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Thread: DF wants to stay in San Diego another 6-12 months

  1. #1
    SpeakngEZ
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    Default DF wants to stay in San Diego another 6-12 months

    (Wow, very long.)

    I'm not sure what I think about it, really. Now that we're engaged, I should be thinking about what's best for us instead of what's best for me. I see positives and negatives for me. I see positives for him. I see positives and negatives for us.

    I'd been getting really excited to transfer schools next fall and move to Washington. I'll finish my paralegal classes at the end of this coming semester (which I guess I was just finishing for the sake of a law school application) and I won't have to be in California anymore. I was staying here to finish my program and get paid to do it-- the state was giving me enough grants to live on. Besides, I'd already withdrawn from one school without finishing my program. It wouldn't look good at all to an admissions committee if I did the same thing again. Even if I didn't intend to ever use it.

    But I guess the reasons I needed to stay aren't the issue. The issue is why I want to leave.

    I hate San Diego. I hate the people here. They're flakey and superficial. I hate that it floods whenever it rains. I hate how spread-out everything is here and it takes forever to get anywhere if you don't have a car. Most of all, I doubt I could get into any of the 4-year schools that I could realistically travel to every day. I'm a good student, but my record is very flawed. So I'll have to start going to the community college to keep taking courses. (I was taking the paralegal courses as a distance student). School #3 before I transfer to a 4-year. 4 schools total before I apply to law school.

    As for DF, he has a very good client here. It's the best job he's ever had. He'd be able to take care of both of us if I stopped working. One of the reasons they hired him, though, is that he's local. Even though he works from home, he might not be able to keep the job if we moved. And he's worried that he wouldn't be able to find work in Washington because of the niche they have for programmers. It's the longest-running job he'll have on his resume, too, and shows that he's capable of committment.

    The positives for me: if I stay here and take CC classes, that's more time to get Gen-Ed courses out of the way. With how little I have under my belt, I might have to take the SAT's again to transfer to a 4-year. It's also more time to raise my GPA. It's also more time to work at the animal shelter here. 2.5 years of volunteering looks better than 1.5, I guess, and shows that I am capable of some sort of work-related committment. (I'm really not.)

    Positives for both of us: we'll be able to save for our wedding faster if we're not rushing to save money to move or putting money into a more expensive school for me once I transfer. Of course, who knows how much money will be left over for moving and my education once the wedding's over?

    I'm thinking of applying to the 4-year schools in Seattle next month anyway. I'm worried what will happen if I don't keep my options open. I want to marry DF, but having another person to consider with my life planning is making things very difficult.

  2. #2
    Featured Member noelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: DF wants to stay in San Diego another 6-12 months

    So what are the positives to moving to WA now? All I saw were reasons that would be good to stay there for another year. Is it just that you're dying to move? For your schooling and your fiance's sake it sounds better to stick it out for a year.

    Also, I am not trying to be a downer but people are flakey and superficial in Seattle as well. I can't stand the attitudes of people there. It is a beautiful place to live though!
    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    If success meant being savage my woes would disappear.

  3. #3
    Featured Member *Jade*Love's Avatar
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    Default Re: DF wants to stay in San Diego another 6-12 months

    I have to agree with you about the San Diego people...they are horrible! Bad SLOW drivers, rude and superficial..ugh I can't stand it! Every time I leave the house I wish I had a flame thrower attached to my car lol. I live here with my boyfriend too, he used to live in Quincy, but our lease isn't up till August.

    Kinda in a similar situation to yours, he wants me to move to Texas even though I don't know if I could transfer to a school out there (I'm a CA resident still in community college, ready to transfer to a state school). It's hard to decide on a place to live when you both have your own separate career goals, but if he happens to be doing really well down here it might be worth it to stick it out for the 6 months. The time will pass faster than you think and it sounds like you could still take some extra classes down here in the meantime. Although if you have the feeling 'it's now or never' about Seattle, then you should definitely apply and see which schools accept you. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you have to lose sight of your longterm goal

  4. #4
    SpeakngEZ
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    Default Re: DF wants to stay in San Diego another 6-12 months

    Quote Originally Posted by noelle View Post
    So what are the positives to moving to WA now? All I saw were reasons that would be good to stay there for another year.
    Thanks for the heads up about people in Seattle. . . . As for the positives, that's where the schools I want to transfer to are, I miss non-consequential rain, and it's more of a city with better public trans.

