Results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: Don't know what to do?

  1. #1
    Newbie
    Joined
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    14
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 23 Times in 9 Posts

    Default Don't know what to do?

    Ok, let me preface this by saying I never EVER see any customers outside the club. Ever ever. I've been dancing for 5+ years and not ONCE have I met up outside the club with any customers.

    That being said, I fell for a regular of mine and met up with him a few times this week. I feel really weird about it, but no money was involved and the most we did was kiss--and it was a dating situation, nothing else. I still feel really awkward about it--how do I tell people we met?--but I **REALLY** like him, lots and lots. I've been dancing for him for about a year now, and on our dates he was very sweet, loving, and funny. Also very smart, very driven, basically everything I've been looking for in a man.

    BUT--there's more. He's going through a nasty divorce and has two kids, and is 16 years my senior. I usually date older men, but not THAT much older. Plus, I've never dated a man with kids, but he (from what I can tell) is a good dad, but is in a NASTY custody battle with his ex-wife. Which is obviously a baggage/drama overload. Plus, of course, he's a customer. Urgh.

    I just feel like I wish I'd met him outside the club, because I definately would have hung out with him then too, and not had to feel so weird about him being a customer from the club. I'm not thinking of this being a serious thing, just seeing where it goes, but I do really like him.

    And, I hate to say it, and honestly this does factor in a bit, but not as much as it would for some I imagine--he's loaded. Like 10+ million. Has a private driver, lives in the Hills, ect. This actually freaks me out a lot. I've never dated a man with money--never ever.

    SO--my point is: what do? Should I keep at it? Or not? I'm really confused.....never dealt with this situation before.....?

  2. #2
    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    2,447
    Thanks
    1,403
    Thanked 1,534 Times in 805 Posts

    Default Re: Don't know what to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by red_lolita View Post
    I still feel really awkward about it--how do I tell people we met?

    SO--my point is: what do? Should I keep at it? Or not? I'm really confused.....never dealt with this situation before.....?

    Talk to him about it, and say that you meet at a bar, or a store, or be honest. Whatever floats your boat.

    If you like him, then go for it. You have been dancing quite a long time to probably understand from the regular customer who wants to take out a stripper for bragging rights, to an actually relationship. There is nothing you can loose, so give it a shot to see whether you two match up or not. Make sure he understands that you are doing this for you and not your work and talk to him about where he sees you two going, if it's confusing for each of you. But I would just take things step by step.

  3. #3
    God/dess
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    3,142
    Thanks
    1,158
    Thanked 1,112 Times in 673 Posts

    Default Re: Don't know what to do?

    Why can't it be a serious thing? Don't sell yourself short.

    You have to play your cards right. Make him desire you, but don't sleep with him unless/until he marries you. Rich men don't know how to take 'no' for an answer, so, if you make him want you bad enough, he'll do whatever is necessary, including marriage, to be with you.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

  4. #4
    Veteran Member dreamer1980's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    401
    Thanks
    197
    Thanked 89 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: Don't know what to do?

    jack, what a way to give the guy blue balls

    to the OP, who cares if you meet him in the club. if u like him go for it
    Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. - James Dean

  5. #5
    Featured Member Mindy Bares All's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Philly
    Posts
    1,069
    Thanks
    248
    Thanked 359 Times in 193 Posts
    My Mood
    Flirty

    Default Re: Don't know what to do?

    Know that there is nothing new under the sun, and take comfort that someone else, somewhere has been in your shoes before.

    Make up a really entertaining story, change the topic, claim you met online, etc. If you tell the truth, chances are, no one will believe you or they'll think it's a joke.

    If you like him, and you think he has long term potential, and you KNOW he's not using you for money, status, sex, then enjoy it and let it run its natural course.
    Quote Originally Posted by lagirl View Post
    Those housewives need to stop being vain lushes and making us look like criminals

  6. #6
    Veteran Member girlfromipanema's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    232
    Thanks
    209
    Thanked 172 Times in 85 Posts

    Default Re: Don't know what to do?

