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Thread: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

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    Dizzy Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    I guess I am another of those incurable romantics...

    Part one, Me: been a regular with a dancer for a couple of months now (I've even done the full 8 hour shift! Talk about dedicated!). I'm single, middle aged, working too hard at the moment, new job, new location and until I met her didn't really feel in the mood to go looking for a girlfriend but the more time I spend with her the more I feel like I want to get back into a relationship.

    Part two, Her: she's joked about “when are we getting married”. Gave me a hicky one time when she was buzzed. Told me about things she did while working in clubs in the past that were hmmm... interesting. Gave me a picture of herself when I asked, talks about her daughter a lot. It really doesn't feel like previous experiences in a club.

    Part Three, Recent situation: I was sad. She asked why. I told her I was beginning to wish I had a girlfriend and was sad that we couldn't hang out outside the club – (I'd read a few posts here how basically I had a snow balls chance in hell of converting her into a real girlfriend). So I was really surprised when she said she didn't mind meeting me outside the club. We agreed to meet for a coffee before she went to work. Not very romantic but pretty safe and low key.

    Of course she phones and canceled on me! As expected I guess.

    Questions for you ladies: So ladies if you did actually like a customer you wouldn't have a problem just telling him would you? Or do you still expect to be persuaded/chased? A faint heart never won a fair lady etc.

    As far as being honest with each other - I've tried “no seriously,... no no seriously , I mean seriously really? Really really truly? You don't mind?” I've already had that conversation last week – I don't really have the energy to do it again. To pursue and risk being an asshole, or not to pursue and risk losing an opportunity, that is the question.

    She isn't the shy type – guess I'll leave it up to her to make the next move if she wants something more right? Or every customer pushes for more and if I don't it means I've not that interested?
    When I head over from work I'm tired I just want to have fun and now it has become complicated! Complain moan whine whine.

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Honestly, if I were you, I would proceed with caution. If I honestly liked a custie, I would let it be known, but it would be a slow road in the beginning. She may of said yes to coffee in the moment (b/c you were spending money, and she was trying to cheer you up, and keep you there spending), but had no intention of ever meeting.

    As for her joking about "when are we getting married," please do not read into it that deep. She is selling a fantasy to you. Remember that.

    I would honestly wait a little bit before you go back in (if you go in once a week, skip a week), and let her approach you. If you try to make a beeline for her as soon as you get in the door...she will either make a joke about it to all the other girls in the dressing room or complain that you are stalking her.

    Ive seen this happen to this custie that still comes in. He thought a dancer liked him, and she definetely led him on (flirty texts, agreed to meet up with him but never actually went) and hung out with him and told him everything that he wanted to hear. Eventually he got more pushy about taking things OTC, and she kept cancelling. She kept it up as long as she could to get more VIP's out of him, but eventually, she ended up considering him a schmuck, and now ignores him. he's moved on to the next "potential girlfriend"

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    On the one time I was actually interested in a customer I didn't tell him for a few months. He would come in and we got to know each other for several months. During this point he asked to go out with me and I said I needed to know him better. This is an excuse I use for most guys but for him I meant it. Then when I left the club I told my roommate to contact him. If a dancer is interested she'll bring it up in most cases.

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    I don't give false compliments, but if I see an attractive man inside the club I will let him know that I think he is attractive. The same goes for if I am attracted to his personality. With that said, customers don't have a "snowball of a chance" with me OTC - particularly for a romantic relationship. A customer is a customer is a customer... regardless of if he is my customer, he is the club's customer. Even if he would never be my customer, he did come in as the club's customer, & could potentially end up being another entertainer's customer. I think dating customers is taking away potential money, & its disrespectful among other things. Therefore, I don't date customers - PERIOD.

    A very small minority of entertainers will see customers OTC with the intent of a romantic relationship that isn't for personal gain. Honestly though, I'm not sure I've ever met one in person. Generally even the dancers I've known who have married customers had some other motive like: financial, moving away from their parents, having a better living environment, hoping to have children soon. In these instances they get what they want normally, something changes, & then the couple ends up divorced. I think I may know 1 or 2 that got back together after a divorce or separation.

