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Thread: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

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    Default Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    I'm not sure if I should put it here or in blue so I picked here. I have gotten several pms from guys asking how they can date dancers. They read my comments and thought I could help them. As people are aware, I am in love with a former customer who right now has issues and can't or won't be with me. Many guys read that into thinking that they have a chance with dancers. Let me tell you that the chances of you dating a dancer is slim to none. Why him? no idea but I think it's because we do have pretty similar backgrounds. We are very much alike and feel the same on 99% of everything. This is why I feel we will get back together eventually.

    Anyway, what people often overlook is the fact that though I mention him I danced for hundreds, probably thousands of customers. I've danced from customers who I saw one time only (and danced one time) to customers I had as regulars for years. All of them were from all walks of life, all races, all genders (though women customers weren't as common for me), all ages and all looks. I danced for good looking hot guys with great jobs and guys who were unattractive and many obese customers. Some asked me out, some asked me for sex (I declined), others were just into the fantasy and had no interest beyond that (I liked these customers).

    Like mentioned, usually when a dancer is interested she'll let you know. This can be tricky because she might give you her email address or phone number and still not be interested. I had a number set up strictly for customers where I used my dancer name. Only once did I give out my real info and it was for the guy I want. However, keep in mind that this was after I left the club. Even if you ask her out even if she says yes still means nothing. I often said yes to guys for dates, knowing I was leaving the club. Cruel? Perhaps but I wanted the money. Often, the attraction has little to do with your looks. Love is funny.

    And one final thing: NEVER NOT SPEND MONEY! Seriously, dancers won't give you the chance if you aren't spending. Trust me when I met a guy and he wasn't spending money I flat out rejected him. I then walked away. Dancers hate these guys.

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    i wish every customer of mine would read this. i mean when are they gonna get it??
    FUCK YEAH finally retired after 6 years dancing!!
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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    And one final thing: NEVER NOT SPEND MONEY! Seriously, dancers won't give you the chance if you aren't spending. Trust me when I met a guy and he wasn't spending money I flat out rejected him. I then walked away. Dancers hate these guys.
    This is the thing that absolutely kills me! Guys who walk in to a strip club and play the "I don't do dances, can I have your number and I will take you out" card. I've never met a dancer, including the ones I know who have dated customers, that this worked on.
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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Yeah I've never understand the idea that guys shouldn't spend money to get a date. This is so wrong yet people believe it. It reminds me of real life. How many girls (dancers and nondancers) would date a guy who didn't spend money? None that I know of, I know many non gold digger and non dancers. Not that I'm asking a guy to spend a lot, I just won't spend time with him (I'm not talking dancing) if he doesn't pay at least sometimes. This is especially true in dancing.

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Dancers are professionals at sexually arousing and attracting a man in the club. It's no surprise that a customer will want to fuck you or ask you out. Your interactions with them may be an act, but if it's a good one, how would they know? Guys aren't born with stripclub savvy.

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    This is the thing that absolutely kills me! Guys who walk in to a strip club and play the "I don't do dances, can I have your number and I will take you out" card. I've never met a dancer, including the ones I know who have dated customers, that this worked on.
    That's straight out of the PUA handbook...I don't think it works either.

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Many guys read that into thinking that they have a chance with dancers. Let me tell you that the chances of you dating a dancer is slim to none.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KX5jNnDMfxA

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    The thing here is that when you say there is a "slim" chance, every guy thinks his realtionship with his certain dancer is that one "slim" chance you are talking about

    people believe what they want to unfortunately

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    This is the thing that absolutely kills me! Guys who walk in to a strip club and play the "I don't do dances, can I have your number and I will take you out" card. I've never met a dancer, including the ones I know who have dated customers, that this worked on.
    I've known a lot of them. But the guys almost always have drugs. And the guys don't walk in like that. They usually already have a rep in the club.

    Kellydancer is spot on, other than that.


    Once in a great while you will see a guy who manages to play the PUA games. I've known a very, very, very few of them in my 11 years (11 years now, Christmas night!) in the business. But they were consummate players, usually rock musicians and/or drug dealers--and only the really stupid ones fell for it.

    They would also never, ever post questions about how to pick up dancers, or even wonder how. We are talking less than one out of a thousand customers; much less.
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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Kelly's OP is interesting. I have read hundred of posts here from presumed experienced strippers who have said that taking money from a dude who happened to show up and out of the blue rang their bells was offensive. In other words when a stripper connects on that rare occasion she usually wants to hustle him out of the club asap so that their potential relationship is not contaminated with money. She wants it to be pure. So for Kelly to say she expects someone who could be a potential romantic involvement to pay her for her time is something that I haven't seen evidence of. Obviously that guy could be true blue, a dealer feeding her addictions or someone in between.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    LOL, I've read those same posts FBR. Of course, if you believe everything that is posted here no dancer offers extras or escorts either but we all know it happens.

