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Thread: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

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    Default Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    I have been taking inventory so to speak about my life and have noticed something interesting: most of my friends during my 20's were guys. On further look I realized most of these guys were ones who wanted to date me. I admit I had a few FWB's, but for the most part these were strictly platonic. Looking back I'm really not sure why I didn't date some of these guys. In fact the guy I love was one of these guys. He was nice to me, but I met him during a terrible part of my life (going through a horrendous breakup) so was unable to get serious. Now because of his issues, he's having a hard time getting serious, but has made it known he's extremely attracted to me and likes me so I have hope.

    Because of my past, I wonder if it's possible that guys can really be platonic friends with women. I did have a few guy friends not interested, but most of them were gay. Also interesting to note is that once my guy friends start getting married they all drifted away. One guy friend got into an argument with me in 2003 and I later found out he married in 2004. Did he get into an argument because he didn't want me in his life once he married? We are Facebook friends, but that's the extent of it now. He's not the only one. I've had many of them just disappear never to be seen again. I wasn't invited to any of their weddings. If we were truly friends, wouldn't they have stayed in touch?

    Anyone else have experiences like these?

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    Its rare, but its possible. There will, however, always be some sort of sexual tension, even if its hidden deep.
    Me and one of my best friends (a woman) both have relationships we cherish and want to keep. We are soulmates, but still realize we both cannot have anything else than a platonic relationship. Luckily both our SOs are cool with it. If circumstances were different though, it wouldnt be platonic.

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    I was thinking of situations like that, and wondering if they only work if both people are involved with another person. For instance, would I still be friends with many of these guys if I had someone when they got married? In my case I don't think we could ever be platonic because we are both attracted to each other and are so alike in so many ways.

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    If you mean can any guys be friends with a hot girl and not ever think about banging her, then no that is not possible. That doesn't mean they can't be platonic friends though, all it takes is you not banging them.

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    No. Period.

    If a guy is devoting time to a woman it is almost always because he wants to sleep with her, or at the very least he would do so if he had the chance.

    IMO many women don't really understand this. This is because they tend to emotionally/mentally categorize their relationships with men a bit more clearly than men do with women. For most guys, if she is good enough to hang out with then she is good enough to screw.

    Now there may be "one off" situations that some will quote here, but IMHO the vast majority of times the guy would sleep wiith the female friend if circumstances favored it.

    If in doubt, ask yourself this: How many dog ugly hetero women do you know with lots of male friends?

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    I think that you all retain some valid points. I've definitely kept male friends who were strictly platonic, but sometimes you can cut that tension with a knife--doesn't mean you act on it though.



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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    I think that women are much better at remaining platonic friends with men than men are at keeping it non-sexual with women. I've always had more male than female friends and yep, prettty much all of them at one point tried to get in my pants. I don't even really think it was because they were interested so much as just that men are shameless and will try to nail anything moderately attractive given the right circumstances.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    yea otherwise i would have almost no friends .

    i know most of them would bang me in a heartbeat if i let them, but most are smart enough to realize at this point that its not gonna happen. and i also know a fair amount of them began with them interested in me, but after they got to know me they realized im not a very good person to try to date.

    maybe you still assume all are trying to bang me and as soon as they realize they cant they will walk away, but i have had some male friends who know its not going to happen do some serious loyal stuff for me in the past and i have for them. and at this point i would say a lot of them are more like brothers than friends.

    i agree with trem though that a lot of them (generally the ones who dont fall into the brothers category) do still think about banging their female friends.

    also, if male-female friendships only occured when the male was interested in banging hte female, then how the hell do fat ugly chicks end up having male friends (who are decent looking)? ive seen it happen plenty of times. the last time i was a member of a large group of friends it was very mixed, and there was a healthy mixture of attractive and ugly girls.

