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Thread: Has anyone ever turned on you?

  1. #1
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    Sad Has anyone ever turned on you?

    I recently went on a girls trip with my mom and two sisters for a weekend. It was amazing! We all bonded intensely. Great conversations, deep stuff discussed, etc. etc.

    So tonight both of my sisters unfriend me on Facebook. I texted my younger sister (I'm closer to her) asking her what's going on, and she sends back ""Not now, I'm in bed. I feel like our relationship has completely deteriorated. You aren't really nice to me. I don't know you and I don't really want to. No real animosity. Goodnight."

    I kid not, this was completely out of the blue. I feel totally blindsided. My older sister just told me that I make her feel "unsafe" physically and that I'm completely untrustworthy.

    I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm like seriously the most calm person ever. I'm extremely loyal, a great listener, and a very understanding person. I have NEVER become physically violent with anyone. So where the hell did this come from?? And after getting back from such a great vacation??

    Any insight into what might have happened here? Has anyone ever done this to you?

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    Wow that is weird.

    Something is going on that you don't know about, I would bet. Like there is more to it than would appear on the surface. Could it be related to your being a dancer somehow??

    I did have my mom and my stepfather both tell me that this business was changing me for the worse, that I was not as nice, I was 'spending too much time with the wrong element' and it was rubbing off on me or whatever, etc. And they did not feel like it was a 'real job', of course.
    Last edited by Djoser; 11-16-2010 at 11:23 PM.
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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    The fact that one of them suddenly says "She doesn't know you" and the other randomly throws out that she feels you are "Untrustworthy" would typically make me think that someone's been feeding them some sort of nonesense.


    On a funny note... I seriously had something similar happen to me when I was 16. I'd driven like... two hours to see my BEST friend/stay the weekend. Aand. Friday everything is fine... Saturday I go to meet my mom for lunch (they lived in the same city) and I come back and she's like "I can't believe you... I don't know you at all. You need to leave now and don't ever call me again"... *_* OUT OF NOWHERE.
    It bothers me to this day because I never did figure out wtf I supposedly did. LOL.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    When I broke up with my last serious SO five years ago, and moved back to Daytona from up north, everyone turned on me!

    My dad was utterly, completely disgusted and told me he would not loan me the 500$ I needed to get away from the horrible situation it was turning into. He would give it to me though--meaning I was little more than a beggar, would never pay it back, barely to be considered his son, etc. His voice was dripping with scorn. The 2-3 days I stayed with him before leaving for Florida were terrible.


    Then, in Florida, my mom and my stepfather let me stay in their house, but screamed at me to wake up every morning to get a 'real job', no matter how late I was getting home the night before, working in the Daytona stripclub where I found a job right away, and trying to sleep to recover. My mom accused me of being an addict of the computer because I went online after work most nights, as well as a host of other crimes to family and society. This is when both she and my stepdad accused me of turning bad from being in the clubs.

    Needless to say, I got out of there very quickly!

    My new Ex up north insisted on telling me everything her new boyfriend was doing for her to kiss her ass, and then went on a defamation rampage when I finally had enough and hung up on her one night.

    That was everyone who mattered to me at the time. And they all turned on me at once.

    I paid my dad back, even though I didn't have to as it wasn't a loan. My mom and I made up when she was dying. My stepdad and I afterward. I got the job before my present job, a very good one, from online.

    The woman? I don't know. I hope she's doing well, even though she turned on me like that.


    The point of my telling you all this? I didn't do anything wrong, and I was vindicated. You have done anything wrong, so very likely the same will happen to you. I hope you figure it out!
    Last edited by Djoser; 11-16-2010 at 11:58 PM.
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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    ^^^Ugh. That makes me so mad when parents don't support their children in things like that.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    Charlie, that's so strange. Especially after you had a nice weekend with them. Were they any arguments or any sign they were upset at all? It sounds like they're ganging up on you, maybe for no reason. Have you asked your mom about it?

    Sorry that happened. I had about 75% of my friends stop talking to me after I broke up with my ex-gf a few years ago, because she talked shit about me to anyone and everyone. I got over it and made new friends because anyone who would believe that isn't a real friend. But your sisters? That's not how family should treat each other.
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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    Quote Originally Posted by DesuvsDeath View Post
    On a funny note... I seriously had something similar happen to me when I was 16. I'd driven like... two hours to see my BEST friend/stay the weekend. Aand. Friday everything is fine... Saturday I go to meet my mom for lunch (they lived in the same city) and I come back and she's like "I can't believe you... I don't know you at all. You need to leave now and don't ever call me again"... *_* OUT OF NOWHERE.
    It bothers me to this day because I never did figure out wtf I supposedly did. LOL.
    That's awful.

