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Thread: Grow Up!!!

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Angel75217's Avatar
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    Default Grow Up!!!

    I've been my my guy 4 years this October, we are "engaged" with a date for December. We have our regular problems over finances, him smoking, all that boring crap that i'm not going to waste peoples time with.
    Here is the kicker. I'm on here posting today because a band I LOVE is coming to a local club in a couple of weeks and I've been raving about going for 3 days. Today he points out that he doesn't want to go. He doesn't know the band, bla bla bla. I didn't make any effort for him to know about them. I posted this crap on my FB twice and I can't make him look at or listen to anything because he hates everything I like. it's like dating your freaking little brother! So I point out that he could look the band up himself.
    It doesn't matter. It's not the band, it's the going out, it's that club.
    What it comes down to is i feel like i don't ever do anything! And I'm scared I'm going to wake up one day and be 40 and not have done what I wanted to do. Maybe we're not right for each other. I love him and i want to be with him but this is bullshit.
    I threatened to go by myself but that would be such a huge deal, he'd make me feel like such shit i wouldn't go. I don;'t have any G friends I can go with, I don't have a ride to go. I'm half tempted to post on Craigs for someone to go with or take the bus!
    He refuses to talk to me about it any more, like every time before. I don't think he sees it as such a big problem since it's me having to sacrifice.
    In the past any time we go out ends up in a huge fight about something, him drinking too much, him acting like a dick the whole night and wanting to leave 5 minutes after we get there. It's bullshit,and since he won't talk to me about it any more i'm going to tell all of you!
    Licky like a tangerine


    .... Yea I said it!!!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    If he hates everything you like, why is he your boyfriend?

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  4. #3
    Veteran Member Angel75217's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    We like each other, but the constant arguing over everything, even stupid shit like going out to a club is draining.
    Licky like a tangerine


    .... Yea I said it!!!

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    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    Definitely go alone. Fuck him. Arrange a ride, even if you have to pay. While you're there, take a good look around at all the guys who are there because they love the band, or they love their girlfriends enough to go anyway.
    There's lots of good guys out there.

  6. #5
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    Start doing what you want to do. I was in the same situation a year or so ago and have since dumped the guy. I started a mini revolution in the relationship first by doing what I wanted ( including out of country travel he didn't approve of and dancing which he definitely didn't approve of ) . But seriously .... once I started doing what I wanted and made new friends in the process, he started treating me better ! I was no longer available all the time to him and it was a really healthy thing !

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  8. #6
    Veteran Member Angel75217's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    That's what i plan on doing. I'm just going to have to be me and if he hates it so much he can leave. I take him for who he is.
    Licky like a tangerine


    .... Yea I said it!!!

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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    isn't 4 years of a jackass like him bad enough? you really want to stay with him longer?

    i'd seriously rather be killed and partly eaten by all my crazy catlady cats one day, only to be found covered in their shit a week later when the stink is too much for my neighbors to handle than be with an ass like him.

    it's not that he doesn't like things you like. it's that he doesn't love you enough to make a compromise. he should want to do sweet things for you to see you smile.

    you might like him, but i think all he likes is having a cute girl put up with his shit and still be willing to fuck him. you could be anyone.

    and that isn't your fault. it's his fault. he's a selfish jerk.
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    do not take him with you; go alone. Why in the world do you ned him to go with you?

    secondly, do not, I repeat: DO NOT marry this guy. If you think you have problems now, they will get ten times worse after you are married. Marriage will not fix an already broken or fucked up relationship.

  13. #9
    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    I agree with the general consensus. Being controlled and prevented from doing the most simple things on your own is a real sign of a problem. Everyone needs their space and independence in a relationship, and unless you are out doing drugs or developing alcohol dependency issues I see no reason why this should be a big deal. I have a 6 month old so my circumstances are a wee bit more complex than yours, but I can definitely sympathize with you--especially since I don't have MY own car right now.

