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Thread: Con artist or thief?

  1. #1
    Banned TurboHips's Avatar
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    Default Con artist or thief?

    I have this ''friend'' who, as of late, ripped a mutual friend off a few times due to her cocaine addiction. All in all she drained him of $2,000 over the course of a few months, to score blow and pay off debts to various dealers. Hell, she even lost her job because the boss found her little stash.

    I will admit that I do enjoy coke from time to time (i'm more of a weed and cocktail kinda gal), but seeing her treat my friend like shit not only pisses me off, but really makes me sad too.


    How should I deal with this? End the friendship because she's taking advantage of my good friend, or should I keep her around? She didn't do anything to make me second guess my friendship with her, but I can't let her do this to my friend and just ignore it.


    Help!

  2. #2
    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Con artist or thief?

    I dont see why you have to get inbetween.. In a way, I see your worries. The friend who is addicted ripped off another friend off. You said it pisses you off and makes you sad that she is doing this to your another friend, what you could do is talk some sense in her, see whether she needs help (not money wise), whether she could work something out with him.

    Honestly, I dont see your matter in it still. You could still help her out, you could break the friendship, you could talk to the friend whom loaned the money to her and talk to him and see if he needs help, but overall his actions caused him being in that situation. It sucks, but you werent the lender nor the borrower, so its your choice.

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    Veteran Member Kitten Foster's Avatar
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    Default Re: Con artist or thief?

    why would you want to keep a friend like her around? if she's so quick to screw over your other friend who's to say that she won't do something similar to you? and how good of a friend would you consider the other friend? more or less important than the girl you mention? idk, i get what kisca is saying but i just don't see this chick as a good friend to consider hanging on to. just my $0.02...

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    Default Re: Con artist or thief?

    She's an addict, there is only one thing that matters to her and she will do anything she can to get it. Stay away.

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    Default Re: Con artist or thief?

    I think for me, it would depend on how close I was with both people. My best friend Anya could murder about half of our mutual acquaintances, and I would help her bury the bodies and give her an alibi. But if it was two friends that I wasn't that close with, I'd probably just stay away from both of them for awhile. And if I was closer with the friend being stolen from that the person ripping him off, I would totally cut off the stealing friend.

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    Default Re: Con artist or thief?

    Junkies don't have friends, they have scores.

    She will be your friend until you can't afford her habit; then she is gone.

  9. #7
    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Con artist or thief?

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    I think for me, it would depend on how close I was with both people. My best friend Anya could murder about half of our mutual acquaintances, and I would help her bury the bodies and give her an alibi.
    Sometimes how you feel about others is not mutual, so while they can be happy to have the help, they are still likely to turn on you next.


    Both of the following statements are true:

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    She's an addict, there is only one thing that matters to her and she will do anything she can to get it. Stay away.
    Quote Originally Posted by ArmySGT. View Post
    Junkies don't have friends, they have scores.

    She will be your friend until you can't afford her habit; then she is gone.
    I've helped numerous "friends" & even family in bad situations - some of which was from drug use. On top of that, working at the AIDS/HIV center in San Fran many of the clients were also addicts, homeless, or both. One of the biggest things I realized is that there are different stages of wrong-doings:

    1. The deed itself
    2. Inner reflection leading to personal shame/guilt
    3. Taking responsibility by asking forgiveness/repenting
    4. Refraing from the act
    5. Investing an interest to avoid repeating the deed

    While you can mention to the thief that they stole, & try to explain how it was stealing, you cannot for the person to understand. At the same time, it is easy for people to brush off ideas & deceive you into thinking they have undergone self reflection when they truly have not. They may even ask forgiveness when they don't believe they are wrong.Therefore, upon mentioning the deed to them, it normally is best to not interact with them so much until you begin seeing that they are in stage 5 - actively making a conscious effort to avoid repeating the deed. Normally people who do wrong need:

    a. Means
    b. Motive
    c. Opportunity

    If they truly are sorry for what they have done then they will try to find some way to get rid of one or all of those things. Right now she has the following:

    a. Means = pity, gender roles, etc.
    b. Motive = she needs money for her cocaine
    c. Opportunity = she has the time to talk to people without an outsider's viewpoints

    If she is sorry then more than likely she'll want to get rid of her motive, the cocaine. If she hasn't been addicted that long she may be able to quit cold turkey, but more than likely she will need rehab. There is a small chance that she will try to get rid of her means & motive, possibly by avoiding being with this guy alone so she can't easily ask him for money. Your friend could change that for her by not hanging around her unless a 3rd mutual friend is around that won't let her play the "pity" card... but then she's likely to just find a new victim if she is not actually regretful.

    Being around people who have not internally felt guilty & gone through the stages of wrong doing WILL pull others down with them - 100%. I've been through a lot, including letting homeless people I didn't know stay in my home way longer that the agreed upon time (3 months suddenly became 9 months) & I know that they will effect others until they really are regretful.

