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Thread: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

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    Last edited by Kisca; 06-07-2012 at 12:11 AM.

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    Ridiculous. I get them whenever I get really stressed or when its very hot or very cold. I find it pretty embarassing and would never bring it up for no reason.

    The only time it would really matter it would most likely be visable.

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    lol... I couldn't imagine a cold sore being a deal breaker for a relationship. They are very common esp when your stressed out or when the weather gets cold... I wouldnt think that would be something you'd have to tell someone upfront, unless of course it was H-II.. thats more serious...

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    I'm with you Kisca. I used to get cold sores all the time when I was little - I get them whenever I get a cold. My father used to get them too. It wasn't a big deal in our family - it was just like "Oh, you have a cold sore, here's some Abbreva honey" so I had no idea it was a horrible thing I could spread! I know that sounds naive but I really didn't know.

    I was reading that thread yesterday too, and I was shocked that I could give my bf herpes from my freaking cold sores! I feel so stupid! Now I gotta go read about it on webMD. I feel like such an idiot for being the only person (it seems) who didn't know cold sores were serious.



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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    That is an over reaction on his part but I think this topic confused me... I thought cold sores are herpes and can only be spread from another person and the reason some children have them is because their parent does.I sometimes get like a red patch or something on the side of my mouth when its cold but its not a cold sore..so when everyone is saying they get cold sores when its cold are they litterally talking about herpes on their mouth or they mean the sort of irritated skin you can get from the cold weather.

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    Quote Originally Posted by bambiblue View Post
    lol... I couldn't imagine a cold sore being a deal breaker for a relationship. They are very common esp when your stressed out or when the weather gets cold... I wouldnt think that would be something you'd have to tell someone upfront, unless of course it was H-II.. thats more serious...
    Actually... For most people HSV-2 is not really very serious at all, just the same as HSV-1. It's just a social thing... People think genital herpes is somehow "worse" than oral herpes, but for most people its not. Something like 20-25% of the population have 2 and most don't even know it. While lots more have 1 and don't know it, its really not a major difference.

    In reality the major difference is location, and I beleive 2 can be a bit more random in popping up.

    That said you should still tell if you have 2, because it can cause some people problems.

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    I would say yes, at least if you have a current outbreak, as it is possible (though rare) for the virus to be transmitted during oral sex and become a form of genital herpes. You also want to be careful about lip contact and sharing a glass or bottle when you get the 'tingle' that tells you a cold sore is about to come up. I never got cold sores before I was with an ex of mine about ten years back, and am still rather resentful that he never told me to keep my lips away when he could tell one was about to come up (and you usually can - the spot tingles). However, I see no need to mention that you get them at the beginning of a relationship or any time before you get the tingle. Cold sores are common as mud.

    I get cold sores (like most people) myself when I'm particularly run down, so please don't think I'm being judgemental or anything.

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    I read in some health magazine everyone gets them by the time they're 40. It's kind of inevitable and he'll probably get one not knowing from who. (If someone has a canker sore on the inside of their mouth you can't see it)
    Preventing them though, is possible. I always get them when I'm sick/stressed, so just try to keep your immunity high

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    He was being a douchebag. No you do not need to tell people you get cold sores on your lip. geez what a jerk. Seriously if someone I was about to kiss was like "oh by the way I get cold sores, the last one I had was 2 years ago" I would laugh my ass off. Sure dont kiss someone if you feel the tingle coming and definitely dont go down on someone around the sore coming out but its so common. My husband gets them and in the almost 7 years we have been together I think he's only had 2, both times after getting a sunburn on his face. It was never a problem for me and I just didnt kiss him during those times. Sure there is shedding but gawd.. Im not worried even if I do catch it. Its not the end of the world.

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    [quote=Kisca;2004273]
    Quote Originally Posted by bexxx View Post
    That is an over reaction on his part but I think this topic confused me... I thought cold sores are herpes and can only be spread from another person and the reason some children have them is because their parent does.I sometimes get like a red patch or something on the side of my mouth when its cold but its not a cold sore..so when everyone is saying they get cold sores when its cold are they litterally talking about herpes on their mouth or they mean the sort of irritated skin you can get from the cold weather.[/quote]

    Cold cores are herpes (type 1) since its above the waist (mostly mouth)
    I think most mean when they get cold sores that they have the herpes.... I didnt know anyone say they have a cold sores when it was something else from the cold other than the type 1
    No i didnt mean you get cold sores I mean you can get like dry skin from cold weather and I thought maybe people were getting that confused for cold sores because I never knew cold sores were affected by weather I didnt know they were so common either I have only seen one person I know with one..well that I have noticed.

