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Thread: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

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    Default Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    I have this friend with benefits situation but I don't understand why I keep going back to it. This guy is sweet but "never has money". I feel like he sometimes takes advantage of me knowing the money I make as a stripper ---like wanting me to pay for vacations while he tags along.

    Besides that, the emotional crap that comes up has been annoying. He seems to hide his feelings despite my past efforts to be upfront about MY feelings. I told him I was starting to have (unwanted) feelings for him. He knows this yet still does "un-fuck buddy" things like asking me to hang out a lot, texting, sleeping over, etc. I told him MANY times I do not like this. He gripes at me when I don't want to spend the night. WTF?!

    What I do? I hate to lose him... he's genuinely a great guy and so awesome in bed

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    You have to figure out what you want from him. You say you have feelings for him, and he seems to be taking advantage of that because he can. If you want to date him, tell him straight up and ask him how he feels. You staying in this sort of limbo and being strung along by him will most likely only end in hurt.

    If you just want to fuck him, stop doing anything else. Don't go on vacations together, don't sleep over, don't just hang out, etc., and just do the sex part.

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    Look...this guy is definitely attached but doesn't contribute to the relationship..& he will try to get in deeper if you let him. He's getting pussy & free vacations & I'm sure dinner..why would he leave. If you are OK with this then hang with him because its not going to change. There are other guys out there that can fill your needs better.

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by unbeleavable View Post
    Look...this guy is definitely attached but doesn't contribute to the relationship..& he will try to get in deeper if you let him. He's getting pussy & free vacations & I'm sure dinner..why would he leave. If you are OK with this then hang with him because its not going to change. There are other guys out there that can fill your needs better.
    This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Men will do whatever you allow them to. You have to put your foot down and if he leaves.. fuck him! Find someone else!

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    what's the reason he's so financially uncapable? no job? crappy job? does he plan on changing it? does he WANT to?

    if he's not in school right now or looking for some way to pull himself up I'd try to help him. if he's just lazy make it clear that you don't want to be in the long-term with someone with no work ethic or desire to be successful. you like him, but if he's not contributing that's not fair to you.

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    Thanks for the replies. I agree with unbeleavable... yeah I'm trying to make it clear that I'm not paying for everything for him when we go out. It's just kind of annoying that he can't seem to pay his own way or offer to pay. Partly also the reason I don't go out with him that much haha.

    xGigi -- He's employed; works odd hours but doesn't make much money (so he says). He lives in a house with a friend but doesn't pay rent. Last long-term relationship had to do with him not having much money / no future / etc. They were going to get married. He's now "transitioning" to another job.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    How old are both of you and what do YOU want out of this?

    I know at a certain stage of my life, what you describe would have been an awesome setup for me. Sex without commitment, the girl pays for everything, I can come and go as I please and there's no emotional attachment on my part.

    If a friend described this relationship to you as something that she was involved in, what would you tell her?

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    It sounds like this guy is either A) an insecure guy who doesn't know what he wants, B) a user, or C) all of the above. Probably C. It's okay for him to not know what he wants, because it sounds like you're in the same boat. It is NOT okay for him to be a user. So I think you should have a really straightforward conversation with him, and if you think for one second that he is just telling you what you want to hear, ditch him.

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    Mr. Hyde - to answer your question, I'm 25 and he's 33. Both of us just got out of some drama with our ex's. His ex just started dating my ex of 2 yrs like 5 months ago. Yummy eh? We were all friends a long time ago. Kind of an odd love-square thing.

    I thought guys were easy as pie to read whenever sex is involved but I don't get him. The fact that he doesn't seem to 'just want sex' makes me like him more? I thought I spoke to him clearly to make a choice: 1. only sex, 2. part ways, or 3. let's start a relationship and see how it goes.

    Instead of answering, he plays games now. Alright, a booty call you will be. firemaiden, you're right, this kind of guy probably doesn't know what he wants or he's being a manipulative user...

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    The fact that you pay for everything tells me he's not worth it. You deserve better.

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    Bah, I just got back with him tonight. I went over there just for sex and left. At first I felt bad about it and thought it'd be nice to stay over like he would've wanted. However when I left he texts me with messages like "too bad you're leaving" and "I'm going back to programming now (when he said before that he needs to sleep anyway)". Basically trying to make me feel regretful for leaving. I finally told him "I'm tired of this" and "Good night". Wow, if I can't even have safe, drama-free sex with him... I better not be anything to him for a while.