    maybe the men on this board are unable to sustain platonic relationships, but the men on this board also tend to be pigs. more so than men found in other places. i mean they spend their time posting on a board about how much they love extras. so yea, if the men on this board mostly say no its not possible, i would take it with a grain of salt while remembering that these are the same fucks that come to the SC to pay for sex.

    and also, lastly, i think there is a difference across generations. im only 22. i think in my age group its much more common than in the age group 15+ older than me.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    Athena, I think you were the one (correct me if I'm wrong) who mentioned where most of your friends were guys who wanted to sleep with you, but you liked them as friends. This is something that I've been thinking about since I now want to be with a guy friend who wanted me in the past. Personally, I am more comfortable around men and I wonder if part of it is because in my younger days most women didn't want to be friends (no doubt because of jealousy). It's just weird because now I have more female friends but many of my male friends disappeared after marriage, and others disappeared once they knew nothing else could happen.

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Athena, I think you were the one (correct me if I'm wrong) who mentioned where most of your friends were guys who wanted to sleep with you, but you liked them as friends. This is something that I've been thinking about since I now want to be with a guy friend who wanted me in the past. Personally, I am more comfortable around men and I wonder if part of it is because in my younger days most women didn't want to be friends (no doubt because of jealousy). It's just weird because now I have more female friends but many of my male friends disappeared after marriage, and others disappeared once they knew nothing else could happen.
    most of my friends are guy friends, but i dont think most of my friends are my friends because they want(ed) to sleep with me. i will be honest, a few friendships started out that way, but most of my male friends have been very loyal and respectful. they are not the type who are trying to get in my pants etc. and i havent had many friends walk out on me when they knew i wouldnt sleep with them, i think this is mostly because i dont think i would become friends with these types of people. i am careful with who i spend my caring on... and usually im correct in who deserves it. those who are just trying to get my body dont deserve it.

    now if i decided to try to hook up with them would they? Some would, some wouldnt, some might if they were drunk. im a hot girl, its expected that some would.

    i also fear losing a lot of friends after they get married. so many women are jealous. i have no problem with my SOs having friends of either gender...
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    I doubt I'd have a problem with any guy having a friend who was a girl, unless there was a sexual past to it. It if was platonic, then no problem. Most of my guy friends (the ones who wanted to sleep with me) knew I wouldn't get serious with them so they were fine with being friends, but a few told me that if I wouldn't be their girlfriend they didn't want me as a friend either. One friend comes to mind. He loved me, got jealous when I dated others, then said he couldn't be my friend anymore. I told him because of his problem (he was schizophrenic) I couldn't date him, so he stopped hanging around with me. Sad, but he couldn't handle it anymore.

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    No. Period.

    If in doubt, ask yourself this: How many dog ugly hetero women do you know with lots of male friends?
    Honestly? A lot. It might be easier for them to be friends with girls they don't want to fuck or ever have a chance at it. Some of the girls are probably considered one of the boys

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    yea otherwise i would have almost no friends .

    i know most of them would bang me in a heartbeat if i let them, but most are smart enough to realize at this point that its not gonna happen.
    No they aren't, or at least some of them are not. They may pay lip service to the notion, but trust me when I say that at least 2/3 of them are hoping for the outside shot, and in the meantime they will do what they can to stay in the picture. Like I said before, women are much better at mentally categorizing men in the "friend" vs. "something more" buckets than guys are with women, but they know that if they vocalize these hopes that you will likely shun them.

    So instead they will say crap like,"I understand that - at one point I wanted you for that, but now you are too good a friend. I could never do anything to jeopardize that." Sound familiar? LMAO - at least he couldn't until a scoring opportunity presented itself


    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    maybe the men on this board are unable to sustain platonic relationships, but the men on this board also tend to be pigs. more so than men found in other places. i mean they spend their time posting on a board about how much they love extras. so yea, if the men on this board mostly say no its not possible, i would take it with a grain of salt while remembering that these are the same fucks that come to the SC to pay for sex.
    Ah huh - or these guys are just less honest about their ultimate hopes. IMO you are giving them too much credit - they may know that it is not going to happen now but I would bet a dollar against a thousand that some of them are hoping that they eventually get the chance. I am 40 and you don't think the same stuff was happening when I was 22? Girls were as deluded about these guys' hopes then as they are now.