    I'm such a blunt, straightforward person that when people stop communicating with me, it kills me. Like, can't we just have a conversation, figure this out, and move on? I feel like my sisters must have been talking behind my back to get themselves so worked up about whatever it is. And I can't imagine it's my job that bothers them--they've known about if for 4 years now and nothing like this has happened. On our mini-vacation, they were both very supportive of me and talked about how they respect what I've done for myself in this industry.

    Their 180 degree turn would be laughable, except for the fact that it's my family.

    My mom says that she thinks it's because my older sister is too stressed out to deal with me (she's in medical school), and same for my younger sister (who is in nursing school).

    I don't really see that I've been a burden to either of them (the only interactions I have with them are brief and positive), so this kind of strikes me as BS. I mean, who doesn't have the time/energy to respond to a text that says "Hey, how are you holdin' up?" every few weeks?

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    Sorry to hear that Charlie61.

    My daughter just turned on her best friend, who is a very nice girl. They've been friends for a while and this happened after they spent a weekend together. I asked her why? She explained this - A always talks about herself non-stop and tries too hard to impress people. If I tell her about something I've done or a place I've been to, she's never impressed or interested. Instead, she has to tell me about something better that she's done or a better place that she's been to. Its like she's always trying to compete and impress people and I'm just bored and tired of hearing her talk about herself all the time.

    I've met A and she does talk a lot about herself and her family, but I found it amusing, not offensive. Anyway, my daughter is the opposite of A - she's reserved and modest, but she does need validation, which she will never get from someone like A - who only talks about herself all the time. Its sad because A's been her best friend and a loyal friend, and all the other girls that age (13) are disloyal and mean to each other.

    I'm not saying you have the same problem, Charlie61, but I'm just saying - reflect back on the conversations you had with them. Did you really listen or did you give advice all the time? Did everyone get an equal opportunity to speak and be the "center of attention" or did you "steal" the spotlight from either of them? Did you act like you're better or wiser than them in any way? Did you give them any advice that they may be uncomfortable with? Did you reveal things about yourself that they might find objectionable?-- I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but people are extremely sensitive and react in unexpected ways.

    Maybe you should send them each an e-mail asking them to please explain why they resent you or why they took offense at something you said. Tell them you honestly didn't mean to say anything offensive or objectionable to them and that you've been racking your mind trying to figure out what happened. Plea to them that you don't want to end the relationship like this. People (specially women) seem to be more comfortable putting their thoughts and emotions into written words (i.e., letters or e-mails), instead of verbally expressing them directly to the person concerned.

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    I feel like my sisters must have been talking behind my back to get themselves so worked up about whatever it is.
    No doubt. I'm guessing your older sister is "protecting" your younger sister by turning her against you. What do you and the older of your two sisters disagree about the most - morals, feminism, politics, religion, etc.?
    Last edited by jack0177057; 11-17-2010 at 09:33 AM.
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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    When people turn on me, my first reaction is to shut down completely. Things like this have happened before with the two of them, and I'm sick of being the one to hold out the olive branch.

    I'm just going to distance myself in hopes that some extreme space will give them time to find their balls. Then maybe they'll come and talk to me like adults.

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    Charlie - I'm so sorry to read this, you have my sympathies and hugs. It's a really horrible thing to happen....and like, more upsetting that it happened after a girly weekend together.

    I've been sitting back and reading your posts again though - and the things that struck me were

    a) they have BOTH done this at the same time

    and b) they are BOTH in the medical field.

    Personally, I think they feel unsettled, even threatened now they have got to know you more. I think they are threatened or even frightened by your job, certainly envious of your looks, your independence and your gentle laid back nature. In other words - I think they are jealous of their 'big 'sis'. It's that - or they just think you're the 'odd one out' because of their more sterotyped lifestyle.

    Interesting that this has happened before. I don't mean any offence - but they are behaving like silly little girls. You are obviously more mature than they are - not just as 'big sis' - but also in mind as well.

