I think I have a problem.
I used to work really well, dancing for 3 years. Clean/responsible girl in a high-contact club. It was super hard work. I rarely/never drank on the job, worked at least 7 hours every shift, at least three shifts a week, had regulars, saving money, etc.
I had other jobs at the time, too- movie theater, printer's apprentice, puppetry intern, stuff like that.
Anyways, I moved to a new state and now I'm going to school.
This club is way better than my old club, much less contact and more money to take home, but somehow I'm down in some dumps. I only work one day a week, get drunk every time, and haven't sold a single VIP room yet in the three months I've been here.
I don't want to work anymore, but I really need the money, and no other job pays as well for a student with a school schedule. Not only do I have to pay rent, but I need to pay tuition too, and I just cleaned out my emergency fun due to traumatic events.
What the hell? BURNOUT???
I KNOW I shouldn't be drinking but dancing is just not interesting to me at all anymore. I feel like a factory or sweatshop worker, a machine. Customers are all predictable and boring. I don't like night shift crowds, but day shifts are empty here, and I'm already at the best club in town (plus, I usually have class in the daytime).
I thought I should re-vamp my "look" and get new costumes, a haircut, whatever, but I don't even know what to do, or who to be. What's sexy anymore? I also feel pretty outdated. What I find sexy now, IRL, is the opposite of stripclub aesthetic. And then faking so much feels lame to me, I used to be so good at it but I can barely do it anymore.
At the same time, I don't want to quit. I like the money and I like the freedom and I like the taboo nature of it, too. I see potential change for great improvement, I just don't know how to get there from here.
Advice really appreciated...