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Thread: I FINALLY did it...

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    Thumbs up I FINALLY did it...

    For those of you who don't know,I've been in an abusive marriage for the past several years (2 years of those consisted of him being in prison for domestic violence). I live in public housing and he WASN'T on my lease so they wanted him out or I would be evicted. (He would never make it past the screening process b/c of his criminal record)

    Last week I had a meeting with the director at the office and I KNEW this was my chance to finally get him out of my house and get away from him. (He's not physically abusive,like he used to be,but is VERY verbally,
    mentally and emotionally abusive) Part of me was having second thoughts b/c I'm 9 months pregnant and I kept thinking,"Well,what if I need his help with this baby?" Then,I thought about the fact that,for the past month,he's been leaving me at the house with 2 kids and NO phone,sometimes NO food and NO money or transportation-all so he could go to the strip club. And STILL had the nerve to come home at 4 a.m. and accuse me of having some guy over.

    So, the director called the cops up to the office and they went to my place and told him he had to get his stuff and leave and they were putting a trespassing warrant on him. He left,and IMMEDIATELY txts me talking about,"I know it was u that did this. Why would u do this? I'm gonna kill myself. My blood will be on your head." He tried to make me feel guilty about what I did and he got his family involved and basically tried to turn EVERYONE against ME and make me look like the bad guy.

    And now that he doesn't live with us anymore,all he wants to do is go hang out with us and go places with us and take the kids out to eat and the park,etc... I'm thinking: Where was all this when you lived here???? He keeps talking about moving me and the kids out of here into an apartment and I kept telling him, "I can't live with you. I want to keep things the way they are." But,apparently,he won't listen b/c he keeps bringing it up over and over.

    For the first time in YEARS,I feel like I can breathe again. The stress has been relieved,I don't need pills anymore to cope with him. No more arguing and crying myself to sleep. No more fighting in front of the kids. No more being put down and called a "fat fuck" on a daily basis or being accused of cheating. I LOVE it without him. I will NOT move back in with him. And I WILL be filing for divorce ASAP.
    "Don't depend on me to follow through on anything....but I'd go through hell for you."

  2. #2
    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: I FINALLY did it...

    Congrats girl! It was probably a hard step, but you'll be in a better place with yourself and your kids. Make sure your safe and dont let him get to you, and dont re-consider, he'll be trying to crawl back for quite a time,

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    Featured Member pussyinboots's Avatar
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    Default Re: I FINALLY did it...

    Reading this has sooooo totally made my morning! Congrats girl...like REALLY congratulations.

    I completely understand how appalling it must have been for you - and what a hard and distressing decision this can be to take. However, I'm sure that the world must seem like a completely new place full of hope now. The children are going to be a whole load better off for not having all the 'domestics' going on in front of them - and you'll find your true self too. I can't begin to tell you how happy I am for you - in my day-job I hear stories like yours all the time and hearing a result like this is so uplifting. I take my hat off to the Authorities too - they have shown great wisdom and sensitivity in their support of you.

    Keep safe and don't let him get back at you. He can go f**k himself - you've got a life to lead!

    (BTW...I hope everything goes well with the impending new arrival.....I'm sure you'll be fine.)
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  4. #4
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    Default Re: I FINALLY did it...

    YAY you are on. your. way. put up your shields and exercise vigilance. Aww you poor thing he sounds like such a useless jerk, guys like that are so hard to be around. Never again

  5. #5
    God/dess Arialandre's Avatar
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    Default Re: I FINALLY did it...

    OMG super congrats!!!!!!! DOn't you DARE Let him come back, oh *HUGGS!*

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    Default Re: I FINALLY did it...

    Congrats on finally making the move. I know personally that a situation like this can be terrifying. Its really sad that there are kids involved (not trying to be condesending at all hun), because he will possibly be in their lives indefinitely, so you may never be rid of him completely... BUT you do not deserve to be treated like this or abused. So dont feel bad at all or fall for his lies.. Good luck, be strong, you can do it!!!

