(Wow, very long.)
I'm not sure what I think about it, really. Now that we're engaged, I should be thinking about what's best for us instead of what's best for me. I see positives and negatives for me. I see positives for him. I see positives and negatives for us.
I'd been getting really excited to transfer schools next fall and move to Washington. I'll finish my paralegal classes at the end of this coming semester (which I guess I was just finishing for the sake of a law school application) and I won't have to be in California anymore. I was staying here to finish my program and get paid to do it-- the state was giving me enough grants to live on. Besides, I'd already withdrawn from one school without finishing my program. It wouldn't look good at all to an admissions committee if I did the same thing again. Even if I didn't intend to ever use it.
But I guess the reasons I needed to stay aren't the issue. The issue is why I want to leave.
I hate San Diego. I hate the people here. They're flakey and superficial. I hate that it floods whenever it rains. I hate how spread-out everything is here and it takes forever to get anywhere if you don't have a car. Most of all, I doubt I could get into any of the 4-year schools that I could realistically travel to every day. I'm a good student, but my record is very flawed. So I'll have to start going to the community college to keep taking courses. (I was taking the paralegal courses as a distance student). School #3 before I transfer to a 4-year. 4 schools total before I apply to law school.
As for DF, he has a very good client here. It's the best job he's ever had. He'd be able to take care of both of us if I stopped working. One of the reasons they hired him, though, is that he's local. Even though he works from home, he might not be able to keep the job if we moved. And he's worried that he wouldn't be able to find work in Washington because of the niche they have for programmers. It's the longest-running job he'll have on his resume, too, and shows that he's capable of committment.
The positives for me: if I stay here and take CC classes, that's more time to get Gen-Ed courses out of the way. With how little I have under my belt, I might have to take the SAT's again to transfer to a 4-year. It's also more time to raise my GPA. It's also more time to work at the animal shelter here. 2.5 years of volunteering looks better than 1.5, I guess, and shows that I am capable of some sort of work-related committment. (I'm really not.)
Positives for both of us: we'll be able to save for our wedding faster if we're not rushing to save money to move or putting money into a more expensive school for me once I transfer. Of course, who knows how much money will be left over for moving and my education once the wedding's over?
I'm thinking of applying to the 4-year schools in Seattle next month anyway. I'm worried what will happen if I don't keep my options open. I want to marry DF, but having another person to consider with my life planning is making things very difficult.


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