    All of my favs are serious money-makers. They don't come to the club looking for drugs or for dates. This includes the ones who I have either dated myself (not P4P) or who I have had discussions with about dating customers in general. Most of the time it's not lust at first sight. A dancer gets to know a guy and eventually decides that she will see him outside of the club. There is simply no way she would have ever gotten to know the guy if he didn't buy dances when they first met and become a regular on some level. Now, if a relationship develops things change. At that point the would not only stop spending money but, in most cases, he would stop even going into the club.

    I have seen the girls who date the none-spenders-the guys who either give them drugs or get them drunk all night. Honestly they don't really appeal to me mostly because they are too young for me but also because I don't have the patience to deal with party girls...
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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Good post. Hopefully more guys will read this and stop postng the never ending variations of the question "How do I get a stripper to like me for me?" etc.

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    LOL, I've read those same posts FBR. Of course, if you believe everything that is posted here no dancer offers extras or escorts either but we all know it happens.
    Considering the threads on here where dancers have admitted to things... I'd say that comment is off base. Saying a good portion of us probably don't offer them would be closer to the truth, but there are some pinks who have admitted to things they've done.
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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    If I could be so bold as to attempt a fusion of seemingly contradictory views, between two members I have a lot of respect for:

    There are the confessions, yes, to be sure. Those of us who work in this strange business are human, after all, men and women alike. Certainly I have committed more than one stupid error in 11 years!

    But then you have the tremendous backlash sometimes, when some male members suggest that something more than lapdancing could ever go on between dancers and customers, or that it's not just a job like any other job.

    The truth of the matter is, it's a job like no other I have seen or heard of, there are hordes of men and women in the business doing all they can to perpetuate the stereotypes, and yes of course there are dancers who will readily do all sorts of things with customers under certain conditions, with or without a lot of money being exchanged beyond 20$ a song (and god help the damned fool that falls for them in a big way).

    But other than the occasional very rare PUA musician or drug dealer type, I think kellydancer's OP is spot on--for most guys, asking how they can pick up or date dancers is not only a colossal waste of time, but runs serious risk of seeming absurd and pathetic.
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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2 View Post
    Considering the threads on here where dancers have admitted to things... I'd say that comment is off base. Saying a good portion of us probably don't offer them would be closer to the truth, but there are some pinks who have admitted to things they've done.
    Whatever...I don't post in terms of of absolutes but if you want to read it that way I can't really help it. As far as what girls have admitted to keep in mind that this is customer convo and it's the only part of pink that I read. I don't really recall much in the way of true confessions here in this particular section. In any event, we all know that some girls do and some girls don't.
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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Quote Originally Posted by FBR View Post
    Kelly's OP is interesting. I have read hundred of posts here from presumed experienced strippers who have said that taking money from a dude who happened to show up and out of the blue rang their bells was offensive. In other words when a stripper connects on that rare occasion she usually wants to hustle him out of the club asap so that their potential relationship is not contaminated with money. She wants it to be pure. So for Kelly to say she expects someone who could be a potential romantic involvement to pay her for her time is something that I haven't seen evidence of. Obviously that guy could be true blue, a dealer feeding her addictions or someone in between.

    FBR
    Well, I never hustled them outside of the club except for the bachelor parties and other parties so for me it was strictly money. However my point about the money is basically that at least for me I'd never get to know a guy without spending and most of the dancers I know are the same way. I'm not saying he has to spend thousands, just something. I can't speak about extras or drugs since I never did neither so that might be the exception.

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    I also want to stress I am NOT talking about OTC time or anything like that. I am talking about boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, etc. I know sex happens in and out of the clubs, but not talking about that.

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Us dancers are there for one thing and one thing only! and that is to make money, not to hook up with men. I had one fat old looking guy spend 40 measly dollars on me and then ask me when he can take me to dinner.
    Boy please You paid for 2 dances not ME
    not to sound stuck up or anything but I just want to make my money and go home.

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Oh gawd - my original reply is going to end up being a novel. *sigh* I'll either start a different thread or write the damned book people keep asking me for, lol.

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    If we like you, you will for sure know without the little tricks.
    Haha I like that, sums it right up.
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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Quote Originally Posted by FBR View Post
    Kelly's OP is interesting. I have read hundred of posts here from presumed experienced strippers who have said that taking money from a dude who happened to show up and out of the blue rang their bells was offensive. In other words when a stripper connects on that rare occasion she usually wants to hustle him out of the club asap so that their potential relationship is not contaminated with money. She wants it to be pure. So for Kelly to say she expects someone who could be a potential romantic involvement to pay her for her time is something that I haven't seen evidence of. Obviously that guy could be true blue, a dealer feeding her addictions or someone in between.