    Its not that it's 100% impossible, but we don't know what she is thinking. Based on previous numbers most of us would probably agree that the odds are not in your favour, & there is a likely chance you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You need to decide if that is a chance you are willing to take, particularly because if things go bad you will also lose your time & friendship with her inside the club.
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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    In your little business relationship she has all the power because obviously she has what you want, her... she knows it, why else would you be spending on her? If she really wanted to get to know you OTC she would/will tell you herself, If you try to push OTC maybe she might try to lead you on or see you for lunch or something if she really wants to keep you as a returning customer and keep the balance of power on her side and thinks you might stop because you really want OTC, I would try to get to know a women who you don't have to pay to spend time with man, or atleast can tell what her true intentions are, try online dating/speed dating take some classes, anything just get out there, whatever. Don't go looking for a girlfriend in the SC man, you're just gonna end up sad and a PL in many to most cases. Lol.
    Again, im new to this whole scene but i think i can still give you some Ok advice.. which is just, stop it.

    I could be wrong but i hope it helps you a bit in realizing you should probably be starting a relationship with a women who you don't pay for her time.

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    There are a few possibilities here...

    She could have sensed that she may lose you as a regular ITC once you started complaining about the fact that you couldn't see her OTC. She may well have extended an invitation she has no intention of following up on.

    She may have just been too busy that day and had to cancel.

    I've been teased with OTC by dancers and others have followed through. The ones who followed through always brought the subject up and never canceled on the first meeting. The ones who dangled the OTC carrot eventually lost my business.

    Only you can decide if it is worth pursuing or not. I would give it one more try and if she cancels again chalk it up to stripper shit and forget about it ever happening.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    And on the next episode of AS THE PL TURNS...

    Seems to be a lot of these first time posters with silly situations lately, but in the interest of being a good sport...

    Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit. You are sad and lonely and pursuing a stripper for company and comfort. Not only is this horribly cliched, but classicly prone to disaster.

    Time to put yourself on E-Harmony or one of the other dating sites. Join a book club. Get a pet. Do anything other than try to use a dancer to fulfill some emotional need.

    Just my

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2 View Post
    I don't give false compliments, but if I see an attractive man inside the club I will let him know that I think he is attractive. The same goes for if I am attracted to his personality. With that said, customers don't have a "snowball of a chance" with me OTC - particularly for a romantic relationship. A customer is a customer is a customer... regardless of if he is my customer, he is the club's customer. Even if he would never be my customer, he did come in as the club's customer, & could potentially end up being another entertainer's customer. I think dating customers is taking away potential money, & its disrespectful among other things. Therefore, I don't date customers - PERIOD.

    A very small minority of entertainers will see customers OTC with the intent of a romantic relationship that isn't for personal gain. Honestly though, I'm not sure I've ever met one in person. Generally even the dancers I've known who have married customers had some other motive like: financial, moving away from their parents, having a better living environment, hoping to have children soon. In these instances they get what they want normally, something changes, & then the couple ends up divorced. I think I may know 1 or 2 that got back together after a divorce or separation.

    Its not that it's 100% impossible, but we don't know what she is thinking. Based on previous numbers most of us would probably agree that the odds are not in your favour, & there is a likely chance you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You need to decide if that is a chance you are willing to take, particularly because if things go bad you will also lose your time & friendship with her inside the club.
    I know several dancers who married customers and I've often wondered whether they stayed married. I lost touch with them so I have no idea if they survived. I know one of them did end up getting divorced years later.

    I will admit my situation is extremely rare and even so we are having issues (there are many posts about this). Whether we end up married only time will tell. I feel in my heart he's my soulmate and I truly love him, and know he feels the same, but has other demons he's dealing with. I've literally danced for probably thousands of men and had several hundred regular customers in several years and the fact that I mention one guy I dated really gives the odds. Even so, he wasn't my hottest customer or the one that spent the most. We just connected in another way.

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Everything Yoda said.

    Twice.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    And on the next episode of AS THE PL TURNS...

    Seems to be a lot of these first time posters with silly situations lately
    Lol, If by "lately" you mean since Stripper web was created I would agree with you...

    Everyone has their own learning curve. I doubt there are many men out there going to clubs who have never been smitten with a stripper or two...
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Lol, If by "lately" you mean since Stripper web was created I would agree with you...

    Everyone has their own learning curve. I doubt there are many men out there going to clubs who have never been smitten with a stripper or two...
    In the 2 weeks i've been on this site it has helped me very much so, i shutter to think of Clubbing it up without this website, i'd probably be bankrupt by now

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Thanks for all the great replies.


    I didn't respond because I was out to 4am last night – not a club this time but watching the red moon (lunar eclipse) with friends from work – looked great I'd recommend seeing the next one if you haven't seen one yet.


    Kellydancer:
    “I know several dancers who married customers...” so they aren't as rare as hen's teeth! Thanks! I know I am only reading the good and not the bad. Motto: Hope for the best expect the worst.


