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Thread: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

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    Duh (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    I am not a newbie on here but made up a new account because I am fully aware of how pathetic I sound.

    Background:

    I have a really good guy that is just a friend who I just re-connected with after not speaking/seeing him in 6 years. The reason we lost contact is because we had started trying to date and had even kissed and then he stopped saying that he wasn't ready to be a boyfriend and he would rather it stopped there, so we could remain friends. We had a great friendship and we truely could talk about anything and laugh and just go do stuff etc.. so after he told me this I felt hurt and rejected and decided to stop talking to him and coincidently moved away. He tried to contact me almost every year I was away and one time reaching me by phone saying he regretted not trying the dating thing.

    Flash to this year, I moved back to the city I lived in back then and we rekindle our friendship and we make time for each other at least once a wk. He is single. We go out to a party and a girl is sorta flirty with him, I tell him to go for it and he does; get her number etc.. Later he asks me why I encouraged him and I shrug it off..I guess I just wanted him to think I didn't still want him. Truth is I am still attracted to him, maybe more now. That night we watch a movie and he tells me to lay with him on the sofa with a pillow propped on his chest for me to lay on as he tousles my hair.

    Flash to last night: He asked me to come to a work x-mas party (as his date) I buy the hottest dress I can find and go. He is full of compliments and is all gushy...we go to dinner and he intros me by name to people, his friend "thanks me" for coming with him bcs he's been lonely.. thing is I know he told most of his co-workers I'm just his friend bcs I hear from a distance them saying stuff like "she's so pretty,hot THOUGH..." as if he said to them "no we're just friends" also at this party there is a really hot guy, who I did talk to and he asks me "do you want me to hook you guys up?" and I ask "how"During the dinner he wants to talk about us losing touch and he says" I never want that to happen again, promise me it won't" and I tell him that I can't do that & I don't know what the future holds. He asks me point blank why did you stop talking to me was it because of us not dating, did you think I was leading you on? and I said YES exactly. He goes on to tell me that he's never had a friend that was as pretty as me but he TREASURES our friendship more than just having sex with me like any other girl and that I was silly to like him anyways I could get a much more successful, better looking guy than him, we drop it at that. Here's the important part: we go out dancing afterwards by ourselves and at first we are dancing together not touching and then I feel him finally put his hands on me and we didn't let go the whole night. At one point he says "damn you look so good tonight" We go back to his place and he starts commenting on my outfit and touching my legs and then says "you should hang out with that guy from the party, I went out with that girl you told me to hang out with" and I said "really, already?" and he tells me they have chemistry and they kissed. He's telling me all of this while he's touching my legs, then he says I can spend the night if I don't feel like driving, thats when I decide to leave because I am feeling like he's sending me all these mixed messages when he knows that I felt that he lead me on before and that was the DOWNFALL of our whole friendship!. So what do you guys think this guy wants? He says one thing but does another. Fyi: this guy is a regular guy next door picture a young Jeff Goldblum.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Wow, what a confusing story (the situation not your writing lol)
    I was reading and thought.. Aww you guys get back along etc etc, maybe you two over came your differences and then it sort of restart backwards.

    I think, he is playing games with you. As you knew his him 6 years.. Is he giving signals away that he likes you, want to be with you? Does he like to play mind games, mess around with people? He is shy to go for the move ?

    I can see you're attacted to him, Im not sure whether he is, due to his messages from trying to hook you up, then to telling you he doesnt want to ruin things but also acting in a manner where he cares a lot but then he goes trying to see jealousy from you. Either you should let him know straight up, your feelings and what you want out of him and where you see yourself etc. - That is whether you want to be with.. and move forward away from the friendship zone and see where he goes. The other option you have, is to remain friends, and strictly friends, dont kiss him, dont sleep with him, dont do anything "couples" do with him, as he'll get the intention where hes "ok" with you two like that, be strictly friends and see whether you prefer that path, and how he reacts to it.

    I do think it's a bad idea to '" help" each other find dates, you know you making him get a girls number etc.. If you have feelings for him, dont do this, and he shouldnt either. It just screams false emotions.. and it could lead to more confusion and mistrust between you two.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    I'm guessing you are older (probably over 25) based on the years you've known him & the background story. If you are younger then I think the situation is probably different so my advice would be different.

