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Thread: Custie stalker

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    Senior Member Jaden_GD's Avatar
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    Thumbs down Custie stalker

    (This is sort of long...but it's a good read if you have the time).


    I've always told myself I would never meet a custie OTC, but I made an exception. And now I totally regret it.

    This guy is younger, 32 (I'm 22), pretty attractive, and really really sweet. We had a lot in common and had really good conversations at the club. For the first 6 months of knowing him, he would come in every week or two, sometimes more, and spend between $150-600 on me.

    Gradually, he started coming in and just talked to me. He didn't get dances with me or anyone else. He would come up and tip sometimes. I was kind of bummed he wasn't spending money anymore, but he was really fun to talk to.
    One night, he poured his heart out to me, saying he was done with strip clubs and needed to stay away from them. He suggested that we go to this coffee shop and see this jazz band, blah blah. So I agreed and took his number(STUPID!!).

    We got along really well and started hanging out more. He took me to dinner, bars, shopping...this went on for about a month and a half, but it was strictly platonic. I let him know that I wasn't looking for a relationship, and that he was not to kiss me.

    It was almost like it happened overnight, but he became very clingy. He wanted to see me every day. He was insecure. He would call me and leave me voice mails if I didn't respond to his text messages right away. He wanted to drop me off and pick me up from work. He would text me just minutes after he saw me, telling me things like leaving me is like leaving the Sistine Chapel, weird shit like that...
    He would text me when I was hanging out with friends saying that he was bored, had nothing to do, and would wait for me until I was done being with my friends to see me. Ugh.

    So now he was really started to get on my nerves. I canceled a date with him so I could spend time with my family. When I got home, I found a rose sitting on my front porch, which was from him. He text me, saying he was planning to kiss me on our date.

    I couldn't handle it anymore. I began to distance myself from him, not responding to his texts as quickly or as often, until one day I told him (in a text) that I couldn't see him anymore because it was apparent that wanted different things.

    Then he got REALLY weird. He would text me asking if he could come over and watch TV. He said he wouldn't even say anything, he just wanted to sit next to me(!!!).

    After that didn't work, he would text me saying he really wanted to talk about it(whatever "it" was), but I told him that I already took my position on the situation, and to please stop contacting me.

    But he persisted. And I ignored. Then one day, he showed up at my work. I didn't think this was appropriate at all, especially considering he said he was done with clubs and I told him to stop contacting me. He sat in the corner for most of the time, and then had the nerve to come up to me while I was hustling a group of guys. He said "Can we talk for a minute?" I said no, to which he replied, "Will you please just talk to me?" I turned around to look at him and said, "I am at work," and went back to my business. Then he left.

    He drunk called me a few times after that, leaving me some lengthy voice mails. Then, about 2 weeks ago, 2 months after his last visit to the club, he shows up. When I got on stage, he left me a $20 and went over in the corner, staying there the rest of the night, where he passed out.

    The following week, he came in again, but completely ignored me this time. And finally, just this past weekend, he came in again. He didn't talk to me until the very end of the night, he came up to the spot where a dancer and I were sitting and very abruptly said, "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" I replied with a no..and then he raised his voice, "This is fucking ridiculous. I just wanted to come in and see you and wish you a happy fucking birthday, but whatever." And then he stormed off in a rage. He then left me several text messages asking why we couldn't be cool, as well as a long, drunken voice mail.

    I don't know what to do now. I just want him to leave me alone. I've told him to leave me alone. I'm afraid to be home by myself.
    I can't exactly tell the manager the situation because I would probably get in trouble. All I know is that I really, really regret my decision to meet a custie OTC, and I hope that none of you end up in my situation.

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    God/dess MargaritaVillain's Avatar
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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Do you have a large, mean-looking male friend who could pose as a new boyfriend?
    I would think that might deter him a bit. Perhaps a bouncer at the club?
    When life gives you lemons, make lemonade... then find someone whose life gave them vodka, and have a party.

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    Featured Member noelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Sorry you're going through this. Is there any way you could talk to a manager about it without reveaking you hung out with the customer outside the club? Maybe you could say you ran into him at the grocery store and he followed you home or he followed you home after work and he's been bothering you. Stress that he doesn't seem like he's all there (which he doesn't) and hopefully they can stop letting him in the club.

