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Thread: Moving in with your boyfriend

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    Veteran Member bexxx's Avatar
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    Default Moving in with your boyfriend

    I havent ever lived with a boyfriend before and mine is really wanting to give it a go as we live quite far apart it wouldnt be yet as I have commitments to stay where I am until next summer but I was just wondering how did everyones relationships change when they moved in with their boyfriend (current or past doesnt matter) and what is
    everyones experiences?


    We both know we're not going to live together forever from this point on we're both young but I dont know if we live together an then move out will our relationship mess up as its like taking one step forward then one back.

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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    I've moved in with two exes. The best thing was I realized I really didn't like them. I found out before I could marry them. However this isn't a good idea unless you are serious with them. Personally I doubt I'd live with a guy again unless we were engaged with a wedding date because many men think that once you move in you don't have to marry. However in my case I'm looking to marry in the next 1-2 years.

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    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    You can't move in then move out & think your relationship will be the same...not a good idea.

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    Veteran Member bexxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    Well to explain a little we have been friends for about 6 years been together for about two..hit some rough patches, had space etc
    I think we're both quite realistic we do love each other but who knows how long it will last but I cant imagine not being friends with him

    The most we have spent together is like 3 weeks literally 24/7 so we were thinking that it would be better because we could spend time together but without it being so intense how it is when i see him now but these replys make it sound like living together hasnt been a good idea for people lol

    Quote Originally Posted by unbeleavable View Post
    You can't move in then move out & think your relationship will be the same...not a good idea.
    In what ways do you mean?

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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    I say go for it bc it makes or breaks ur relationship.. If u guys really love each other and r meant to be it will be proven by this move. I think its always better to live together before marriage. This is a huge test of the strength and compatibility of two people.

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    Veteran Member bexxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by shift_6x View Post
    I say go for it bc it makes or breaks ur relationship.. If u guys really love each other and r meant to be it will be proven by this move. I think its always better to live together before marriage. This is a huge test of the strength and compatibility of two people.
    I dont think we would ever get married I dont really think that ever works it jus seems its putting extra pressure on a relationship however we would love a child one day.. I think your point is a good one if its meant to be it will be..I always worry about the future but really it might not even happen lol

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    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    In what ways do you mean?[/QUOTE]

    You said it yourself, two steps forward one step back. Most of the time when people live in the same house then move out its because there are problems with the relationship. If you already know the problems ahead of you why would you go down that road again because you already know the answer.

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    God/dess DesuvsDeath's Avatar
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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    Our relationship didn't really change much from the moving in, honestly.
    We don't fight more, we don't appreciate each other less, we do even MORE things together than we did before...

    If there's a downside... uhhh. I guess it's that I have to follow him around and clean up his messes. But I knew how bad he was before we moved in together.


    The biggest downside for him is having to pay to keep the house warmer than he typically would so that I don't freeze to death.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    Mine, amazingly enough, only got better. My advice:

    1) Tell each other about your pet peeves as you discover them, no matter how small they are. If it bothers you that he wrinkles up the rug when he goes to the bathroom, tell him immediately. Say something like, "Okay, I know this is really stupid, but I have this pet peeve..." You might have a few of these when you first move in, but if you continue being respectful of each others' pet peeves, then you'll eventually get past them. Otherwise you will harbor resentment for each other that could result in you totally exploding 2 years down the road.

    2) Respect each others' communal space. If you live in the same bedroom, then keep whatever you share clean.

    3) Set up rules that you have to tell each other if you need some time to yourselves. Everyone, no matter how incredible the relationship, sometimes feels like being alone. This is totally normal and shouldn't be treated like "OMG we're breaking up b/c we don't spend 24/7 together!" Having a couch in the living room, or just another room where you can 'get away' for a few hours is great for this.

    4) Keep aspect of your lives separate from each other. The book Mating In Captivity discusses how desire fizzles out when people's lives start to become one. So if you go out with your girlfriends now, have me-time now, and do ___ and ____ and ____ now, then be sure to keep these activities!! Desire requires a certain amount of distance and uncertainty that these activities can help maintain.

    5) Take it day by day. At the end of your lease, you may have to re-evaluate and move into a 2 bedroom if you find yourselves wanting more space. There's nothing wrong with needing more space or wanting less space--every relationship is different.

    6) Try to have furniture /household items that are contributed equally from both of you, or start from scratch together. If one person contributes everything, then this sets up an unequal dynamic in the household (i.e. he feels like he's living in your place).

    7) Keep communication open. Some of the best relationships just don't work when you live in the same space. Take it day by day, don't freak out, and just be very honest about where you are mentally.

    8 ) Don't freak out when you have dips in the relationship. Right before I moved in with my SO, I suddenly stopped feeling anything for him. Like, I felt like I'd fallen out of love with him. But the second I voiced my feelings to him, he was like "OMG I feel the same way," and after a couple of hours, my love for him rushed back. I was just freaked out about the pressure that moving in was causing. These dips also come randomly throughout the year. Instead of freaking out and thinking that the relationship is doomed, I just claim that day as an 'introverted day,' and usually the feeling is gone by the next day.