    There's one good thing - you're talking to your Mom. Chill out...take things calmly, and when the time is right - let them ask the questions, and then try to resolve this amicably.
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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    This is weird. I have a feeling that maybe one of your sisters said something to backstab. I can relate though, I've had people turn on me.

    Several years ago I met a group of women through a certain rock band's message board. We started hanging out all the time and talking often. I was so thrilled I had a group of girlfriends because I've always had trouble getting friends who were women. We'd spend hours hanging out. We'd go to concerts of the group in question and right before the concert and after we had hangouts.

    A couple of years later they started ignoring me and not inviting me and another friend to the get togethers. Anything I said they'd attack. I saw them at a concert and they completely ignored me after being friends for a few years. I finally had someone ask them what I did and apparently they were mad because I didn't "defend" the group. I had managed to meet this group in question and the lead singer was rude so I mentioned this. Also, other members were making comments such as "why do we have fat fans" and I happened to overhear this so I mentioned it to my "friends". They were always way more obsessed than me and they were following them around on tour and many were getting divorced because of it. They would tell me I needed to be a better fan and spend more money following them on tour. Since I had a job I couldn't and wouldn't do that.

    I'm still friends with one of the group but like me, she pretty much was banned from their little group. I don't care and I'm pretty much done with the group in question too.

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    Many people have turned on me...Many....I had to toughen up some and realize that most people r not on my side once I began to understand that things got easier. It is painful though..very..

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    Even one's own family members can be judgemental. And oftentimes its bc we r dancers. I know many members of my own family who have passed judgements on me even my own mother has commented about me and bc of that walls will always be up w her. Its a sad situation when u have few good friends if any and ur own family passes judgement on u. Like I said n an earlier post...I dont trust nor like most people really. And I have good reason not to. Really my heart goes out to people who have struggled like I have..Everyone else is on the other side.

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    My family has never turned on me! We all despise each other openly!!!!
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    That's rough and I'm sorry you're going through it. I had a cousin turn on me once and it was shockingly abrupt and vicious. We had also lived 2000 miles apart for years when she did it so my reaction was pretty much "WTF, I see you once every couple of years and we occasionally chat on the Internet, get a grip." I cut her out of my life due to her crazy but that's a cousin, not a sister.

    It sounds like something's going on that you don't know about. With my cousin, she thought I was sleeping with her husband. (I feel the need to point out again that we lived 2000 miles apart and I only go home to visit every 2 to 3 years, so it was more than a little nutty.) She was hearing rumors about me and for some reason decided that I must be the reason her husband seemed distant, you know because I'm the only openly slutty woman she knows.

    I think giving them plenty of space is probably a good idea. Maybe they got themselves all worked up over a rumor and once it stews for awhile, they'll realize it's stupid and petty to just cut off their sister over a little talk.

    I really hope it works out for you. I have a sister and I can't even imagine how much it would hurt to hear something like that from her. Hang in there.

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    Thank you all so much for your responses. I'm really not used to having drama like this in my life. I don't come across many things that can't be talked out. But when people refuse to communicate with me; well, then I'm pretty much fucked.

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    The timing of this indicates that there was probably some drama going on behind your back. Unfortunately, girls tend to be very good at unpredictable backstabbing, family or not. Maybe they're jealous, or maybe they're like some girls, who just feel the need to cause drama for sheer attention and entertainment. Either way, you did nothing, and you can't control their actions. All you can do is control how you react, and how much you let it get to you.

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    There must be something else going on. I mean I come from a very reasonable, down-to-earth, intelligent family. So I'm assuming that my sisters are doing this for a reason that they find to be legitimate. I just wish they would communicate with me instead of slamming the door in my face.

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    I'm sorry to hear this, Charlie. I always found the feeling of losing someone or being shut out hurts the most.
    It happened to me plenty of times. It's always when you don't expect it, isn't it?
    Years, years ago, I was in a LDR with this guy. We were friends first and he developed feelings for me after a while, but I refused all his attempts at romance, trying to be level headed and think about all the things I don't wanna deal with: the distance, him being several years younger than me (not an issue in itself, he was just very young then) and so on. I budged after a few months in which he did some wonderful things and I let someone in for the first time ever. In the time we spent together, I grew immense love and trust for him. A year and a half into our relationship, he called me one day to tell me he has some problems with his dad about me and he won't be able to call me for a little while. It was a minute convo after which he hung up and didn't call me again. For 5 months. Nor did he answer my phone calls or respond to my heartbroken voicemails where I was crying and begging him to just explain to me what was going on.
    Back then, I had no idea what happened. I was a zombie during the first months. If he had broken up with me, I would've at least known a reason and I would know it's over. The not knowing combined with shock and a sense of loss intensify everything and bring it to a much worse point, so I understand why are you so bewildered now. You feel everything is going great and all of a sudden WHAM, smack in the face.