    Quote Originally Posted by *Jade*Love View Post
    I have to agree with you about the San Diego people...they are horrible! Bad SLOW drivers, rude and superficial..ugh I can't stand it! Every time I leave the house I wish I had a flame thrower attached to my car lol.
    I've . . . taken to spitting on cars when they drive through the crosswalk while i'm in it. You get your license taken away for pulling that shit in Boston. On top of a HUGE fine.

    Quote Originally Posted by *Jade*Love View Post
    Kinda in a similar situation to yours, he wants me to move to Texas even though I don't know if I could transfer to a school out there (I'm a CA resident still in community college, ready to transfer to a state school). It's hard to decide on a place to live when you both have your own separate career goals, but if he happens to be doing really well down here it might be worth it to stick it out for the 6 months. The time will pass faster than you think and it sounds like you could still take some extra classes down here in the meantime. Although if you have the feeling 'it's now or never' about Seattle, then you should definitely apply and see which schools accept you. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you have to lose sight of your longterm goal
    Thanks for that last part. I guess I'm terrified that I'm going to start giving things up for him. It worries me that he waited until after we were engaged to say that he wanted to stay here, though he isn't the manipulative type.

    As for you and your man, why does he want to move right away? Is it a reason more important than you finishing school? I really hate to see people sacrificing themselves for their mate, at least for something that should be lower on the priorities list.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kourtney View Post
    if you guys think the people in san diego are bad try living in los angeles!

    I feel like everyone in san diego is soooo nice compared to LA. lol :b
    Lol, I lived in LA briefly as a kid. They're much worse about superficiality, but I think I'd take it over San Diegians. They're too nice. In a fake way, most of the time. Overwhelmingly positive about everything. We yell at everyone back home. Someone almost hit me with their car the other day and somehow I'm the bad guy because I told him off.

    Anyway, I decided I'm still going to apply to schools in Seattle as well as schools here in SD. Wherever I get in, I'm going. If I get into schools in both cities, I'll stay here.

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    Featured Member FiendishGyrator's Avatar
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    Default Re: DF wants to stay in San Diego another 6-12 months

    If anything, you could always stay for another year, and if at the end of that he can't move and you're ready to clear out-- well, you haven't really lost anything have you, by getting more on your resume, and upping your GPA?

    If the city is bugging you, take short weekend work places elsewhere. You're 2-2.5 hours from a club in Yuma, and while I would skip LA to work in, there's decent spearmint rhinos (from what I remember) in Oxnard and Santa Barbara. You may not get crazy money but you'll have little adventures where you won't feel like you're conforming to what your fiance needs you to be, and you'll get out of the city. Adventure and self-reliance in the midst of wanting to be somewhere else but knowing it's smarter to stay. And then there's Vegas as well if you don't mind doing the licensing.

  6. #6
    Featured Member noelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: DF wants to stay in San Diego another 6-12 months

    I just wanted to say I do understand your issues with San Diego. My ex girlfriend was from there and it's totally crazy how far you have to drive to get to some places! She really didn't think anything of driving an hour or more to do something, which you'd never do in Seattle. If you live in a good spot in Seattle you don't even need a car. Also it seems like Seattle has a lot more to do if you're into arts and music. The beaches near San Diego are soooo beautiful though, I loved that. But if you like hiking, camping, winter sports, etc, Washington and Oregon are great states to live in!

    Almost all of my friends in Seattle were from Southern California, it's so common to move to Seattle. So sadly the shitty driving and bad attitudes follow! I hate getting cut off when walking through a crosswalk too. But here in Louisville cars will honk at you just for crossing the street when you have the right of way, and the public transportation doesn't seem that great. So I do miss those things about Seattle.
    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    If success meant being savage my woes would disappear.

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