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Thread: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

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    Question I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Hello All,

    Ive been a lurker of this forum for a few years but this my 1st post!

    Where to start.....

    Ok, Ive been interested in becoming a dominatrix for the last 3-4 years. Before I wanted to become one, I just always found myself drawn to that type of stuff. For example, handcuffs, control, denying my partner (guess thats cock teasing?)... I think its a natural to my personality.

    For the last 3-4 years, I've read tons of articles, blogs and forums trying to get as much information as possible. Ive come to decide that being a Domme would make a great job, not a fulltime lifestyle for me.

    My issue is, I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START!

    I'm literally starting from 0 (no equipment, money for outfits and equipment, training, experience....) so, Ive been trying to find a local dungeon to take me on, so I can get training, make some money and get into the "scene" but that has been pretty unsuccessful. It seems as though my area (Raleigh, NC) doesn't have a strong bdsm foundation. Can't find any dungeon info AT ALL!

    So, Ive turned to reaching out to a couple of Escort/booking agencies. Things were looking up with one until, out of nowhere, all communication stopped from them. Bascially I was supposed to meet with one of their 3 dommes for training and the domme lives almost 3 hours for me. After replying to her 1 email (in which she just asked me to share a bit about myself), that was it, nothing else!?!?

    I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW!

    any help, leads and info would be greatly appreciated. thanks ladies

    Oh yeah - once I get some money going, I want to go independent and operate my own website.

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    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    If it's the ladies I'm thinking about, they are very strict. They denied me for being a smoker.

    Your best bet is to learn from a lifestyle Domme. This may involve you being a submissive for a bit to learn the um, ropes. No pun intended. Also, it would give you time to see if that's what you really want.

    Also, a lot of BDSM acts are illegal in North Carolina... or rather they are illegal if there is an exchange of money ie pro-Domming. This is where screening comes in. You also have to be extremely careful if you decide to have your own site, as this can also be risky. I am waiting to build my site for these reasons, along with financial reasons.

    I'll put it this way: North Carolina doesn't like the adult industry. I work for a female/mixed wrestling site and it's pretty tame in my book. They have been raided before and they don't even actually produce porn. That being said, there was no evidence they were doing anything 'obscene', so everything was dropped. You have to be really careful.

    Also, Domming is a very mentally challenging job. It's hard to go into and out of Domme mode, and there are also lots of safety things you should know, like safe words and never Domming when you are upset or angry. Really, in all actually, Domming is about the slave and their needs, even though it seems the other way around.

    Are you mentally prepared to deal with people who may have some, ahem, interesting fetishes? You have a wide range of people that will want your services, and they range from cuckolds to adult babies to foot lovers. You have to know what you're dealing with and set your limits.
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

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    God/dess Arialandre's Avatar
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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    ^ Wow that is pretty much what I was going to say, thanks HH. Some sites you could check out are www.femmedomsociety.com and www.fetlife.com and try to hook up with people in your area that way. Both sites have great locational and interest search functions. Good luck!

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    If it's the ladies I'm thinking about, they are very strict. They denied me for being a smoker.

    The ladies im talking about are based in Wilmington

    Your best bet is to learn from a lifestyle Domme. This may involve you being a submissive for a bit to learn the um, ropes. No pun intended. Also, it would give you time to see if that's what you really want.

    I don't think a lifestyle domme would take to kindly to me only entering for wanting to be a pro. Like I said ive been looking into this for 3-4 years and there is clearly this "rift" between the lifestyle vs. pro world

    Also, a lot of BDSM acts are illegal in North Carolina... or rather they are illegal if there is an exchange of money ie pro-Domming. This is where screening comes in. You also have to be extremely careful if you decide to have your own site, as this can also be risky. I am waiting to build my site for these reasons, along with financial reasons.

    Yes I know screening is essential! Dungeons are typically members only and are very strict which was my first line of defense... too bad things dont work they way I plan

    I'll put it this way: North Carolina doesn't like the adult industry. I work for a female/mixed wrestling site and it's pretty tame in my book. They have been raided before and they don't even actually produce porn. That being said, there was no evidence they were doing anything 'obscene', so everything was dropped. You have to be really careful.

    That sucks, glad everything worked out in the end.

    Also, Domming is a very mentally challenging job. It's hard to go into and out of Domme mode, and there are also lots of safety things you should know, like safe words and never Domming when you are upset or angry. Really, in all actually, Domming is about the slave and their needs, even though it seems the other way around.

    I VERY aware of this!