    Sounds incredible, but I'm with that guy now, years later. And don't think he didn't repent it and worked hard to make it up to me. He still feels guilty, I wish he'd just get over it, I mean, I did, dammit.
    In hindsight, I can see some causes for that big breakdown. He was young, we got very serious (not on my insisting), I was far away, his parents disliked me very much and talked (and still talk) shit about me, they are very controlling and pushy, he was a young horndog and saw me only on rare occasions, girls everywhere...and instead of telling me how he felt, he did the worst possible thing and bailed on me, leaving me completely broken.

    People sometimes don't know how to express what's bugging them. Instead they keep it to themselves and often expect you to pick up hints from a raised eyebrow or a shrug when you have no freaking idea anything is going on.
    I don't know you personally, but on the board you seem like a very sweet, honest and level headed person. I imagine you would know if you did something. That's why I laid out my whole story: I'm trying to explain it often happens that you didn't do absolutely anything wrong and people push you away for whatever reasons, for something that's going on in their separate universe.

    I've seen that you wrote somewhere else that you tend to forget social contact (not hang out with your friends for a long time and not notice the amount of time that elapsed) and you say for yourself you're very calm. Sometimes people mistake calm for cold, and if you haven't been seeing your sisters often, is it possible they took that as a lack of interest and the deterioration of your relationship that your sister is talking about?
    As for feeling unsafe...I have no idea what to make of it. Maybe it all got blown out of proportion by talking behind your back. You know, in the same sense as when people start discussing someone and if they're in the element "shy" easily turns into "socially incompetent" and "weird" and "sociopatic". People exaggerate. When two people discuss your behavior without your input it's a perfect opportunity for that.

    If it happened to me, I would most likely insist on an explanation, and if my efforts were in vain, I would tell them to contact me when they are ready to talk about it.
    But trust me, I know, not knowing is venomous, so if they're decisive not to give you a reason, do your best to focus on other things in your life and not obsess over it. I am sure you will find out what happened eventually, these things always tend to emerge on the surface. Hopefully you'll patch things up with your sisters, too.

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    Quote Originally Posted by MistyRose View Post
    I'm sorry to hear this, Charlie. I always found the feeling of losing someone or being shut out hurts the most.
    It happened to me plenty of times. It's always when you don't expect it, isn't it?
    Years, years ago, I was in a LDR with this guy. We were friends first and he developed feelings for me after a while, but I refused all his attempts at romance, trying to be level headed and think about all the things I don't wanna deal with: the distance, him being several years younger than me (not an issue in itself, he was just very young then) and so on. I budged after a few months in which he did some wonderful things and I let someone in for the first time ever. In the time we spent together, I grew immense love and trust for him. A year and a half into our relationship, he called me one day to tell me he has some problems with his dad about me and he won't be able to call me for a little while. It was a minute convo after which he hung up and didn't call me again. For 5 months. Nor did he answer my phone calls or respond to my heartbroken voicemails where I was crying and begging him to just explain to me what was going on.
    Back then, I had no idea what happened. I was a zombie during the first months. If he had broken up with me, I would've at least known a reason and I would know it's over. The not knowing combined with shock and a sense of loss intensify everything and bring it to a much worse point, so I understand why are you so bewildered now. You feel everything is going great and all of a sudden WHAM, smack in the face.

    Sounds incredible, but I'm with that guy now, years later. And don't think he didn't repent it and worked hard to make it up to me. He still feels guilty, I wish he'd just get over it, I mean, I did, dammit.
    In hindsight, I can see some causes for that big breakdown. He was young, we got very serious (not on my insisting), I was far away, his parents disliked me very much and talked (and still talk) shit about me, they are very controlling and pushy, he was a young horndog and saw me only on rare occasions, girls everywhere...and instead of telling me how he felt, he did the worst possible thing and bailed on me, leaving me completely broken.