    Side note: I'm so sick of people (in this case, men) who, instead of being upfront with their feelings [when asked], insist on playing mind games! Spare the drama please...

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by PhxRising View Post
    Bah, I just got back with him tonight. I went over there just for sex and left. At first I felt bad about it and thought it'd be nice to stay over like he would've wanted. However when I left he texts me with messages like "too bad you're leaving" and "I'm going back to programming now (when he said before that he needs to sleep anyway)". Basically trying to make me feel regretful for leaving. I finally told him "I'm tired of this" and "Good night". Wow, if I can't even have safe, drama-free sex with him... I better not be anything to him for a while.

    Side note: I'm so sick of people (in this case, men) who, instead of being upfront with their feelings [when asked], insist on playing mind games! Spare the drama please...
    *sigh*.

    You will learn on your own.

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    I don't know what the OP looks like, but the last girl I dated told me a similar story and she did NOT look like someone who needed to put up with that nonsense.

    Shit like this makes me I wish I'd been born 10-15 years later! When I was in my teens and early 20's, getting a girl under 300 lbs to fuck you on demand AND to pay for your vacations was something you only read in Penthouse forums. It was so unrealistic guys wouldn't even try lying about it. It sure as fuck would have made my 20's a lot more enjoyable.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nini Nieb View Post
    It is OK to have different opionens in my opionen

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    OK,

    This might sound weird....

    But did you EVER take a class or have any formal instruction on how to date?

    I say this because after my 10 year marriage ended in divorce, I jumped back into dating and it was a nightmare until I hired a dating coach and went through Tony Robbin's Ultimate Relationship Program (its about how to CREATE the relationship you want instead of just setting for whoever shows up and working with it)

    One of the activities is to list all the qualities you want in a perfect mate.

    Is "he wants me to pay for vacations" on your list?
    Rebecca Avalon







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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by PhxRising View Post
    What I do? I hate to lose him... he's genuinely a great guy and so awesome in bed
    Yeah, he's not really a great guy. He's a user and there's a million guys who are great in bed. He's not bringing anything special to the table.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by TarsTone View Post
    I don't know what the OP looks like, but the last girl I dated told me a similar story and she did NOT look like someone who needed to put up with that nonsense.

    Shit like this makes me I wish I'd been born 10-15 years later! When I was in my teens and early 20's, getting a girl under 300 lbs to fuck you on demand AND to pay for your vacations was something you only read in Penthouse forums. It was so unrealistic guys wouldn't even try lying about it. It sure as fuck would have made my 20's a lot more enjoyable.
    that's just how the dating world has gotten. so many guys can get this kind of shit. and so many more got burned once when they were young, so now they treat girls like garbage.

    when i was younger, i got involved with a couple crappy losers. people would give me shit for it, but they didn't ask me out. they didn't invite me to hang out. they didn't introduce me to friends who weren't assholes. they just said i liked being treated badly, so i stopped calling them my friends. and now i don't date much at all. in my case (unlike the OP) the guys were bad lays, not that great looking (but not fat, which is why so many losers can get laid, because most girls don't want to fuck a fat guy), treated me like garbage, talked shit to people about me, etc.

    reason a girl should never pay for a guy: in a couple years (at most) when it's over, and you've lost a couple years of being young and hot, would you rather have that money in savings or know that you lost in on a bad investment (him).

    op: i'm glad you decided to just use him for what he CAN give you. he's getting laid too. the trade is even. i hope you stick with it.
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    The man should be proud to take care of his girl. I sold a house to a very wealthy man & his wife had a huge diamond on her finger. I asked him about it & he said he put that on her finger to tell every other man that they can't afford his girl...I always remembered that..take pride in providing for your girl.

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by britneyireland View Post
    OK,

    This might sound weird....

    But did you EVER take a class or have any formal instruction on how to date?

    I say this because after my 10 year marriage ended in divorce, I jumped back into dating and it was a nightmare until I hired a dating coach and went through Tony Robbin's Ultimate Relationship Program (its about how to CREATE the relationship you want instead of just setting for whoever shows up and working with it)

    One of the activities is to list all the qualities you want in a perfect mate.

    Is "he wants me to pay for vacations" on your list?
    Thank you! I keep needing to remind myself this. It's just hard sometimes when you see friends doing the exact opposite and settling. Makes me feel like I should hurry up and find someone.