    Rickdugan:
    I went on match.com after getting divorced years ago. Took 6 months and many strange woman (maybe I attract them?) before I found someone I liked. Seems a lot of effort when I've found someone I like already and I'm not a bad catch myself (maybe a bit arrogant?)


    Yoda57us:
    I think I'll take you advice – maybe even see if she brings it up. I'll enjoy Xmas with her as I'm not going anywhere then move on in the New Year she has my number.


    I feel like being honest (and a bit childish) and letting her know “Date me or I'm leaving!”. But knowing her a little anything that smelt like an ultimatum would backfire. She once called me an asshole for wanting to leave early – definitely doesn't seem the usual, guess she figured I was leaving early to meet someone else. Any ladies ever called their regulars an asshole? Just curious.


    Merry Xmas to one and all.

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Sorry dude, this one's a no go. She likes you as a customer. If she wanted to date you, she would have made it known.

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by ACustomer View Post
    I've found someone I like already




    The person you think you like more than likely isn't the person that she is or even a person at all, just because you see someone when they are entertaining you doesn't mean that, that is any resemblance to who they actually are, in fact it is probably quite different then as you see it, her job is to pretend to be interested in you and every other guy she sees at work. Get that in your head buddy.

    And you seem very mature so she will really want to date you, "Date me or i'll stop giving you money!"


    That'll work

    Just being a noobie being honest

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by girlygirl21 View Post
    Honestly, if I were you, I would proceed with caution. If I honestly liked a custie, I would let it be known, but it would be a slow road in the beginning. She may of said yes to coffee in the moment (b/c you were spending money, and she was trying to cheer you up, and keep you there spending), but had no intention of ever meeting.

    As for her joking about "when are we getting married," please do not read into it that deep. She is selling a fantasy to you. Remember that.
    ACustomer, given everything I read in the opening post I agree with this 100%. If she was really interested she would have found some way to let you know. Also, she only offered to meet up after you did the pathetic/sad routine, and then of course one could have readily predicted the cancellation. In fact, IMHO if you were actually going to have any shot - which would have been remote anyway -you would have been advised not to come off as pathetic, but I'll leave that concept for another thread.

    Some dancers are very good at earning off of lonely guys, and you no doubt found one a talented one.

    You have two choices here that I can see:

    Choice 1:
    Let her string you along for another several weeks or months while you continue to groap for pathetic, passive/aggressive ways to coax her into meeting OTC.

    Choice 2:
    If you are so sure that she is "the one" then man up and pursue her directly. Be friendly and compassionate, but press the issue. Give her three strikes and then finish with her. If she says yes then most of us were wrong and you can go blissfully forward. If she says no then you really lose nothing anyway, and in fact you'll have saved yourself a lot of $$$ and heartburn.

    In any event, good luck.

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I would give it one more try ...
    I wouldn't. But maybe it's just me.

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by stawj View Post
    I wouldn't. But maybe it's just me.

    Strictly a personal decision. It really depends on the vibe he's getting from her. Sometimes it's obvious BS and sometimes good things can happen. If we are talking percentages I would say the odds are against anything happening but you never know if you don't try. I wouldn't go as far as three strikes and yer' out but a second shot is not such a big deal...
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Meh. I'm going to dissent just a little with the majority here, because it really could go either way. I've had it go both ways personally - some went well and some didn't. My situation isn't "normal", but still - it CAN go either way. I've been stood up, I've been turned down, I've had them turn PL on ME (don't ask MM about that one, you'll get a novella). I've also had a couple turn into STR or LTR relationships, one night stands, or great friends. Some have moved between results, lol.

    Next time you see her - and you will, lol - politely tell her that you'd like to know straight out if she meant to stand you up or if something came up. let her know that if she's not interested in seeing you OTC to be honest about it. If she values you as a person OR as a customer, never mind both, she'll be honest, or mostly so.

    YOU, dear OP, need to be open to the reality that she might not be interested in you OTC and was uncomfortable being upfront about it - sometimes these girls (sorry for the generalization ladies) get into the habit of lying and do so when they don't need to. A little reality check will bring MOST of them around MOST of the time. That said, back on point, you shouldn't hod it against her and refuse to see her anymore if she isn't interested. That's not cool - you were the one that put her on the spot, regardless of how she handled it. You were happy as a customer before, and should be willing to accept those terms if that's the reality. Such is the way of the stripper crush if you're a decent guy.

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    ^ AJ is right generally I have to say his one in million with MM is...well...one in a million. To the other 999,999, boys, you have to harden your hearts. The strippers don't want you to fall in love...they just want to play a bit of fantasy and collect your money and send you on your way. Don't be a PL. I say this from experience.