    I say the first step is getting your own car. You work now, right? Set aside money for yourself and once you have your own car say "look, I work for my money and provide myself with a vehicle so I can enjoy life to the fullest, you aren't going to dampen my time doing it because you are a grinch". One day (if you don't already) you'll have children, and you'll definitely regret not having time to do all the things you wanted to do if you are stuck with some controlling prick who wants you to sit home on the couch all day and watch TV and uphold five hour long, meaningful conversations every day.

    It has been my personal experience that an attempt at exerting control, no matter how small, always escalates into something further. Trust me on that one, and it will not end in your favor if you don't start getting your ducks in a row and MAKING some outs for yourself in regard to accessing personal freedoms without his 'permission'. You shouldn't need his permission if you are in a relationship, he should be loving and want you to have fun on your own and with him out in public, and if he doesn't then he is just trying to be controlling and it'll only get worse.

    I say leave, ASAP.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Veteran Member Angel75217's Avatar
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    Duh Re: Grow Up!!!

    ^ You might cringe at this one but the money I saved to buy a car, I put into opening a store with him and his family, which I work at now without pay.
    Licky like a tangerine


    .... Yea I said it!!!

  15. #11
    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    Fuck that girl. Why are you on SW then if you're supporting a broke ass man and working for his useless family for free? Go get into modeling, camming, stripping, escorting, something... shit. You must not be opposed to sex work if you're on this forum, right? If you aren't in shape go get in shape. A gym membership don't cost but $10 a month at the cheap-o gyms, but they have enough equipment to bust your ass in shape if need be. THEN get yourself a car and finish the rest of the steps
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


  16. #12
    Veteran Member Angel75217's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    Camming is the next step, but ty for the ideas and support. Plus he caved and is know planning on going. He doesn't get i will remember this bullshit later tho and eventually decide if I want to stay with him at all. Why have to put up such a fight to do something so simple that was supposed to be for fun? Plus knowing him he will go then make the night suck and i might have to ditch his ass there at the club and find someone else to have fun with. In the mind I'm in right now it would be way too tempting.
    Licky like a tangerine


    .... Yea I said it!!!

  17. #13
    Senior Member Yuki*'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    GO HAVE FUN!!!!!! You WILL regret it, trust me, WAYYY sooner than 40. I've been limited on what I can do because I moved to a BFE part of the country, to save $$ for a house (bills are 1/4 here), from one of the biggest party cities in the country. End goal is keeping me sane at the moment lol, but I'd be out every day if there was shit close by.

    Maybe it's just the kinda guys I've always dated, but I can't imagine a guy not wanting to go to a concert with his girl.

    4 years isn't that long if you are already having major issues.. I've ended 2 separate 3 year relationships in the past. Do you guys do anything together at all? Does he get jealous easily?

  18. #14
    Veteran Member Angel75217's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    LOL, yes! But he sees it's a problem and has worked on it. He's changed drastically for the better since we got together but it's not my job to keep waiting and he knows that. He knows we are on thin ice and I think he's feeling the same way, he knows it's pointless to commit to a life time of arguing until we hate each other.
    We do everything together but none of it is anything I want to do. I don't not want to do it but chilling at his friends house isn't exactly the highlight of my day. Yesterday in arguing he actually tried to point out he takes me shopping. I know for a fact I haven't made him take me shopping in over a year because the last time we went I asked him to give me 1 hour without him bugging me to leave, he started in after 20 minutes. Only recently I started having him just drop me off, which I know he didn't want to do because I might slip and fall on a dick any time I'm alone but he did it, and it was wonderful. Almost like being a grown woman walking around looking at whatever I wanted to in the time manner I wanted to! We were both pretty happy now that I think about it, I got what I wanted and he didn't have to walk around shopping.
    A lot of what's caused me to feel so upset about this issue is honestly inflamed by the other issues I said I wasn't going to talk about. If you don't have money to go out, you don't go out. If I don't have a way to go out by myself, I don't get to and since I don't have a car that's how it is. But I'm thinking since I don't have a car because I handed over all my cash he could go out of his way a little to do what I want for a little bit. That's not really asking too much.
    But anyways I'm making him go this weekend to that same club, call it a trial run. I swear if anything happens I'm taking the bus next weekend. BTW the band is Combichrist and it's a $5 show. It's epic.
    Licky like a tangerine


    .... Yea I said it!!!

