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Thread: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

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    Default How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    This guy always comes in to see me, but he is a selfish prick and I kind of hate him, but don't have the heart to tell him. I am nice to him as always. But I say he is selfish because he'll try to suck out as much of my time with him (just sitting and chatting) on the main floor as possible, and then do four dances for $100, and in fact he wouldn't mind at all if I were to spend the whole entire 6 hours with him and only make $100. I always have to remind him after an hour (even two hours when it is slow) or so (I should do this after half an hour!) that we need to do dances and I need to keep moving along. Most guys who are considerate regulars will know that they need to do something after a certain amount of time, but this guy doesn't. ALSO a huge deal is that he pulls my hair during dances (I HATE IT and I feel like I'm already losing a great amount of hair on a daily basis because it is long and I refuse to cut it), and he tries to stick his finger up my bum.

    The more I type the more I am hating him. I hate it when guys try to violate my boundaries but its also my fault for not punching in the face when he does it.
    Also I email him almost every day. I am sick of it.

    I can make so much more money without him around. In fact I try not to have regs because they just suck your energy out.
    Other guys I randomly do dances with don't try to pull my hair or finger my butt or anything like that! Also less talk time.
    But on the other hand, he is a really really nice guy, easy to talk to and makes me feel comfortable and I can say whatever I want around and with him.
    However, he is determined to meet me outside of the club and is very prying into my personal life/personality, and wants to know more even though I tell him plenty.

    How do I tell him that I hate him. He wants to know my schedule for the week. And am I wrong or is he a jerk. He is like in love with me too.

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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    I could probably tell you how to keep him as a customer... but honestly it doesn't sound like he's worth it. Why not introduce him to another dancer who you know is more high contact? Or, do one set of dances for him & don't return to talk to him. Signal security before you do the dances to keep & eye on him & let them be the a-holes. Tell security you don't want him pulling your hair & have them yell at him when he tries to. Just be sure if you go that route that you tip security well.
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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    Quote Originally Posted by femmefatale88 View Post
    This guy always comes in to see me, but he is a selfish prick and I kind of hate him, but don't have the heart to tell him....he'll try to suck out as much of my time with him (just sitting and chatting)...he wouldn't mind at all if I were to spend the whole entire 6 hours with him and only make $100. ALSO a huge deal is that he pulls my hair during dances (I HATE IT and I feel like I'm already losing a great amount of hair on a daily basis because it is long and I refuse to cut it), and he tries to stick his finger up my bum.
    They seem to be pretty good reasons not to spend time with him.

    Quote Originally Posted by femmefatale88 View Post
    But on the other hand, he is a really really nice guy, easy to talk to and makes me feel comfortable and I can say whatever I want around and with him.
    Err.... How is he a nice guy? He wastes your time, pulls your hair and tries to put his finger up your bum.

    I'd spend 15 minutes with him. If he hasn't brought a dance, just get up, say you need to earn and move onto the next customer. I'm sure he'll get the message.

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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    Just say this - "I don't think this is going to work out. Its not you, its me... Please don't come by to see me anymore."

    Or make up a story about a jealous BF that knows what he tries to do during lapdances and wants to come to the SC to kill him.
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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    I don't understand why you would want to dance for or email any customer who violates your boundries and is a cheap ass. Just move on and try to find a more respectful regular. If he causes you any trouble in the club just let security know.

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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    I'm guessing I already know the answer but just in case, can't you just have security jostle him along? If he's soaking up your time, barely paying out, and pulling your hair and trying to diddle your ass that's what security is paid for or at least that's what they paid us for at my old club. 1-2 bouncers explaining the no touch policy to him as well as some BS club rule where you have to move on lets us be the bad guys (and who likes us anyway!) and you be in the clear. Not how your club rolls I take it?

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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    Ignore him and he will eventually go away assuming that is what you really want. You saying he is a really nice guy and you are comfortable with him seem strange in light of your complaints about him.

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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    I would straight out tell him I couldn't dance for him anymore, and if he asked why give him all the reasons you listed. But then again. I'm a pretty blunt person...

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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W View Post

    Err.... How is he a nice guy? He wastes your time, pulls your hair and tries to put his finger up your bum.
    I was wondering this too! Look, he's not a nice guy. He may be pulling the "nice guy" act, but he is not actually nice. He's trying to guilt trip you into doing more then you're comfortable with and he knows EXACTLY what he's doing. The fact that it works to some degree is only making him do it more.

