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Thread: Did I Overreact?

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    Default Did I Overreact?

    As soon as I brought a guy back for a dance, he said he had to adjust his gun. I decided not to dance for him. He claimed he was a cop, but I obviously couldn't take his word for it. I told the bouncer, but I had to go on stage immediately afterwards. In the meantime, before the bouncer could get to him, the guy is watching me, and keeps standing up and messing with his pockets. I couldn't stop thinking about how easy it would have been for him to shoot me. At this point I really bug out, leave in the middle of my set, and proceed to cry in the dressing room because my job shouldn't cause me so much fear. I felt so vulnerable being topless on a raised stage with nothing to hide behind and I couldn't stop imagining it. While I'm still backstage, the bouncer lets me know that the guy had put it in his car.

    I didn't really think he would actually shoot me, but in the moment I was terrified. Since I was bugging out uncontrollably, I told my boss about the situation and how I was more or less incapacitated to work, and she responded nicely that I had to stay. I took it in stride, but only came out when he left.

    Some of the girls noticed I was really distressed, and looked at me like I was crazy when I told them why. My boyfriend who used to work in casinos was also nonplussed. I work in an area where it's very rare for people to own guns in the first place (I've never touched one) and and I was surprised that this was their attitude. So, am I weird? I mean, I wouldn't expect people to panic (I have anxiety problems) but I mean, how could they not be a little unsettled if this happened to them? Was I being a ridiculous drama queen? I want this cleared up.

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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    BTW I had a bad feeling about this guy even beforehand. I ignored it because he looked like an easy target.

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    um i would have been bothered. very bothered.

    wtf?
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    Quote Originally Posted by lol1337a View Post
    I couldn't stop thinking about how easy it would have been for him to shoot me.I felt so vulnerable being topless on a raised stage with nothing to hide behind
    i know this is not what you want to hear....but this could happen on any night at any time....you were only tripping because you KNEW he had a gun....im sure there are lots of guys in clubs with guns or weapons that you are just unaware of....

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    I would definitely be freaked out, but gun ownership isn't as common in Canada as it is in the States, so that could have something to do with it.

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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    I don't think you have to feel bad for feeling threatened in this situation. I certainly would have been. The guy sounds all-around sketchy (claiming he's a cop? Whether he is or isn't, sounds shady!!!) and I think it's very important to trust your gut instinct!!! Sorry you had such a jarring experience.
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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sylvia View Post
    i know this is not what you want to hear....but this could happen on any night at any time....you were only tripping because you KNEW he had a gun....im sure there are lots of guys in clubs with guns or weapons that you are just unaware of....
    Yeah, that was what made me so upset. I knew that stripping poses serious risks getting into the business, but seeing it so obviously for the first time set me over the edge. I'm in a bad place right now--I have recurring thoughts of worst case scenarios, and not just ones involving guns. It's like, "How can I seriously be okay with a job that made me terrified?" I don't want to quit, and the cognitive dissonance is making me feel terrible.

    I got a text today from the club saying that he was actually a cop, but there's all kinds of reasons why they would say that. And even if he was, why the fuck would he have a gun off duty?

    Thanks to everyone who's supporting me. I was beginning to doubt my reaction, given no one thought it was a big deal.

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    Featured Member OJenni!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    Years ago when I was escorting I had a client who showed me his lock box full of machine guns, ammunition, sniper rifles, AK47s, M16s, etc etc. He was a military guy. I was alright with this, as I am very familiar with how to work a rifle myself (I was in Reserves briefly and learned some of this stuff).

    But what really began to irk me was a comment he made just as we were locking up his lock box. He made some comment about never showing up at his house unannounced. I would never do that (no matter who it was) so the fact that he felt he had to make this comment frightened me. I think I handled the situation very well as I was safe in getting out of there respectfully (I re-assured him that I don't come to an address unless I am called).

    Here in Canada guns/rifles/etc are illegal unless you have a license to own. They can't be concealed in a car, your pocket, etc either. you have to have a secure lock box in your home and the ammo has to be locked separately as well. It has to be a metal box with double locks/security code or finger print. However many military people have lock boxes that use their iris as identification.



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    Veteran Member Autumn Lily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    Think what would have been more traumatic for you: Him telling you he has to adjust his gun to be more comfortable, or you accidentally discovering it grinding on him during the dance.

    Not everyone who owns a gun carries it on their person with the intent to shoot any and everybody who looks at them funny, and they're certainly not maniacs. One of my best friends conceals and carries two guns on him at all times - one on his hip, the other on his ankle (his reasons are his own, I never understood why he needs two...) and I trust him with my life and I've never once felt threatened around him.

    I'd say you most certainly REACTED, but you didn't OVERreact.

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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    Quote Originally Posted by lol1337a View Post
    I got a text today from the club saying that he was actually a cop, but there's all kinds of reasons why they would say that. And even if he was, why the fuck would he have a gun off duty?
    because guns are an extension of a guys dick....they make them feel like big men if they carry them....like i said....lots of guys in clubs are probably carrying them (legal or not) you are just unaware of it...

    why would he need to tell you he was carrying it?...."adjusting it" is just an excuse to tell you he has it on him....he wanted you to think he was a "big man" or "cool" for carrying it or being able to carry it....

    he wanted attention for it and was upset because you did not give him that attention.....