    Are you mentally prepared to deal with people who may have some, ahem, interesting fetishes? You have a wide range of people that will want your services, and they range from cuckolds to adult babies to foot lovers. You have to know what you're dealing with and set your limits. Aware of this too! foot lovers, been there done that... the others, Ive read about. I have a pretty deep understand of the foundations of BDSM and how things work, just can't seem to get my foot in the door anywhere
    New this forum posting thing (love to read, hate to post) so sorry if I reply incorrectly
    Last edited by LaLaD; 07-22-2010 at 12:46 PM. Reason: dunno

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Arialandre View Post
    ^ Wow that is pretty much what I was going to say, thanks HH. Some sites you could check out are www.femmedomsociety.com and www.fetlife.com and try to hook up with people in your area that way. Both sites have great locational and interest search functions. Good luck!

    Ive looked at both femmedom and fetlife (joined fetlife so far).... we'll see. I honestly feel like it's going to be another dead end, i'll keep trying though

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Ok nevermind... the women I was thinking of were in Greensboro. Very rude. Hung up on me.

    Ok, so it seems you do have some experience. Honestly, lifestyle v pro... it probably depends on the person. Just try to meet people.... anything fetish is underground so there may be more people into it than you know. I'm still meeting new people costantly.

    Good luck in your quest... if you're ever near Charlotte or Winston, let me know. I know a lot of industry people here.
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    Ok nevermind... the women I was thinking of were in Greensboro. Very rude. Hung up on me.

    Didn't hang up on me but I feel ignored. I think I might give them one last chance..... < I hate having to be nice - its only when I want something lol >

    Ok, so it seems you do have some experience. Honestly, lifestyle v pro... it probably depends on the person. Just try to meet people.... anything fetish is underground so there may be more people into it than you know. I'm still meeting new people costantly.

    No actual experience at all! just research/reading and met with a domme for a night for drinks and general advice.

    Good luck in your quest... if you're ever near Charlotte or Winston, let me know. I know a lot of industry people here.

    I used to live in Charlotte. I usually go out there for the weekend every once in a while. Ill be sure to let you know when ill be back. Thanks
    .....

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Hun screw the whole "lifestyle"/"pro-domme" death match. I'm technically lifestyle but have always liked the idea of being pro-domme. You can't let that kind of crap cut you off before you have even tried. Try not to pre-judge because you will find yourself missing out on opportunities. When HH said to try to hook up with a lifestyle Domme in your area my first thought was actually "Awww if I was therre I would totally help her out to get her business off the ground". But because you pre-judged you would have ended up losing out on my help. DON'T PRE-JUDGE! Check out EVERYONE. Who knows, you may just catch someone on a good day.

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Arialandre View Post
    Hun screw the whole "lifestyle"/"pro-domme" death match.
    LOL @ death match

    Quote Originally Posted by Arialandre View Post
    "Awww if I was therre I would totally help her out to get her business off the ground".

    damn, if only I had the money to fly to Canada... I understand what you're saying. I'll try to open up about it.

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Yeah I know a lot of lifestylers that have their own websites, photography studios, clips4sale stores etc. They genuinely enjoy what that do, and hey, if there's profit, double win!
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    Yeah I know a lot of lifestylers that have their own websites, photography studios, clips4sale stores etc. They genuinely enjoy what that do, and hey, if there's profit, double win!
    Thats great for them but im not in the position to get into ANYTHING without knowing I will profit. bank account = 0.

    update: called the wilmington agency back AGAIN. lady said she would call be this afternoon..... we'll see

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    btw - this isn't really directly relevant but... I signed up on realgirlsoncam listing site for cam girls - so far I have had a lot lot lot of dom shows, and it's not something I advertise. Maybe you could do some webcamming just to get some experience of the verbal stuff while you're waiting for the agency stuff to work out (you'll find that lots of the guys will have 'toys' that you can ask them to use, eg tie up, cbt, etc). Also, you'll be earning some $$$ for those outfits!

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by BritishBecky View Post
    btw - this isn't really directly relevant but... I signed up on realgirlsoncam listing site for cam girls - so far I have had a lot lot lot of dom shows, and it's not something I advertise. Maybe you could do some webcamming just to get some experience of the verbal stuff while you're waiting for the agency stuff to work out (you'll find that lots of the guys will have 'toys' that you can ask them to use, eg tie up, cbt, etc). Also, you'll be earning some $$$ for those outfits!
    You know what...... thats really a great idea! I will look into it this weekend

    why didnt i think of that lol

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    anyone been to a Charlotte Area Power EXchange (CAPEX) party?

