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Thread: Monogamy?

  1. #126
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Elvia View Post
    ^^^ Who said you should force your partners to do anything? I don't think monogamous people are forcing monogamy on each other. The fact is, most people today do prefer monogamy. They seek out monogamous relationships with other people who are into monogamy.

    I'm non-monogamous myself, but I don't think the way you are portraying monogamous relationships is fair. There are pluses and minuses to both approaches. People need to decide what works for themselves.
    I agree. You do what works for you. Theres two people involved so if you both agree either way = bliss. If you are not on the same wavelength its not going to work out. No one needs to brainwash anyone. You just do what is right for you.

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    You've got to realize something - ANYONE (even married people with children) can exit a relationship at ANY TIME, if that person gets bored, feels taken for granted, feels he/she is better off alone or finds an upgrade (better-looking, healthier, in better shape, younger, sexier, wealthier, more successful, more powerful, more sexually aggressive, etc.). Insecurity is not irrational, it is the simple recognition of this essential truth.
    To be honest these people scare me more than swingers/people in open relationships because they are making more of a mockery of marriage than those who sleep with others. I've seen far too many kids destroyed because their one parent left the other for another person.

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    INSECURITY IS GOOD - I want my GF or wife to be a little insecure, so that she:
    (1) doesn't take me for granted and does nice things for me,
    (2) works out and doesn't allow herself to get obese like other women her age,
    (3) looks like a prize date when we go out, and
    (4) dresses sexy for me and fucks my brains out, even when she's not in the mood.

    In a business, insecurity is vital - you don't take your customers for granted. Customer "loyalty" is only accomplished through excellence in customer service - excellent service and communication. Businesses provide excellent customer service because of the fear and insecurity of losing their customers to competitors.

    Ah, but love is not a business transaction, you say.

    Romantic relationships start off with "love" which is a short-lived intoxicating - irrational and impractical feeling. But, after the "high" wears off, it becomes a practical partnership. You've got to offer each other high value and excellent customer service on a continuous basis. Otherwise, he or she justified in seeking a better "deal". Why be stuck with an inferior product? (By "product" I mean the whole package - you can be ugly and broke, and still be an awesome "product" by the love and support you provide her. On the other hand, if you are ugly, broke and a jackass to her - she's completely justified in seeking an "upgrade".)

    Insecurity helps to maintain the product fresh and competitive with other products available in the market place.
    I hope you do the same for her. I've known guys who expected their wives to still be hot yet they got fat. It goes both ways.

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    I'm not talking about a GF or wife that stalks you and calls you every 15-minutes when you're on a business trip or that wraps her arms around your leg to keep you from going to the local bar to meet your friends.

    I'm talking about a GF or wife that keeps up with "the competition" by staying fit, dressing sexy, and being a seductive little sex kitten (or hungry lioness) in the bedroom.


    I don't know if you've been in a marriage or long term relationship. Its too easy to get into a routine and take each other for granted. A hate when this happens, but it tends to. I want my GF or wife to "compete" for me, even if I am already hers. (And I'll compete for her, too, by wooing her like we're on a first date even after we've been together for 20 years.)

    On the other hand, excessive stalkerish teary insecurity is repulsive.
    Clingy people in general scare me and have dumped guys who are like this. I don't want to be with someone like that. In an irony the guy I love used to be like that but is the opposite now and I hate both extremes.

    It's funny you mention marriage being like a partnership because I was reading something that I often forget. The idea of a marriage based on love is fairly new. In the past (and it's hasn't been that long) people of upper class families were often either arranged to marry someone else, or even "suggested" they marry a particular person. Many times love never happened and the man had a mistress, and many times he really loved her instead of the wife. In many cases the wife knew about her and didn't care because it meant he would have sex with her less (which meant less kids). The mistress sometimes even lived with him and had many kids. Even if the wife didn't approve of this she had no choice. Of course women didn't usually have the same options because of the whole pregnancy situation. Personally, I like the idea of a marriage where both people can sleep with others than a marriage where only the man could.

  3. #128
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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    Quote Originally Posted by salemsexy View Post
    Jack you really don't sound like a guy who even thinks live is real! First not every man likes Angelina maybe thats your type but no all think the same!

    So to you Angelina would be better then what? a nother beautiful woman because Angelina has money along with her looks?

    Sounds like you value everything but love! What you seem to go after is things not love..

    To you looks and money rule over anything else!!

    Sorry not love where even talking about here.
    salemsexy, you took my hypothetical completely out of context.

    First of all, I do believe in "love" - but I believe it works like this - "love" starts out as a sort of infatuation, where "nothing else matters". He could be a loveable loser, mediocre intelligence, no job, no career goals, etc. - just a half-way decent looking dude with an old guitar and a love song for you. You will look past all his issues and be madly in "love" with him. Over time, though (1, 5, 10 or 15 years) the infatuation wears off and the relationship evolves into a more intelligent and practical partnership. (I.e., he needs to get his shit together.)

    Second, Angelina Jolie was just an example (chosen for obvious reasons). After being married for 5 or 10 years, someone can come along that is younger and prettier (these are just two factors, though), shares your husband's hobbies, career goals, passions, whatever... for whatever infinite possibilities - he might find himself more attracted to her and more compatible with her. My point is that every woman will want to fight to keep her husband, even if the chance exists that (for whatever reason) he might be happier with his new prospect.

    This is normal - this is jealousy. In a "perfect" 0% jealousy world, it would be very different - the wife would encourage the husband to seek the greatest happiness (and vice versa)- even if that means he will pursue another romatic interest and leave her.

    Again, I am not arguing in favor of this "perfect" 0% jealousy world, I'm saying just the opposite - jealousy (in modest amounts) is good.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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    Default Re: Monogamy?

    It's really tragic how much grief and trouble people go through based on some idea of what "the" rules are for relationships and marriage. The dancer felt betrayed according to her definition of betrayal, it's just that simple. If she never TALKED about it with her husband, about what she thought it meant to be faithful in their marriage, that's very sad for the both of them. If your signinficant other breaks a "rule" that the two of you never discussed, it's a least partly your mistake.

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