    People sometimes don't know how to express what's bugging them. Instead they keep it to themselves and often expect you to pick up hints from a raised eyebrow or a shrug when you have no freaking idea anything is going on.
    I don't know you personally, but on the board you seem like a very sweet, honest and level headed person. I imagine you would know if you did something. That's why I laid out my whole story: I'm trying to explain it often happens that you didn't do absolutely anything wrong and people push you away for whatever reasons, for something that's going on in their separate universe.

    I've seen that you wrote somewhere else that you tend to forget social contact (not hang out with your friends for a long time and not notice the amount of time that elapsed) and you say for yourself you're very calm. Sometimes people mistake calm for cold, and if you haven't been seeing your sisters often, is it possible they took that as a lack of interest and the deterioration of your relationship that your sister is talking about?
    As for feeling unsafe...I have no idea what to make of it. Maybe it all got blown out of proportion by talking behind your back. You know, in the same sense as when people start discussing someone and if they're in the element "shy" easily turns into "socially incompetent" and "weird" and "sociopatic". People exaggerate. When two people discuss your behavior without your input it's a perfect opportunity for that.

    If it happened to me, I would most likely insist on an explanation, and if my efforts were in vain, I would tell them to contact me when they are ready to talk about it.
    But trust me, I know, not knowing is venomous, so if they're decisive not to give you a reason, do your best to focus on other things in your life and not obsess over it. I am sure you will find out what happened eventually, these things always tend to emerge on the surface. Hopefully you'll patch things up with your sisters, too.
    This was all so helpful to me. Thank you for taking the time to type all of this out...I really really appreciate it!! Especially your insight about how sometimes people don't even know what's bugging them, so they fail to articulate it and instead keep it inside where it festers--that sounds like it could definitely be the case. Thank you!!

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    Medical and Nursing school are very competitive. They must feel threatened by your career choice. they must feel if your a Stripper it will get back to their Schools or future employers and ruin their future prospects.

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    Quote Originally Posted by ArmySGT. View Post
    Medical and Nursing school are very competitive. They must feel threatened by your career choice. they must feel if your a Stripper it will get back to their Schools or future employers and ruin their future prospects.
    Huh, that's interesting. I don't think that's the case, seeing as how stripping is pretty anonymous (as far as name tracing goes). But it might have something to do with their latent problems with my job.

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    This was all so helpful to me. Thank you for taking the time to type all of this out...I really really appreciate it!! Especially your insight about how sometimes people don't even know what's bugging them, so they fail to articulate it and instead keep it inside where it festers--that sounds like it could definitely be the case. Thank you!!
    You're very welcome and it was no problem at all. Glad I could help and I hope it will all work out.

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    I vote insecurity.
    I have an aunt who has told me her daughters (my baby cousins) would love to know all about my fitness and weight loss secrets since as the oldest I've had the least issues with weight. Cool. I know how that feels to want the secret. I had a friend years ago who painstakingly outlined her routine and eating regime and I follow it to this day. She did me quite a solid! So I see my cousin greet her and during the catching up conversation I mention I heard she was interested in fitness. I get a bewildered look. I mention her mom said she would love to hear about it. Uncomfortable pause. And there you go. In my world/our world weight management is a matter of fact conversation. For my nursing school student/single mom cousin it actually wasn't an innocuous subject. Never in a billion years would I insult or embarrass her. I was eager to share one of my passions but I unknowingly hit a nerve.

    You can't know what insecurities and differences are in their minds. You had no ill willl during the trip and in your converstions and that's all you can go by. Try to take some solace in that and accept that you are different from them. You may always need a certain amount of emotonal distance to get along if they don't stand up as individuals (not a gang) and express their thoughts.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Has anyone ever turned on you?

    i can relate, though it hasn't been the same situation. i wrote a couple paragraphs, but deleted them because i don't want to post about that shit.

    since this sort of thing has apparently happened with your sisters before, i think you should just try to accept that you aren't very compatible is as people. it sucks, but some families are just like that. they could've had all sorts of incorrect thoughts or misunderstandings brewing in them. and it seems like they expected you to just know what they wanted from you, instead of telling you. you seem like the opposite type of person. and those two always seem to clash.

    also, today the planet venus is at direct station after a retrograde period. venus is the planet of interpersonal relationships, and times like this are really good times for the shit to hit the fan in interpersonal relationships. the retrograde will technically be over tomorrow, but the effects will linger til around december 20th. i recommend you wait til then to try to resolve this. i don't know how you feel about astrology, but you should give this a read:
    -love everyone but keep them far from your soul-

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