    So my opinion is point out what she did wrong, then WAIT for the other stages. Talk to her over the phone or e-mail, but don't hang out with her & encourage your male friend not to hang out with her either. If she NEEDS to hit the bottom before she reflects on what she did, then at least she won't drag you both down with her. When she changes her tone from negative & shows signs that she's gotten rid of her means, motive, & opportunity... then consider having a group get together.
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    Default Re: Con artist or thief?

    That is really good perspective ^^ she IS a drug addict, it does make you into a fucked up person, maybe she'll recover or not, but either way if she's being a snake right now, why give her your time? Next thing you know, something nasty will happen to you just because of her crap. People at that point in addiction are fucking trouble.

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    Default Re: Con artist or thief?

    you dont think your crack whore friend won't do the same shit to you??? sorry girl but in a crack whores eyes, you're only a fun person to drugs with, nothing more.

    i say keep your distance but only call her when you need a bump or two.

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    Default Re: Con artist or thief?

    As a former addict I can tell you that I didn't give a shit about anyone but myself and getting my next fix. stay away til she gets help. Sadly you may have to wait til she OD's or winds up in jail for her to see the reality. It took me almost dying to realize what I was doing to myself and my loved ones.
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    Default Re: Con artist or thief?

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    As a former addict I can tell you that I didn't give a shit about anyone but myself and getting my next fix. stay away til she gets help. Sadly you may have to wait til she OD's or winds up in jail for her to see the reality. It took me almost dying to realize what I was doing to myself and my loved ones.
    That was really cool of you to step up and tell this girl the raw deal.

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    Default Re: Con artist or thief?

    I lost my bf to this shit. She was on meth then switched to coke. All the people she screwed over I never thought she'd do it to me. She was always good with me til she screwed me over too. I mean if I didn't have $ and we went to mall she would just give me $100 so I wouldn't have to ask her to buy me things and be like just give it back when we go to work. If she got one of her regulars to do a gimme she's just give it to me without expecting repayment. Never had any problems repaying loans or anything coming up missing, but eventually her addiction progressed and she screwed me over too.Talking car came up missing screwed over with a story of it being stolen and having to file a police report. Well, would you believe when my car was recovered there was a shake and bake lab in my trunk? I thought it was a science project with the Mountain Dew 2 liters and all, but when I saw the batteries and other shit, discovery channel show I saw, popped into my mind. I tell the lady at the city impound she needs to call haz mat then show her the crystals and shit and she freaks. Insurance had a helluva time with that one.

    To top it off I didn't really know how to call that situation then so I believed her story and remained her friend. She fucked me off again later then I forgave her. Well of course it happened again until I realized she doesn't have the worst luck in the world she's strung the fuck out. She ended up getting busted for coke after meth became too expensive. She got rehab and got kicked out twice. Last time she got a choice to go into longterm rehab or serious jail. Apparently, the longterm rehab worked, and I still love her, but I have no words for her if I ever see her again. When you have a true addiction it controls your life. She just hasn't decided you are disposable yet. Your friend will burn that bridge with you when she feels she has to to get what she wants. It's not giving up on someone who's given up on theirself. You don't have to avoid her, but partying with her is not a good idea.
    Thank Goodness I smartened up! The old me is dead and gone.

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    Default Re: Con artist or thief?

    My stepfather got taken by a crackhead for a lot more than 2,000$ He was struggling with his own resurgent alcoholism, and tried to help this woman by inviting her to live in his house, giving her his old car, buying her a computer and whatever else she said she needed, paying her 5,000$ in tuition for continuing college (which never went for that but for crack). She took money from him to pay for the bills and used it for crack. She stole money from him. He would go get her at her crack dealer's house and had to pay her outstanding debts. Her car he gave her she sold and then would borrow his to go get more crack.

    Then he got sick. Instead of helping him, she isolated him further from his friends and family, didn't take care of him as agreed, and finally brought in another crackhead to rob his house of everything valuable, his car, my deceased mother's jewelry, all his bank account information, etc. leaving him to lay on the floor for 18 hours with cracked ribs and a swollen face. He never recovered, even after they amputated his festering leg. Died a couple months later.

    I found out later that she blamed all this shit on other people--and believed it!

    Crack, coke, and meth addicts have no friends. They have no hearts. They have no souls. They cannot be honest with themselves, so expecting honesty from them is asking to get taken for a ride.

    They are your 'friend' until they need a score and you have something that can get it for them. They will lie about getting treatment, lie about how effective whatever treatment they do get is, and lie to those giving them the treatment. A frightening percentage of addicts are right back on the shit, right after finishing treatment. Nonetheless treatment is the only answer--if and when it actually takes.

    I've done every drug known to man, except a few of the newer ones. But I never could get into the coke--especially after seeing how it has ruined the lives of so many I have known, and made them despicable, desperate creatures who cannot be trusted by their own families or friends.

    Stay as far away from cokeheads, crackheads, and methheads as you can get.
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