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Thread: lexapro, depression, night shift, uncertainty ...

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    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default lexapro, depression, night shift, uncertainty ...

    Hey Guys,

    Long time no post! Been dancing on and off the last year between 'real' jobs. It's been a really tough year for me coming to terms with the fact that dancing isn't really an option for me any more (it was affecting me way too much), a few 'real' jobs that didn't work out, a break up, a move out, going into debt for the first time ever (and then realising I wouldn't be able to pay it off in a month dancing like I'd hoped), another starting relationship that fell through, being really unhappy in my new apartment, going back to full time night shift (I'm now the dance supervisor at my club) and I'm finding the hours really lonely ... so many changes have left me without any footing, without anything solid to hold on too.

    I'm back on lexapro (I took it for 4 months about 2 years ago) and I hate it! I don't like taking pills, its making my anxiety worse, I'm shaky all the time, I get a headache after 1 glass of wine, I feel tired, I still have no motivation to do anything and I know in time its going to block of some of those high happy feelings I know I'm capable of and also start making me feel less connected to people (that's what happened last time). I know being too sensitive to the world can be hard at times - but I also kind of like that part of myself. It's been 3 weeks and I've gradually increased my dose from 5mg to 20mg.

    I've fallen into the depression hole many times in my life, it seems to have a cycle with it that comes and goes (it's also in my family). Over the last few years the anxiety is getting worse and the OCD a bit more apparent ;-) I started on the pills again cos I was sick of falling in the hole and sabotaging everything I'd worked towards, frustrated at having to have everything in life a certain way just to feel ok, overwhelmed with all the lists I had to create and stuff I had to note down just to get it out of my head and feel clear.

    I just don't know if I want to stay on these things or if I just want to dig deep and do this myself. I know life is going to be fucken tough for me the next few months either way (another reason I started taking pills - I thought they might give me some extra support) ... I'm just at a bit of a loss on what to do.

    Posting here cause there are some smart woman around with lots of various life insights ... if you have a chance to reply (and if you made it this far through my post) I'd be really grateful xx xx xx
    Last edited by krys; 12-21-2010 at 05:39 PM.

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: lexapro, depression, night shift, uncertainty ...

    Sometimes being on a medication that can change your hormonal level is the best thing you can do for yourself. It sounds to me though that this prescription isn't really right for you. I would suggest calling your doctor, talking about the problems you've encountered with the medication, & then trying a different type. If your doctor is unable to find something that works then look around for a different doctor.
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    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: lexapro, depression, night shift, uncertainty ...

    In reading your story, I see many similarities to my experiences with depression. What finally changed the game for me was a particular book: The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. How I felt was mostly related to the swirl of negative thoughts that were rolling around in my head all the time. I learned to notice the thoughts that preceded the anxious/fearful feelings, and cemented the connection between the two. My world changed as I became more self aware.

    Keep trying your medication if you like, but try reading some books that deal with inner peace and cognitive behaviour therapy. If nothing else, reading something positive is a nice distraction from the usual freight train running through your head. Reading for 15 minutes before bed will settle you down and clear your mind for sleeping. It helped me, maybe it'll help you too.

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    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default Re: lexapro, depression, night shift, uncertainty ...

    Hey Kylea2 - Going to the doc on Monday to chat about my meds and options.

    Hey hockeybobby - I'm a yoga teacher so I've done heaps of reading like that in the past ... my yoga, meditation and reading practices seem to be offering little relief these days too ... it's momentary and does give some perspective but it feels like its running deeper than that now. A good book is a nice distraction though :-) I also really fig on audio books at the moment.

    I was doing some work with a mindfulness based therapist who also did ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) but think I want to give CBT a go. It really helped me when I was healing from an eating disorder 12 years ago.

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    Senior Member Hockogrocle's Avatar
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    Default Re: lexapro, depression, night shift, uncertainty ...

    Quote Originally Posted by krys View Post

    I'm back on lexapro (I took it for 4 months about 2 years ago) and I hate it! I don't like taking pills, its making my anxiety worse, I'm shaky all the time, I get a headache after 1 glass of wine,
    One of the attractions of medications in Lexapro's class (SSRIs) is that they frequently address anxiety symptoms as well, so it's odd that Lexapro seems to be increasing yours. Reactions to antidepressants are very idiosyncratic. The only way to find the best one for you is to try several of them and find the one that gives you the best balance of side effects versus symptom relief.


    Quote Originally Posted by krys View Post

    I feel tired, I still have no motivation to do anything
    You haven't been taking the Lexapro all that long, so it seems most likely to me that your tiredness and lack of motivation are residual depressive symptoms that you probably are more aware of now you are taking the medication. If they are still persisting after 6-8 weeks, then it's likely that either the medication isn't working for you or that it is causing you to feel tired.

    Quote Originally Posted by krys View Post

    and I know in time its going to block of some of those high happy feelings I know I'm capable of and also start making me feel less connected to people (that's what happened last time).
    I find this symptom to be the most interesting, because it makes me wonder if there might be some hypomania going on as well. Although it usually works the other way around (with antidepressants unmasking hidden hypomania. You sound like a complicated case, and there really is no substitute for you going over all of this with a psychiatrist. I suspect that anything you find on the internet is going to be far too general for your complex specific situation.