    If you really like him and are enjoying your time together then great! I would say proceed with caution, though. The nasty divorce isn't finalized yet. He is stressed out and you could possibly be a break from his reality. At some point in the future it would be good to know where you stand with him. Will he be emotionally ready to go straight into another serious relationship or is he just wanting to play? The answer to that will reveal itself in time, so try to hold back emotionally a little for now. Good luck!

  7. #7
    God/dess
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    3,142
    Thanks
    1,158
    Thanked 1,112 Times in 673 Posts

    Default Re: Don't know what to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by dreamer1980 View Post
    jack, what a way to give the guy blue balls
    Yup, but she's playing for very high stakes. The dude is loaded and she's got a chance to become Mrs. Loaded,... but only if she plays her cards right - which means no milk until he buys the cow.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

  8. #8
    Banned
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    11,037
    Thanks
    1,891
    Thanked 5,124 Times in 3,086 Posts

    Default Re: Don't know what to do?

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Yup, but she's playing for very high stakes. The dude is loaded and she's got a chance to become Mrs. Loaded,... but only if she plays her cards right - which means no milk until he buys the cow.
    Agree 100%. I am a big fan of no sex until marriage anyway, but especially in this case. It'll be known that he's into her and not just the hot stripper.

    OP, I don't think the fact he's a customer is a red flag. In fact in this case is not a big deal. You can just tell people you met at a restaurant. However there are two glaring red lights.

    1) He's 16 years older. Depending on your age this can make a difference. Huge age gaps can cause big problems. I've dated guys who were 10+ older and it caused a lot of trouble. However many age gaps can work.

    2) The whole going through a divorce thing. That's going to get messy, especially since he has kids. I would never date kids at my age, even guys who aren't going through a divorce because that has drama. However add in recent divorce drama and it would require you to be very strong.

    My advice? Be very careful and casual. See where it goes but don't get directly involved in the divorce because you might be drawn into the fighting.

  9. #9
    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Denver & San Fran
    Posts
    6,907
    Thanks
    181
    Thanked 2,002 Times in 1,285 Posts

    Default Re: Don't know what to do?

    First off, he isn't divorced yet, so you need to do some back peddling. Seeing him before he's divorced could cause both of you problems, especially if anyone finds out. If his ex catches wind that you are a stripper his custody battle could become much worse, & she could find little ways to make your life a living hell. Tell him that until his divorced is finalized you can only see him in the club, & let him know that you will check with the courts to make sure for yourself, otherwise he could tell you a fib about it. Many places have marriage & divorce records online, which you can search either free or for something cheap like $5. Worst case scenario you may have to go down to the court & have the pull up the information, which is worth it.

    Once you start seeing him, ask him not to come into the club. You don't need problems from other girls who may find out, nor do you need to take the chance of him getting jealous.


    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    You have to play your cards right. Make him desire you, but don't sleep with him unless/until he marries you. Rich men don't know how to take 'no' for an answer, so, if you make him want you bad enough, he'll do whatever is necessary, including marriage, to be with you.
    This can be good or bad information. You need to decide what YOU want. If you want marriage then yes, by all means hold out! However, if you've never been married before then you may not realize what a trap marriage can be. If things go wrong then divorcing can be one of the biggest pains in the bum that you've ever encountered! Not to mention that if you change your life around for him & things don't work out you could be very frustrated. Even if you DO decide you want to marry him keep working or volunteering, letting your skills slip by over time can be one of the worst mistakes you make, especially if you find yourself single again. Plus, you will always want to be putting away money, because you can never predict the future. He could lose his source of income, die, or just turn out to be a jerk. You need to keep yourself prepared for the worst & if he turns out to be a great guy then count your lucky stars!