    Watch, indeed, what happens when they get married, or even when you do. And if you DO get married, you may still not understand what is happening in the minds of your male friends but your husband sure as hell will

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    No they aren't, or at least some of them are not. They may pay lip service to the notion, but trust me when I say that at least 2/3 of them are hoping for the outside shot, and in the meantime they will do what they can to stay in the picture. Like I said before, women are much better at mentally categorizing men in the "friend" vs. "something more" buckets than guys are with women, but they know that if they vocalize these hopes that you will likely shun them.

    So instead they will say crap like,"I understand that - at one point I wanted you for that, but now you are too good a friend. I could never do anything to jeopardize that." Sound familiar? LMAO - at least he couldn't until a scoring opportunity presented itself




    Ah huh - or these guys are just less honest about their ultimate hopes. IMO you are giving them too much credit - they may know that it is not going to happen now but I would bet a dollar against a thousand that some of them are hoping that they eventually get the chance. I am 40 and you don't think the same stuff was happening when I was 22? Girls were as deluded about these guys' hopes then as they are now.

    Watch, indeed, what happens when they get married, or even when you do. And if you DO get married, you may still not understand what is happening in the minds of your male friends but your husband sure as hell will
    Well I'm sorry that you friends with females have solely been based on the fact that you were hoping for that one in a million chance of fucking them, but not all men are so piggish. You have no idea what some of my closest friends and I have been through together, but I can sure as hell promise it wasn't sex. My friends and I have trusted eachother with things that youdo not entrust friends who you only keep around hoping to fuck. We have entrusted eachother with everything up to and including life at some point. Friendship like that is not based on wanting to get into someone's pants.

    You really don't know what you are talking about. Maybe what you stated applies anectdotedly to you, but you already know I think you are a disgusting pig so I don't doubt that you believe what you claim. .
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Ah huh - or these guys are just less honest about their ultimate hopes. IMO you are giving them too much credit - they may know that it is not going to happen now but I would bet a dollar against a thousand that some of them are hoping that they eventually get the chance. I am 40 and you don't think the same stuff was happening when I was 22? Girls were as deluded about these guys' hopes then as they are now.

    Watch, indeed, what happens when they get married, or even when you do. And if you DO get married, you may still not understand what is happening in the minds of your male friends but your husband sure as hell will
    You're 40 years old? You are the most immature and ignorant 40 year old man Ive ever heard. No wonder you have to frequent strip clubs and wasting your time and $$$ to pay for sex from strippers. You obviously look down at women and see us as nothing more than sex objects, i feel sorry for you.

    Any man who says he cant be friends with a woman is missing out on life, and possibly a great friendship. Life is too short, maybe you should get out of the SC once in a while and experience broadening your horizons a little bit. And who knows, maybe you can even get laid with someone who gives a shit about you and not your wallet.

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post

    and also, lastly, i think there is a difference across generations. im only 22. i think in my age group its much more common than in the age group 15+ older than me.
    I think our age group is a lot more open minded and women arent seen in such a negative light or playing stereotypical "housewife" roles anymore.

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    My BFF is a guy, and he's the best friend I've ever had! Our friendship is and always has been strictly platonic. We're total nerds and compliment each other's personalities really well, we're just not each other's "type" when it comes to dating. We talk everyday, know all each other's secrets, I can trust him with anything and he's the one person in my life besides family who I know will always stand behind me- and I do the same for him. It's rare, but these types of friendships do exist! It just depends on the people.