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    I was thinking (off another thread posted) about cold sores (HSV-1). One time I was dating this guy, it was 6 months into the relationship and I got a cold sore. I did not tell him about it earlier in the relationship, but that day when he saw, I told him not to kiss me etc etc. He freaked out...
    Well you did tell him, and he acted the tool. It's not like you were hiding HIV from him.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    I mean this was like a huge panic attack scene he caused stating, it is rude that I did not tell him earlier, or else he would have never dated me because I have HSV-1! .. Now really? 80% of people get this within their lifetime.
    Might be even higher:

    "The fact that HSV-1 DNA was discovered in such a high percentage of healthy people in the general population tells us that the virus is everywhere and it's unavoidable," said Dr. Kaufman, who developed the first effective antiviral drug for herpes infections of the eye."

    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0106111129.htm

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    Is it wrong not to tell your dates that you have HSV-1?
    No, as your dates have it too. But, obviously if you have a cold sore, you tell them not to kiss you, and they act like mature people and don't kiss you until it's cleared up. Other forms of herpes or STDs, etc are another issue. If you were exposed to chicken pox like the rest of us, you/we also walk around with that virus essentially forever.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    What do you think - do you need to tell your partners before hand about HSV-1 ?
    That you suffer occasional cold sores? Up to you I guess. Now if you regularly suffer cold sores, then you may have some issue with your immune system, as various things can get herpes virus to manifest like that, and it's a sign something aint right.
    A cunning linguist...

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    [quote=bexxx;2004421]
    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post

    No i didnt mean you get cold sores I mean you can get like dry skin from cold weather and I thought maybe people were getting that confused for cold sores because I never knew cold sores were affected by weather I didnt know they were so common either I have only seen one person I know with one..well that I have noticed.
    With medicine today they can be knocked out so fast that a lot of people that get them "kill" them before they become very visable.

    Once I feel the "tingle" if I start taking the meds I can usually keep them from even breaking out, or if they do break out, get rid of them in a day or two.

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    I think if you have a cold sore and an explanation becomes necessary, the explanation will resolve the situation.

    If I was kissing my boyfriend and he said, "oh I have oral herpes", I would completly flip out. However, although cold sores are essentially herpes when you explain them and what it entails he should have calmed the hell down.
    Last edited by Kat w; 11-02-2010 at 12:02 PM. Reason: spelling error

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    I would probably tell someone new if you occasionally get cold sores. As stated, most of the population has HSV-1 and are therefore immune to getting reinfected. I think freaking out would be an extreme reaction but you never know about people. Personally I cannot ever remember getting a cold sore in my life but I think the odds are still heavily in favor of me having it. Apparently a lot of people are asymptomatic their whole life.

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    Why bother Roberjordon? It freaks people out because most are uninformed. Did anyone see the episode of The Office about that recently?

    Kishachka, that guy was a jerk, screw him.

    Also, canker sores are not the same thing as cold sore. Cankers are mouth ulcers, cause by irritation. Cold sores are caused by a virus that lives in your neck verterbrae. Its not a huge deal but I also get embarrassed when I get them due to the negative social connotation.

    WTF, why are people such assholes about something that most people get? I think I got it from my mom when I was a kid (dad doesn't get them) and boys were accusing me of sucking dick when I was like, 11 years old.

    Damn uptight culture.

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    Yeah, I thought canker sores were totally different than cold sores. I get both a lot, but it's not caused by the same virus.