    I've known plenty of "nice guys" like this. The strip club is crawling with them. The more you give them, the needier they get. You are just going to have to stop giving in to him. Be firm. Talk for 15 mins max and then tell him you are ready to do dances. If he balks, walk away. Be firm. What have you got to lose?

    You no longer have to pretend to like him. Give yourself permission to be a bitch. You don't owe him anything. And for the love of G-d stop emailing him every day! I don't even email my real friends every day.

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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    I get the feeling you must have been dissed a lot as a kid. This guy is either totally nasty or totally mental or both to be dissing you so much, but you don't seem to see that. If you have any physical or emotional abuse in your past, maybe you should try to find a good support group. You really should be fighting the urge to cut this guys balls off with a straight razor, not trying to find a polite way to get rid of him. I'm guessing what you really want is a way to get rid of the guy with zero confrontation. Say you have to go to the bathroom a lot. Tell him you have diarrhea, that's always really sexy. Say "I hope I don't take a dump on anybody by accident!" Chew on something that makes your breath smell awful. Tell him it's medication that makes your breath like that, and imply you have something catchy. When you come back from the bathroom, try to sell dances to other customers before going near him. If you can afford it, maybe you should be the kind of dancer who just asks if the guy wants a dance right away, and moves on if he says no. In any business, there will always be customers who will try to shit on you, and will keep shitting on you as long as you let them. Sorry this is happening to you, you don't deserve it.

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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    Next time he comes in, just latch on to some other customer till he gets tired and leaves. One of my dancer friends would ask me to pretend to be a "clingy customer" when she saw someone eyeing her she wished to have no contact with. Trust me, any guy who stops in to see a fav and gets flat-out ignored will realize there's a problem.
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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    Every time he pulls your hair, knee him in the balls. He should figure it out pretty quick.
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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    This guy always comes in to see me, but he is a selfish prick and I kind of hate him, but don't have the heart to tell him....he'll try to suck out as much of my time with him (just sitting and chatting)...he wouldn't mind at all if I were to spend the whole entire 6 hours with him and only make $100. ALSO a huge deal is that he pulls my hair during dances (I HATE IT and I feel like I'm already losing a great amount of hair on a daily basis because it is long and I refuse to cut it), and he tries to stick his finger up my bum.
    I know I could never cut it as a stripper, despite my devastating charm and irresistible good looks, but which part of your description classifies this miscreant as a nice guy?

    Move on already.
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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    He takes your time and spends little, pulls your hair, tries to finger your butt, pries into you personal things. tries to see you outside the club, so how could be be nice? How can you hate hims and think he is nice? He's not a nice guy, he just knows how to act nice to get you to spend time with him. What is stopping you from excusing yourself, with the very reasonable explanation that you can't spend too much time with him and have to make money, and getting up and talking to other customers? He is a regular, but he losing you more money than he spends if he expects you to talk to him all night for just $100.

    Strippers at the clubs I go to are very businesslike - they are not at all afraid to brush customers off if they are not making money from them. They don't care about customer's feelings when it comes to wasting time or taking any shit whatsoever. Therefore I'm surprised that you even posted for advice about this.
    Last edited by Hopper; 09-04-2010 at 01:56 AM.
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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    I am generally too nice, and no I have never been "dissed a lot" as a kid nor abuse of any kind at all in the past. I stopped emailing him completely but he keeps sending me messages saying sweet shit. Anyways I am not replying and lately I have been talking to customers for 5 minutes max and then asking for a dance. That seems to work best for me and I'm able to make the most money that way. I don't think I can deal with having regulars. It's just too draining. Sometimes it is nice to see a familiar face in a sea of strangers but other than that not worth it.

    I never intended to have a customer who I would have to email back n forth but it happened because I gave my email to him because I wanted him to send me a funny story,, anyways he abused my email and felt like it was ok to email me every day and ask me about my day and at first i was like ok, whatever... and i'm always bored cuz I only work 2 days a week and so I'll email people n stuff. .

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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    It sounds like you're starting the right way by not returning his emails. If you decide his money is still worth it...

    In the club, keep it strictly business. Reduce the small talk to a minimum, get your dances with him right away. If he tries to latch on, excuse yourself politely and go about your work as if he weren't there. Only when wants dances (not attention) would you go back to him.

