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Thread: Too late to tip a dancer?

  1. #1
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    Duh Too late to tip a dancer?

    Hi folks! I was visiting San Diego this week, and stopped by a club on Wednesday. After an hour or two I was nearly ready to leave, but spent pretty much the last of my cash on a set of lap dances from a pretty girl. I was very surprised that they turned out to be easily the best I've had in my life (out of visits to maybe 5 clubs with dances from about a dozen girls). I would have loved to rewarded her with a generous tip for her efforts, but was pretty embarrassed to have to hand over merely the same amount I probably would have given to a mediocre dancer, and I clung on to the rest for myself (needing a taxi back to the hotel).

    Now that I'm home again, I have the cash to spare I would have liked to have given her at the time... and my stupid question is this: is there a good way to pay her a bit more now? I suppose I could mail cash to the club with her stage name on the envelope, but I imagine there's almost no hope it would get to her without somebody else pocketing the dollars. Other possibilities trying to get a message to her all feel way too creepy.

    I suppose the right thing to do is just to remember her stage name for a few months with a mental note to tip her really well if I'm in the area again, but that's very unlikely.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    Write down her name somewhere in case you do go back. You never know about these things.

    But for god's sake don't worry about it. I bet you are a gentleman, from your desire to make amends, and even thinking of starting a thread--and so she was probably very glad to do those dances with you instead of a guy trying to shove his fingers up her ass. You paid her for the dances and were polite, so you did well.

    Don't try to send her the money, someone will steal it, and it will make you look like a sucker (a little, sorry). While the dancers love suckers for valid reasons of their own, you do not want to be viewed as a sucker, for valid reasons of your own.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    I have worked at many clubs that receive presents for the dancers.

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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    Djoser: Thanks for helping me to think straight. You're absolutely right, of course.

    As far as being a gentleman and a sucker, well, parts of me are definitely each of those, but I think mostly I'm just overly sentimental right now. I have recently been reminded just how much misery there is in the world (someone I knew killed himself just a week before the lap dance of my lifetime... the second suicide among acquaintances of mine this year). Fundamentally, the dancer in question simply treated me with far more kindness and generosity than was required by the situation... and it occurred to me that maybe we might all be a bit better off if behaving like that were rewarded more often.

    Anyway, all that nonsense has probably gotten me into a pathetic hippie mood for a little while. If people I know could just stop killing themselves, I'm sure I'll be back to my selfish and cynical self in no time!

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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    Shasta: Really? Huh. What do you think the chances of a greeting card with cash inside making it to the intended recipient are?

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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    Hey you know what? If she was that cool, she might actually appreciate a gift the way it is intended, and not take you for a sucker. It's a very predatory business, to be sure, but there are exceptional people and exceptional circumstances in it nonetheless.

    I would still be concerned about whether she would really get it. Not all clubs are as cool as Shasta's.

    Sorry about your friends. I've lost a lot of them in the last few years.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    Well, I am not sure what would happen if you sent her a gift. I know that wherever I have worked I have established a really good relationship with the management and they would be happy to give me said card/gift.

    My suggestion is to call the club during an off hour and tell the manager that you wanted to give a tip to dancer x, but you didn't have the $$ on you. See if you can pass on your number or email to her through that manager. In most clubs giving and receiving phone numbers is fine- some clubs encourage it to keep regulars.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    That's good advice Shasta.

    ItsMe27, if you do call them, use your intuition when you talk to the manager. From what I've seen of the business, a whole lot of them are shady. But usually they are not smart enough to be able to disguise it when talking to anyone with any real perception. If they sound untrustworthy, I wouldn't try to send diddly. If they sound cool, well that's up to you. I like the idea of getting her your contact information, that way there would be no 3rd parties involved.

    Why don't you just try to go back there sometime, if you thought you would be able to catch her when she is working, is it very far away?
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    Send flowers !
    On the card, you could have the florist write your email down if you want to ( or write anything else down ) .
    If she reaches you, you could send an amazon.com e-gift card.
    You run the tiny chance that she might be out for vacation, but more than likely , receiving flowers would seriously make her night and make her look like a rock star at work.

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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    Shasta: Thanks! That does sound like the right way to get in touch, and I appreciate the help. However, just phone or e-mail contact isn't really enough in itself ("Hello? Sparkles? Hi, it's me, John. You probably don't remember me, but I bought a dance from you a while ago. Anyway, I need your real name and your home address. Why? Well, it's so I can mail you some money. No, really. ... Hello? Hello?")

    Anyway, I quit the dithering and mailed a note and the cash. Just have to hope that her management are as good as yours. They are at least polite... much harder to tell if they're also honest. If they're not, some fucker will steal it and the bastards win again, but if I do nothing, the bastards win by default anyway. It's a fucked up world, where half the people are trying to screw you, and the other half are forced to be suspicious that you're trying to screw them.

    Djoser: Yeah, pretty far away. 2 hours by plane. I travel a couple of times a year for work, but have very little control over where I go. Maybe San Diego again one day, but it'd take quite a coincidence. That's the main reason I couldn't care less if the entire club thinks I'm a sucker... I don't expect to be going back.

    Carmen_b: Hrmmm... that sounds really clever, the more I think about it. I probably should have tried that instead. Oh well, another one to experience... thanks, anyway!

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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    I think it's great you did that, but I can tell you ( and I don't mean to discourage you ) .... my latest clubs mangement would have stolen it for sure. I mean .... like 98% sure ( anything is possible, but them being honest is very unlikely ) .
    Update this ! I hope she gets it and sends you a thank you email so you know!

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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    I think it's great you did that, but I can tell you ( and I don't mean to discourage you ) .... my latest clubs mangement would have stolen it for sure.
    Yeah, that's what I'm scared of. But it occurred to me that whoever handles it won't be able to tell she's not expecting it, and it's not obvious whether anything valuable is inside. So there might be some chance that somebody might decide not to take the risk of being found out just to take something that could well be worthless.

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    Update this ! I hope she gets it and sends you a thank you email so you know!
    Nope... there's no return address on it. Just a kind word and a brief explanation so that if she does get it, it won't be puzzling why cash appeared out of nowhere.

    If I'd put my contact info on it, she would have had a choice whether to ignore it or to reply. But this way, it is beyond her control... perhaps her expert teasing influenced me to turn into a little one myself

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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    ^ That is awesome. Totally my style.

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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    I know the dancer you are talking about. Send me the money and I will give it to her....

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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    Shasta: Thanks!

    Johnnytwoshoes: You're the best! I'll send you the money as fast as I possibly can. I'll have $500,000 really soon, but I'm afraid I just sent my last dollar this morning to a Nigerian businessman who contacted me by e-mail and needed it all for an advance transfer fee...

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    Default Re: Too late to tip a dancer?

    Do you think she remembers who you are? if ou don't care whether or not she remembers who is sending her the gift, and you want to do it out of the goodness of your heart then I think you should send it. I have customers who have sent me stuff and I had no recollection who they were

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