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Thread: Monogamy?

  1. #51
    Moderator Jessie_tinydancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    ^ I'm certainly not bored of my husband. And I do feel completely fulfilled in my relationship and thats why I have the confidence to swing. I adore my husband. Its just fun to bang other hot people every once and a while - plain and simple. We have a varied sex life... do lots of fun stuff together, porn, bondage, pictures, costumes, toys all that jazz. The we also have fun with our swinging mates. We have romantic times and vanilla sessions too. Just a few weeks back we got a expensive hotel room, ordered room service, drank champagne, bubble bath, and banged all night.

    We may not swing forever, but it doesnt make or break our relationship. We could stop tomorrow and both still be happy as two peas in the pod. Its really just fun for us. You could say a hobby LOL.

    Now I could never have done this with my ex. I wasnt sure of how strong our love was and something like that would destroy it.

    I've got nothing against monogamy. I think a lot of people are confused about open relationships though..

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  3. #52
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    ^ Exactly, you swing for the "right" reasons... But, if either partner in a relationship said, "I'm getting bored in bed with you, let's fuck other people," that's not the "right" reason to swing and that relationship is going to fizzle really quick. There are hundreds of ways to "spice" up sex when it gets "boring" and two people that "love" each other should be willing to explore them all before giving up on each other.

    In your case - your husband is not bored with you and he doesn't need to swing (he is complete with you), but yet, it is an activity that you both enjoy and approve - like kayaking or rock climbing. I can respect that, even though my own attitudes and personal preferences (for myself and my GF) are different.
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  4. #53
    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    ^^You assume that most people in open relationships are bored though? Eh, not even remotely. Basically, here it is....I like girls...a LOT, but I like men more. So, why not be in a relationship that allows me to have a girl every now and then?

    Plus there is an honesty that you just can't touch in most monogamous relationships. Last semester I had a crush on my lab partner (a guy). In a regular relationship I would have to have been sure to hide this even though it was a passing thing and I had no interest in actually having sex with him. I didn't have to stress about it though. Nope, I just told Daddy about my day to day stuff without worrying about editing out someone that I had class with. Didn't worry that he would start a fight or tell me to fuck-off like I would have with most men. Stuff like that you can't put a price on imo.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

  5. #54
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    ^^ Trem said that, not me...

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    The reason people are in open marriages is because they DO find traditional relationships boring, this is a matter of opinion and shouldn't be taken as an insult. It's no different than me saying i find your favorite TV show boring, that's just how i feel and sorry if it bugs you.
    I said - "But, if either partner in a relationship said, "I'm getting bored in bed with you, let's fuck other people," that's not the "right" reason to swing and that relationship is going to fizzle really quick. There are hundreds of ways to "spice" up sex when it gets "boring" and two people that "love" each other should be willing to explore them all before giving up on each other."

    The reference to "giving up on each other" was specifically related to the people whose sole motivation for swinging is boredom with their partner. In your case and Jessie_tinydancer, that doesn't apply.

    I agree with you about honesty. But, here is the problem -

    Hypothetical person 1 speaking - "I truly believe in a traditional marriage and a monogamy 'till death do us part'. But, I cheat on my wife out of weakness and I regret it later and feel a lot of guilt. I know what is 'right', but I lack the self-control to live according to my convictions."

    Is this person monogamous or polygamous? Intellectually, morally and philosophically, he is monogamous, but his personal "weakness" causes him to act in a polygamous manner.

    On the other hand, consider this person:

    Hypothetical person 2 speaking - "I don't believe in a traditional marriage - it is the creation of a patriarchal ancient and absolete system that always had a double standard for men and women. I believe "true love" means letting your partner experience everything life has to offer, whether it's with you or with anyone else. I believe in free and unconditional love, without possessiveness - any efforts to limit my partner's sexual curiosity and adventure is selfish and irrational... Yet, my emotions get the better of me and it pains me to see him with another woman. I hide this pain when we swing, because it is a sign of my emotional weakness."

    Is this person monogamous or polygamous? Intellectually, morally and philosophically, she is polygamous, but her personal "weakness" causes her to act in a monagamous manner.