    Outside the club, if he continues to get needy with the emails, you'll probably have to tell him he's sweet, but he needs to keep his correspondence to only when he'll be back to see you again. Be polite, but keep the non-work "talk" light and brief.

    Point being, if he thinks he's got a personal in-road with you, he'll keep pressing on it til he gets the hint, or eventually you have to tell him outright to GTFO.

    (And yeah, my suggestions are coming from the POV of someone who took too long to get the hint. )
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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    ^^^^ I am the regular of several dancers who don't spend more than 5 minutes talking to me. I have plenty of friends, I don't need to pay anyone to talk to me. I've also been friends with a few dancers, but we would just meet for dinner or lunch when they were not working. Part of reason they allowed me to become their friend was because I always respected their time when they were at work in the club. So hopefully you don't feel like you have to avoid guys who come in a lot. Just stick to your five minute rule. You might want to have a blog so you can let customers know when you will be working without them having your e-mail address. Then again, quite a few dancers have given me an e-mail address, and they're entirely comfortable with ignoring me if they don't feel like answering. I can't believe there are really that many idiot customers who think that a dancer they regularly buy dances from is obliged to treat them like a friend.

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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W View Post
    I'd spend 15 minutes with him. If he hasn't brought a dance, just get up, say you need to earn and move onto the next customer. I'm sure he'll get the message.

    Phil.
    thats exactly what id do,,dont spend so much time with him,,
    id stay and talk for 1 or 2 songs,,if he doesnt buy a dance,,move on.
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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    Raise your prices.

    Kylea2 made a great point get the doorman or staff to hover.

    Most customers hate that.




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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    I suggest that you simply explain to him upfront clearly your boundaries. No hair pulling. No finger probing. Tell him that your time just visiting at the table will starting costing after enough songs. So depending on the potential business or whether you feel like sitting with him, tell him at a certain moment for example, "I have been sitting here for x number of songs without any compensation. Each song from now on will cost y amount of dollars for sitting and z amount for LDs."

    If you have him whipped, he will start paying out better. If not, then you will run along and make money elsewhere. He will wonder if he should pay the money next time when he realizes that you will not give in.

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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    Quote Originally Posted by femmefatale88 View Post
    I am generally too nice, and no I have never been "dissed a lot" as a kid nor abuse of any kind at all in the past. I stopped emailing him completely but he keeps sending me messages saying sweet shit. Anyways I am not replying and lately I have been talking to customers for 5 minutes max and then asking for a dance. That seems to work best for me and I'm able to make the most money that way. I don't think I can deal with having regulars. It's just too draining. Sometimes it is nice to see a familiar face in a sea of strangers but other than that not worth it.

    I never intended to have a customer who I would have to email back n forth but it happened because I gave my email to him because I wanted him to send me a funny story,, anyways he abused my email and felt like it was ok to email me every day and ask me about my day and at first i was like ok, whatever... and i'm always bored cuz I only work 2 days a week and so I'll email people n stuff. .
    You seem to have a really narrow view of what "regulars" means. I don't contact any of my regulars (with the exceptions of those few who have become good friends who still come in to the club once in a while). No one gets a second dance from me if they break my rules multiple times.

    I really don't fucking get what's going on here. He's a dickbag, he's a horrible customer, and he's only giving you 100 bucks. No amount of money is enough for me to deal with a customer who is doing the shit he's done to you. Either stop acknowledging his existence in the club or hustle him quickly (five min sounds appropriate), enforce your rules with the help of bouncers if they're needed, and he'll either stop getting dances from you or behave in a bearable way.

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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    You are allowing yourself to be exploited and abused, and this guy is more than aware of it. A customer who pulls your hair and tries to sexually violate you is an abusive, disgusting fuck. You need to take your power back from this person. If you feel that you must keep him as a customer, you can turn it around on him when you're dancing for him. Grab his hair and jerk his head back. Physically remove his hands and tell him "I am in charge. You sit here and don't move." Set some limitations, and for the love of god stop emailing him every day. Your relationship has gone beyond that of dancer and customer to something really creepy and awful. If you need further help analyzing the situation, make note of how you feel with every encounter. If you find yourself feeling sick, emotionally drained, violated, and hurt/angry, end the madness. You even said yourself you make more money when he's not bothering you. Also, it is totally okay to tell hiim that his behavior is sickening and that you feel disgusted.

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    Default Re: How do I let a regular know I don't want to deal with him anymore?

    Please do not bump old threads. It is against forum rules.
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