    Does he know where you live? I definitely recommend changing your number.
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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by MargaritaVillain View Post
    Do you have a large, mean-looking male friend who could pose as a new boyfriend?
    I would think that might deter him a bit. Perhaps a bouncer at the club?
    I have been the cock blocker a few times for a couple of friends..I may get some flack for this but I was in a long relationship with a entertainer & I always told her that the guys that are there a few nights a week have problems. She would always tell me they are harmless & thankfully never had any problems. If your whole social life is inside a make believe world of beautiful women that give you attention because of the environment, there is a problem.

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Is there anyone you can have sleep over at your place for awhile- like a few weeks. Daily.
    OR can you stay at someone else's place daily for a few weeks.
    Make sure someone close to you knows what's going on and this guys name ect.
    Park your car in places where if he screws with it someone will probably see it happen.
    He is definitely a problem. Look up some stalker websites and heed the advice. I am afraid for you.

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Its why YOU DONT DATE THE CUSTOMERS!

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Unfortunately I dont think a lot of girls know this or understand why this is important. If you want to date customers become a prostitute otherwise leave it outside the club because it affects us all. When one girl is easy the customers think wereall that easy!

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    Veteran Member Lacy Luck's Avatar
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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    I'm sure you know it now. But just in case.... Just because a customer has spent money on you does NOT obligate you to be nice to him in perpetuity. Even if he spent a lot. Once he gets weird or wants to take it out of the club you always have to option to say no.

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by AmyLynne View Post
    Unfortunately I dont think a lot of girls know this or understand why this is important. If you want to date customers become a prostitute otherwise leave it outside the club because it affects us all. When one girl is easy the customers think wereall that easy!
    I didn't date him. I hung out with him as a friend. Hanging out does not = prostitute. I was never paid anything to spend time with him. Calm down.

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by AmyLynne View Post
    Its why YOU DONT DATE THE CUSTOMERS!
    Quote Originally Posted by Lacy Luck View Post
    I'm sure you know it now. But just in case.... Just because a customer has spent money on you does NOT obligate you to be nice to him in perpetuity. Even if he spent a lot. Once he gets weird or wants to take it out of the club you always have to option to say no.
    Wow - really not very helpful.

    Another example of personal condemnations and quick judgements making this site less useful for a dancer with a real life issue. Obviously many SW pinks do not support meeting customers OTC, but the reality is that it happens a lot and the OP is far from alone. Objections to this would have been better covered in another thread, but instead were thrown in here and will likely be a deterrent for others that might have actually had good advice to offer.

    She is a dancer facing a situation that many others dancers have (or will) face and is looking for help in dealing with it. It would be nice if girls that have also dealt with this could post some useful info on the topic without fear of problems.
    Last edited by rickdugan; 11-25-2010 at 09:45 PM.

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Op, this is a sad situation and one all too common. Many dancers get involved in situations like this and my only suggestion would be to switch clubs but that seems too complicated. Did you give him your adddress? I suspect he thought you were in love with him and he got hurt.

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    If you don't want him to contact you any more, tell him if he doesn't stop, you will call the police. If he contacts you after that, call the police, and ask them to let him know you don't want to speak to him.

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by AmyLynne View Post
    Its why YOU DONT DATE THE CUSTOMERS!
    This could just as easily happened with someone she didn't meet at the club. The best way to avoid something like this from happening, is minimize the amount of personal information you give to anyone you socialize with, regardless of whether you meet him at the club or some other place. Don't give him your home address and only meet in public places if you're only interested in a casual relationship. Instead of giving him your number, give him your email address.

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Op, this is a sad situation and one all too common. Many dancers get involved in situations like this and my only suggestion would be to switch clubs but that seems too complicated. Did you give him your adddress? I suspect he thought you were in love with him and he got hurt.
    I actually considered working somewhere else for a while. There are 3 other clubs I can work at, but I really like where I am right now. He knew where I lived because he picked up my friend and I to go out to the clubs one night. He was our DD.

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    Senior Member Jaden_GD's Avatar
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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Wow - really not very helpful.