    FBR
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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    I almost never respond to threads, usually because all the previous posters up there do a great job of giving out the advice needed and/or dissecting the issue. That being said I felt I had to agree with the poster that said .... run do not walk to the nearest exit. Maybe go in one more time and say goodbye. Whatever you decide to do, don't do the passive/aggressive b.s. Speaking from experience, the passive/aggressive stuff just hurts you and pisses them off.

    Merry Christmas.

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by FBR View Post
    The strippers don't want you to fall in love...
    You think they would want you to, atleast in some form, i'm not talking full-blown stalker but im sure there is a middle ground between, customer and desperately in love stalker? A place where she can continually extract money from him.

    Isn't leading men on just part of the job for some of these girls?
    I'm sure there is a decent amount of dancers out there who make money a good amount of their cash on tempting guys with OTC contact, or am i wrong here and exposing my noobie status?

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by FBR View Post
    The strippers don't want you to fall in love...they just want to play a bit of fantasy and collect your money and send you on your way. Don't be a PL. I say this from experience.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rookie2010 View Post
    You think they would want you to, atleast in some form, i'm not talking full-blown stalker but im sure there is a middle ground between, customer and desperately in love stalker? A place where she can continually extract money from him.
    I would ad the word "smart" right at the head of FBR's quote. Smart strippers don't want you to fall in love with them. In fact, if they sense it they will often dump you and your money as "in love" = "Needy Pain in the ass" most of the time. Any dancer who plays the "love" card outright is asking for trouble. It's unprofessional, it's unnecessary and it will sometimes incur stalker type behavior.

    Sure, there is a middle ground between customer and stalker but unfortunately the dancer may not figure that a guy has crossed it until she catches him parked outside of her apartment one night when she goes back out to her car to get the cell phone that she forgot to bring in when she got home from work...yes, this actually happened to a dancer that I know.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    FBR, pepper, & Yoda have it right, but - because it's what I do - I have to throw in that some of the smart/good strippers regard an "Idiot In Love" as a small lotto winning, lol. And different girls handle it different ways. What I mean is, Yoda said to add 'smart' to FBR's post and I say add 'kind' to the front of that, lol. There are those who are responsible for the jokes, the stereotypes, and the horror stories, who are CRUEL, smart, strippers. Hell, not even cruel; just completely different to anyone who spends money on them. I know several, and one in particular, who have the game down so well that more stalkerish the guy gets, the more they take him for.

    There was a longish paragraph here a second ago going into some detail about how they manage this, but it doesn't matter, lol.

    The point is - OTC contact and even relationships DO happen. RARELY. I can give you literally dozens of examples, many of very successful relationships, including mine. DOZENS of examples of real relationships born in a SC. Thousands of examples of OTC contact and hookups and friedships. Out of tens of thousands or even millions of attempts EVERY DAY. Literally, multiply the number of guys trying for something other than what the SC is for by the number of dancers working THAT DAY. And out of that number came maybe a couple of examples that will go somewhere, and a few hundred that resulted in SOMETHING.

    And the good relationships that do happen have one thing in common the VAST majority of the time (including mine): The DANCER initiated the contact and the pursuit, not the customer.

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    And the good relationships that do happen have one thing in common the VAST majority of the time (including mine): The DANCER initiated the contact and the pursuit, not the customer.[/quote]

    Exactly, thank you.

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    Default Re: Pushing for OTC oustide the club contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by ACustomer View Post
    Kellydancer:
    “I know several dancers who married customers...” so they aren't as rare as hen's teeth! Thanks! I know I am only reading the good and not the bad. Motto: Hope for the best expect the worst.
    Well, they are rare, but anytime you get a straight male and female together for a sexual activity, even though dancing is pretty tame (though not all dancers are straight and not all dancing is very explict activity) things can happen. However will they? In 99% cases no. While yes I know dancers who married customers I have no idea if they are still married or even the situation with their marriages. In most of the cases it was a situation where a guy spent a lot and they got to know each other. Spending money though doesn't guarantee anything, but not spending money guarantees no chance at all. I've danced for guys much hotter than the one I want and wealthier too. I've been asked out by many customers but only accepted this one.

    Quote Originally Posted by Almost Jaded View Post
    .

    And the good relationships that do happen have one thing in common the VAST majority of the time (including mine): The DANCER initiated the contact and the pursuit, not the customer.
    100% on the mark. The guy I want did ask me out but I kept rejecting him. Once I left the club I had my roommate (who still danced there) ask him over. I let him know I wanted him.

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