    Now, if you don't want marriage, try not to see him too much or talk to him too much. Wait for a good amount of time before sleeping with him. The more he values your time together or physical pleasure the more he will spoil you. People tend to hold less value in things that are in abundance, it's a supply vs demand thing. Make his demand be higher than your supply. When you are with him spoil him back! Give massages, inexpensive but very personal gifts, surprises, make him dinner, etc. All of the people he has working for him can be very useful to you... try to find out how to reach them so you can contact them for help on gifts. His driver may know his favourite places to go, which you can get him gift certificates to. If he has a maid she is likely to know things like his shirt size, favourite clothing colors, etc. that can be useful when you go shopping for him. When you do things, try to keep them as surprises, they will come off more thoughtful. You may want to pick up a copy of 1001 Ways To Be Romantic by Gregory J.P. Godek, it has lots of useful ideas & many that aren't expensive.
    Don't you ever sleep?
    Not at night...that's when the stars have rather better things to do. They're coming out, shining, that sort of thing.
    - Blog -
    My PM box fills up quick. If you have a question please with your username.
    Congrats to Pryce on doing some much needed tending in his garden!
    - -


  10. #10
    God/dess
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    3,142
    Thanks
    1,158
    Thanked 1,112 Times in 673 Posts

    Default Re: Don't know what to do?

    ^ I basically agree, but just have one point to make:

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2 View Post
    You need to decide what YOU want. If you want marriage then yes, by all means hold out! However, if you've never been married before then you may not realize what a trap marriage can be. If things go wrong then divorcing can be one of the biggest pains in the bum that you've ever encountered!
    In this case, with a good divorce lawyer, the OP could be set for life, even with a nasty divorce. He'll ask her to sign a prenum, but she shouldn't sign a take-nothing prenup - instead, agood lawyer can negotiate for her a prenup with graduated payments to her, depending on the number of years they are married.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

  11. #11
    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Denver & San Fran
    Posts
    6,907
    Thanks
    181
    Thanked 2,002 Times in 1,285 Posts

    Default Re: Don't know what to do?

    ^^^ Even without marriage though, just the living together can be a pain when you are ready to end the relationship. It's not always about money. If she's a dancer she can make more money. It's separating your life from the other person's life one they're been entangled together, & the more that has legal issues corresponding with it the harder it becomes to dissolve the relationship once you are ready to move on... particularly for women.
    Don't you ever sleep?
    Not at night...that's when the stars have rather better things to do. They're coming out, shining, that sort of thing.
    - Blog -
    My PM box fills up quick. If you have a question please with your username.
    Congrats to Pryce on doing some much needed tending in his garden!
    - -


  12. #12
    Veteran Member fast tan77's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Morgantown WV
    Posts
    380
    Thanks
    28
    Thanked 98 Times in 77 Posts

    Default Re: Don't know what to do?

    Also be mindfull that a guy just going through a divorce is going to be in no hurry to jump right back into a serious relationship or marrage. He will have some wild oats to re-plant.
    I can do better than you in a two bit fancy house

  13. #13
    God/dess
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    3,142
    Thanks
    1,158
    Thanked 1,112 Times in 673 Posts

    Default Re: Don't know what to do?

    ^ Exactly, that's why she can't sleep with him. If she does, she just one of his post-divorce wild-oats.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2 View Post
    ^^^ Even without marriage though, just the living together can be a pain when you are ready to end the relationship. It's not always about money. If she's a dancer she can make more money. It's separating your life from the other person's life one they're been entangled together, & the more that has legal issues corresponding with it the harder it becomes to dissolve the relationship once you are ready to move on... particularly for women.
    True, but this happens - its life. Better than it happen with someone who is loaded and gives you a BIG divorce settlement, than wait around and go through the same thing with someone who only has old worthless CDs and furniture.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

Similar Threads

  1. If you don't want to be raped, don't dress like a slut!
    By 4everresolutions in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 70
    Last Post: 04-09-2011, 02:44 AM
  2. Don't ask, Don't tell enforcement stopped
    By tempest666 in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10-12-2010, 02:41 PM
  3. Replies: 14
    Last Post: 10-26-2007, 01:11 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •