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Thread: Family Issues

  1. #1
    Senior Member MissLucy's Avatar
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    Default Family Issues

    Recently , my cousin and his wife have been taking advantage of the kindness of my family and HERS. They were actually kicked out of his wives grandmothers place for taking advantage of her charity, only to rant about it on facebook and call her unsupportive, heartless, etc. Meanwhile all they did while staying there was party for months and not pay for anything. My mother has given them numerous presents over the years even when she can barely afford to pay her bills. She felt it was the right thing to do because they have three small children. Not once did they EVER say thank you to anyone. Or even aknowledge any of it from anyone. Only to complain about it later on about how its not enough(in the case of my cousin helping them out) I realize the point of a gift isnt to get acknowledgment and thanks in return, but they are truly cold about every gift, and when they do NOT receive help or presents they become angry. There are numerous stories that are exactly the same in regards to people helping them and they only complain afterwards.

    This morning I wrote to them calling them on how they are treating everyone, saying how I felt. Making sure to not drag anyone else into the feud I might add. Only to be contacted by one of my cousins who said they agreed with me but now everyone is seemingly cut off from their facebook. I never mentioned any incident other than what happened between them, my mother and I. I do NOT like that they take advantage of those I care about and am not afraid to say so.

    My point to this rant: how the heck was I supposed to deal with this? I suppose pretending they werent taking advantage of everyone would have been a peaceful way....but its hard to sit back and watch people being hurt by them. Especially people I care about, including myself. I am a little confused at the moment. Im very frustrated. I know what I did caused more drama, but pretending everything was fine when it clearly is not just seems wrong to me.

    Was I wrong to say anything? Would you have said something if you were in that situation?
    Has anyone been in a similar situation with friends or family that could shed some light?

    I shouldnt let it get to me so much, but it bothers me that they are hurting people around me.
    Last edited by MissLucy; 12-19-2010 at 05:54 PM.
    "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing"
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  2. #2
    Senior Member Blu_Rayne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family Issues

    The ones that were being taking advantage of should have contacted her.Not you.It sort of seems like you have a problem with it.Not them.I understand why you did it though.Not being harsh babe.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Blu_Rayne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family Issues

    Quote Originally Posted by MissLucy View Post
    Recently , my cousin and his wife have been taking advantage of the kindness of my family and HERS. They were actually kicked out of his wives grandmothers place for taking advantage of her charity, only to rant about it on facebook and call her unsupportive, heartless, etc. Meanwhile all they did while staying there was party for months and not pay for anything. My mother has given them numerous presents over the years even when she can barely afford to pay her bills. She felt it was the right thing to do because they have three small children. Not once did they EVER say thank you to anyone. Or even aknowledge any of it from anyone. Only to complain about it later on about how its not enough(in the case of my cousin helping them out) I realize the point of a gift isnt to get acknowledgment and thanks in return, but they are truly cold about every gift, and when they do NOT receive help or presents they become angry. There are numerous stories that are exactly the same in regards to people helping them and they only complain afterwards.

    This morning I wrote to them calling them on how they are treating everyone, saying how I felt. Making sure to not drag anyone else into the feud I might add. Only to be contacted by one of my cousins who said they agreed with me but now everyone is seemingly cut off from their facebook. I never mentioned any incident other than what happened between them, my mother and I. I do NOT like that they take advantage of those I care about and am not afraid to say so.

    My point to this rant: how the heck was I supposed to deal with this? I suppose pretending they werent taking advantage of everyone would have been a peaceful way....but its hard to sit back and watch people being hurt by them. Especially people I care about, including myself. I am a little confused at the moment. Im very frustrated. I know what I did caused more drama, but pretending everything was fine when it clearly is not just seems wrong to me.

    Was I wrong to say anything? Would you have said something if you were in that situation?

    NO If the others were so bothered they should speak up or it only makes you look like a uhm Bit**.
    Has anyone been in a similar situation with friends or family that could shed some light? Yes.

    I shouldnt let it get to me so much, but it bothers me that they are hurting people around me.
    Good luck hun.I have been in your same situation.Sucks!!!!!