    If you have known him during the time that you were BOTH adults, then I would say he's REALLY confused. Physically, he probably wants you. Emotionally, he values your friendship. Mentally, he knows that you can do better than him... & he probably thinks you aren't so interested in him since you encouraged him to show interest in other women. Why did you do that? You are causing problems for yourself which means you are no better than him! If you want a straight answer you need to stop sending mixed signals!

    My advice? Tell him you want to date, & put a time restriction on things before getting physical. In other words, tell him up front that you want to see if the chemistry as a couple is right between you two BEFORE you sleep with him - & try waiting multiple months. Unlike some random guy that you could pick up, sleep with, & move on if it doesn't work... this guy is a friend which means that you'd lose a romantic relationship & the friendship if things go sour - so slow down.

    If you are much younger, then I would say there is a good possibility his hormones have more to do with this, & I would say this is a "buyer beware" situation. Let him try for this other girl, but let him know you like him, you just don't want to mess up anything he may have going on.
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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    First: Thank you so much for reading all of that!!!



    I think, he is playing games with you. As you knew him 6 years.. Is he giving signals away that he likes you, want to be with you? Does he like to play mind games, mess around with people? He is shy to go for the move ?


    Regarding signs he wants to be with me: he makes plans for the future like if I say "I miss snow" he'll say "We should go to a cabin and skiing; I want to go to the snow with you, we should go together" and other things like that. He doesn't really mess with people and prides himself on his honesty.

    I can see you're attacted to him, Im not sure whether he is, due to his messages from trying to hook you up, then to telling you he doesnt want to ruin things but also acting in a manner where he cares a lot but then he goes trying to see jealousy from you.


    Regarding hooking me up; once I finally gave in to see how he reacted he was like "well first I have to see if he's attracted to you" at which point I was like "forget it" because he made me think the guy might NOT be attracted to me or I would get rejected and that was seriously the first time he has ever been derogatory towards me. Almost think he purposely said it like that so that I would say "no" to the "hook up"

    It's possible he's not attracted to me but then why was he all over me on the dance floor and so eager to show me off to his work instead of the girl he just started dating ya know? also just remembered he put his arm around me at his work dinner.

    Thanks again!

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Yeah, ^ I think he is attracted to you to a point.. no idea since only you can tell.... If you want to be with him, go for it. Go through all the games and mind tricks and just have a talk with him. Guys are harder to reach in those type of fields, either you gain a boyfriend or loose a friend, but then you'll know what you next step will be.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Thank you for reading that!!

    [QUOTE=Kylea2;2027513]I'm guessing you are older (probably over 25) based on the years you've known him & the background story. If you are younger then I think the situation is probably different so my advice would be different.

    We are early 30's

    If you have known him during the time that you were BOTH adults, then I would say he's REALLY confused. Physically, he probably wants you. Emotionally, he values your friendship. Mentally, he knows that you can do better than him... & he probably thinks you aren't so interested in him since you encouraged him to show interest in other women. Why did you do that? You are causing problems for yourself which means you are no better than him! If you want a straight answer you need to stop sending mixed signals!

    I did that because of him rejecting me back then...I wanted him to think that I was "over him" and just thought of him as a friend or something.. I did send a mixed signal, you right.


    My advice? Tell him you want to date, & put a time restriction on things before getting physical. In other words, tell him up front that you want to see if the chemistry as a couple is right between you two BEFORE you sleep with him - & try waiting multiple months. Unlike some random guy that you could pick up, sleep with, & move on if it doesn't work... this guy is a friend which means that you'd lose a romantic relationship & the friendship if things go sour - so slow down.

    See I don't even know if anything would've happened if I did spend the night last night, he said that I could sleep over and nothing would happen..or is that naive? We slept in the same bed 6 years ago and nothing happened but we also had not spent the night dry humping on the dance floor like last night. I'm not sure I can just ask for a date because of being rejected 6 years ago, I'm also not sure I'm ok with just being friends because I feel electricity when he touches me, so weird.


