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Thread: Anyone still friends with an ex?

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    Default Anyone still friends with an ex?

    I was reading Facebook and saw my one exboyfriend's daughter is turning 2. While we are "Facebook Friends" and chat every so often on email we don't hang out together socially. If I saw him somewhere we'd chat and all of that but that's about it. I wasn't invited to his wedding nor would I likely invite him to mine. We dated several years ago and broke up because of marriage. He was ready to marry, I was not. Besides it would have caused conflict religion wise (his family is Baptist and wanted me to convert). Because of that we broke up but stayed in touch. We got together several times after we broke up, even considered getting back together but realized for us it was a bad idea. He married the next woman he dated. Incidentally we never had sex because he was strongly for sex before marriage.

    What made me think of this is the fact he's really the only ex of mine I stay in touch with. Most of my exes are good guys, and I have run into a few of them but we never stayed in contact. When I have run into them they introduce me to their wives and we make pleasant chat and of course the empty "let's stay in touch" promise. One ex I got together with for years after we broke up, but this was a mistake. I'd spend the weekend with him, the first night we'd have nice chats, then he'd get drunk and we'd argue so I would go home. Not to mention he would ask me for sex and when I'd refuse he'd call me a "dirty stripper" I got tired of this so I stopped talking to him. Haven't seen him in over 10 years. I had an ex contact me, but this is the one I don't want him finding out where I am.

    I'll be honest and say I probably wouldn't want a boyfriend or husband still being close to an ex, especially if it was a serious thing (or they had sex).

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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    I'm actually still good friends with an ex, but we were good friends long before we dated. Now we live on opposite ends of the country, but we still see each other a few times a year and probably talk once a month or so. If I'm on the West Coast at all, I make it a point to try and get together for drinks.

    It can make things awkward with current women... Most of the time I just tell them she's an old friend, which is very true.

    Actually I'm letting her use my apartment next month for a few days, she's in town and I happen to be gone. If I wasn't single right now I probably couldn't let her do that... lol

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    Veteran Member AdventureBaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    My motto is ... if your penis didn't work out in my vagina why would I want you as a friend when the relationship is over? I actually tell bf's this. They've all looked at me like I'm crazy. Ok. So I am. But what's your point? You want to be my friend when we break up? No thanks. I have friends ... and I have never had sex w/ them.

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    I'm friends with most of my exes, i don't see what the problem is. The ones that ended badly i do get rid off though, but that is rare.

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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    No. It's just too weird for me.

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    Veteran Member Promnesiac's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    I'm only not friends with one of mine. And my two closest friends are the to men I was with the longest. So, yeah. Always. If I love you enough to be with you, I love you enough to keep you in my life (unless you do something horrendous).

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    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    He doesn't want me talking to "Bouncy Boy" -_- Some of you who have met me in person will know who this is.
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    This is interesting with the varied responses. I do think it makes a difference in what stage both people are in. For example if both people are married it might be uncomfortable but even more if only one is married. If both are single I've noticed in general it seems easier.

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    Veteran Member Promnesiac's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    This is interesting with the varied responses. I do think it makes a difference in what stage both people are in. For example if both people are married it might be uncomfortable but even more if only one is married. If both are single I've noticed in general it seems easier.
    I think that's true, though I was "best man" in my ex's wedding. So it can work out. I think the key is to make sure ALL romantic feelings are gone. That's easier said than done.

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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    Quote Originally Posted by Promnesiac View Post
    I think that's true, though I was "best man" in my ex's wedding. So it can work out. I think the key is to make sure ALL romantic feelings are gone. That's easier said than done.
    Very true. In my one ex's case he tried for years to get me back so I think there's probably still some feelings there. Because of that I don't think we could ever be very close friends as in we get together to visit unless both of us get married. My feelings towards him are gone except as a great guy (which he is).

