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Thread: I lost my best regular of 5 years

  1. #1
    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Dizzy I lost my best regular of 5 years

    Hi, I need advice on whether to try and mend this or leave it be...

    Mr Black Amex had been visiting me 3days a month when interstate. I allowed him a set fee for my nightly company plus he tipped me well. We would have dinner OTC then meet inside the club. I usually went back to his hotel room to collect my dollars after work (no sex/prostitution) and we would have breakfast together. I asked and he flew his favourite dancer from his hometown down to meet me (she stayed in his room). I also encouraged him to have dances with other girls and not to feel obligated to me.... all was well.

    Recently he flew hometown dancer down again, he blew me off first night. We all went out together to a club and drank and danced. Three of us went back to their room for breakfast and passed out! I woke up 30mins later and didn't want to wake them (to collect my fee), so I left a note and went home. That night I called to ask about my $ and he said "I put it in the avon bag I gave you before I passed out". There was no money...

    After sending a few leading texts and waiting over a week for response (normally we would be in contact every couple of days) I sent this email

    Hi, In case I didn't make it perfectly clear;

    There was no money in the avon bag that I took home with me.

    I am pissed off and annoyed, I thought our friendship was worth more than this. I'm not a thief, but your silence implies that you think I am.
    I believed that you had the courage to confront uncomfortable situations, to nut out the truth.
    I am not one for betraying friendships- I have more personal integrity than to screw someone over for money,

    A response would be customary, but I am not holding out for one.



    In return I recieved;

    I have been overseas

    There has not been a positive response from the hotel

    I know the money was in the Avon brochures you were given because I put it there when I couldn't wake you even with the tv, calling and shaking you

    I did not see any sign of it after that

    What more can I say or do

    We haven't been in contact for two months since.
    Maybe he didn't put the money in the bag or maybe the other dancer took the wrong avon bag (there were two) or maybe I'm being naive...

    Should I invite him to coffee? What should I do?

    Thankyou girls















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    Last edited by Flickdreams; 11-29-2010 at 07:04 AM. Reason: spelling
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    If it's been 2 months, I'm going to say it's time to cut your losses and move on. This guy either honestly believes he gave you the money and that you're trying to play him, or figured since you left without making sure you had the money, it wasn't a big deal. Either way, he's not going to pay you after this point.

    Next time, be sure to get any money upfront and check to make sure it's there. Or at the very least, don't just leave without making sure you have it.

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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    I personally think you overreacted.

    Sure, he should have paid you the second you told him the money wasn't there, but if you look at it in the long run, you KNOW if you just act cool and eat the costs of it this one time, he'll come back, and spend more at a later date, many times over. However, if you make a stink (like you did), you'll alienate him and make him feel uncomfortable and thus loose a huge source of income--all of it, including all the money he WOULD have spent on you in the future, had you not made a big fuss about this one situation.

    And it's not even like he's trying to be a dick about it--he probably DID put the money in your Avon things, but maybe someone took it? Maybe it fell out? At least he responded to you! Now, he's not offering to repay you (which he should, considering you make it out to sound like he's really rich and wouldn't be hurting if he did), but I think that stems more from the distrust issues arising as they invariably do when a girl tells a customer he hasn't already paid her, when he thinks he has. You have to look at it from his point of view--you're a dancer, and in his mind, he DOES know you're only hanging out with him for the money. So making a big fuss about this money and telling him it's gone is going to stoke his deepest fears--that you're out to "use him". Granted, of course you are, but he has to THINK that it's a fair exchange, he doesn't want to feel like he's being taken to the cleaners, as it were. And by you sending such a tart email, now I'm sure he does, AND he is thinking to himself "Ok, so yeah, all she does care about is money".

    Which is obvious to US, but to him, that ruins all the illusion and ruins the entire thing. Because while they KNOW it's true, they want to desparately believe that we do hang out with them because part of us genuinely loves them. And to take that last vestage of hope away from the relationship, well, good luck repairing it, although I vote that you should try.

    First, email him and say you're sorry for being to curt, and that while you didn't find the money, that it's ok, not a big deal, and I'm sure that our "fun in the future" will more than make up for the lost money in the present, and anyways "I really just love hanging out with you" and while the money really truly does help out a LOT with tutition, kids, ect, it's just a small part of the attraction to him. Imply that you are over it, that you've moved on, and just want to continue the friendship without the drama. If he's a decent dude, he'll perhaps start talking to you again, and while I'd expect a grace period as you two warm back up again, you might be able to go back to being his regular girl. But you WILL have to work for it--damage control as what you said to him was very blunt.