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    I have to mention another point, and that is when I say most wanted to date me, not all wanted to fuck me. Many of these guys actually wanted to marry me and date without sleeping together. Hard to explain but very true. The guy I love now always told me he had fantasies of us marrying and having kids, but loved my friendship.

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    Featured Member flickad's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    I think they can be. My best friend is a male and I have many close male friends. None of them have shown interest in dating me. About half are gay, though. The others already have girlfriends, though they didn't when I met them. One of them actually did start as a fling, but there's no longer any of that energy between us.

    I'm fairly androgynous in my thinking and have always gotten along very well with men on the platonic level.

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    It's perfectly possible. I have plenty of really close girl friends who I never wanted to date - these friendships are rewarding in lots of other ways (insight into the mind of a woman, activity partners for shows and movies, life advice - my female friends are a lot better at this than my guy friends).

    It's all a matter of personality - some guys are looking to get laid all the time, and I'd hazard a guess that those guys don't have many platonic relationships. Those who are looking for more fulfilling and balanced relationships in their lives can and will have platonic relationships with women. My perspective on life has definitely improved with the help of my female friends, more so than just having guy friends.
    Last edited by ct1111; 08-07-2010 at 02:18 PM.

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    I think for men and women to be friends they can't be sexually attracted to each other. but thats just my own personal experience.

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    My best friend has always been my friend Greg. Since the 8th grade. Hasn't changed. And there is/was no sexual tension between us. we are just really great friends. And no he isn't gay.

    It is very possible.





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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    All of my best friends are men. But since I'm gay they all knew from the beginning that nothing would ever happen sexually. Once that little issue was out of the way, we could all "let our hair down" and be ourselves around each other, with none of the drama.

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    Totally possible. My best guy frind and I have been friends since highschool. Did I have a crush on him for a bit? Sure. Nothing ever came of it,whatevs it's freakin highschool,lol. But we've been kick ass platonic friends for years. He was even my prom date, lol. He totally doesn't want in my pants though. I tease him about his horrible taste in chicks and he teases me about my larger than life Diva personality. He is basically the only guy I know that would come see me, if I were to ever choose to work in a strip club, not to ogle my goodies but to just drink beer and glare guys down to make sure they tipped me well. He's like my bro

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    Default Re: Can someone be platonic friends with the opposite sex?

    i think it's possible. maybe there's some tension. maybe there's some romantic feelings. but that doesn't mean you can't be friends. i've got a friend now that i suspect is into me like that, and i'm kinda into him like that too...but there's no way it would work out, so i'd rather just stay friends. we're genuinely incompatible on a dating level. he's pretty adventurous, and on a friend level so am i. but in a relationship, i really just want to stay home and watch a dvd and have sex. i don't want jump out of a plane.

    i also know though that a lot of the guy friends i used to have were into me. i didn't know it then. they'd give me shit for dating jerks, and they'd hear me cry about how i dated jerks because nice guys never asked me out. and they didn't do anything. they didn't ask me out. they never tried to kiss me. nothing. in the end, i've decided that they weren't really friends. if they liked me and let me be sad, even though they could've made me happy, they aren't my friend. the end. i don't speak to any of them anymore. and bear in mind that they were always chasing after heartless skanks, wiping out their bank accounts to take these girls out and pay their bills when they supposedly didn't have the money themselves. and lord knows i would've been better to them than that. if they'd rather chase after some skank who sucked them off one time when she was on coke, convinved they can change her and turn a ho into a housewife, they probably wouldn't be very happy with my boring ass self anyways.

    sometimes i wonder, though...maybe if i were willing to hook up with friends, i'd have a boyfriend. i've seen a lot of relationships start as friends who messed around one night. but i've also seen a lot of people get hurt and used. and i don't need that drama. but at the same time, i guess if you're just playing numbers it makes sense. like asking every guy for a dance. i'm still not gonna blow every guy i meet, but it's really fucked up knowing that a few of those guys will basically fall in love over a blowjob.
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

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