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    I'm good friends with all but one of my exes. We talk regularly, we hang out, they double date with me and my boyfriend, etc. They're all good guys (or I wouldn't have date dthem), and we broke up amicably. They're such cool, fun people-we just weren't a good couple. I don't see any problem with it, and my boyfriend doesn't care either. And yes, he has one or two exes he still is friends with too.

    It my mind, they were a major part of my life, and I cared (and still do) about them greatly, and want them to stay a part of my life. The only one I'm not on good terms with cheated on me and I found pictures of it on Facebook so....yeah, he's dead to me haha.

    I guess it just depends on individuals' comfort levels and trust levels.

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    God/dess MargaritaVillain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    Call me sheltered but I've only had five serious GF's (three were long-term relationships).
    I'm still very close with two of those five women and hang out with them now and then. We have similar interests and also have some mutual friends so we see each other fairly frequently. I occasionally hook-up with one of them when neither of us is seeing anyone else. We're just a good fit and we know how to please each other.

    I think it's very possible to be "just friends" unless there were hard feelings in the breakup. In my case, only one ended badly (& it wasn't even that bad but we don't speak anymore). Two of my long-term relationships ended because they were moved out of state by their employer, one was very stressful anyway because I am white and she's black... her family (& some friends) were not cool with that and gave her a lot of grief. Plus, I almost got stabbed once when we were walking together (fucking bigots!)
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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    I have one ex whom I'm still good friends with. We aren't the type that are so close that we hang out all the time. However, we talk & still genuinely like each other as friends. If I were ever to end up in an emergency he's the one I'd want around. He's very smart & probably the only person I'd actually trust with my life if medical decisions had to be made.
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    I don't do 'let's be friends'. I can't. I'm usually too bitter and resentful about the breakup (no matter how 'mutual') to get over it. I'm a bitter, jealous and angry person though, so it's really not much of a surprise to anyone.

    I have a couple cousins who managed to stay good friends with their ex's. I don't know how they manage it. I can't do it. I don't do the forgive and forget thing very well.



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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    ^^^ There are a number that I could NEVER handle talking to again. The one I gave as an example was very unique. However, he's also friends with most of his ex's... we even used to do breakfast with his ex-wife every other sunday morning! I'm not generally a jealous person so it never bothered me. I guess the fact that he is friends with most of his ex's just means he's generally a nice guy - just a bit too messy & I knew he planned to move to England eventually. In the long run it came down to the fact that our life goals were very different. He's still a cool guy though.
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    I'm very good friends with all but two of mine (the two who turned out to be seriously nuts).

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    Featured Member sierra.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    I'm friends with all but two of my exes. My first ex, who raped me, and my most recent ex, who was just a total shit head. Really, I'm embarassed to have even dated him because he's so awful.
    All my other exes I am friends with. Two or three I am actually very good friends with, and even hooked one up with one of my best friends (they are still together).

    I can't be friends with an ex right after breaking up, but after I've had space to move on and get over them I'm fine. Once I move on from a guy I don't have romantic feelings or any attraction for them anymore, so its not that hard for me.

    My current boyfriend is close friends with one of his exes. They didn't date for very long and they were really young, but they've been very close since then. It didn't bother me at first.
    Then I realized that she kind of uses him to be her emotional "stand in boyfriend" when she has issues with her husband (or in the past, boyfriends). That bothered me on more than one level, but I called it to his attention and he doesn't let her do that anymore.
    Now that he's adjusted the relationship I don't care that he's friends with her.
    I'm not super fond of her because she's been an asshole to me, but she's his friend not mine, so whatever.

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    Veteran Member Kat w's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    My friends joke that my super power is being friends with an ex, haha.

    Time + a new relationship = friends with an ex!

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    Featured Member Perry's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anyone still friends with an ex?

    I am and so is my SO. It's a little strange sometimes, especially if we're both speaking to an ex simultaneously. Every now and agan we get jelous, but so far we've seen it as a sign we're neglecting our relationship and try to get in a date night. It helps us reconnect and so far no friendships with exes have needed to be severed.

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