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Thread: Shameful to be a stripper...

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    Default Shameful to be a stripper...

    hi.. I tried dancing for the first time back in the summer and I like it. I'm going to start dancing soon to save up money.

    I just had a big fight with my bf of four years about it. He said that I should be very shameful about wanting to do it..because he is shame of me. I am very hurt by what he said. We never really have the greatest relationship. He is one of those type of guys that are very brutally honest. .. I need some support from you girls... If your bf ever tell you that he is very shameful of you being a stripper...What would you do? Could handle of how your bf view you and still dance? ...I broke up with him because of that... I really need the fast cash for this whole year...and he cant help me financially anyway. I don't think I could handle it mentally. He was also criticizing me about getting all these ideas that there are strippers that put themselves thru school, started business, and so on.. BECAUSE I've been reading this site. He thinks all strippers are drug addict, prostitutes, and so on...even if they are not, they will become eventually.....
    I don't think so. I think many of you girls on this site are quite intelligent..

    Have anyone picked stripping over a relationship and become financially stable? Anyone regrets it? Please share some insights.... I'm so hurt and lost at the moment... I don't know who else to talk to...as I don't know any dancers..

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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    (deleted my end of the story)/


    I would suggest to truely talk to him about it, see what he doesnt like about it, why he is not letting you do it. If you have a good head on your shoulders, tell him you wont be doing that stuff he mentions (sex, drugs, etc). In my opinon, if a man already thinks like that, he wont stop. He might change a bit, but he will still hold a grude over the job due to their trust (or whatever) issues they may have as I mention above. If you truely, want to do this job, and not just here and there, but seriously then do consider of a break-up in the future. Most men cannot handle this job at all. I do not regret that my relationship ended with my bf over this, as I know even as roomates, he still isnt happy for me (or my job). I rather be single and happy, then broke (supported on him) and stressed about money. So, think of whats going to make you happier.. and follow your path, never let a person hold you back. GL
    Last edited by Kisca; 01-03-2011 at 08:31 PM.

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    Featured Member Ifyouseekamy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    Hi Hun, sorry to hear. Im heart broken as well, I can't have a bf while I'm dancing, but I will share with you my past experience. I started dancing when I was 18, got married quit dancing, he cheated on me with a stripper after 5 years of marriage. I'm dancing now, saving money and I know I'll be on my feet with a degree and secure job. Do you think this guy is the one? Is there any part of you that questions his behavior that you question? Honestly we all know the answer I think sometimes we just want validation. I think you should consider the argument was it respectful, " I love you, I'll be jealous, what can I do to help or was he putting you down (sounds like he was putting you down). My answer to any guy is give me the money upfront for how long you want me to quit, pay my bills, and maybe I'll consider." You shouldn't be ashamed, nobody is perfect, strippers are just an easy target. Yes I'm putting myself through school almost perfect grades. Do what's best for you? Yes I'm lonely but it's not forever. Once I get out of school I'll have my pick of men or my pick to be alone. Good luck, sweetie, hope you feel better. Maybe look at some red flags list if he has those you might wanna consider taking a break to pursue your goals even if it's not dancing.

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    Senior Member WorkItNow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    I needed to hear this also, thank you! ^

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    Senior Member elijah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    My x boyfriend was the same way, he though that i was going to get rapped up in the "stripper lifestyle" and that I was not going to continue my education because of the money. Basically the same thing your bf said that if they were not prostitutes or drug addicts they would become eventually. (It was senior year in highschool when I told him my plan on how I was going to pay for school.)

    He thought it was ridiculous for there to be smart strippers, he is very closed minded and overly jealous. He told me that how was I going to tell my kids I had been a stripper and that I should feel ashamed for it all my life and that he would feel so ashamed to have a mother that was stripper and so on.