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    Default Re: I FINALLY did it...

    Congrats! I know it takes a lot of strength to do it and you certainly did, with great poise and tact. Best advice: get a restraining order and change your phone number. See if there's a way that you could still live in the same housing complex, but just a different unit within it.
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    Default Re: I FINALLY did it...

    Good move! Great job protecting yourself and your children.
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    Default Re: I FINALLY did it...

    Congrats! I might also suggest laying off on seeing him so much. If you need to because of the kids, try to limit it... maybe once a week?
    Don't you ever sleep?
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    Veteran Member exotic0690's Avatar
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    Default Re: I FINALLY did it...

    Good for you! I admire your courage and strength *Hugs*

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    Default Re: I FINALLY did it...

    Quote Originally Posted by trinity7 View Post
    For those of you who don't know,I've been in an abusive marriage for the past several years (2 years of those consisted of him being in prison for domestic violence). I live in public housing and he WASN'T on my lease so they wanted him out or I would be evicted. (He would never make it past the screening process b/c of his criminal record)

    Last week I had a meeting with the director at the office and I KNEW this was my chance to finally get him out of my house and get away from him. (He's not physically abusive,like he used to be,but is VERY verbally,
    mentally and emotionally abusive) Part of me was having second thoughts b/c I'm 9 months pregnant and I kept thinking,"Well,what if I need his help with this baby?" Then,I thought about the fact that,for the past month,he's been leaving me at the house with 2 kids and NO phone,sometimes NO food and NO money or transportation-all so he could go to the strip club. And STILL had the nerve to come home at 4 a.m. and accuse me of having some guy over.

    So, the director called the cops up to the office and they went to my place and told him he had to get his stuff and leave and they were putting a trespassing warrant on him. He left,and IMMEDIATELY txts me talking about,"I know it was u that did this. Why would u do this? I'm gonna kill myself. My blood will be on your head." He tried to make me feel guilty about what I did and he got his family involved and basically tried to turn EVERYONE against ME and make me look like the bad guy.

    And now that he doesn't live with us anymore,all he wants to do is go hang out with us and go places with us and take the kids out to eat and the park,etc... I'm thinking: Where was all this when you lived here???? He keeps talking about moving me and the kids out of here into an apartment and I kept telling him, "I can't live with you. I want to keep things the way they are." But,apparently,he won't listen b/c he keeps bringing it up over and over.

    For the first time in YEARS,I feel like I can breathe again. The stress has been relieved,I don't need pills anymore to cope with him. No more arguing and crying myself to sleep. No more fighting in front of the kids. No more being put down and called a "fat fuck" on a daily basis or being accused of cheating. I LOVE it without him. I will NOT move back in with him. And I WILL be filing for divorce ASAP.
    Congratulations! I know how hard it is to leave an abusive relationship behind. It can be very difficult, and I don't even know you but I'm glad you were able to do it

    Much love

  12. #12
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    Default Re: I FINALLY did it...

    Congratulations!!!

    This is a huge step and you will never regret doing it. Ever.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: I FINALLY did it...

    Congratulations!! Well done - it makes me so proud to hear of someone taking this incredibly hard step! I've been in a similar situation, and I know just how hard it is...

    I completely agree with Kylea - try to see him as little as possible - try to cut him from your life as fast and as thoroughly as possible. In terms of the kids - if he was abusive to you, he could be abusive to them...I'm of the opinion that if a man is violent, he should not be around children. Maybe change your cell number, and set up a separate e-mail account, and tell him that that is the only way that he can contact you (that way, he can't be involved in your day unless you choose to open that email). And definitely get a restraining order.

    There'll be a lot of work ahead to get to a point where you are done with him, and can get on with living for yourself and your children - but the hardest part is behind you now...WELL DONE!!!! Hugs
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