    (Ignore the genders used for these examples, they are just random.)
    Last edited by jack0177057; 08-05-2010 at 01:30 PM.
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  6. #55
    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by princessjas View Post
    Plus there is an honesty that you just can't touch in most monogamous relationships......... Stuff like that you can't put a price on imo.
    Honesty & openness.....absolutely key in any relationship.

    ...and also have absolutely nothing to do whether it is a sexually open relationship or a monogamous one.

  7. #56
    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    ^^ Trem said that, not me...



    I said - "But, if either partner in a relationship said, "I'm getting bored in bed with you, let's fuck other people," that's not the "right" reason to swing and that relationship is going to fizzle really quick. There are hundreds of ways to "spice" up sex when it gets "boring" and two people that "love" each other should be willing to explore them all before giving up on each other."

    The reference to "giving up on each other" was specifically related to the people whose sole motivation for swinging is boredom with their partner. In your case and Jessie_tinydancer, that doesn't apply.

    I agree with you about honesty. But, here is the problem -

    Hypothetical person 1 speaking - "I truly believe in a traditional marriage and a monogamy 'till death do us part'. But, I cheat on my wife out of weakness and I regret it later and feel a lot of guilt. I know what is 'right', but I lack the self-control to live according to my convictions."

    Is this person monogamous or polygamous? Intellectually, morally and philosophically, he is monogamous, but his personal "weakness" causes him to act in a polygamous manner.

    On the other hand, consider this person:

    Hypothetical person 2 speaking - "I don't believe in a traditional marriage - it is the creation of a patriarchal ancient and absolete system that always had a double standard for men and women. I believe "true love" means letting your partner experience everything life has to offer, whether it's with you or with anyone else. I believe in free and unconditional love, without possessiveness - any efforts to limit my partner's sexual curiosity and adventure is selfish and irrational... Yet, my emotions get the better of me and it pains me to see him with another woman. I hide this pain when we swing, because it is a sign of my emotional weakness."

    Is this person monogamous or polygamous? Intellectually, morally and philosophically, she is polygamous, but her personal "weakness" causes her to act in a monagamous manner.

    (Ignore the genders used for these examples, they are just random.)
    Why the need to label everything? Hypothetical person #2 does not need to be in an open relationship imo. Why do something that hurts you? Ughh! Can't stand when girls decide to go along with whatever to please a guy. Personally, if I wasn't playing too, I wouldn't be there, but whateves. I have zero interest in swapping, my interest lies in having another girl join in.

    Quote Originally Posted by lemiwinks31 View Post
    Honesty & openness.....absolutely key in any relationship.

    ...and also have absolutely nothing to do whether it is a sexually open relationship or a monogamous one.
    They really have more to do with how secure both parties are...but in my experience, most men can't handle actually hearing about who their partner finds attractive. So, theoretically you are correct, but in all my 34 years I've only met one guy who wasn't into open relationships that was that secure and non-possesive.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

  8. #57
    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    I said people in open relationships were bored with vanilla relationships, NOT bored with their partners.

  9. #58
    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    I said people in open relationships were bored with vanilla relationships, NOT bored with their partners.
    Yeah, I got that before. Or at least it's what I assumed you meant.

    My take on relationships....If you can't spank me and make me your dirty little slut then basically I've got zero interest. Jeez, my earliest fantasies had bondage in them. I was about 5-6 when I started fantasizing about being tied to a steel table and kissed/touched, around this time I also realized I got crushes on girls almost as often as I crushed on boys. The submissive thing is not even like a choice I make, it's more like who I am. If I can boss around a guy then I will. I'll make him my wittle bitch and have no respect for him. I can do this with damn near anyone I meet, so the handful of times that guys have told me to cut the shit....I'm hooked.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Jack - It doesn't seem that either of your hypotheticals should be in an open relationship.

    #1 sounds just like all these politicians, evangelists, athletes, and celebrities who get caught committing "adultery" (even the word sounds dirty). They tearfully and publicly confess their "weakness", check themselves into treatment centers for their "addiction", and join prayer groups to seek redemption (at least whenever they can get the cameras there). Just once, wouldn't it be refreshing to hear one of them say "hey - I was just having some fun that night - it doesn't take anything away from the love I have for my wife and family.

    #2 sounds like what I expect a lot of people feel. Although intellectually they understand that it may be unreasonable and unnatural to demand a lifetime of fidelity from their partner, they just can't wrap their mind around the thought of their partner enjoying sex with someone else. We don't have to label this insecurity, jealousy, or mental illness to recognize that if either person has that strong emotional reaction, it would be foolish and dangerous for either to experiment with sexual experiences with others.

    You described the rationale for a monogamoous relationship beautifully. If that works for you, keep at it. Most people in our society are striving to achieve just what you described. But the problem comes when one or the other "cheats". Even if it was just once - even if it didn't really mean anything - many react with such a sense of betrayal that they are perfectly willing to throw away years of shared joys and love. Even single acts of adultery are grounds for divorce in every state - and our courts are full of "betrayed" spouses taking full advantage of those laws.

    Seeking sex with another person absolutely does not have to mean that you are "bored" with your spouse. I used the words "unreasonable" and "unnatural" when talking about fidelity and monogamy. Before this stirs the waters again - let me explain.

    It is a basic element of our nature to seek variety in all we do. It doesn't matter how great a job you have, after doing it a few years, you get restless and start thinking about what else you could do. It doesn't matter if you've been served your favorite meal, in your favorite restaurant, you look at the plate being served at the next table and wonder what it would taste like (the longing to sample your neighbor's food would be even more intense if you had been eating the same meal, in the same place, for months or years). It doesn't matter how much you love your favorite author or musician, you want to read books and listen to music by others.

    Only in the marriage contract does society require an absolute promise that you will "cleave" to one thing and "forsake all others", for the rest of your life.

    Then, the forbidden fruit thing kicks in. If you don't think that is a factor, try going on a no carb no dairy diet for a while. Even if you never liked them much before, after a couple of weeks, all you can think about is bread, pasta, and ice cream.

    So, monogamy is hard. Because it forces us to suppress our natural craving for variety, it is also unnatural.

    Many monogamous couples can do this, despite the difficulty, without apparent difficulty.They are worthy of respect and admiration. Others remain monogamous, but do so by repressing natural sexual desires in ways that manifest themselves in other, unhealthy behavior (fighting, anger, depression, withdrawal, irrational outbursts, etc). Then there are those (numbering in the millions) who cannot meet this high standard. When that happens, all hell breaks loose.

    Think of all the drama, heartache, broken homes, broken families, damage to innocent children, violence, and chaos that we experience in our world - because so many people "cheat" and so many people will not understand that an occaisional sexual experience with another person does not have to mean an irreparable break from the love and respect that previously existed in their relationship.

    To Hockeybobby - "bringing about world peace through promoting dialog" is probably stretching it a bit (although that was a great comment - I'll think about it).

    But it would be nice to think that dialogs like this might contribute, in some small way, to greater understanding between otherwise loving couples, or greater domestic harmony, if infidelity does occur.

    Having said all that, I still would rather talk about the ideal fantasy woman. And I must say that Princessjas is coming pretty close.

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    Veteran Member jennsweet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    ^got some spare time huh?

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Not any more

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by princessjas View Post
    If you can't spank me and make me your dirty little slut then basically I've got zero interest.
    Can I cane and whip you, too?
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by classyguy View Post
    Think of all the drama, heartache, broken homes, broken families, damage to innocent children, violence, and chaos that we experience in our world - because so many people "cheat" and so many people will not understand that an occaisional sexual experience with another person does not have to mean an irreparable break from the love and respect that previously existed in their relationship.
    While I agree that honest swinging is better than fraudulent monogamy, I don't think swingers are immune from drama, heartache, broken homes, broken families, damage to innocent children, violence, and chaos.

    My grandmother was not a swinger, but, she tolerated my grandfather's infidelities (in those days, in their country in South America, it was unheard of for a woman to leave her husband, and they had to put up with everything). At one point, my grandfather had two other families besides his "legitimate" family... The "illegitimate" kids suffered and the "legitimate" kids suffered, each set of them resenting the other. My grandmother suffered and the mistresses suffered, each one jealous of the other... everybody suffered. Even my grandfather suffered in the end, because some of his children (both "legit" and "illegit") grew to despise him and had issues growing up.

    Humans have a lot of obnoxious and base inclinations - wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony - but, we can't resolve the human conflict of temptation by approving of base conduct - e.g., men are full of lust, so let's approve of sexual licentiousness; men are full of greed, so let's be more accepting of scoundrels like Bernie Madoff, etc...

    Discipline is the control over base desires like wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. But, discipline is not easy, it takes a lot of practice and effort, and there are lapses along the way. But, the answer to the problem is not to encourage absence of discipline. I am sure that swingers also have "rules" and "boundaries" and that people "cheat" by violating them.

    There is a fictional story -- Brave New World -- about a futuristic perfect society were monogamy is outlawed, because it makes people jealous, possessive, insecure and territorial. Recreational sex is an integral part of society and is a social activity, rather than a means of reproduction. Sexual activity is encouraged from early childhood. The maxim "everyone belongs to everyone else" is repeated often, and the idea of a "family" is considered pornographic.

    A man and a woman fall in love and desire to be together exclusively... This is offensive to sociey, but they hide and risk their lives to be together.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    But you keep citing extreme examples - that are easy to agree with - and that really don't address the point we are talking about. We're talking about partners who are willing to accept an occaisional sexual fling, with a safe and discrete partner. We're not talking about gang bangs or bigamy. Doesn't that make a difference?

    And wrath, greed, sloth, and what Bernie Madoff did, are bad things. Sex is a good thing.

    I'm encouraged though that we do seem to be developing some common ground. Princess sounds pretty hot doesn't she.

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    There are hundreds of ways to "spice" up sex when it gets "boring" and two people that "love" each other should be willing to explore them all before giving up on each other.
    This belies the fact that even in the strongest relationships, familiarity breeds contempt, even sexually. Maybe especially sexually.

    If my partner has an itch she wants to scratch, I have zero issues with that, so long as she abides by three basic rules: be safe, be discreet, enjoy yourself. I don't attach any labels to that, and that's half the problem with this discussion--people get so busy trying to categorize and define the behavior of others in an attempt to validate and affirm their own behavior choices. It's just unnecessary and ultimately polarizing.

    Pretending that we as individuals are the be-all-end-all sexual experience for our partners is simply ridiculous, ego-centric and denies the basic nature of the human experience.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    If you say it is possible to love romantically without being the least bit possessive and exclusive, and that you've done it,... then, it is possible... But, I've never meet anyone like that... It is rare.
    You are correct on both counts: It is possible and it is rare.

    When I was very much involved in he swingers community I saw jealousy being the major component that broke swinging couples up. Most people just can't handle it long haul.

    I, on the other hand, never experienced jealousy personally. I believe jealousy is all about self-esteem issues and/or mistrust. If you don't believe you are good enough for someone, work on yourself. If you can't, or don't, trust your lover figure out why. If it's a good reason you need a new lover. Sitting about feeling jealous is simply a waste of time in my book.

    That said I will point out that the topic at hand: What is and isn't monogamy and what is and isn't cheating, has little directly to do with jealousy.

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    I don't think the no-extras dancer is "cheating" when she is only dancing, because this is only entertainment... And I don't think her BF is "cheating" when he is buying lapdances from her friends, because again, this is only entertainment (just like jerking off to porn is not "cheating")... But, any "extra" by either of them is cheating.
    That's just the point. That would only count if YOU were in the relationship with the dancer in question.

    If a woman is involved in a committed relationship with an actor and he has a kissing scene and she believes kissing other women, even when acting, is cheating then that is the way she will perceive it and to her she feels cheated on if he kisses the other actress during a scene.

    If the boyfriend of the dancer believes it is cheating when she wiggles her naked breasts or her g-string covered buttocks at a man during an air dance in his mind he's been cheated on if his girl-friend does that.

    When it comes to relationships perception is reality.

    So the idea is to TRULY COMMUNICATE with anyone you intend to become committed to so as to know that you are on the same page about the topic of what constitutes a committed relationship. Make sure you continue to do so as you grow and change together. You'll prevent a lot of misery that way.
    Last edited by Golden_Rule; 08-08-2010 at 12:46 PM. Reason: combined two posts to same person
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    BTW, while we are on the subject, is it needed to point out the obvious: That it is just possible that if you are willing to judge the worth of someone simply by what you read on a website about them it might say a whole hell of a lot more about you than it says about the person you are judging?