    He told me he had dated a stripper before and that he had know another one and basically told me I was going to end broke like them.We broke up because of this. I was very hurt and confused and wished I could afford school so that I could still be with him and he would not feel like I was trash For the longest time I felt that I could never be good enough for him

    I saw him months later and he was very surprised I was attending the same school and taking so many classes
    He begged for me back but I was already in another relationship with another guy who cooks for me, gives me foot massages, washes my clothes, accepts my job and supports me.
    so i think he is so not worth it move on. If i had not found some one like I did I would not be able to be in a relationship while dancing. I only dance during the breaks I just started the summer of 2010 and plan to do it only on breaks if I can and have a normal job in between thus far it seems to be working

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    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    My ex husband made me quit stripping, beat me up and tried to pimp me out to his friends for coke. -_-

    Stripping saved my life.

    I'm with a wonderful man now who has no problem whatsoever with my job. My advice find a guy who has never been around the industry. They don't have any preconceived notions of what a stripper "should" be like.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    Wow Temptest! So sorry! *big hugs*

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    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    Quote Originally Posted by islandgirlcoco View Post
    Wow Temptest! So sorry! *big hugs*
    Aw babe thanks! But you should be giving me virtual hugs that I have a wonderful man who loves me and I love him!!!! That part of my life is over with...
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Aw babe thanks! But you should be giving me virtual hugs that I have a wonderful man who loves me and I love him!!!! That part of my life is over with...
    Yes and I am very happy for you sweetie

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    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    Sorry to threadjack, OP. My advice is if you love the guy talk to him. If the relationship can't be saved, take some time out of being single and then do like I said and get with someone who hasn't been exposed to the industry, like a computer geek or a comic nerd like mine. They make the best lovers too.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    I do feel compelled to add, some of us (not all) go through our "Nero" phases. Drugs, sex, booze, shit happens. Eventually most wise up and get clean, or die. I did more drugs when I was not dancing with my ex husband.

    Just some food for thought.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    I'm on a break due to bf of 2 years not liking it. He's never really 'worked' and I've worked since I was 13 (not dancing though I think I may have to break up with him in September because I need to work and our lives appear to be going different directions. If you love him very much, as I do my boyfriend (we live together) then get a pole and practice at home for the big day when you can carry on. Sigh. Men are so boring.

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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    When I first started dancing I met this guy who hated that I was a dancer. I moved in with him under the stipulation I give up dancing. Very briefly (less than a month I believe) I did and got a job as a waitress. I realized I was happiest dancing so we broke up. Later that year we got back together and while he never liked it he had no problems with me dancing. We ended up breaking up for good because he was a jerk.

    After that, I never gave up dancing for a man, though several tried. I would never give up any career now because a man could leave you, then what? This is why I'd never give up my now professional career either for a man.

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    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    I'm open and honest with chris. some facets of my old ways I've given up (getting gang banged by hot Scottish travelers, making out with hot white guys in VIP, etc etc) He understands it's a job and I'm coming home to him. he's not completely immune to jealousy though. When he sees me going upstairs to the CR with a hot white guy he always looks bemused. If he sees me going with a Mexican or Indian he just laughs cause he knows they're not gonna get much more than some light one way grinding.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    Mine says the same things. I love how I feel dancing and I want to do it for real and often. I will not hide it from him cause I told him I would do it. But I have a man that takes weeks to see rope marks that been in front of him most of the day..

    He doesn't like like a man you want to stick with. Going stripping and staying with a man like that will hurt more than being alone and stripping. I don't like closed-minded men.. And I don't like the sound of this guy.

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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    I just want to say that there is hope. I've been fighting with my man for almost a year now about being a camgirl. But as time went on and we fought and fought and fought, eventually things starting to sink in. He started relaxing his hold and FINALLY last night he agreed to let me go fully nude camming (as before he said I could only cam if I did non nude which put me at a serious disadvantage). Over time he threatened to dump me, he called me a whore, we hurt we raged, but the reason I didn't leave was because we were always very much in love. It was simply a boundry in him that he needed to learn to relax because his rigidity was coming from an unhealthy place of fear and forcing me into taking jobs that I hated.