    FBR
    FBR...I think Kelly meant, "spend money at all." Developing a real romantic relationship with someone who has regularly spent money on you as a stripper is very rare.

    However, there's a difference between that regular, and the guy who's just in the club for some fun and buys some dances while you two get to know one another. Or, tips for your time, etc.

    Point is, when I am working, ANYWHERE, in sales, I am not going to spend any time at all with someone who straight away says, "I don't do dances." And, if I do spend a few minutes with him and like him, but he says, "no, I don't do dances" I'm outta there no matter how hot he is.

    Does that make sense? A custy doesn't have to spend exorbitantly or over time for a relationship to occur if there is chemistry. But if a man is in MY club and is all smug about not getting dances but wanting to waste my time, he's immediately placed onto the DEALBREAKER list.

    Its the same way in my business, and I imagine, in your business. When I speak to prospects that make it clear they are unqualified to buy, I finish up my time for them and send them on their way. In my case now, its with a "sample" of my product that costs me no time or energy to give in order to appease. In stripper time, its usually, a very polite brush off, maybe a chaste hug and air kiss.


    Re: drug dealers. That's a totally separate thing. Really, dealers aren't typical customers. They are working as well. And they usually know lots of people at the club and are a part of the social scene for the workers. And of course some dealers get free dances and extras..in exchange for drugs. The dancer would be otherwise buying the drugs, so its still an exchange of services, just not cash directly.

    I've never done a lapdance for drugs. But, I've gotten tipped in drugs before on top of the dance price.

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Quote Originally Posted by KS_Stevia View Post
    FBR...I think Kelly meant, "spend money at all." Developing a real romantic relationship with someone who has regularly spent money on you as a stripper is very rare.

    However, there's a difference between that regular, and the guy who's just in the club for some fun and buys some dances while you two get to know one another. Or, tips for your time, etc.

    Point is, when I am working, ANYWHERE, in sales, I am not going to spend any time at all with someone who straight away says, "I don't do dances." And, if I do spend a few minutes with him and like him, but he says, "no, I don't do dances" I'm outta there no matter how hot he is.

    Does that make sense? A custy doesn't have to spend exorbitantly or over time for a relationship to occur if there is chemistry. But if a man is in MY club and is all smug about not getting dances but wanting to waste my time, he's immediately placed onto the DEALBREAKER list.

    Its the same way in my business, and I imagine, in your business. When I speak to prospects that make it clear they are unqualified to buy, I finish up my time for them and send them on their way. In my case now, its with a "sample" of my product that costs me no time or energy to give in order to appease. In stripper time, its usually, a very polite brush off, maybe a chaste hug and air kiss.


    Re: drug dealers. That's a totally separate thing. Really, dealers aren't typical customers. They are working as well. And they usually know lots of people at the club and are a part of the social scene for the workers. And of course some dealers get free dances and extras..in exchange for drugs. The dancer would be otherwise buying the drugs, so its still an exchange of services, just not cash directly.

    I've never done a lapdance for drugs. But, I've gotten tipped in drugs before on top of the dance price.
    Righ that's what I meant. I'm not saying he has to buy vip rooms or spend thousands, just something. Even if it's a little bit. I don't like cheap guys (the ones you mention who spend NOTHING) because my personal experience is guys who are cheap are cheap all the time. I've met a few of these guys at other places (not stripping at all) and found they often expect me to pay for them, or at least myself.

    The guy that I mention was a regular but not a big tipping regular. He came in a lot, but generally came in to drink a soda (yep) before going home to his mother. He spent money, mostly on his foot fetish but rarely bought dances. Everyone in the club liked him, he was one of those "nice guys" who's always doing nice things for dancers like driving them places. He never asked for anything, though he did ask me out when I was still dancing at the club. I would often sit with him when the crowds were small. He later became my confident in the club later on. Even so, I told him I couldn't date him while in the club. Once I left the club I had my roommate ask him over.

    Now the big spending regulars, none of them ever became dates of any sort. A few became regulars otc in regards to bachelor parties but never in a dating or sexual situation. Luckily, most of these guys weren't looking for anything but the fantasy.

    I've heard of dancer dancing for drugs, but since I don't do drugs I never did this. I'm sure I had guys ask if I would dance for drugs, but don't remember if they did, and even then since I don't do drugs I would decline anyway.

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Well I will say this, the guy who spends money isn't going to be disqualified so easily for it, so long as he isn't buying lapdances. Tipping lavishly--including bartenders and waitresses, buying dancers dances from others instead of for yourself, etc., etc., this can only increase your rep in a club or a town small enough for word to get around.

