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Thread: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

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    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
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    Default Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/03...elity/?hpt=Mid

    Why is this anything new? Open marriages have existed since the dawn of humanity.

    Is anyone involved in an open relationship? Can this save a relationship?
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    I've been wanting to go poly but I'm waiting until things settle down and we're settled in a new home and things are less stressful to do it. BUT! Here's the thing with our relationship... the only reason we're going poly is because I'm bi. There will be no other men on my end, and no women on his end. He is a very open person and has been in poly relationships before, had threesomes, etc.... whereas I would decapitate a bitch if she even looked sideways at him. I have too short a temper to have a fully open relationship.
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

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    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    Save a relationship? Absolutely not. Keep one from floundering over stupid crap? Yes.

    If you are already unhappy in your relationship, then sleeping with other people will just exaggerate that imo and might make both of you insecure. Gotta find your happy place first, then decide together if you wanna go that route or not. Honesty is key.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    Yep. I was gonna add exactly that. Opening a relationship won't save it. It's just something that some people do/prefer. If you're already jealous it's not going to work.
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

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    Veteran Member girlfromipanema's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    Sorry for the rant, Tempest.

    This broad is a simpleton. She is of the belief that men are "hard-wired to cheat" and that if he does it's because (sigh) the wife isn't putting out enough. Blame the woman again. A more accurate indicator of cheating is personality type and lowered capacity for empathy, which reaches across both genders, as Professor Josephs stated in the article below.

    This broad promotes games in a relationship when really a relationship should be about love between people. She somehow believes that if a woman gives a man "clearance" to have sex with other women she is doing some kind of reverse magic woo on him. If a man wants to commit an indiscretion and there is no internal dialogue preventing him from doing so...he will.

    Then she goes on to say, "the woman definitely needs to negotiate infidelity as well, especially because that will generate her man's competitive nature." Seriously is she that deranged? What if a woman doesn't want to have sex with anyone else? She should just threaten to so she can inspire jealousy in her partner and fuck her relationship right up.

    I mean shit. If an open relationship floats some couples' boats then wonderful for them. That is something personal they choose and I don't believe fear of losing a lover is part of that decision.

    A college degree in Psychology doesn't grant her the title of expert. She has no authority to offer advice to any woman on anything, especially when she's here burdening women with bullshit to worry themselves over. Really, women have more important things to tend to than "arranging alternatives" for their beloved. It is clear this broad has no real understanding of relationships, open relationships, nor human nature.

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    shaebabii
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

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    Last edited by shaebabii; 05-25-2011 at 07:58 PM.

  8. #7
    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    Quote Originally Posted by girlfromipanema View Post
    Sorry for the rant, Tempest.

    This broad is a simpleton. She is of the belief that men are "hard-wired to cheat" and that if he does it's because (sigh) the wife isn't putting out enough. Blame the woman again. A more accurate indicator of cheating is personality type and lowered capacity for empathy, which reaches across both genders, as Professor Josephs stated in the article below.

    This broad promotes games in a relationship when really a relationship should be about love between people. She somehow believes that if a woman gives a man "clearance" to have sex with other women she is doing some kind of reverse magic woo on him. If a man wants to commit an indiscretion and there is no internal dialogue preventing him from doing so...he will.

    Then she goes on to say, "the woman definitely needs to negotiate infidelity as well, especially because that will generate her man's competitive nature." Seriously is she that deranged? What if a woman doesn't want to have sex with anyone else? She should just threaten to so she can inspire jealousy in her partner and fuck her relationship right up.

    I mean shit. If an open relationship floats some couples' boats then wonderful for them. That is something personal they choose and I don't believe fear of losing a lover is part of that decision.

    A college degree in Psychology doesn't grant her the title of expert. She has no authority to offer advice to any woman on anything, especially when she's here burdening women with bullshit to worry themselves over. Really, women have more important things to tend to than "arranging alternatives" for their beloved. It is clear this broad has no real understanding of relationships, open relationships, nor human nature.
    I agree most of the article is BS. And, you are completely right, if I felt like I might lose my primary partner, well, then I certainly wouldn't want him fucking other women. I'd be spastic and afraid he would prefer them over me...and I'm completely spoiled and must always be the chief fucktoy. lol Oh and I've pretty much always been this way. Never really cared if past bf's wanted to date other girls as long as it didn't alter our vibe. I realized years ago that my only source of anger over possible cheating was that I felt disrespected and lied to, never got that whole jealous over sex part. It's just sex and can be very intimate...but can also just be about getting off.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

  9. #8
    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    Quote Originally Posted by girlfromipanema View Post
    Sorry for the rant, Tempest.

    This broad is a simpleton. She is of the belief that men are "hard-wired to cheat" and that if he does it's because (sigh) the wife isn't putting out enough. Blame the woman again. A more accurate indicator of cheating is personality type and lowered capacity for empathy, which reaches across both genders, as Professor Josephs stated in the article below.

    This broad promotes games in a relationship when really a relationship should be about love between people. She somehow believes that if a woman gives a man "clearance" to have sex with other women she is doing some kind of reverse magic woo on him. If a man wants to commit an indiscretion and there is no internal dialogue preventing him from doing so...he will.

    Then she goes on to say, "the woman definitely needs to negotiate infidelity as well, especially because that will generate her man's competitive nature." Seriously is she that deranged? What if a woman doesn't want to have sex with anyone else? She should just threaten to so she can inspire jealousy in her partner and fuck her relationship right up.