    You need to look at your relationship and look at yourself. Is this something that is super important to you? How important is the man in your life? We plan on getting married eventually but this was a MASSIVE hurdle in our way, puting a strain on the strength of our relationship. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this person then if you are going to cause strain by wanting to be in the industry you need to know if the industry is SUPER important to you, it is to me.

    Trying to choose between the man you want to spend the rest of your life with and the only job you have ever truly loved is a HUGE decision. You need to choose which one you are willing to give up and why. If you're like me then you refuse to give either one of them up, you become resourceful and you become PATIENT. Constantly take the time to show him WHY it's so important to you. Make him EXPLAIN his decision, make him give you REASONS as to why he is saying no and then methodically and rationally, give answers to each of his questions. Erase his fears. For some people all it takes is one argument, for others it takes dozens, but if they are both super important to you then fight to hold onto both of them for as long as it takes. Give in a little here, pull back there. You should know how to communicate with your man so COMMUNICATE.

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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    Well until he becomes a husband or even then he has no say in your life or how you make your money. I have a similar situation were me and my bf were gonna get married but he called it off at the last minute. Lots of missed opportunities because I was being considerate of how he felt. Never let a man that is not worthy control your life! Go make your money and tell him if he dont like it leave.

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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    i love you girls!!!

    after reading all your support and advice. I feel much better...that there are many out there that understand my frustration....even none of my girlfriends will. =)

    you girls are so right. my guy constantly puts me down...not even just bout stripping. I dont deserve it. No girls deserve that kind of treatment.

    I will just need to stand on the ground now...and break it off for good. He tried texting me today and say how he misses me and love me so much..He act like nothing happened. He does that all the time!

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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    I know that feeling.. Don't fall for it..

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    God/dess Arialandre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    Don't fall for it!!!!

    Sorry my previous advice was for when your man is a great guy NOT when he's an asshole like yours seems to be

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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    About the only job you should feel ashamed for doing is telemarketing.

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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    Good Luck staying strong with your convictions. A man who can't respect your independence is definitely not worth your time. Watch out for manipulations. Guys who act like jerks are often very good at making the woman feel like it is her fault. Using the fact that you strip as an excuse to be mean/abusive is unacceptable. I feel for you. Good Luck!

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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    Quote Originally Posted by tina_ View Post
    hi.. I tried dancing for the first time back in the summer and I like it. I'm going to start dancing soon to save up money.

    I just had a big fight with my bf of four years about it. He said that I should be very shameful about wanting to do it..because he is shame of me. I am very hurt by what he said. We never really have the greatest relationship. He is one of those type of guys that are very brutally honest. .. I need some support from you girls... If your bf ever tell you that he is very shameful of you being a stripper...What would you do? Could handle of how your bf view you and still dance? ...I broke up with him because of that... I really need the fast cash for this whole year...and he cant help me financially anyway. I don't think I could handle it mentally. He was also criticizing me about getting all these ideas that there are strippers that put themselves thru school, started business, and so on.. BECAUSE I've been reading this site. He thinks all strippers are drug addict, prostitutes, and so on...even if they are not, they will become eventually.....
    I don't think so. I think many of you girls on this site are quite intelligent..

    Have anyone picked stripping over a relationship and become financially stable? Anyone regrets it? Please share some insights.... I'm so hurt and lost at the moment... I don't know who else to talk to...as I don't know any dancers..
    honestly i regret my decision to picking stripping over love. so if and only if it is love then you've make the right decision

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    Default Re: Shameful to be a stripper...

    We're all willing (whether we admit it or not) to make major sacrifices and adjustments to find and be with the proverbial "the one". This person is beautiful in every way, loves us selflessly (or comes as close to it as humanly possible) and makes us feel good and happy about ourselves. This person is like a mirror that shows us the very best reflection of ourselves and motivates us to be the best we are capable of. (Of course, we also reciprocate these things.)

    But, nobody else except "the one" is worth altering our life decisions... So, is he "the one" - should be your first question.

    From what I've read here, this guy sounds like "the creep", instead of "the one". He was using shame, guilt and emotional manipulation on you.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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