    Another example of personal condemnations and quick judgements making this site less useful for a dancer with a real life issue. Obviously many SW pinks do not support meeting customers OTC, but the reality is that it happens a lot and the OP is far from alone. Objections to this would have been better covered in another thread, but instead were thrown in here and will likely be a deterrent for others that might have actually had good advice to offer.

    She is a dancer facing a situation that many others dancers have (or will) face and is looking for help in dealing with it. It would be nice if girls that have also dealt with this could post some useful info on the topic without fear of problems.
    Thanks for your support. I think the person who flamed me didn't read my post thoroughly, therefore I don't find her input very valid.

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    Senior Member Jaden_GD's Avatar
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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    I guess I did refer to one of our get-togethers as a "date"..but then again I refer to lunch with my girlfriends a "date".

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    I wasnt saying you directly but in general doing anything OTC with a customer is bad for not only the girl who does it but all of us.

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    Senior Member Jaden_GD's Avatar
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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by AmyLynne View Post
    I wasnt saying you directly but in general doing anything OTC with a customer is bad for not only the girl who does it but all of us.
    I agree with that. The only reason (a stupid one now, I realize) I agreed to hang out with him was because he told me he wasn't going to strip clubs anymore, so I didn't see him as a custie after that. I guess we shouldn't believe anything they say. lol.

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by eagle2 View Post
    This could just as easily happened with someone she didn't meet at the club. The best way to avoid something like this from happening, is minimize the amount of personal information you give to anyone you socialize with, regardless of whether you meet him at the club or some other place. Don't give him your home address and only meet in public places if you're only interested in a casual relationship. Instead of giving him your number, give him your email address.
    This is true. I think too many people are concentrating on the fact he was a customer. If she met him someplace else there would be different comments. I think as women we let our guard down way more than we should. There have been times I've been stalked so now I am on alert. When I did online dating I didn't give a guy my address or phone number until I went out with him a few months. I didn't let these guys pick me up either (met that at the place). This is smart advice for any other woman who finds herself in the same situation.

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    This really sucks....I'm going through a similar thing NOW.Only I've only seen this one mb 5-6 times total.Found out he's a pathological liar,lied about job,living situation,basically everything.Broke,in debt,living with mom,but said was extremely wealthy,you know the type,1$ millionaire.Told him to stop,he texted OK,but never stopped.One good thing,doesn't show up anywhere,just texts and calls "to talk".

    If you have a police officer or similar as a friend,or an attorney friend,ask them just to call this guy and hopefully it will put an end to this.I actually haven't done it yet,since hoping he'll get bored and stop,but he still texts,now using holidays as an excuse.But have 2 police friends and a lawyer ready for that call whenever I decide it's time.I just REALLY don't want to start anything and keep hoping he'll go away.Haven't seen the guy in over 3 months...

    I would also suggest telling everyone about this,so in case anything (god forbid) happens,people will know who did it.

    Best of luck!!!

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Im sorry this is happening. I hope that you are safe.
    I was in this situation, I posted it here under my old name. Not sure where it is now, it was years ago. But when I first started dancing, in 2005...I met a custie who just spent mad money on me in the club. He was Mexican, illegal...and just had plenty of extra money to spend. After going to the VIP every night for a week, he offered to pay me to go outside the club one night. My dumb ass, not knowing any better, went. We EXCHANGED numbers (omg I was so fuckin dumb and brand new then) and we met up that night. This continued for a couple years. I always stuck to my line of "No, I dont have a boyfriend"... just to keep him. Well, I finally did get into a relationship a couple yrs. later (the man Im with now) and I tried to keep it a secret from the custie. I started avoiding his phone calls at night, was turning down his money to spend the night with him, was not letting him take me out to eat. But I kept him JUST close enough to where if -I- needed some money, I'd call him and say lets go out. Well, long story short...one night he kept calling and calling and I said Im staying home tonight Im with my girlfriends. He said No U lie U are with a man. You have a boyfriend. I said No, No...I dont, Ill call you in the morning. He quit calling. Five minutes later I heard a knock at my back door and then he WALKED IN(!!!!!!) Like...wtf! How did he even know where I lived??? (Obviously I wasnt smart enough to keep an eye on my rear view mirror!) As he walked in he said " You paying her too? how much did you give her? five dollars?" Just being real nasty.....
    I had been honest with him about everything except for i had a boyfriend. I mean, wasnt that the rule usually...dont say you arent single. Dont spoil the fantasy. But I WAS very clear with him that I dont have feelings for him, he is my "friend" bla bla bla. Anyways, that night turned into a fist fight with him, police came, told him to leave. He called me a billion times back to back...somehow had my boyfriends number --he prob looked in my phone at one of our outings-- and texted him photos of a naked woman who he said was me. LIE. He then called me grandma all the way across the country and said Im a stripper/ hooker...bla bla bla. So I ended up getting a restraining order against him. He still finds ways to contact me to this day. But thankfully I am moving out of Florida....and across the country.
    So....your not alone....I was so turned on by the shopping trips, the money, the dinner dates.to realize that this man was obsessive and had no life besides me.
    Get a restraining order if you need to, and check your surroundings at night. Try to have a friend with you as often as possible, at night. I never thought this man would break into my house and go crazy like that. You never know what these obsessive otc guys will do. Tell him point blank that you are not comfortable with where he's taking your friendship and that you are over it. Be safe girl and keep us posted.