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by jennsweet View Post
    we all play the monogamy game.... until the price is right LOL. you'd turn down 10G for a one night fuck? ......BULLSHIT
    You do know that your quoted comment above is a paraphrasing of the punch line of a very old joke.


    Middle-aged man in a strip-club to a dancer: I find you very attractive and incredibly sexy. Would you consider having sex with me for $One Million$ ?

    Dancer to Middle-aged man: I might.

    Middle-aged man to dancer: How about $500$ ?

    Dancer to Middle-aged man: Of course not! What do you think I am, a hooker?

    Middle-aged man to Dancer: Madam, we have already established what you are, now we are just negotiating price.
    Fiat justitia, pereat mundus.


    BTW, while we are on the subject, is it needed to point out the obvious: That it is just possible that if you are willing to judge the worth of someone simply by what you read on a website about them it might say a whole hell of a lot more about you than it says about the person you are judging?

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Elvia View Post
    Because I did discuss it with my partner before I went into stripping. And it's not so much a matter of "checking with" as much as it's a matter of being open with them and discussing it, as opposed to doing it in secret. If my partner knows what I do already when we meet and decides to proceed with a relationship, there might not be much to discuss. If someone decides to go into sex work, I think that's something the partner deserves to know.
    Agreed.

    The only thing I see missing, and it may simply have been unspoken on your part and not missing at all then, is that knowledge that people change attitudes and beliefs as they grow with experience and age.

    So while a partner may be fully aware, and comfortable, with their other half being involved in sex work that may change over time. The communication has to remain constant. It's not enough that it was simply done upfront at the very beginning of the relationship.
    Fiat justitia, pereat mundus.


    BTW, while we are on the subject, is it needed to point out the obvious: That it is just possible that if you are willing to judge the worth of someone simply by what you read on a website about them it might say a whole hell of a lot more about you than it says about the person you are judging?

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer View Post
    Pretending that we as individuals are the be-all-end-all sexual experience for our partners is simply ridiculous, ego-centric and denies the basic nature of the human experience.
    You are being as judgmental as a monogamous person stating that swinging is immature and immoral.

    We each weigh all the pros and all the cons, and decide for ourselves what is the best option. That doesn't mean that a monogamous person will never feel temptation to "cheat" nor does it mean that a swinger will never feel jealousy. We are in eternal conflict because both monogamy and polygamy are "natural" elements in the human psyche. (Even though one may be stronger than the other.)

    By all accounts, monogamy should be dead. My parents' generation experimented with hippie "free love" and swinging parties. My generation (I'm 38 ) spent its college years casually hooking up. We drank alcohol, got high and fucked to release tension before and after exams. If all these advances were in the "right" direction, why are most of us still reverting to monogamy as we grow up and "mature"?

    I spent 15 years of my life trying to fuck as many different hot girls as I possibly could. Often, the fantasy of fucking them was a lot better than the reality. Often, the bragging rights were worth more than the actual sexual experience. Now, I plan on spending the next 30 years fucking one very special hot girl as many different ways as I can. She is my partner in every aspect of my life. The sexual variety with her comes from trying different things, I'm just limited by my creativity. The sex is so much hotter because I am not doing it for my ego or bragging rights, I am doing it purely for her and my deep sexual fulfillment.
    Last edited by jack0177057; 08-09-2010 at 04:15 PM.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    OK Jack - Here's the question. Its squarely on the point that this debate has raised.

    The question is "what would you do?"

    You have told us repeatedly how much you love your woman, how much she means to you, and how you expect to spend the rest of your life with her. I believe you.

    So, if you learned that she had a sexual fling with another - but she told you it didn't take anything away from the love that she feels for you - would you throw away the whole relationship? Would you kick her out and file for divorce?

    What would you do? (and responding that she would never do that is dodging the question)

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    ^ I wouldn't know until it happened - that's the honest answer. My choices would be:

    (1) Terminate the relationship because of her deceit and lack of self-control (more than the fling itself). This would end the relationship in anger and resentment.