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    God/dess Arialandre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    I don't like him he sounds like a dick.

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  21. #16
    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    Im sorry to hear your dealing with tthis. It sounds like my ex/bf where he..erhm "we" would do all the things he likes but my things...nope! 4 years is a lot.. esp at your age, but you're young and you're still growing. I dont know how much a man can change within 4 years, but the way he acts already shows he is taking you for granted. Start doing your own thing, thats what I did, I started working way more, going out to the gym or such and I dont have many friends either, so I had to think of my time better, but it made him come back and do things we both enjoyed. I hope things work out with you two. Dont get married to this man if you guys are fighting like this.. it will be worse in the future.

  22. #17
    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    Well... my bf didn't want to do any of the cool stuff I wanted to do either, but as of last night I don't have to worry about that anymore. He dumped me on my way home from Charlotte. It's a good thing, but dammit I wanted to do it on MY terms.

    I hope you find what works for you! Have you tried meeting new friends that are into your scene?
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

  23. #18
    God/dess Arialandre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    Hahaha talk about "on my terms" mine almost dumped me last night too but I pulled back so that when it happens it happens on my terms. Angel DUMP YOUR MAN and by "man" I mean "little boychild of a boyfriend" I vote you me and HH all move in together!

  24. #19
    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    ^Agree!! Let's all move to Canada! It's too hot down here anyway.
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

  25. #20
    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    Come to hockeybobby town!! It's a very comfortable 73 degrees here today. I think there's a special immigration exemption for hotties too.

  26. #21
    God/dess Harleigh HellKat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    Oh man I WISH it was 73 down here lol... we've hit well over 100 most days. The humidity is crazy too.
    On my way to being the Bitch Goddess of your dreams... or nightmares.

  27. #22
    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    Yeah, I've heard it's been like an equatorial jungle down there lately. Be like the snowbirds and go north for the summer and south for the winter.

    Hey Angel, how was the concert? Did you get Mr. Grumpypants to go with you?

  28. #23
    Veteran Member Angel75217's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    Well, we went to the club and had a great time but I got so drunk I don't remember seeing the band

    @Aria - I did go and look specifically for people I could relate to, found one in particular I consider myself a good friend of but it's online. But still, it's nice to chat with someone. And it's a guy which is driving my boyfriend crazy. We have broken up like 3 times in the last week over it but he keeps coming back. I'm just gonna ride things out for the time being but I'm actually falling for that guy I have things in common with so just kind of goes to show my boyfriend should have tried a little harder!

    @Hockeybobby - gladly, it was 106 in Dallas a couple of days ago, and although it's cooled down I'm still mad at Texas for sucking. I'm looking into Oregon for next summer after I get my EMT certification. Oregon or Canada.

    @ Hellkat, sorry you didn't get it your way. I keep trying to let him break up on his terms because I don't care and I know he'll feel batter that way. it's just been really bad timing. We broke up the day before his birthday, so he called that night wanting to get back together. At this point I don't even care any more so I'm just letting it play out. I have always tried really hard for us and he has put in no effort so I'm gonna play that game and watch our relationship fall apart since i'm not going to hold it together.
    PS anyone that would break up with you HK is an idiot.
    Licky like a tangerine


    .... Yea I said it!!!

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  30. #24
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    Go!. Not just to the show, but consider GOING from the entire relationship. You sound like I did for most of my life w wife...now we have a kid and I'm finding it impossible to leave even though were both unhappy.

  31. #25
    Featured Member bambiblue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Grow Up!!!

    He sounds controlling, inconsiderate, and pretty damn boring. Your considering marrying this guy? Marriage is about sacrifice and if he cant sacrifice 1 single night to make you happy and see a band you LOVE!!! then fuck him... GO anayway. Make sure he knows he cant controll you... and girl... you need to get sum friends and other outlets outside of him... life is short.. star living it... you dont need his permission to do the things you love...

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