  4. #4
    Veteran Member Kitten Foster's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family Issues

    oy. sometimes the right decision is not always the popular one. i know it's a tough situation for you but you didn't do anything wrong. keep your chin up! *Hugs*

  5. #5
    Senior Member MissLucy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family Issues

    Quote Originally Posted by Blu_Rayne View Post
    The ones that were being taking advantage of should have contacted her.Not you.It sort of seems like you have a problem with it.Not them.I understand why you did it though.Not being harsh babe.
    The unfortunate part if that they do have a problem with it, they are just too nice to say anything. Ive heard enough complaints about it to just not be able to take it anymore.
    I think what made it personal was that I was supposed to assist them financially last year because they were having a rough time. Right before I was ready to send them money something came up and I ended up in debt. A few grand in debt actually. We didnt nottice that my partners job wasnt taking taxes off his pay. I figured because they both had AMAZING paying jobs and low rent that they would understand. I told them what happened and they just stopped talking to me. I try to block that part out because it was to help pay for a funeral. I still feel bad that I chose food and bills over helping, but I was having a heck of a hard time as it was. I didnt mention it right away because I was embarassed, and with good reason.

    I dont know..its just...I was already hurting over the situation, but hearing the pain its causing my mother and family I just didnt feel right sitting back and not saying anything.
    I dont expect everyone to agree with my actions, I just didnt know what else to do. Maybe I should just try and have a civil conversation with them about how its making us feel, but I somehow doubt thats going to change anything..I just dont know.
    "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing"
    -Helen Keller



  6. #6
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    Default Re: Family Issues

    fuck that. they sound awful. you spoke the truth. i think you did the right thing.

  7. #7
    Featured Member pussyinboots's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family Issues

    Quote Originally Posted by MissLucy View Post
    The unfortunate part if that they do have a problem with it, they are just too nice to say anything. Ive heard enough complaints about it to just not be able to take it anymore.
    I think what made it personal was that I was supposed to assist them financially last year because they were having a rough time. Right before I was ready to send them money something came up and I ended up in debt. A few grand in debt actually. We didnt nottice that my partners job wasnt taking taxes off his pay. I figured because they both had AMAZING paying jobs and low rent that they would understand. I told them what happened and they just stopped talking to me. I try to block that part out because it was to help pay for a funeral. I still feel bad that I chose food and bills over helping, but I was having a heck of a hard time as it was. I didnt mention it right away because I was embarassed, and with good reason.

    I dont know..its just...I was already hurting over the situation, but hearing the pain its causing my mother and family I just didnt feel right sitting back and not saying anything.
    I dont expect everyone to agree with my actions, I just didnt know what else to do. Maybe I should just try and have a civil conversation with them about how its making us feel, but I somehow doubt thats going to change anything..I just dont know.
    I really feel for you in this situation Sweetie, and what makes it worse is the fact that these people are 'family'....and they are abusing the goodwill and trust of other close family members. What's worse, is their use of emotional blackmail on Facebook against other family members to keep them onside.

    Please don't take this the wrong way, but these individuals are users in the worst possible way - in that they deliberately take advantage of family members who they KNOW are too nice to complain. It's appallingly selfish behaviour - and I'm sure that you think that too.

    In this instance, really, you should have talked to your Mother first and expressed your concerns. However, I honestly can't blame you for doing what you did. There's tolerance and compassion....and then there's being taken for a fool.

    You have now alerted them to the fact that you are opposed to their attitude and that you're not going to be messed with. That should be message enough to them not to try it on with you.....and it also puts you in a position where you can talk with some authority and sense, to anyone else who is pressured by them.

    The trouble is....if people WANT to help them out....you can't stop them. You can only advise them against it and then let them make their own decisions. It's very hard....but that's one of life's unfair cards I'm afraid. However coping with your anger, will make you a far better person.

    Sooner or later, they are going to run out of options when they REALLY need help......but people will then see them for what they truly are, and so justice will be done.

    Meantime....*hugs*
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls don't have the time..!!"

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    Veteran Member Angel75217's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family Issues

    Don't ever be afraid to speak your mind, I don't care who they were taking advantage of. Even if it's not your business (which it was), call them on it. They know exactly what they are doing, and keep doing it because they get away with it. At least give them a little grief.
    Licky like a tangerine


    .... Yea I said it!!!

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