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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    ^i know not everyone who has a gun is a maniac and i am pro gun rights. however, people shouldnt be bringing guns into strip clubs. us poor girls already get traumatized enough. seriously, we deal with so many creeps already, the last thing we need to deal with is creeps with guns.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    I wouldn't be so concerned about the fact that he had a gun. What would definitely have freaked me out is him constantly drawing attention to it. And cops ARE required to carry a gun when they are off duty, but still. My fiancee's best friend is a state trooper, and he has a gun on him 24/7, and I never really think about it because he doesn't feel the need to show it off or bring it up constantly.

    Never doubt your gut instinct. It's there for a reason. It doesn't matter if the guy was a cop, cops are just like other people. Remember that whole thing a couple of years ago about the Albany cops (or was it Troy?) that had multiple complaints about them pulling over women in the middle of the night, then molesting and/or raping them, and they were still on the job? Apparently no one took the women seriously because they may or may not have been hookers. If anything about a customer ever bothers you, you should not have to spend a single second more around them.

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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    I don't think you overreacted. I had guys say that to me, every time they were real cops. If they say their a cop they have to have their badge with them, especially if they are carrying a gun. Just make sure you know what the badges look like in your area. If they don't show it then its time to call the bouncer. But men no matter how small shouldn't be carrying guns in a stripclub but I will say if its a cop just keep the safety on.

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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    Yeah, to be clear, I'm not skeeved out by people owning or concealing guns appropriately. If a cop has to wear one that's one thing, I guess, but I don't have to agree that they should be brought into a strip club. The thing that bothered me the most was that he felt the need to tell me. Just shift it discreetly. Don't say, "I need to move my gun... some of us need firearms." Is he really trying to impress me, or is it a power trip? Hard to tell, I think. And the whole standing up and shifting around in his pockets once he knew I was freaked out? Total let's mindfuck the stupid stripper power trip, or at least that's how I see it.

    I almost always follow my instincts at work, but I don't always get a creepy vibe until I actually talk to the guy. I'm pretty much a "wanna dance" girl, so it's easier to just do the dance than tell them I changed my mind, unless he says something awful in the five seconds I chat him up. (BTW, "wanna dance"= total win if you do it right, don't hate.)

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    Featured Member lifetravelergirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    WTF is a cop doing in a strip club wearing a gun? Was he on duty? (Rhetorical question of course).

    You were right to be freaked out. I am sorry this happened to you. There was no reason for you to not be freaked out.

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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    just for future reference if a person tells you they're a cop and you don't believe them, ask to see a badge. the cop has to show you it, I'm PRETTY sure that's a law.

    whenever a guy in the club tells me he's a cop whether or not he has a gun on him I smile and say "oh really mister officer can I see your badge?"

    same goes with military. ask to see a military ID.

    I would have been nervous if a guy told me he had a gun on him and if he was like "oh yeah well I'm a cop" it would STILL freak me out. what the hell does a guy need a gun for in a strip club? I really wish more places would install metal detectors or have security pat down everyone. they do it at concert venues and I'm sure no one would have a problem complying with it for obvious reasons.

    I've heard horror stories of girls being robbed at gunpoint outside a club. if a guy had a gun inside the club I can only imagine the kind of things he could do. "give me a blow job or I'll shoot you."

    you did the right thing. you had a bad feeling about the guy and you may have saved yourself from getting in some serious trouble. your life is not worth risking over a lap dance. I would have rather left the club ALIVE with no money than dead. trust your gut. don't do ANYTHING you're not comfortable with.

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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    Don't feel bad hun I don't even know how I would react I am super paranoid around guns and knives (I also have anxiety).

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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    Hi! Personaly I do think you may have overeacted a tad....I mean maybe since it is less common where you live it was shocking to you...but you should be aware that in this day and age MANY people carry guns. not only cops and often as self-protection. This guy wasn't threatening you, sounds like he was trying to impress you by casually letting you know he has a gun (cause he is so "badass"). It is highly highly unlikely he would shoot you. The fact that this made you cry and want to go home doesn't sound healthy to me. Seems like there may be some other underlying reason for why you reacted so strongly. Maybe you aren't really comfortable with the line of work you're in or the club you work in doesn't make you feel safe. You mentioned anxiety problems and worry about how high risk stripping is....maybe it just isn't right for you...nobody should feel so uncomfortable in their workplace that they are having nervous breakdowns! I really wish you the best of luck sweetie!

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    Default Re: Did I Overreact?

    ^^Yeah, I never actually thought he would shoot me, it's weird to explain. I grew up in a suburb and nobody I knew ever had guns unless they hunted, which was pretty rare to begin with. My social circle growing up was hugely for gun control (I'm actually not, believe it or not!). I've been conditioned to see guns almost as a taboo. I work in the most upscale club in a small city so it was just surprising for me to encounter it there. I love my job, I've been doing it for years and I won't quit anytime soon. It was just a WTF, wakeup call moment. I'm over it, it just really, really spooked me. This isn't to say that I don't appreciate responses that don't entirely validate my feelings, though--it's good to be reminded that people actually carry guns every day, everywhere.
    Last edited by lol1337a; 11-26-2010 at 11:28 PM.

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