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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Quote Originally Posted by reseey View Post
    See I don't even know if anything would've happened if I did spend the night last night, he said that I could sleep over and nothing would happen..or is that naive? We slept in the same bed 6 years ago and nothing happened but we also had not spent the night dry humping on the dance floor like last night. I'm not sure I can just ask for a date because of being rejected 6 years ago, I'm also not sure I'm ok with just being friends because I feel electricity when he touches me, so weird.
    The chances that something would happen if you did stay over are very high, keep that in mind & try not to be alone with him where something can happen until you are ready for it to.

    Second, yes, you can physically ask him out. I think you should tell him you want to meet him in person, tell him it's important because you need to clear the air, & that he doesn't even need to really respond yet. When you meet with him, apologize for encouraging him to see the other girl, let him know you still like him, & tell him that when he is finished with her to let you know so that you two can try things without distraction. Give him a time frame, say you will wait something like 3 months without dating anyone else for him to test the waters with her. If things are going well between them, then you probably will date because it's not logical for you to keep waiting in-case he really does fall in love with her, but that you want him to know that if possible you would like the opportunity to try things with him. Hopefully next time you will try to be more aware about sending mixed signals.
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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Quote Originally Posted by reseey View Post
    Fyi: this guy is a regular guy next door picture a young Jeff Goldblum.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    I think he is clueless! And he thinks you are out of his league. The friend bs is because he figures a romance with you would never last, because you will eventually leave him for someone better. Thats why he 'values' your friendship. He wants to keep you around, and dating-wise he thinks you'll dump him with a quickness.
    And he mentioned that other date at that most awkward moment because of his clueless dumb-headness. He wanted to see if you were jealous. He was half-assedly coming on to you, but is intimidated by you, so he wanted the jealousy reassurance that you like him(and maybe to mess with your head a bit). He thinks you are way outta his league, so he mentions another girl to throw you off balance. Its a jerky thing to do, but hopefully he did it out of insecure defensiveness and not to be an ass. I think it is the former.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Wow @ the sexual tension.....But then he says "you should hang out with that guy from the party, I went out with that girl you told me to hang out with." Ultimate buzzkill. Either a) he doesn't understand the female libido and the build-up process, b) he enjoys being the teaser (vs. the teased), or c) or he's testing you to see if you care about him.
    Quote Originally Posted by markx View Post
    I'd have to have a "4 simease twin strippers gave me head and then lite themselves on fire" story to blow anybody's mind here.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    I would just be direct. Tell him what you want. Don't pretend like you don't want him by saying go hit on that girl over there. It seems both of you are doing a little bit of that. Be honest, if it blows up it blows up. At least you know.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    I have to agree and say that yes he likes you, but if afraid you don't think you are good enough for him. Reassure him he is.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Quoting Lady Luck: I think he is clueless! And he thinks you are out of his league. The friend bs is because he figures a romance with you would never last, because you will eventually leave him for someone better. Thats why he 'values' your friendship. He wants to keep you around, and dating-wise he thinks you'll dump him with a quickness.


    Yes, he mentioned that he wasn't even sure if I "liked him for real" or it was a phase because according to him I had told him out of no where" (6 years ago) and also mentioned that the next guy I dated instead of us dating "had money; right?"
    Now a days he says "I know you'll start dating a guy and I'll never see you again" In addition he doesn't understand how if he gets a girlfriend that she'll mind if he wants alone time with me and she's not invited...


    Quoting Lady Luck: And he mentioned that other date at that most awkward moment because of his clueless dumb-headness. He wanted to see if you were jealous. He was half-assedly coming on to you, but is intimidated by you, so he wanted the jealousy reassurance that you like him(and maybe to mess with your head a bit). He thinks you are way outta his league, so he mentions another girl to throw you off balance. Its a jerky thing to do, but hopefully he did it out of insecure defensiveness and not to be an ass. I think it is the former.



    I guess he knows how to get to me because it stung to hear him say that they had a little chemistry, I wanted to yell at him "Then why the fuck do you have your tentacles all over my legs!"

    Thanks a lot for your well-written response
    Last edited by reseey; 12-19-2010 at 03:17 PM.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Quote Originally Posted by Christany View Post
    Wow @ the sexual tension.....But then he says "you should hang out with that guy from the party, I went out with that girl you told me to hang out with." Ultimate buzzkill. Either a) he doesn't understand the female libido and the build-up process, b) he enjoys being the teaser (vs. the teased), or c) or he's testing you to see if you care about him.

    Omg my desire took a nosedive when he did that; it was like he doused the candle that had been burning strongly all night. After 6 years of dancing you would think I would understand civilian guys better but this is a different "animal" the non stripclub guy. Rarely has a custie ever tried these types of methods on me.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Telling you he kissed another girl ( that you both know ) is kind of stupid. Maybe he was poking to inspire jealousy but maybe he's not too bright. He should be asking you out on dates at this point .... not talking about who he's made out with.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Quote Originally Posted by reseey View Post


    Omg my desire took a nosedive when he did that; it was like he doused the candle that had been burning strongly all night. After 6 years of dancing you would think I would understand civilian guys better but this is a different "animal" the non stripclub guy. Rarely has a custie ever tried these types of methods on me.
    Maybe you guys need to start over. Have a clarifying conversation. Clear out the past and renew. It seems like there's some chemistry there, but both of you are a bit afraid and are putting out feelers to see who will be the first one to be vulnerable.
    Quote Originally Posted by markx View Post
    I'd have to have a "4 simease twin strippers gave me head and then lite themselves on fire" story to blow anybody's mind here.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    I think he wants to be just fwb and likes you as a friend but does not want to feel guilty.So ha acts the way he does (so he does not feel bad about your fellings crushing on him). I think he could lead you into a bad emotional place if you really care for him.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Quote Originally Posted by Blu_Rayne View Post
    I think he wants to be just fwb and likes you as a friend but does not want to feel guilty.So ha acts the way he does (so he does not feel bad about your fellings crushing on him). I think he could lead you into a bad emotional place if you really care for him.
    I guess anythings possible but he did seem adamant about us not preceeding with dating because (6 yrs ago) because he didn't want me to just another girl he had sex with and not talk to anymore; he tried to make me promise to never lose contact with him again that night. Also forgot to add above that I got emails from those reunion type websites saying a male with his exact description had been trying to locate me/ that as well as using myspace, linkedin, facebook to email me repeatedly throughout the years, never giving up even though I never answered.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    ^^^
    Awwww! This is so adorable to me.
    Quote Originally Posted by markx View Post
    I'd have to have a "4 simease twin strippers gave me head and then lite themselves on fire" story to blow anybody's mind here.

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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Guys perspective -

    My first impression was that he was playing games. But, after giving it more thought, that doesn't make sense - he's already won you over. The point of playing games is to build up attraction and sexual tension. Its obvious that that goal has been achieved. He could have "scored" already - what's the point in playing more games? Guys play games to score in bed, not to get married (like girls) - so what's his agenda? I don't think this is it.

    You have to give the guy credit for holding back his urge to sleep with you. Unless he is gay, he must have been very very tempted during your date. He must really respect you and appreciate you, for him to resist sleeping with you. Are you sure he's not gay? Did you notice an erection during the night? No erection during the entire date could be an indicator that he's gay, or at least confused about his sexual orientation.

    At this point, I think you've got two options:

    (1) Confront him straight on. Ask him what's holding him back - and don't accept the "I treasure our friendship" justification. Ask him if there is something about you that he finds incompatible with being his GF. (Use a neutral word like "incompatible".) Is he looking for a virgin, a saint, a tradition/conservative girl, a devout Christian, a Jewish girl, a particular ethnicity, etc.?

    I was involved in a similar situation many years ago. The girl was attractive, smart, perfect personality, would make an awesome mom (she was a teacher), but I just didn't feel "in love" with her. She was an awesome girl, but I didn't get that light-headed, madly in love, cupid's-arrow-shot-through-the-heart feeling around her - I admired her a lot and cared for her, but I was not SMITTEN. I didn't sleep with her either, because she wanted a serious relationship and that would have messed her up.

    I've been attracted to many girls, had crushes on a few, but I've only been "in love" with two women in my 38 years. Both were Latin. If I had a female best friend of many years who wanted a serious romantic relationship with me, I wouldn't sleep with her, unless I was "in love" with her. Anything less than that, would be unfair to her.

    (2) The second option is to play games (even if he's not). This is how a guy would respond if he hit a wall or was locked inside the "friendship" zone. There are many ways to play games, and you can read some of the dating advice from "dating experts" or PUA "gurus", but the easiest game to play is to make him jealous. Date someone he knows, specially one of his friends or best friend. Pick a scumbag womanizer, just to up the stakes, and make him worry about you. His "white knight" reflexes might kick in and he'll come to your rescue.
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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Thank you for the work you put into this response!

    Quoting Jack
    "Guys perspective -

    My first impression was that he was playing games. But, after giving it more thought, that doesn't make sense - he's already won you over. The point of playing games is to build up attraction and sexual tension. Its obvious that that goal has been achieved. He could have "scored" already - what's the point in playing more games? Guys play games to score in bed, not to get married (like girls) - so what's his agenda? I don't think this is it.

    Yeah, this never occurred to me- unless he was playing games that night to see if I still felt the same way I did 6 years ago; since I had not approached the idea of trying to date again and we were still hanging out under the guise of friendship.

    You have to give the guy credit for holding back his urge to sleep with you. Unless he is gay, he must have been very very tempted during your date. He must really respect you and appreciate you, for him to resist sleeping with you. Are you sure he's not gay? Did you notice an erection during the night? No erection during the entire date could be an indicator that he's gay, or at least confused about his sexual orientation.

    That's a good question, we were drinking but I think I felt "him" while we were dancing. Gay-The thought has occurred to me but I have known at least four girls he's slept with. The weird twist on this is he seems to prefer to sleep with girls who he himself deems as not hot, I guess he feels there is less expectation on their end or something??? He did suggest me sleeping over but we have (once before) slept in the same bed with nothing happening...

    At this point, I think you've got two options:

    (1) Confront him straight on. Ask him what's holding him back - and don't accept the "I treasure our friendship" justification. Ask him if there is something about you that he finds incompatible with being his GF. (Use a neutral word like "incompatible".) Is he looking for a virgin, a saint, a tradition/conservative girl, a devout Christian, a Jewish girl, a particular ethnicity, etc.?


    He really insists on I could do better than him; and I could have anyone I want (not true)
    I'm so not wanting to seem like I'm still hung up on him-this why I am trying to figure it out on my own, if he told me to my face he's not interested--I would back away from our friendship bcs I would be hurt and embaressed and my leaving would really hurt him since he has asked me to promise to never leave again like I did. The strange part (as I said in one of my responses) is that he was the one actively trying to find me, myspace, facebook, linkedin and those search websites, so it's weird that it was only just for friendship?

    I was involved in a similar situation many years ago. The girl was attractive, smart, perfect personality, would make an awesome mom (she was a teacher), but I just didn't feel "in love" with her. She was an awesome girl, but I didn't get that light-headed, madly in love, cupid's-arrow-shot-through-the-heart feeling around her - I admired her a lot and cared for her, but I was not SMITTEN. I didn't sleep with her either, because she wanted a serious relationship and that would have messed her up.

    I've been attracted to many girls, had crushes on a few, but I've only been "in love" with two women in my 38 years. Both were Latin. If I had a female best friend of many years who wanted a serious romantic relationship with me, I wouldn't sleep with her, unless I was "in love" with her. Anything less than that, would be unfair to her.

    This^^^ I just feel like this is what could be going on, he used this as the reason to not sleep together 6 years ago--saying "I know your looking for a boyfriend but I'm not ready for that." Were you really attracted to your friend and was she up for something as well? Would you have searched for her and done similar things for her?


    (2) The second option is to play games (even if he's not). This is how a guy would respond if he hit a wall or was locked inside the "friendship" zone. There are many ways to play games, and you can read some of the dating advice from "dating experts" or PUA "gurus", but the easiest game to play is to make him jealous. Date someone he knows, specially one of his friends or best friend. Pick a scumbag womanizer, just to up the stakes, and make him worry about you. His "white knight" reflexes might kick in and he'll come to your rescue.

    I know a little bit about this; can you link me to any websites for this? I always thought with this sorta thing as well as "the rules" that if it worked it was because it was because the person was re-acting because their pride was hurt and because they were truly into the other person?


    Again thank you and I would've responded sooner but my internet was down

  33. #22
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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Are you sure he is straight first of all... Like 100 percent?
    When I was 17 I had one experience with a guy like that and he was bi and confused about his sexuality. I gave up once I heard from a friend of his that this was the case. He was persuing me much harder but definitely had the same hot and cold mentality about getting close to me.

    If it is not that then I have to say be his friend still and let go of anything romantic happening no matter how much chemistry you feel. Don't let him play the games. (The dry humping etc.) Just be his friend and draw a line. If he wants you let him fight for it a bit. Go out with other men too and don't make it a secret. Don't distance yourself this time, just prevent him from hurting you this time.

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  35. #23
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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Reseey -

    Yes, I have tried to track down my friend. I liked her A LOT, and sometimes I felt confused about my feelings for her - because I almost felt something. But, I didn't want to sleep with her, unless I was sure I had seriousl feelings for her, and that never happened. I don't know if there is anything she could have done to make it happen. We did kiss on top of her bed one night (she was drunk and initiated it). I regretted doing that - it was nice, but no fireworks for me (I did get aroused, but only felt lust - no romantic feelings).

    You must either (1) confront him, put all your cards on the table and ask him to do the same, or (2) play games to stir up his emotions.

    Read The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene. Pay close attention to:
    Part 2
    - Chapter 3: Send Mixed Signals
    - Chapter 4: Appear to be an Object of Desire-Create Triangles
    - Chapter 5: Create a Need: Stir Anxiety & Discontent
    - Chapter 9: Lead Astray-Creating Pleasure and Confusion

    The book is available for free online:
    https://code.google.com/p/the---pick..._Seduction.pdf

    Good luck!
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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  37. #24
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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Quote Originally Posted by HEAD TURNER 2 View Post
    Are you sure he is straight first of all... Like 100 percent?
    When I was 17 I had one experience with a guy like that and he was bi and confused about his sexuality. I gave up once I heard from a friend of his that this was the case. He was persuing me much harder but definitely had the same hot and cold mentality about getting close to me.

    If it is not that then I have to say be his friend still and let go of anything romantic happening no matter how much chemistry you feel. Don't let him play the games. (The dry humping etc.) Just be his friend and draw a line. If he wants you let him fight for it a bit. Go out with other men too and don't make it a secret. Don't distance yourself this time, just prevent him from hurting you this time.
    Thank you for your response: It's so hard to say someone is 100% straight; he does seem pretty homophobic though. I think I do need to draw the line and not allow him to play games even if I get to (lol) I want to be the one in control and as you said let him fight for it..

  38. #25
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    Default Re: (not a newbie) My Date Last Night; Tell me why I couldn't close the deal

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Reseey -

    Yes, I have tried to track down my friend. I liked her A LOT, and sometimes I felt confused about my feelings for her - because I almost felt something. But, I didn't want to sleep with her, unless I was sure I had seriousl feelings for her, and that never happened. I don't know if there is anything she could have done to make it happen. We did kiss on top of her bed one night (she was drunk and initiated it). I regretted doing that - it was nice, but no fireworks for me (I did get aroused, but only felt lust - no romantic feelings).

    You must either (1) confront him, put all your cards on the table and ask him to do the same, or (2) play games to stir up his emotions.

    Read The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene. Pay close attention to:
    Part 2
    - Chapter 3: Send Mixed Signals
    - Chapter 4: Appear to be an Object of Desire-Create Triangles
    - Chapter 5: Create a Need: Stir Anxiety & Discontent
    - Chapter 9: Lead Astray-Creating Pleasure and Confusion

    The book is available for free online:


    Good luck!
    Thank you for the pdf; I have already started on it and I think I read it years ago to help w/dancing. Your insight is fabulous; you're very intelligent!

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