    I have a regular myself who has done this to me a few times. He's a multi-millionaire, who used to come in and put $8-10Gs on his company card, and go to town, dancing and dancing, and then close out, tip well, and leave. I did actually really like the guy (really funny, smart as a whip), so it sucked when I learned that he was being federally indicted for some work related federal lawsuit. Suddenly, the money was not as open and carefree as before, but because I knew he'd always come back and spend whatever he had on me, I worked with him to get as much for what he did have as possible, sometimes even taking a bit less than what he did actually owe me, just because I knew, like clockwork, I could count on him to show up on obscure day shifts that I was stuck working, and save the day. He was about as regular as they come, every day, at a certain time, leave at a certain time, and just having the money security was awesome, and I was ABSOLUTELY willing to eat a $20 or $40 here and there for the guarantee that he'd show up the next day.

    Now, don't get me wrong--don't let your customers think they can do this ALL the time, and if they do start trying to pull this stuff, dump 'em like crazy. But for the regulars with bank who you KNOW are going to come back and see you, and who generally pay well and tip, by all means, eat a few dances to get a few more the next day.

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    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    Quote Originally Posted by shanna dior View Post
    Next time, be sure to get any money upfront and check to make sure it's there. Or at the very least, don't just leave without making sure you have it.

    Agreed, upfront cash. I think maybe the other girl took the money. I was pissed with him for asking me to take the 3 nights off work and then only see me for one of them. I was also offended that he didn't trust my word the way I trusted him by being OTC with him. thanks.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    Quote Originally Posted by red_lolita View Post
    I personally think you overreacted.

    Sure, he should have paid you the second you told him the money wasn't there, but if you look at it in the long run, you KNOW if you just act cool and eat the costs of it this one time, he'll come back, and spend more at a later date, many times over. However, if you make a stink (like you did), you'll alienate him and make him feel uncomfortable and thus loose a huge source of income--all of it, including all the money he WOULD have spent on you in the future, had you not made a big fuss about this one situation.

    And it's not even like he's trying to be a dick about it--he probably DID put the money in your Avon things, but maybe someone took it? Maybe it fell out? At least he responded to you! Now, he's not offering to repay you (which he should, considering you make it out to sound like he's really rich and wouldn't be hurting if he did), but I think that stems more from the distrust issues arising as they invariably do when a girl tells a customer he hasn't already paid her, when he thinks he has. You have to look at it from his point of view--you're a dancer, and in his mind, he DOES know you're only hanging out with him for the money. So making a big fuss about this money and telling him it's gone is going to stoke his deepest fears--that you're out to "use him". Granted, of course you are, but he has to THINK that it's a fair exchange, he doesn't want to feel like he's being taken to the cleaners, as it were. And by you sending such a tart email, now I'm sure he does, AND he is thinking to himself "Ok, so yeah, all she does care about is money".
    .
    Thanks, I guess I was hurt that he didn't take me at my word. He is a nice guy if a little boring and regardless of outcome I do want to talk to him again and clear the air.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    As you mentioned he blew you off the first night...and then the money wasn't there....and he hasn't contacted you in two months.

    All regulars have a shelf life. You will always make the most in the beginning...at the club. As soon as you start hanging OTC the payout is roughly equal to what you make at the club (and sometimes more) but over time it starts declining.

    Regardless of what happened to the money, I think you should let this one go. You had a great 5 year run, go find a new one
    Rebecca Avalon







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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    LOL....i have seen this same story posted on this site many times....in another version two dancers were paid to go to a casino and passed out after and the same situation occurred....nice try troll!!...i will find the thread and post it here....

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    ^ Even if it's a troll, it's a legitimate post. So let's assume it's real.

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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    Quote Originally Posted by britneyireland View Post
    As you mentioned he blew you off the first night...and then the money wasn't there....and he hasn't contacted you in two months.

    All regulars have a shelf life. You will always make the most in the beginning...at the club. As soon as you start hanging OTC the payout is roughly equal to what you make at the club (and sometimes more) but over time it starts declining.

    Regardless of what happened to the money, I think you should let this one go. You had a great 5 year run, go find a new one
    Regulars are like milk, they all have an expiration date, and after that you should just throw them out....
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    Quote Originally Posted by Flickdreams View Post
    Hi, I need advice on whether to try and mend this or leave it be...

    Mr Black Amex had been visiting me 3days a month when interstate. I allowed him a set fee for my nightly company plus he tipped me well. We would have dinner OTC then meet inside the club. I usually went back to his hotel room to collect my dollars after work (no sex/prostitution) and we would have breakfast together. I asked and he flew his favourite dancer from his hometown down to meet me (she stayed in his room). I also encouraged him to have dances with other girls and not to feel obligated to me.... all was well.