    I mean shit. If an open relationship floats some couples' boats then wonderful for them. That is something personal they choose and I don't believe fear of losing a lover is part of that decision.

    A college degree in Psychology doesn't grant her the title of expert. She has no authority to offer advice to any woman on anything, especially when she's here burdening women with bullshit to worry themselves over. Really, women have more important things to tend to than "arranging alternatives" for their beloved. It is clear this broad has no real understanding of relationships, open relationships, nor human nature.
    Men are not 'hard wired' to cheat. My grandparents were together until my granddad passed away, then my grandmother never was with anyone else. They were their firsts, and their lasts. You are correct... she really is a simpleton. Cheating has a lot to do with one person's morals, conscious, and ability to commit. It's not a gender thing.

    I think having open relationships because men are 'hard wired' to cheat is completely stupid... have an open relationship because both partners want to, not because 'well, he's gonna cheat anyway.' Fuck that. I will never think that way. If a man were to cheat on me, he'd be gone. Pure and simple. I won't bend. I think if a man can't commit to me and only me (unless we both mutually agree on something else because we BOTH want to.) then he's not worth the dirt he's standing on.

    Cheating has become more common, because well... today's society is all about me me me ME. Instant gratification.

    Yup... I'd say she pretty much doesn't have a clue. I've never met an open couple, poly or swingers couple that did what they did because 'he'll cheat anyway'. They all have their own reasons.
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

  10. #9
    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    ^^Yep, why even be with a guy that's such a dipshit they are completely unable to be faithful? While I don't require fidelity, I don't think I'd want anything to do with a guy that I thought wouldn't be capable of being monogamous....if that makes any sorta messed-up sense. lol (Even I sometimes don't fully understand my own logic! haha)
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    ^I see your point... you don't want the deception in other words. To me, that is the WORST part... trying to hide something from me is insulting to my intelligence.

    I think I totally get what you're saying... you don't need fidelity but at the same time want someone who is CAPABLE of it.
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

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    Veteran Member girlfromipanema's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    Holly Hill's logic is so ass backwards it's laughable. First, since she is of the mindset that "it's a man's nature to be non-monogamous," what kind of men does she think she will attract? She makes it a point to go out with randy men! But then she turns around and applies her skewed logic to all of humanity cause well, she has a degree.

    And then she is just convinced that her man will not spoon with anyone after fucking them because she forbids him to spoon with his conquests. Haha! How does she know he won't spoon, or develop genuine affection for some of the women he sleeps with, for that matter? There's that old saying, "give an inch and they take a mile."

    I think we should leave Holly to test out her own theory. Should be entertaining to see how it all turns out for her.

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    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    There's that old saying, "give an inch and they take a mile."

    Absolutely!! You hit the nail on the head with that one!
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

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    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    ^I see your point... you don't want the deception in other words. To me, that is the WORST part... trying to hide something from me is insulting to my intelligence.

    I think I totally get what you're saying... you don't need fidelity but at the same time want someone who is CAPABLE of it.
    Haha, I always say that about being lied to! It makes me think...."Do you really think I'm so stupid I'll believe that?"
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    I read the article and she's nothing but a high class escort. That's fine, but there is nothing else to it. I disagree with most of her article. I know many long time monogamous couples and many people in open relationships. Most of the monogamous couples are still married and most of the people in open relationships are divorced. While I have no problem with open relationships, I don't think most people could handle it. I certainly couldn't. If I dated a guy who couldn't be faithful I would dump him. In fact infidelity is one of the instances I'd get a divorce.

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    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    ^It takes a LOT of maturity, trust, open mindedness, and love to go poly or have an open relationship... the majority of society isn't ready for that.
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    Quote Originally Posted by Harleigh HellKat View Post
    ^It takes a LOT of maturity, trust, open mindedness, and love to go poly or have an open relationship... the majority of society isn't ready for that.
    Very true. One thing I've seen with the people I've known with successful open marriages is they were able to separate sex and love into basic ideas. It wouldn't work for me, but it works for them and there isn't jealousy (or doesn't appear to be).

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    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    I've had relationships where it involves 3somes, which was ok. I admit I can be a jealous little bitch, but I am also a horndog. If the two of us are there participating then I say the more the merrier
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    I've had relationships where it involves 3somes, which was ok. I admit I can be a jealous little bitch, but I am also a horndog. If the two of us are there participating then I say the more the merrier
    Same here! I am very jealous though and very insecure sometimes when I see my man looking at another girl however, I'm open to 3somes and gangbangs as long as he's involved lol. I'm just super freaky i guess.

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    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    Yeah I've had thoughts about it, not gonna lie. I kinda want a 'house slave' that we could both 'use' hehehehe. It would be fun. I'd have to wait until everything is settled down and stuff.
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

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    Default Re: Nothing new to "negotiating infidelity"

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    I've had relationships where it involves 3somes, which was ok. I admit I can be a jealous little bitch, but I am also a horndog. If the two of us are there participating then I say the more the merrier
    I think I mentioned this before, but I had a boyfriend who was fine with me having sex with his friends while he watched (by sex I don't just mean vaginal, but oral too). He found out that I was sleeping with his friend because sometimes he was passed out (he was an alcoholic). So he insisted on having a threesome with his guy friend (they didn't do anything to each other though I hoped they would). It was a very sick relationship (not just because of this) and eventually I left him. I know that had I really loved him, I wouldn't have cheated or if I had I never would have told him. But since I knew it wouldn't last it didn't before me.

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