    9) Be honest with yourself if you have any household issues. For example, I'm super territorial about my food. I knew this before moving in, so I discussed my need to keep my food separate from my SO's. This prevented resentment on my part from developing. Honesty is key! And there are ways of talking about these issues without seeming like a total control freak / psycho. Like, "Just so you know, I know this is really weird, but _____. Is there any way we could _____ to prevent this from happening?"

    10) Some people have problems with the collapsing of reality into desire when they move in together. Some people are uncomfortable when they realize that their SO's shit, piss, masturbate, and have gross habits just like normal people. Many people hide these activities from their SO's before they move in together. So be prepared for this possibile issue. You probably know already if this will be a problem in your relationship or not.

    11) Don't freak out! For some people, moving in together can be a total disaster. But you rarely hear from happy people, since we have nothing to complain about. And hey, if it's not working out, then just communicate with your partner along the way to prevent extreme fallouts.

    That's all of the advice I can think of for now! Sorry that was so long. I expected a total catastrophe when I moved in with my SO, but it's been paradise for the past 2 years. Not saying it'll always be that way, but it could be a really really amazing thing for your relationship!

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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    For us living together = even more awesomeness. He never has to do laundry, I never have to do dishes (we don't mind doing the chores the other person detests). Always someone to ask the other person "How was your day baby?" And foot rubs on a regular basis. It's good times.

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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    Our relationship got better.

    The excitement kind of went away, but we've discovered that we really can live together without any problems. And we're just living with my parents right now while we save up to buy and furnish an apartment. And if we can survive living together in one room, I KNOW we can manage an apartment or house.

    We discovered we have a lot in common--stuff that you wouldn't think matters, but having lived with an ex before, I know how much a difference it can make. We both like the same decor, the same music, and a lot of the same movies. We both tend to prefer sitting at home playing video games to going out and partying. We both like to cook. We're both a little messy but not DIRTY. And he has very good aim when he pees.

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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    To the OP: Save yourself the headache and don't move in with him unless you really want to see how he is. You never know a person until you live with them. Just saying.

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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    ^this is true, which is why I think it's a good idea fir couples to live together before they tie the knot. Like someone else said, it will either make or break your relationship, so yu mitt as well find out now, right? Just make sure you have a get out statigy just in case.



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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    I would recommend any serious couple move in together.

    Before my bf and I moved in together we had a passionate relationship, after a couple months living together we realized we're better friends. However, he is still the best roommate I've ever had. He's responsible, cleans up after himself, offers companionship... haha we know we're terminal and we still live together and sleep in the same bed because we're so compatible living together!

    Some people take a lot of adjusting when they live together, and there is often a "honeymoon" period where everything seems perfect, and then you realize its not. Other people completely click and don't have issues. You'll just have to take the bait and try it out for yourself. Good luck!
    Goodbye Seattle Lusty Lady, where every Miss is a Hit, and every Hit is Missed. 1985-2010.

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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    i would say to move in together after you have become a strong person yourself. We are always growing but i think that its best to move in together after you have grown to a certain level and can hold your own. meaning that you wont be consumed or preoccupied with the relationship, that you are able to create your own life and integrate him into it

    anyway, living with someone is great and its nice to have him come home every night. it makes me feel safe


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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    It also depends on your age. You are young and are not thinking of marriage, so you can enjoy the experience of living with him. I lived with a boyfriend when I was in my 20s and it was no big deal. When we got tired of it we just moved out. I wouldn't recommend it to a woman who wants more than a bf/gf relationship. That old saying "why by the cow when you can get the milk for free" often proves to be true.

    At 32 I would rather be engaged before sharing a home with a man.
    My boyfriend currently wants to move in with me and I refused because it is too convenient for him and not in my best interest. I could take or leave being married, but I'm not going to give him all the benefits of being married to me without the comittment on his part. I figure the only thing I would gain from it is if he paid the house bills, but I can do that fine on my own. So I will continue to hold it down until the real thing comes along.

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    Veteran Member bexxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Moving in with your boyfriend

    Thank you for all the responses it has really helped i do think we could do it as I know neither of us wants to have our lives just about each other we both want our own seperate lives and then to have some extra time together than what we have now and we are very open about bodily functions etc but that was a good point charlie and i appreciated the long resposnse it was very helpful because i hadnt considered half the things you pointed out. Its good to know not everyones relationships went downhill as i wasnt suure.

    I hadnt ever thought about not moving in before being engaged etc but that is a point i will take on board for the future if i plan on marrying.



    Quote Originally Posted by unbeleavable View Post
    You said it yourself, two steps forward one step back. Most of the time when people live in the same house then move out its because there are problems with the relationship. If you already know the problems ahead of you why would you go down that road again because you already know the answer.
    oh ok but I dont plan on living with him forever from this point onwards the reasons we would move out is because we would sign a certain ammount of time contract and then just decide to live somewhere else .If it got to a point where we decided to move out because of problems i wouldnt carry on the relationship. I was worrying that say we moved in everything was fine and we both move out just because we;re young want to do different things but we're still getting on, if it would change and how

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