I am having a really hard time right now and just need to vent....
I recently took a month off dancing and went on vacation, since I got back I have been looking really hard for a day job and dancing to make ends meet till then. I have been dancing for two years and am decent a pole tricks, a great hustler, and a consistent top earner in my clubs.
Two shifts back at work my main club, on a Friday night, the booker/owner called me into his office in the middle of the shift and said it had been decided, not by him, that I needed to lose weight and couldn't stay past 10pm until I lost at least 10-15 pounds.
I was really upset, even though I hadnt been at the club long, I had done a bunch of weeknight shifts and about 4 friday and sat night shifts, and was a top earner EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Walking out with $200-300 while other girls bitched about making $50.
I cried and left my shift early. I am really self concious about my weight, I'm not big but I'm not a size zero either. I'm about 5'11" and a size 8-10, with C cup breasts, very muscular, weigh about 185.
I decided to go back to my other club where I have worked for over a year and have a lot of regulars, always get the shifts I want, generally working only monday, friday, and sat nights. Two weeks after I was back the owner came in on one of my shifts, and yesterday I got a call from the booker that I am too big to work any night shifts, Ive been pulled from the schedule and have to lose some weight to get my shifts back. The booker also said im not the only girl they are doing this to, the owner is making a sweep and firing/demoting lots of girls. I bawled my eyes out and quit that club too.
Im fucking fed up. My boyfriend said, well now my career as an exotic dancer has just ended a little earlier than I thought, but in my head I thought I could still do friday night shifts after I found a day job for extra money. I am torn between picking up some shifts somewhere else and just saying fuck it. I feel like if I get back on that stage I'm just gonna look in the mirror and see FAT FAT FAT. I want to diet and start going to the gym even if I quit dancing and I feel guilty about that. I'm just fucking upset.
Also realizing Im not ready to let go, dancing is such a part of my life, ive invested so much into my stripper personality, my pole tricks, my outfits.....I dont want to give it up. But at the same time I do. any advice? can anyone relate?


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