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    that's a very good idea. some cam sites where fetish stuff is rampant: and


    Quote Originally Posted by BritishBecky View Post
    btw - this isn't really directly relevant but... I signed up on realgirlsoncam listing site for cam girls - so far I have had a lot lot lot of dom shows, and it's not something I advertise. Maybe you could do some webcamming just to get some experience of the verbal stuff while you're waiting for the agency stuff to work out (you'll find that lots of the guys will have 'toys' that you can ask them to use, eg tie up, cbt, etc). Also, you'll be earning some $$$ for those outfits!

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Raven69Skye View Post
    that's a very good idea. some cam sites where fetish stuff is rampant: and
    Ditto Ive had 3 shows already from xxxcambabes today! That site rocks!

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    If this is something you really want tp pursue, you might want to consider relocating. The old "house of BDSM" model has pretty much fallen away except for a few places (I know of one in SF, a couple in LA). When you go independent, are you planning to rent dungeon space or build your own dungeon? If it's the later, be aware that that is QUITE an investment.

    I was a Pro Dominafor about 4-5 years before I started dancing. You really need to have a passion for it if you decide to go for it. It doesn't have the benefits that a lot of the sex industry give you- namely being able to make a very good income without a lot of time and money invested upfront.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vamp View Post
    As Katherine Hepburn put it so eloquently " Nature is what we were put here to rise above"

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Jeeze, if your bank account wasn't at $0 I'd recommend paying for a session and meeting/ learning from SOMEONE that way.

    But, if that's not an option, and you're desperate . . . have you tried craigslist? It might be a pain in the ass (and a bit risky) to sort through all the jackasses and potential cops, but if you have no where else to turn it's a starting point, albeit a degrading one. . . .

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    ya I see a lot of guys posting ads on craigslist looking for dommes/fetish stuff.

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Raven69Skye View Post
    ya I see a lot of guys posting ads on craigslist looking for dommes/fetish stuff.
    I also figure dommes posting on CL would be a little less strict about who sees them and talks to them. You might even find one in the personals section who's not seeking payment as much as their own satisfaction.

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    I had a 'training' session yesterday. It went well. I'm confident to continue on my path to being a Domme. I felt very empowered.

    Lala, do you have any pictures of yourself? A model mayhem page? If you are going to be in the Charlotte area I can hook you up with some contacts. I've never been to CAPEX but it might be fun. Also, Single Cell Productions hosts fetish parties.
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by SpeakngEZ View Post
    But, if that's not an option, and you're desperate . . . have you tried craigslist? It might be a pain in the ass (and a bit risky) to sort through all the jackasses and potential cops, but if you have no where else to turn it's a starting point, albeit a degrading one. . . .
    Sadly, been there. Done that.

    Quote Originally Posted by SpeakngEZ View Post
    I also figure dommes posting on CL would be a little less strict about who sees them and talks to them.
    That is actually how I met the one Domme Ive met with. She couldnt really "train me" but was willing to let me hang with her for an evening. We just talked, she showed me some of her "tools" and gave me some advice. Thats as far, in the door ive gotten....

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    I had a 'training' session yesterday. It went well. I'm confident to continue on my path to being a Domme. I felt very empowered.
    Whose jealous? I AM!

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    Lala, do you have any pictures of yourself? A model mayhem page? If you are going to be in the Charlotte area I can hook you up with some contacts. I've never been to CAPEX but it might be fun. Also, Single Cell Productions hosts fetish parties.
    I have a few quick flicks, nothing domme-ish YET. I also have a MM but the pics are pretty old. Send me your email addy.

    OH MY DAMN!!!! I googled Single Cell Productions and they LOOK AND SOUND SOOOOO AMAZING!!!!!!! filled my heart with so much twisted joy lol

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    I've been an online domme on and off for a couple of months. Before getting involved with real time sessions I would suggestion doing cam show on fetish networks and if you have a webcam or camcorder looking into doing clip4sales. Clip4sales allows you to create videos for all types of fetish and its a good not to mention easy money maker.

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    Default Re: I want to become a DOMINATRIX, NEED INFO PLEASSSE!!!

    @mzdeniro <---cute name

    That (cam sessions) is what Im hoping to start within the next 1-2 weeks. I have a webcam that I think is good enough quality. My main issue at the moment is location/privacy.


    ***update***

    I called the agency in Wilmington and again.... it's gone nowhere. Its always "you need to speak to (domme lady)" . I call back, speak to her and its "ill call you back after my office shift is over"..... call never returned

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