    I have observed this frequently watching customer/dancer dynamics in all the clubs I have worked in, heard it from many dancers in lengthy discussions of sexuality and the stripping business (including a couple SOs), and experienced it myself to some extent--though I do not go to stripclubs to pick up dancers (and certainly never in my own club, I learned that lesson the hard way!).

    I know that even though I never cared much for lapdances even before I became a DJ, within two weeks of starting I knew I would make way more money if I never, ever bought dances. To be sure, making money and trying to pick up are two different things, but there's a level of respect you get that is something I must have when dealing with any woman for any length of time in any capacity, sexual or not.

    There are always the dancers who won't ever waste any time whatsoever on you if they know you aren't buying dances, but from what I've seen those are invariably the type that it would be the toughest of all to 'pick up'. And even they will appreciate a good tipper as a gentleman.

    Which brings us to the 'bad boys'. These are the guys who can pick up without spending money, far more than any other kind of guy. But it's almost always the stupid women who go for them. I have seen a lot of musicians and dealers who had the game down, usually without even really thinking about playing any sort of game at all. And the kind of women who go for these guys tend to be even more impressed if the guys are seen with other women hanging all over them--the 'groupie effect'.

    Trust me, the groupie effect is a force to be reckoned with! That's how the dealers can often refrain from spending money, but still score some women who don't want their drugs, but do want their dicks.


    But it must be emphasized--these guys are so rare, compared to the numbers of customers as a whole. And they would never start a thread here asking how to pick up! So I am certainly not in disagreement with my esteemed colleagues posting above, or the OP.
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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Mentioning the bad boys, I remember a few dancers wanted to go out with them and I couldn't figure out why they were. I suspect the dancers liked the excitement which I never understood. I never liked these guys anyway so they had no chance with me. Oh they tried at the club, several would even try to insult me (probably trying to lower my self esteem) and still didn't work.

    The guy I want got a few lapdances but wasn't a regular at it, and only with me if he liked the song. What I have previously mentioned is the club was a bikini no touch. I worked at topless clubs (and a nude optional but I didn't go nude) and I remember thinking it would be weird to date a guy who saw my breasts. Now that I think of it the few guys I briefly considered dating (though I didn't) were all guys who paid me for my time. I will admit it and say these guys were ones I liked better because they often liked me because of my conversation skills. The guys who bought dances mostly liked my body or looks. Not that this one is bad, just that guys like these aren't guys I'd probably consider because of it.

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Quote Originally Posted by FBR View Post
    Kelly's OP is interesting. I have read hundred of posts here from presumed experienced strippers who have said that taking money from a dude who happened to show up and out of the blue rang their bells was offensive. In other words when a stripper connects on that rare occasion she usually wants to hustle him out of the club asap so that their potential relationship is not contaminated with money. She wants it to be pure. So for Kelly to say she expects someone who could be a potential romantic involvement to pay her for her time is something that I haven't seen evidence of. Obviously that guy could be true blue, a dealer feeding her addictions or someone in between.

    FBR
    That's interesting. That hasn't been my experience at all, and I've never known any other dancer to accept an offer from a guy who showed up and didn't spend any money on her at all. I think the reason is that the vast majority of the time the customer is NOT seen as a "potential romantic involvement." He is seen as a customer, and if he doesn't want to spend money, then she naturally move on and forgets him without even getting to know him enough to ever consider him a potential romantic partner. The guys who manage to pick up dancers seem to have done so by spending some money first. Of course, the town I live in is a big stage tip city. It's really bad form to go to a club and not tip anyone on stage. So if someone's doing that, they're likely to be labeled as rude before they have a chance to be known for anything else.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vamp View Post
    As Katherine Hepburn put it so eloquently " Nature is what we were put here to rise above"

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    Default Re: Men, the chances of you dating a dancer are slim.

    Kellydancer - I hear what you are saying and I think you are right to discourage guys to go to the SC for the purpose of picking up a date.

    The biggest obstacle is that guys go to the SC to ogle women, get grinding action, see tits and ass, feel some tits, etc., - and not for the purpose of really getting to know a dancer as a person nor to admire them for their intelligence, values, virtues, etc.

    Women are more socially savy then men - they obviously realize that any attraction generated in the SC is based on lust only, nothing more, and that's not a good romantic prospect for a woman (unless she's looking to profit financially - or she just wants to fuck - but, in that case, she might as well make some money in the process). Men are more idiotic about social situations, we think more like this - I complimented her on her awesome tits, and my woody was evidence to her that I am attracted to her, so why won't she go out with me?

    Any attraction a guy has for a dancer is just lust... or - in some cases - he might worship her as a "sex goddess", because, he is captivated by her overwhelming charm and eroticism.... But, he is not "in love" with her, and she knows that. Bottom line - all he really wants is free extras, which is like a customer going into the store and asking for the most expensive thing in it to be given to him for free.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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