View Poll Results: How young is too young to marry?

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  • 18-24

    27 61.36%
  • 25-30

    2 4.55%
  • 30-35

    0 0%
  • 35-40

    0 0%
  • Under 18

    19 43.18%
  • No one is ever old enough

    2 4.55%
  • Unfortunately I am gay and I can't legally marry now in my state

    1 2.27%
  • I am gay, I can marry but why would I want to?

    0 0%
  • I never plan to marry

    2 4.55%
  • I think the bigger issue is the long distance than the age.

    4 9.09%
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Thread: Marriage at an early age

  1. #1
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    Default Marriage at an early age

    I was lurking on a dating advice board and saw something that I can never understand. There are several women who are getting married. In theory that sounds ok until I read more of the threads.

    Woman #1 is 20, broke up with her long time boyfriend last May. Since then she met a new guy and is marrying him next year. Even as late as June or July she was still crying over the ex.

    Woman #2 met her fiance on the board. She is 22, he is 26 and they are in a long distance relationship. Both of them I think broke up with their exes sometime last year, started talking in January, are long distance (she's in the USA and he's in England) and are now engaged. They have only seen each other a few times and see once every four months. I think they've only spent 3 times together.

    This sends warning signs on many levels and reminds me of myself at that age. I met what I thought was the perfect guy when I was 18. Until I was about 20 we were in a long distance relationship. Long story short I realized he was a poor choice and I am glad I didn't marry him (he asked me). When I was that age until around 30 I was immature. If I had married that young I'd be divorced now. Incidentally I still sometimes talk to this ex since we parted as friends. He's been married three times and has several kids.
    Last edited by Kellydancer; 10-23-2010 at 03:47 PM. Reason: spelling

  2. #2
    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Not to mention...what's the point of getting married at that age? Unless you have kids, or unless you're super dependent on him (which probably even further indicates that you aren't ready for marriage), marriage doesn't do many positive things. Sure, it's a romantic gesture, but...that's it?

    I dunno. I don't get it.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Yeah that's what I didn't get either. I know in the one case they wanted kids early because they didn't want to be older parents like "30". For some reason they think that having kids at 30 is high risk and it's not. Plus the one woman isn't working either and plans to stay at home in the new country (UK). She might find out fairytales are just that. I actually know several real life people who married before 25 and they are all divorced.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    Not to mention...what's the point of getting married at that age? Unless you have kids, or unless you're super dependent on him (which probably even further indicates that you aren't ready for marriage), marriage doesn't do many positive things. Sure, it's a romantic gesture, but...that's it?

    I dunno. I don't get it.
    same here. my idea of the perfect relationship is two people who are both independent in all areas: financial, mental, emotional, etc. and choose to be together. if two mature adults can be in a relationship, there's no rush to get married. I think the idea is that getting married will cement a relationship, but it doesn't! A ring won't change any issues you come across with your significant other

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    You're right and actually a marriage makes issues worse. I've known people who married for the wrong issues and went in knowing it was a bad idea. They are all now divorced.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    I only got married for health insurance reasons when I was pregnant with my son at the age of 22.
    Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but neither of us really planned on getting married. We can be committed and together without a piece of paper.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    I dont think getting married young is always a bad thing. I was married relatively young (23), but I was very lucky with my husband that he allowed me to grow so much and still have independence. I think if you take your marriage seriously and work on it, it doesnt really matter what age you get married. Although I do think guys should be older. They are a lot more immature.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    It's for no one but you to say what's too young. I got married very young and I've never once regretted it.
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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    I only got married for health insurance reasons when I was pregnant with my son at the age of 22.
    Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but neither of us really planned on getting married. We can be committed and together without a piece of paper.
    Ha! Similar kind of story here. I got married when I was 21 so that my husband could get enough money from student loans to go to college. It's been 9 years now, and we're still going strong. In fact, I'd have to say we have the best relationship out of all of our friends!

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Quote Originally Posted by Sia View Post
    Ha! Similar kind of story here. I got married when I was 21 so that my husband could get enough money from student loans to go to college. It's been 9 years now, and we're still going strong. In fact, I'd have to say we have the best relationship out of all of our friends!

    That's awesome! (I love hearing happy stories)
    It's been 8 years for us, so we're right behind you.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Quote Originally Posted by Sia View Post
    Ha! Similar kind of story here. I got married when I was 21 so that my husband could get enough money from student loans to go to college. It's been 9 years now, and we're still going strong. In fact, I'd have to say we have the best relationship out of all of our friends!
    I love this!