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by AmyLynne View Post
    Its why YOU DONT DATE THE CUSTOMERS!
    agreed 100% best advice here....

    sorry to say but you deserve what you got....

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by Sylvia View Post
    agreed 100% best advice here....

    sorry to say but you deserve what you got....
    really? I guess you say this because it's never happened to you... yet.

    sometimes you give a guy an inch and he takes a mile, I'm sorry this happened to you Jaden, I had something very similar happen to me recently, and have had it happen in the past. Guys get so hopeful they make assumptions and jump to conclusions, creating fantasies. You smile at them, they assume you really like them, and they start to believe this entire fantasy, and pretty soon, you're in a situation like this. It's not your fault. But now it's time to go into full on bitch mode. Tell this guy to fuck off and if he gets near you again you WILL be contacting the police. Believe it or not, they do taking stalking seriously, and if you file a report they will follow through. Get everything in writing, and please please please do NOT be scared of this guy! You're just giving him more power! Fuck him, just because you're a single woman does not mean you can't defend yourself and should be scared of a man, HELL NO! Get some pepper spray, a dog, and a knife, and just be aware of your surroundings at all times. I dare one of those psycho stalker ex customers to try to approach me now, I would love the chance to cut one of them. How dare this guy try to intimidate you or violate your privacy. Tell a manager you trust about the situation, just say it's a guy you were seeing, and have him banned from the club.

    Good luck lady, and be strong, don't let a weak man scare or intimidate you!
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

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  31. #24
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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by Sylvia View Post
    agreed 100% best advice here....

    sorry to say but you deserve what you got....
    And my best advice to you would be to read the entire post before leaving a negative comment that holds no validity.

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    Default Re: Custie stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    really? I guess you say this because it's never happened to you... yet.

    sometimes you give a guy an inch and he takes a mile, I'm sorry this happened to you Jaden, I had something very similar happen to me recently, and have had it happen in the past. Guys get so hopeful they make assumptions and jump to conclusions, creating fantasies. You smile at them, they assume you really like them, and they start to believe this entire fantasy, and pretty soon, you're in a situation like this. It's not your fault. But now it's time to go into full on bitch mode. Tell this guy to fuck off and if he gets near you again you WILL be contacting the police. Believe it or not, they do taking stalking seriously, and if you file a report they will follow through. Get everything in writing, and please please please do NOT be scared of this guy! You're just giving him more power! Fuck him, just because you're a single woman does not mean you can't defend yourself and should be scared of a man, HELL NO! Get some pepper spray, a dog, and a knife, and just be aware of your surroundings at all times. I dare one of those psycho stalker ex customers to try to approach me now, I would love the chance to cut one of them. How dare this guy try to intimidate you or violate your privacy. Tell a manager you trust about the situation, just say it's a guy you were seeing, and have him banned from the club.

    Good luck lady, and be strong, don't let a weak man scare or intimidate you!
    Abso-fucking-lutely. At least the lesson I've learned from this is to be more aggressive the minute they get weird. I'm being way too passive with this all. Thanks for your advice..sorry this happened to you too because it SUCKS!

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