    Quote Originally Posted by krys View Post

    I started on the pills again cos I was sick of falling in the hole and sabotaging everything I'd worked towards, frustrated at having to have everything in life a certain way just to feel ok, overwhelmed with all the lists I had to create and stuff I had to note down just to get it out of my head and feel clear.
    Depression is best treated with a combination of medication and making changes in your life. Medication by itself won't improve your life, but it will make you better able to change it by getting you out of the vicious cycle.

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    Senior Member ayvaleigh's Avatar
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    Default Re: lexapro, depression, night shift, uncertainty ...

    I tend to agree with the poster above about the hypomania. Have you been screened for bipolar? The ups and downs don't seem to point only to depression. That being said, I'm no doctor and I would suggest seeing a therapist to get an opinion.

    As far as the Lexepro goes, I also have depression, anxiety, and mild OCD. While I was on Lexapro, I had problems with it making the anxiety worse and it also made me really dizzy if I missed a day. Not saying that I intentionally missed days, but shit happens. I was on it for close to a year and by the end of the year, I was on the edge of a breakdown. I wasn't ready to commit suicide, but those types of thoughts were coming into my head. As soon as I recognized this, I went straight back to the doctor and he switched me to Celexa which has been a total life saver. I feel much better on it than I ever did on Lexepro.

    There are so many different meds out there and each one affects us individually. One med isn't going to work for everyone, so your best bet is to keep trying different ones until you find one that works for you.

    Talking to someone also helps. If your insurance doesn't cover mental health services, there are many places out there that operate on a sliding scale and are quite affordable. Anyway, you're not alone...lots of people go through this and you can pull yourself through. (((Hugs)))

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    Featured Member FiendishGyrator's Avatar
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    Default Re: lexapro, depression, night shift, uncertainty ...

    My internet just effed up and erased everything I wrote, so the long and the short of it is:

    get a really good D3 pill without a lot of chemical additives like malodextrin, and try to get it in increments of 5,000 IUs. Because you're working at night in addition to personal problems, look into some alternative ways to help you, even if you decide to take lexapro at the same time. People are mentioning a lot of serious mental health issues it may be, so I'm not saying that D3 is going to solve all of that, but certainly if, say a person is bipolar and deficient in Vitamin D (which a lot of people are these days) that taking vitamin D3 is not going to cure you, but at the same time, taking it in addition to your meds shouldn't hurt you and would likely help since your body and mental state is negatively affected by deficiency in vitamins and minerals. But when it comes to depression, I always first think of vitamin D deficiency.

    I would suggest (though read up yourself, I'm writing only what works for me) taking 20-30,000 IUs for a day or two, and then taking 10,000 IUs regularly from then on. I notice a difference when I'm not supplementing with D3 (it's vitamin D, but the type of vitamin D that your body best absorbs.)

    Also, look into light therapy and perhaps some other natural health options to help bump up your mood. Since you're into yoga, you probably already know a few options.

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    Default Re: lexapro, depression, night shift, uncertainty ...

    this^^^^and get your thyroid levels tested, just recently found out I was hypothyroid and have spent the last 10 yrs off and on anti-depressants, this winter is the first time I haven't needed any! (I was in deep depression prior)

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    Featured Member krys's Avatar
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    Default Re: lexapro, depression, night shift, uncertainty ...

    Thanks for all the responses and suggestions peeps - I'm going to the doc tomorrow so I'll chat about the meds she put me on and ask for a few blood tests to get other things looked at.

    Hope you all had an amazing Christmas xx

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    Default Re: lexapro, depression, night shift, uncertainty ...

    I know how much it sucks to be on medication. I got the shit end of the gene pool, and inherited several mental disorders from various family members - Bipolar from my grandmother/aunt, OCD from my father, and some anxiety disorder just for its own sake.

    Definitely get screened for bipolarity. If you are suffering from hypomania (as opposed to hypermania), as well as depression, and you're diagnosed bipolar, you would be diagnosed bipolar type 2. This is considered the less severe of the two options (I refuse to accept cyclothymia as a mental disorder lol), but it still sucks being on medication. My bipolar is completely chemical - the chemicals in my brain are permanently unbalanced - and as such, I will have to be on medication for the rest of my life. However, I have a friend whose bipolar is more electrical - like people with seizures have - and so he can more or less control it. Definitely talk to your doctor and see if you can get away with shit tons of therapy. I would NOT wish lifelong medicating on anyone.

    That being said, it is survivable. I know how much it sucks, hon, but you can do it. From what you've described you've lived through this past year, you're a strong woman. And you have people here who can offer insight as necessary. You're not alone and you're not weak. You can do this.

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    Veteran Member Jenn1981's Avatar
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    Default Re: lexapro, depression, night shift, uncertainty ...

    I feel your pain. Im currently lookin into a dr. because i suffer depression, mood swings, addicitive personality. was on zoloft a while back for a few yrs but it didnt seem to make things better or worse. took away my sex drive tho. which is why i stopped it.
    I wonder if my birth control is making me feel depressed/moody. I dont know but Im definitely going to seek help!

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