    Quote Originally Posted by she sells sanctuary View Post
    reason a girl should never pay for a guy: in a couple years (at most) when it's over, and you've lost a couple years of being young and hot, would you rather have that money in savings or know that you lost in on a bad investment (him).

    op: i'm glad you decided to just use him for what he CAN give you. he's getting laid too. the trade is even. i hope you stick with it.
    Funny, this something similar to what he said his ex told him.. She did spend money while they were together and I believe she regrets it.

    As far as the sex... he keeps asking for more time from me and I've decided to put my foot down. His passive/aggressive behavior is something I can't headache right now. Reminds me of MY ex (that happens to be dating his ex right now). LOL.

    Quote Originally Posted by KaylaM View Post
    *sigh*.

    You will learn on your own.
    Haha yes, you pretty much sum it up...

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    I would leave and go find a guy who at least takes you to dinner ! Even fuck buddies can provide a meal or nice bottle of wine. This is just bullshit.
    I know you said he's " good in bed " but doesn't it turn you off at all that he isn't self sufficient ?

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by britneyireland View Post
    OK,

    This might sound weird....

    But did you EVER take a class or have any formal instruction on how to date?

    I say this because after my 10 year marriage ended in divorce, I jumped back into dating and it was a nightmare until I hired a dating coach and went through Tony Robbin's Ultimate Relationship Program (its about how to CREATE the relationship you want instead of just setting for whoever shows up and working with it)

    One of the activities is to list all the qualities you want in a perfect mate.

    Is "he wants me to pay for vacations" on your list?
    This is awesome advice. Too many women....no, wait... too many PEOPLE settle for someone/something that is beneath them. I honestly read your post with my mouth somewhat agape...as in "is she serious? why would any woman worth a damn put up with shit like that?"

    I'll ask another question...would you want a daughter of yours to be in such a relationship?

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    You might be lonely but the cure is to start dating MORE guys. I do the pair and a spare. I date up to three guys at once. I keep them in rotation until I find I don't like a guy and he gets dropped and replaced or I find I DO like a guy and that's who I date exclusively.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    This guy seems like a user and nothing more; He gets sex from a girl whenever, he gets his meal paid for, and after all the girl is chasing him. Whats more not to like? He probably thinks he is the fucking king and deserves it. But he doesnt, he doesnt deserve you - nor a fuck buddy. He doesn't pay for you - ever. Shows the man he is at age 33, even with a low pay jobing or litte money, a real man can show respect without money, but he is not. He's not a great guy cause he's getting it all for free, he is not providing you with anything beneficial. Find another fuck buddy, when a girl gives guy sex, he should make her feel great whether its a relationship or not, it should always be equal from both partners. He's not showing that at all, he seems like crying baby to me when he wants sex.

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    This guy is a user. The sooner you get rid of him, the better. He did the SAME thing to his ex-gf/fiancee. She almost got roped into supporting him through marriage. Fuck that! He is showing you he won't change. Let someone else fund his vacations and get a man who can at least take care of himself.

    I've been with (temporarily) unemployed men and they never wanted me to pay for them- EVER.
    Women of color:
    Shake your ass and preserve your heritage.
    Bang those fucking drums.
    Do it for the present and future generations.
    Have fun and stick it to the man at the same time.
    (bad-dominicana)

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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by PhxRising View Post
    I thought guys were easy as pie to read whenever sex is involved but I don't get him. The fact that he doesn't seem to 'just want sex' makes me like him more? I thought I spoke to him clearly to make a choice: 1. only sex, 2. part ways, or 3. let's start a relationship and see how it goes.
    This guy is no good for you. Whether he has feeling for you or not is IRRELEVANT, because he is NO GOOD for you.

    I hate to say this, but you need to stop having sex with him, its making you not think straight. Having sex with him is causing your brain to release oxytocin hormones/chemicals which have the effect of causing very strong attachment and bonding emotions. The only way to stop this - is STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM.

    From article below -

    "The oxytocin response is unconscious; it takes place within the autonomic nervous system, so it's hard to change it. But we definitely should be aware of what's going on when we feel this. Say you sleep with a man who's a jerk but a great lover. The next morning, part of you is going, ‘This guy is a prick.’ But another part of you says, ‘Oh, I feel this incredible connection with him.’ Well, that incredible connection is just your oxytocin talking. Remind yourself, he's not really The One—and keep looking until you find someone who's nice out of bed, too,”

    http://www.savvymiss.com/love-advice...ship-4326.html
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
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    Default Re: Seriously WHY am I with this guy?

    Thanks again y'all. It just reminds me how much of a waste of a thread this was... I vow never again waste a thread on a wasteful set of testicles.

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