personal choices n experience. def one of those situational things i believe but i do believe having a nice balance of things in ur life.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Putting your man before your career = Major Fail

    recipe for disaster/disappointment.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Maybe its because i am childless and single but i just don't think work should come before anything in your life that gives you joy. I've put my freaking cat before a job before, the idea that work should be more important to me than the things i am working for seems completely backwards. Of course i probably feel this way because i don't lack money even though i don't make all that much considering, i am sure if i was a single parent of two i would feel very differently.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    I would say it depends on the man. IF your man would put you before his career also, then maybe.

    Unfortunately I misjudged mine and I'm working myself to death to keep my head above water. Men who would be worth that kind of trust are few and far between.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    Maybe its because i am childless and single but i just don't think work should come before anything in your life that gives you joy. I've put my freaking cat before a job before, the idea that work should be more important to me than the things i am working for seems completely backwards. Of course i probably feel this way because i don't lack money even though i don't make all that much considering, i am sure if i was a single parent of two i would feel very differently.
    Um.. It's not just money, It's freedom and security also. I have money and I still feel that putting a man before your career is the worst decision anyone can make. Unless you two are some how conjoined at the hip there is no guarantee that he will STAY. I have a lot of divorced friends that wish they hadn't have put their relationship before their career.. My next door neighbor being one of them: (Older divorced caucasian with three kids) So it's just not about single parenting.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    If it's going to work, it has to go both ways. If you both put each other first, it can absolutely work. But what I've had happen in the past is that I put him first, and he also put himself first. And second. And third. A healthy relationship is pretty much equal. Unhealthy ones are not.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    Maybe its because i am childless and single but i just don't think work should come before anything in your life that gives you joy. I've put my freaking cat before a job before, the idea that work should be more important to me than the things i am working for seems completely backwards. Of course i probably feel this way because i don't lack money even though i don't make all that much considering, i am sure if i was a single parent of two i would feel very differently.
    Strangely, most of the people I know who put work first are single childless people. I worked with a few and saw how they had a lack of social life because they were working more and more hours (all free).

    Btw, I agree with those who say it should be both ways. Definitely. I couldn't be with a guy who values his job over me.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Meh, I fell in love with who I thought was the perfect man, and slacked off on a very successful job. Then he just threw me away and I couldn't pick up the pieces and had to throw away 3 years of hard work.

    Fuck all that, no way will I ever put any man before my own needs. And making money/feeling productive and socially contributing, now that's important.

    Now, if the perfect man wants me to move with him to Europe and offer to take care of me, I'd be all about that, as long as I could still further my career while there...just in case. Haha, selfish is best.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    I don't think the book means you should depend on a man for or always put him first, just that relationships should be a priority.

    I think there are way too many people who work 70 hours a week, and/or work weekends, not because they necessarily need the money, but because their jobs are demanding and stressful and "they're putting their careers first".

    I'm certainly an example of that. I got so obsessed with making my career get off the ground, and my boyfriend was on the backburner, and our relationship suffered for a while. So did my relationships with family and friends.

    I think the book's point is that on your deathbed, you're not going to wish you worked more or got another promotion, but you will wish you had more time to spend with the people you love. Those relationships are what make you happy.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    I don't think the book means you should depend on a man for or always put him first, just that relationships should be a priority.

    I think there are way too many people who work 70 hours a week, and/or work weekends, not because they necessarily need the money, but because their jobs are demanding and stressful and "they're putting their careers first".

    I'm certainly an example of that. I got so obsessed with making my career get off the ground, and my boyfriend was on the backburner, and our relationship suffered for a while. So did my relationships with family and friends.

    I think the book's point is that on your deathbed, you're not going to wish you worked more or got another promotion, but you will wish you had more time to spend with the people you love. Those relationships are what make you happy.
    I agree and that's exactly what I took from it. I used to be so obsessed with my career that everything else fell to second. It took me getting laid off to realize it wasn't important. I saw my coworker who worked 60-70 hours have a stroke and lose his job. He is 55, never married with no kids and he now regrets it.

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    xoAnnaBanana
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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    I don't think the book means you should depend on a man for or always put him first, just that relationships should be a priority.

    I think there are way too many people who work 70 hours a week, and/or work weekends, not because they necessarily need the money, but because their jobs are demanding and stressful and "they're putting their careers first".

    I'm certainly an example of that. I got so obsessed with making my career get off the ground, and my boyfriend was on the backburner, and our relationship suffered for a while. So did my relationships with family and friends.

    I think the book's point is that on your deathbed, you're not going to wish you worked more or got another promotion, but you will wish you had more time to spend with the people you love. Those relationships are what make you happy.
    That's the point that really hit home with me. I definitely plan on making my relationships a priority in my life, while still being responsible at the same time (financially independent and whatnot). I will put a man first in my life once we're married but that doesn't mean I'm going to become completely dependent on him either. Other aspects of your life still need to be maintained-- like having a social life with girlfriends and getting a successful career for yourself. But at the end of the day... all the money you make isn't what really matters. It's the opportunities and experiences that you can share with the person you love, because of that money, which allows you that freedom in the first place.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    not directed to anyone in particular: *sigh* There is reality and there is Fairy tale land...

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Meh, I used to work 70-80 hours a week, went out a few nights a week, had a lot of friends and fun. There is always time for being social, you can't let work control you completely. Take a couple of 3 day weekends and a nice, long vacation.

    A good man will be there for you when you are at a critical point in your career and need to commit a lot of time short-term for a long term payoff. Now, ALWAYS working 70 hours a week, like for decades and decades? Now that I couldn't deal with anyway, not for myself or a partner.

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    I did the putting the relationship first thing - thinking that in the end I'd value that more than money. It was all well and good until I realized I hadn't taken advantage of time-sensitive opportunities in my peak sex work earning years because of that relationship, which was unraveling - leaving me older, wiser, and regretful thinking of what could have been. If I could do it over again I wouldn't have held back for the sake of the relationship or put it first. I would have put myself and my aspirations first, and my romantic and social life second. The world isn't in danger of running out of single people, but I won't be twentysomething forever.

    I agree relationships should be a priority, and they do need care and feeding - but I don't think they should come first (except when those relationships need a temporarily higher amount of TLC).

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    i guess it depends on what you do and how you feel about it

    i used to work as an analyst and put in an easy 100 hours a week working for a bank, i was straight out of undergrad and honestly for 2 years i loved every moment of it. the work i was doing was pretty damn tedious and others around me were miserable. but in a sick way i enjoyed it

    ive done other things in my life but i suppose this is the one "extreme" career i had which alwase made people say "why the hell would you do that?!"

    theres people who love working, i know i do and theres others who hate it, so its subjective regardless if your a man or woman, were both trying to justify why we feel the way we do

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    Default Re: Putting a man before your career- Book

    Quote Originally Posted by xoAnnaBanana View Post
    Q: So why then is the philosophy Boys Before Business? Why isn’t it more equal?

    A: When you prioritize your relationship above all else, everything starts to flow effortlessly. If you have a fight with your boyfriend and then go to work, it’s going to disrupt your performance. The opposite is also true: When you put that person first, you get their encouragement and support in all aspects of your life, including your career. Boys Before Business is really about putting people first.
    Really. Everything starts to flow effortlessly, huh? What about the needy boyfriend to whom you give an inch and he takes a mile? And what about the one-sided relationship in which one partner gives and the other only takes? Great way to end up in the poor house. Would be nice if these gurus could produce some proof of their claims. Everyone's situation is different and you are your own expert on how to prioritize your life. This is another glaring example of why not to read self-help books.

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