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    I really think it depends on the individuals in question. Marriage probably would be the wrong step to take with respect to the situations you've posted about, but there aren't any hard and fast rules, aside from the one that child marriage is always wrong.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Btw, I don't want anyone to think I am judging all people that marry young. I know in some instances that's common. It's just interesting that this varies by group. I am noticing younger people (Gen Y) are marrying younger than Gen X did (that's my group). In fact most of my friends married in their 30's or not at all.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    I honestly think the majority of people who marry before 25 or so are probably making a mistake. I've heard that statistically those people are at a much higher risk of divorce. That makes sense. I know it's different for everyone, but I would urge young people to try to hold off a little longer if possible. There's so much going on in the late teens and early 20's, so much to discover and so many changes. I can see how that doesn't lend itself so well to such a huge lifetime commitment. Not to mention, most people haven't had a whole lot of relationship experience by that point either.
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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Quote Originally Posted by Elvia View Post
    I honestly think the majority of people who marry before 25 or so are probably making a mistake. I've heard that statistically those people are at a much higher risk of divorce. That makes sense. I know it's different for everyone, but I would urge young people to try to hold off a little longer if possible. There's so much going on in the late teens and early 20's, so much to discover and so many changes. I can see how that doesn't lend itself so well to such a huge lifetime commitment. Not to mention, most people haven't had a whole lot of relationship experience by that point either.
    I changed a lot between 20-30 and I know if I had married then it would have been a mistake. It's funny because in January I'll hit 40 but I didn't change that much between 30-40 but the changes earlier are much more noticeable.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Married at 21 and still going strong. Yes we have had our share of problems but usually it comes from us growing individually, which is what's supposed to happen, and we accept that and take it in stride. I think in a strong marriage you are constantly learning each other because you constantly change. Not everyone, all age groups included, gets that.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Quote Originally Posted by little miss stripper View Post
    Married at 21 and still going strong. Yes we have had our share of problems but usually it comes from us growing individually, which is what's supposed to happen, and we accept that and take it in stride. I think in a strong marriage you are constantly learning each other because you constantly change. Not everyone, all age groups included, gets that.
    Wise words indeed. Flexibility and true friendship are the key ingredients of any successful marriage, no matter at what ages the formal ceremony is performed.

    There are plenty of intolerant, inflexible older people who would make horrible marriage partners, of course. I still suspect the divorce rates are going to be higher when they are young, but that doesn't mean it's always a bad idea. It would be very interested to see the statistics on age at marriage and consequent divorce rates.
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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    It's hard to say since I just think of the age I when I prefer to get married. I'd say below 30 is too young. You are still developing and maturing as a young adult. BUT that is my opinion. For others, this may not be so. People fully mature at different times.

    I know I don't have those desires to be "tied-down" yet or anytime soon. Perhaps if I meet the right person. If you believe you found your soul mate then of course, there is no age-limit.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Getting married (and/or having kids) before the age of 25 is not a good idea. People change too much and are generally too immature before that age for such things.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Quote Originally Posted by little miss stripper View Post
    Married at 21 and still going strong. Yes we have had our share of problems but usually it comes from us growing individually, which is what's supposed to happen, and we accept that and take it in stride. I think in a strong marriage you are constantly learning each other because you constantly change. Not everyone, all age groups included, gets that.
    Exactly. I am a completely different person from when we first got married. If you truly love someone and are in a committed relationship, then you go with the flow. Of course, I wouldn't advocate staying in a relationship if you are sincerely unhappy, or the person has changed in a negative way (becoming abusive, etc), but some people are often much too quick to give up and move on to the next "better" relationship, never finding happiness.

    I think it really has nothing to do with age. It comes down to individual personalities. I have met people in their 50s who have yet to have a decent functioning relationship.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    Wise words indeed. Flexibility and true friendship are the key ingredients of any successful marriage, no matter at what ages the formal ceremony is performed.

    There are plenty of intolerant, inflexible older people who would make horrible marriage partners, of course. I still suspect the divorce rates are going to be higher when they are young, but that doesn't mean it's always a bad idea. It would be very interested to see the statistics on age at marriage and consequent divorce rates.
    I've seen the divorce rates recently and they do go down as one ages. In fact they drop considerably once you get to the late 30's for first marriage. I wonder about this because is it because people make better choices then (after dating many people and knowing what they want) or is it because pickings are slimmer? I know many people who married much later in life (late 40's-mid 50's) and I wonder how many settled knowing they could get worse.

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Interesting to consider:
    The median age of marriage for women in the US is 23.1, and for men it's 25.8. Maybe this has something to do with our high divorce rates, but it's interesting to me that getting married young is entirely normal. A lot of people are surprised by this fact, especially in liberal areas with higher incomes than the national average, it seems (although I don't know any statistics regarding marriage rates in different socioeconomic brackets/political affiliation, I would hypothesize these groups get married less frequently and later than others).

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Quote Originally Posted by lol1337a View Post
    Interesting to consider:
    The median age of marriage for women in the US is 23.1, and for men it's 25.8. Maybe this has something to do with our high divorce rates, but it's interesting to me that getting married young is entirely normal. A lot of people are surprised by this fact, especially in liberal areas with higher incomes than the national average, it seems (although I don't know any statistics regarding marriage rates in different socioeconomic brackets/political affiliation, I would hypothesize these groups get married less frequently and later than others).
    I'm pretty sure this has gone up according to stats I've seen. In bigger cities it's much higher. I know most of my friends married in their 30's and many others are still single or married much later than that.
    Last edited by Kellydancer; 10-24-2010 at 02:38 PM. Reason: spelling

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Wiki and a professor I took a class with both cite those numbers, but infoplease says it's higher. I should probably look at some more reliable sources...

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    Default Re: Marriage at an early age

    Yeah can't remember the stats but they have spiked as of late. I can't remember the stats but it's something like 25 for women and 28 for men but they think it will be something like 28 for women and 30 for men (I'm paraphrasing because I can't remember the exact numbers). I've seen recent stats where they think the average age of first marriage will head into the 30's very soon.

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