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Thread: My friend raped somebody...

  1. #1
    Featured Member sierra.'s Avatar
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    Default My friend raped somebody...

    I have a friend I've known for years and years, we used to be very close but we live in different cities right now and haven't talked much recently just because we've both been busy but I still consider(ed?) him a friend.

    We went to high school together, and a some months ago he moved back and started going back to school and stuff.
    I am also still friends with my ex from highschool. We chat on the internet frequently.
    Maybe a month ago, my friend had been harrassing my ex's girlfriend. He was grabbing her and trying to touch her and when my ex saw her later that night she was very upset and crying about what had happened.

    A little while after this another girl that we all know was chatting with my ex and told him that my friend had came over to her house and forced himself on her. Apparently this was the same night that he'd been harrassing my ex's girlfriend.

    I know my ex isn't lying, and I really don't think the girl would make up something like this.

    I only heard a second hand vague retelling of what happened, but from what I gathered my friend basically forced himself on this girl. He may not have physically hurt her but he wouldn't let up and take no for an answer until he finally got what he wanted. I know there has been debate on here before about this kind of thing, but he had sex with this girl without her consent and that is rape.

    My big concern is that this friend is also the ex boyfriend of my best female friend. They met through me and dated for a few years, and though they are broken up now and my bestfriend has completely moved on, they are still friendly and he calls her and they talk on the phone.
    My bestfriend has talked about hanging out with him to get lunch or do something friendly like that recently, and I'm wondering if I should mention this to her?

    I don't want to upset her by talking about her ex boyfriend's sexual activity, especially since while they were dating he cheated on her with my ex's girlfriend (the girl he harrassed first) and I know she doesn't like hearing about that girl at all.

    Part of me doesn't think he would do anything like that to my bestfriend, especially if it was just lunch or something, but I know he still has feelings for her and wants her and part of me wonders if maybe I just don't want to think he could do something like that.

    So I don't know if I should say something or if that would just be stirring up trouble unnecessarily...

    Sorry if this story is confusing. I tried to make it clear without using names.

    I am feeling uncertain and just wanted some outside opinions as to what I should do. Sometimes it's easier to read a situation when you don't have so many of your own emotions involved.

  2. #2
    Featured Member Mindy Bares All's Avatar
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    Default Re: My friend raped somebody...

    That's awful. I don't really know what to tell you. I mean, that's something, no matter how despicable, is truly private. I have a feeling that if they are as close as they seem, that you may upset her and she may tell him, and thus you'll end up alienating yourself from that crowd.

    There is a good chance that nothing will happen if it's over lunch and in a public area. But before you say anything, see if you can find out for sure that he did rape the girl. I don't know how to go about doing that....It's a sticky situation and it sucks.

    I hope everything turns out alright...
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  4. #3
    Featured Member sierra.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: My friend raped somebody...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mindy Bares All View Post
    That's awful. I don't really know what to tell you. I mean, that's something, no matter how despicable, is truly private. I have a feeling that if they are as close as they seem, that you may upset her and she may tell him, and thus you'll end up alienating yourself from that crowd.

    There is a good chance that nothing will happen if it's over lunch and in a public area. But before you say anything, see if you can find out for sure that he did rape the girl. I don't know how to go about doing that....It's a sticky situation and it sucks.

    I hope everything turns out alright...
    Yes I think she would be upset. I'm not sure if she would say, but I don't think she would and even if she wanted to it would be very easy for my name to be left out of it. Though if my name did get brought up I wouldn't really care.

    I know that I do at least in part believe that it happened, but you're right it's a sticky situation and I would hate to cause so much "drama" over something I couldn't be sure of especially if it's not necessary.

    Thank you.

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    Featured Member pussyinboots's Avatar
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    Default Re: My friend raped somebody...

    What a horrible thing to happen. I really feel for you and I can understand your dilemma. In truth, it's been said already....it's a private thing and you may well really upset you friend. You absolutely must get your facts right in this instance.

    Besides, if he goes to court she's gonna find out about it for sure.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls don't have the time..!!"

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: My friend raped somebody...

    It's amazing how little we know about our friends. We think we know them, but...

    One of my exes (a very intelligent, funny, attractive person) is currently being investigated for about 50 felonies (including severe wife beating and child pornography). There's a possibility he's 100% innocent. But there's also a possibility that I just didn't know him as well as I thought I did.

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    God/dess Arialandre's Avatar
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    Default Re: My friend raped somebody...

    I say get ALL your facts straight. If he did rape her then hell yes tell your friend. Maybe not WHO he raped to protect the victim but at least that it happened. Think about it, if you were going to strt hanging out with a guy wouldn't YOU want to know if he had a history of rape???

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: My friend raped somebody...

    ^^^^^^^I agree. I think you should tell her all you know so she can make an informed decision. It's not your job to decide for her. She has a mind of her own and can decide if she wants to take that chance for herself.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Senior Member Blu_Rayne's Avatar
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    Default Re: My friend raped somebody...

    Tell ur friend.Why keep her in the dark.Let her form her own decision about him.Wouldnt it be terrible if he did the same thing to her and u could of helped prevent it?

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    Featured Member yogibear179's Avatar
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    Default Re: My friend raped somebody...

    i would go with tell her, you can keep who a secret. Tell your friend its for the best that you dont tell her who the victim is.

    im so sorry for your ex's girlfriend to have to experience that =(


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    Veteran Member girlfromipanema's Avatar
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    Default Re: My friend raped somebody...

    Definitely tell her. She may end up in a situation where she is alone with him. Even if it ends up to be false, she is better safe than sorry and you wouldn't want the guilt of not warning her should something happen. With two girls saying they have been attacked by this guy, it is a good time for you to distance yourself from him permanently as well.

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  19. #11
    Featured Member sierra.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: My friend raped somebody...

    Thanks everyone for the responses.
    I think the next time she brings him up I might mention it to her. As much as I don't think he would do anything to her, I clearly don't know him as well as I thought and I would feel so awful is something DID happen that I could've maybe helped prevent.

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