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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    doesnt 90% of the population have the oral herpes virus that causes cold sores?

    i mean not all of them get symtoms but i think almost everyone does have the virus.

    and with the amount of people you kiss....

    ive never had a cold sore but i probably have that virus. just probability speaking.
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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    I hate the social stigma that comes from having a cold sore. I currently have one at the bottom corner of my mouth which is very embarassing since I work in a hospital. (thankfully I do not have contact with patients). I was reading on some of the causes of the outbreak and lo and behold I had several of them. I just got over the flu and couple weeks ago and have also been very stressed. I am attaching an article from WebMD:

    http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-a...topic-overview

    I hope this helps clear up (no pun intended...well maybe) of the need to not panic about someone that has a cold sore.
    Imogene
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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    Since almost everyone is already infected I think it would be silly to announce it to every new dating partner. You did the right thing - when you got one, you told him not to kiss you, etc.

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    I dunno, I think of this the same way I think of HSV-II, since they are pretty much the same.

    For a casual relationship, no, no need to say anything.

    If it's a long-term serious relationship, it would probably be a good idea to inform them. I don't think it should really be an issue, and certainly not a dealbreaker, since it's so common.

    If you don't tell them, and then they get it, they might feel tricked or deceived, and because of that might have feelings of not being in control of what happened which can be very upsetting for some people.
    But, if they already knew, they would've made the conscious choice to be in the relationship with that knowledge. Since the choice was theirs they won't have those feelings of not being in control like they might it the first scenario.

    Plus, the person who didn't know might seriously freak out because of the stigma associated with herpes. But for the person who already knew, chances are they already realize what a non-issue it really is from the talks they've had with their partner, assuming their partner is well-informed.


    So I think it's best to say something in a serious relationship. I think most people would appreciate it and want to know.

    That being said, if you don't have outbreaks very often and are careful and safe, I can see how it might not come up.


    Anyway, I don't really think you were wrong, since really it's not big deal, and it's not like you hid it from him purposely or lied about it.
    And I think saying he wouldn't date you because of it is completely moronic, considering how many people have it and don't even know. At least if your partner knows and is aware of what's going on you can take steps to be safe!

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    I can always tell when I'm going to get one as I get the tingly/itchy feeling.
    Usually when I'm run down or stressed... anytime my immue system gets lower.
    The last time I was really sick with a flu (I have a feeling it was swine flu) I got a cold sore on my nose, maybe from blowing it too much. That sucked big time.

    I find it crazy that someone would consider breaking up over it!
    I do however warn my partner when I have one. We've been together for a few years though. If I was casually seeing someone, I would probably just say that I think I might be coming down with a cold if I thought they would be weird about it.
    Last edited by xNatashax; 01-08-2011 at 05:51 AM.

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    Quote Originally Posted by shy1 View Post
    No reason to tell. And ya'll who get the tingly warning are lucky. I never know ones coming till I see a blister. Makes being careful or taking preventative steps hard.

    Same with me. I get em when Im super stressed out, or when my lips chap from the cold, or if my face gets sunburn.
    The week before xmas, I got one because of stress. Me and my boyfriend were moving.And we had to clean the whole house ourselves. Plus our sitter was out of town. Plus I was preparing myself to be separated from him for 2 months (he is Navy and is across the country now)AND I was also going to meet his family for the first time... All in one week... Then BAM two nights before I was to drive up to ATL to meet his family, a nasty cold sore, and no warning.
    So now I know, if I am dealing with a lot of stress, to just be prepared to have a cold sore..since I dont get the tingle!
    I had never told him about my sores. I only one before, 3 yrs ago. But I DID tell him not to kiss me. ((which was really saddening because he was leaving for California the next day))

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    I used to put salt, lemon, heat, toner, etc lots of random crap.. this one seemed to work at its best.

    arent cold sores also called fever blitsers? Putting heat on it seems like it would make it worse? I have no idea though I get them every now and then too...totally not a big deal. Deffinately not a deal breaker.

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    Default Re: Do you need to tell your partner that you get Cold Sores?

    I absolutely do not think that you need to bring up oral herpes with someone right away!! Christ, when would you do it? Before that first good night kiss? "oh by the way..." jeez...

    I do think that you should bring it up if you have one (or if you feel one coming on) to avoid spreading it, and also before oral sex (and obviously - NEVER go down on your partner with a cold sore!!). But that is as far as your responsibilities lie. You may not know - it is possible to have a range of ACTUAL sexually transmitted diseases without being aware. Imagine if you found out that you had something like chlamydia without knowing it, and found out and told this guy? Thats not the start of a supportive, caring relationship...
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