    Recently he flew hometown dancer down again, he blew me off first night. We all went out together to a club and drank and danced. Three of us went back to their room for breakfast and passed out! I woke up 30mins later and didn't want to wake them (to collect my fee), so I left a note and went home. That night I called to ask about my $ and he said "I put it in the avon bag I gave you before I passed out". There was no money...

    After sending a few leading texts and waiting over a week for response (normally we would be in contact every couple of days) I sent this email

    Hi, In case I didn't make it perfectly clear;

    There was no money in the avon bag that I took home with me.

    I am pissed off and annoyed, I thought our friendship was worth more than this. I'm not a thief, but your silence implies that you think I am.
    I believed that you had the courage to confront uncomfortable situations, to nut out the truth.
    I am not one for betraying friendships- I have more personal integrity than to screw someone over for money,

    A response would be customary, but I am not holding out for one.



    In return I recieved;

    I have been overseas

    There has not been a positive response from the hotel

    I know the money was in the Avon brochures you were given because I put it there when I couldn't wake you even with the tv, calling and shaking you

    I did not see any sign of it after that

    What more can I say or do

    We haven't been in contact for two months since.
    Maybe he didn't put the money in the bag or maybe the other dancer took the wrong avon bag (there were two) or maybe I'm being naive...

    Should I invite him to coffee? What should I do?

    Thankyou girls















    .ExternalClass .ecxhmmessage P{padding:0px;}.ExternalClass body.ecxhmmessage{font-size:10pt;font-family:Tahoma;}
    is it possible that one of hte dancers stole from you?
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    is it possible that one of hte dancers stole from you?
    My thought s exactly - in fact I'm convinced that the other girl did it.

    That's why I think it might be worth writing that EMail, sending it, and then leave it. If he's hanging out with a light-fingered girl, she'll do it again.. She'll get found out sooner or later - and then you may get a call.
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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    is it possible that one of hte dancers stole from you?

    I think she did, they went to Thailand together shortly after and she spent her 21st birthday with him instead of with her friends and sister (who were in the country at the same time), I think because I was hurt I overeacted. ps. Whats a troll? (in terms of this site)
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    Quote Originally Posted by britneyireland View Post
    Regardless of what happened to the money, I think you should let this one go. You had a great 5 year run, go find a new one
    I have had him around 6 months, I meant my best reg. of five years dancing

    x
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    If it was just the missing money, I'd let it go and assume that one of the other dancers took it. Either on purpose or accidentally (grabbed the wrong bag).

    BUT, he asked you to take time off from work and then blew you off? I think he's moving on to other girls but he doesn't want to come out and say it. It can get awkward sometimes. I wouldn't contact him at all but I'd probably be friendly if he contacted me.

    I wouldn't move my schedule to meet him OTC anymore if he calls though. Let him come see you at the club and if he presses, tell him you need the money or something.

    It sucks to lose a good customer but they do have a shelf life, like Britney said.

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    Default Re: I lost my best regular of 5 years

    I just saw your message asking me to respond to this thread.

    First off, you made a big mistake taking him as a social client outside the club - but I am sure you already know that. Second, you encouraged him to bring in a dancer from another town as well as interact with dancers in your club, another bad idea. In order to get the most money from him he needs to think you are really special & deserve his undivided attention! Its one thing to not fuss about something he does like spending money on other dancers, but it's a totally different thing to encourage it! When you do that you are telling him you are okay with sharing & possibly that you aren't looking for a deeper connection - which for some guys is part of the fantasy.

    Now, on blowing you off - that wasn't cool. While you shouldn't have seen him OTC, you already did, so you can't really back peddle now. In the future ask him to send you a deposit for 1/2 of what he will owe you for the total of your services. Tell him that deposit is non-refundable if he doesn't show up. Also, as mentioned above make sure that you get the remainder of the money owed to you up front. He needs to know that something went wrong, & what he does has consequences. Hopefully these consequences mean he will be more respectful of you & your time in the future.

    As for the money, I would place a wager that the other dancer took the wrong bag - either on purpose or mistake. It doesn't matter at this point, what's done is done, just make sure you have your money up-front in the future.

    I'd also apologize to him for the way you worded your text to him, it comes off very cross & implies that he is responsible for everything that happened. Just tell him that you'll let the "money" you didn't receive be water under the bridge, & you'd still enjoy seeing him one-on-one again. Be sure you say it exactly like that though because you are letting the "money" be written off but not forgetting how or why it happened, & you are also letting him know you are interested in seeing him without the interference of other people... which having the girl in town could have been another reason why he blew you off. It will be an easier way of saying she isn't invited, but you still enjoy spending time with him.
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