    (2) Forgive her, but terminate the relationship because of lack of compatibility. Obviously we want and need different things. If my GF wants to swing, she's better off with another partner, so breaking up is a mutually beneficial thing. We can still be friends. We can even be fuckbuddies (and she's free to fuck other people), until I find a new monogamous partner.

    (3) Forgive her and continue to be her BF, but write her off as non-marriageable - again, for reasons of honesty, compatibility and concerns over her discipline and self-control.

    (4) Forgive her and experiment with an "open" relationship. I doubt this, but who knows. Like I said, just because I've decided to be in a monogamous relationship, doesn't mean I don't lust for other women. (But before you ask why am I depriving myself of what is a "natural" passion - consider that when I was promiscuous, I fantasized about meeting someone very special to be in a monogamous relationship with. -- So both fantasies and desires exist in my psyche: to fuck many hot insubstantial girls, but marry one very special substantial girl (the "ONE") and be exclusive with her. Also, keep in mind that my requirements for a marriage candidate are very long and my standards very high, so only ONE (or at the very best, one in a million) is worthy of such exclusivity.)

    (5) I could experiment with "swinging". I doubt this, but who knows.... (same comments as above apply).
    Last edited by jack0177057; 08-11-2010 at 09:04 AM.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by classyguy View Post
    OK Jack - Here's the question. Its squarely on the point that this debate has raised.

    The question is "what would you do?"

    You have told us repeatedly how much you love your woman, how much she means to you, and how you expect to spend the rest of your life with her. I believe you.

    So, if you learned that she had a sexual fling with another - but she told you it didn't take anything away from the love that she feels for you - would you throw away the whole relationship? Would you kick her out and file for divorce?

    What would you do? (and responding that she would never do that is dodging the question)

    Not Jack, but I will answer this.......

    1) My wife......She would never do that........but your question, your rules...

    fine.

    Yes, the relationship would be over. Because knowing that she was risking our whole relationship....she did it anyway....for something that meant nothing to her. That means she did not value our relationship nearly as much as I did.

    I would expect the same from her if I did it. Which is why i have never remotely considered cheating on her. (other than in fantasy, which i share with her)

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by classyguy View Post

    So, if you learned that she had a sexual fling with another - but she told you it didn't take anything away from the love that she feels for you - would you throw away the whole relationship? Would you kick her out and file for divorce?

    What would you do? (and responding that she would never do that is dodging the question)
    The answer to this in a monogamous relationship is pretty cut and dry, but not the knee jerk response that most people, I gather, would think of first.

    You have to ask and find out the answer to two questions:

    The first is to ask yourself if you still love her enough to want to stay. If the answer is yes then you find out the answer to question number two.

    You ask her if she wants to stay with you, keeping to your agreed upon standards.

    If the answer to that is yes the rest is communication, working out the fine details, regaining trust and healing. [You know, the hard part]

    If the answer to either question is truly no, you leave.
    Fiat justitia, pereat mundus.


    BTW, while we are on the subject, is it needed to point out the obvious: That it is just possible that if you are willing to judge the worth of someone simply by what you read on a website about them it might say a whole hell of a lot more about you than it says about the person you are judging?

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    classyguy...do you fantasize about being cuckolded? does that turn you on?

    a lot of guys are into that.
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Of course not. "Cuckolded" is another word that is laced with all sorts of negative connotations. It implies deceict. It implies something done behind my back. It implies making a fool of me. The cuckolded husband merits pity or scorn, depending on the circumstances.

    Sorry to disapoint, but the humiliation thread was started by sissy. No disrepect to him
    (... whatever floats your boat ...), but I just don't get it. Being humiliated does not turn me on.

    This thread is about the perfect woman - and about the perfect relationship.

    I'm suggesting that my perfect woman is one who loves me enough, and who is confident enough in herself, to understand and accept that, although I love her completely, situations may arise when I want to fuck someone else.

    I'm suggesting that the perfect relationship is one where she enjoys the same love, respect, and trust. If she does something that makes her feel good, I can be happy for her.

    Because I love her.

    Just like I am happy if she gets a promotion at work - or if she wins an award - or if she experiences anything else in her life that makes her happy.

    I think that's what true love means.

    But that's just me.

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